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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387417">Caught in the Web</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josif52/pseuds/Josif52'>Josif52</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dawson's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:00:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>95,129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387417</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josif52/pseuds/Josif52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the build up to the season 6 finale - Jack and Doug are in the beginning stages of their relationship, and even though they have strong feelings for each other, life has a habit of making things complicated.</p><p>Follows on from 'The Tangled Webs We Weave' - set approximately one month after</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack McPhee/Doug Witter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Life Unpacked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <b><br/>    <i>This follows on from my previous work, 'The Tangled Webs We Weave'.  Though this piece can stand alone there will be references to events and at least one original character from 'Tangled Webs'.  So if you're wondering how my version of Jack and Doug got together you may find it helpful to read the other piece first.</i><br/>  </b>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack looked down at his watch.  He had been hoping to be home by now.  As much as he loved his job he hated all the meetings he was dragged into – often with no idea why he was actually there.  His mind kept drifting to the pile of marking sat on his desk that he needed to remember to collect before leaving for the evening.</p>
<p>He tried to hide a yawn, glancing briefly around the room to see if anyone had noticed.  The principal was still taking about… actually Jack was not sure what he was talking about anymore – but he was definitely still talking.  The meeting was taking place in one of the bigger classrooms and consisted of a mix of teachers, parents and community figures.  Jack hated having to sit at of the desks – finding that he almost instantly lost interest in the same way he often had as a student – only this time he did not have Andie next to him, poking him to keep him alert.  He had intended to grab a cup of coffee after his last lesson and make it to the meeting early enough to find a seat at the back of the room but his plans had be scuppered by a student in need, meaning that not only was he late to the meeting, no coffee in hand, but he was forced to take a seat at the front.</p>
<p>He began to absentmindedly tap his pen against his notebook; continuing to zone in and out of the conversation taking place around him – something about the community Christmas celebration.  He rolled his eyes.  It was only the beginning of November.  He still had a desk drawer full of Halloween candy.  He had still not made plans for Thanksgiving.  His mind could not go to Christmas.  He made a mental note to call Jen and see what her plans were for Amy’s first Thanksgiving.  He had been trying to convince her to come to Capeside but he knew it was a long shot.</p>
<p>As he looked down at him watch again, realising that only two minutes had passed since he had previously looked, he became aware of eyes on him, burning into the back of his head.  He turned slowly, not wanting to draw attention to himself.  At the back of the room, stood against the wall, legs crossed at the ankle, in full uniform, Jack’s gaze me that of the Sheriff.  He was not sure if he should smile or not – Doug’s face remaining neutral while his eyes continued to bore into him.  Trying not to fixate on it, Jack turned back, looking straight ahead, smiling to himself when he could still feel the other man’s eyes.</p>
<p>“It is the turn of the English department to coordinate the Christmas celebration this year,” Principal Morris continued.  “Mr. McPhee, has a theme been chosen yet?”</p>
<p>Jack hated being referred to as ‘Mr. McPhee’ in adult only meetings like these.  “Um, yes,” he responded, clearing his throat.  “The theme is ‘A Christmas Carol’ – Dickens,” he replied.  He wanted to roll his eyes at the predictability of the offering but decided against it as the room seemed happy with his response.</p>
<p>“Excellent,” Principal Morris smiled.  “Mr. McPhee is going to be leading on this so please feel free to contact him in regards to the celebration,” he continued, causing Jack’s head to shoot up – no one had mentioned any of this to him before.  Now he rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Maybe we could get a couple of volunteers who would be happy to assist?” the Principal asked, scanning the room for anyone offering up their time.</p>
<p>Jack did not want to look behind him – dreading who he was going to be stuck with.  Last time he had been lumbered with a couple of ‘helicopter mums’ – the sort that always hovered over their kids, making sure they monitored every aspect of their lives and in turn tried to do the same to Jack.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Gloria,” Principal Morris smiled.</p>
<p>Jack glanced around to offer a friendly smile; quite relieved that it was a parent that he liked.</p>
<p>There was a moment of silence while everyone else tried to disappear into their seats, hoping that the volunteer process was not about to come a forced selection.</p>
<p>“Sheriff Witter,” Principal Morris smiled, a slight look of surprise on his face.  “Thank you for volunteering.”</p>
<p>Jack turned in his seat once again, wondering if it was a mistake but the smile on Doug’s face as he nodded in Jack’s direction indicated that Principal Morris had correctly interpreted his offer.</p>
<p>“If you don’t have them already please feel fee to ask Mr. McPhee for his contact details.”</p>
<p>Jack wanted to laugh but resisted.  What was Doug thinking?</p>
<p>“Well, on that note – you’re all free to go.  Thank you for your time.”</p>
<p>Everyone quickly began removing themselves from the desks – some sticking around to make small talk while others quickly left.  Jack quickly scribbled his email address down on a sheet from his notepad and gave it to Gloria before making his excuses to leave, thanking her for volunteering. </p>
<p>“Would you like me to share this with Sheriff Witter?” she asked as he was heading towards the door.</p>
<p>He stopped suddenly, realising her questions.  “Oh, yes – that would be helpful.  Thank you.”</p>
<p>A moment later he had made it out of the door without being cornered by anyone; just wanting to get home and switch off for a while before starting his pile of marking.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>When Jack made it back to his classroom he suddenly remembered some prep he needed to do for the following morning.  Groaning, he sat back down at his desk and scribbled some notes on a piece of paper to save him time in the morning.  By the time he had made it to his car the parking lot was almost empty.  He dropped his bag onto the passenger seat and sped out of the school grounds.  Realising how hungry he was, he wondered if he had anything at home that he could make a meal out of or if it would be another night of take out.<p>He was trying to decide between pizza and Chinese as he turned the corner approaching his house.  Pulling up outside he noticed the lights were on inside.  Pretty certain that he had not left them on when he had left for work he looked around for clues, unable to see any cars he recognised.  He pushed his key into the lock and turned it quietly, not wanting to announce his presence just yet.  As soon as the door opened he was greeted by the smell of food cooking.  He laughed to himself, wondering if maybe he had gone into the wrong house.  He had only lived there a few weeks – it was highly possible.  It would explain both the lights and the cooking.  He decided that whether it had been a mistake or he had an intruder with a fetish for cooking for his victims, he was just going to roll with it.</p>
<p>He quietly walked down the hallway and turned into the open plan living space – immediately spotting the figure stood at the stove with his back to him.  “Putting your key to good use I see,” Jack smiled, leaning against the door-frame.</p>
<p>Doug turned to face him, turning the heat down.  “I hope you don’t mind.”  It was not really a question because he already knew the answer.  He made his way to Jack and kissed him warmly before returning to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have given it to you if I minded,” Jack smiled, sliding his shoes off.  “But you should know that I could get used to this.”  He made his way over to Doug, looping his arms around his waist and looking over his shoulder to see what he was cooking.  “I am pretty certain that I had approximately none of the in my refrigerator.”</p>
<p>“I went to the store before the meeting at the school.”</p>
<p>“If I’d known I would have given you a grocery list,” Jack joked.  </p>
<p>“Check the fridge,” Doug said simply, not turning away from his task – hiding his smile from Jack.</p>
<p>Raising an eyebrow; Jack let go of Doug’s waist and opened the refrigerator, expecting to see the same depressing contents that were there the last time he had checked.  Between work and unpacking in his new home he had not had a chance to do a proper grocery shop.  Living at Pacey’s was similar to living with Grams – the refrigerator was magically always full.  </p>
<p>This time when he opened the door it was like gazing into a grocery store.  “What did you do?” he asked; stunned.</p>
<p>“I’ve not seen you eat a vegetable since you left Pacey’s.”</p>
<p>“Vegetables are overrated,” Jack smiled, turning back to Doug.  “Thank you – you didn’t have to.”</p>
<p>Doug pulled Jack close.  “I know.  I’m just making sure you’re looking after yourself.”</p>
<p>Jack simply smiled and kissed Doug as a thank you.</p>
<p>“Not to mention my ulterior motive for making sure you remain fit and well and full of energy,” he winked, turning back to the stove.  </p>
<p>Jack shrugged.  “Well, you’re not getting any complaints from me.”  He headed out of the kitchen, grabbing his work bag and sitting on the couch.  “How long have I got?”</p>
<p>“Twenty minutes,” Doug replied.</p>
<p>Jack looked down at his watch as he pulled his marking out of his bag.  “Do you mind if I get a head start on this?”</p>
<p>“Go ahead. I’ll let you know when it’s nearly ready.”</p>
<p>Jack sat back on the couch, feet on the edge of the coffee table, marking resting on his knees.  He paused for a while, watching as Doug effortlessly moved around his new kitchen – smiling s his new house started to feel more like a home.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“Thank you for saving me from a third night of pizza,” Jack smiled, taking a mouthful of the dinner that Doug had prepared.<p>Doug looked back at him slightly suspiciously.  “You ate at mine two nights ago.”</p>
<p>Jack’s eyes widened slightly, realising he had been caught out.  “Yes, Officer, that is true.  And I absolutely did not order a late night pizza when I got home and definitely did not sit eating it in front of the TV.”</p>
<p>“You’re disgusting,” Doug laughed.</p>
<p>“Guilty as charged,” He replied, raising his hands.  “Are you going to have to cuff me now?”</p>
<p>Doug shook his head and carried on eating.  “How did I manage to beat you back here tonight anyway?”</p>
<p>“I had to prep my classroom for tomorrow morning.  My first period class are having a debate.  I wanted to move the desks around and I doubt there will be time in the morning.”</p>
<p>“I figured you had dashed off to start planning the Christmas celebration,” Doug teased.  “Did you know you were coordinating it?”</p>
<p>“I found out the same time you did,” Jack groaned.  “Smart move on James’s part; I could hardly say no in front of everyone.” </p>
<p>“Maybe it was punishment for the fact you spent most of the meeting looking at your watch and rolling your eyes,” he continued to tease.</p>
<p>“Firstly, you were behind me so there is no way you could have seen if I was rolling my eyes.”</p>
<p>“No visual required.  I could feel it,” Doug chimed in.</p>
<p>“And secondly,” Jack continued, disregarding Doug’s comment, “even if that were the case I don’t think the punishment fits the crime.  I feel like I was invited to that meeting purely to be ambushed.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do the crime if you can’t take the punishment.”</p>
<p>“You’re such a cop,” Jack groaned, carrying on with his dinner for a moment before muttering under his breath – “I hate Christmas.”</p>
<p>Doug looked up at him surprised, only just catching what he had said.  “What?  No one hates Christmas,” he dismissed.</p>
<p>“Well, I do,” Jack groaned.  “The whole of December just builds to one day which is usually utterly disappointing.  Joy and good will to all those that you’re going to avoid for another 11 months until you start the cycle again.”</p>
<p>Doug sat back in his chair, looking at Jack in amazement.  “You’re being serious, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Completely,” Jack replied, suddenly feeling self-conscious.  Doug looked utterly stunned. “Secret’s out.  Your boyfriend is a scrooge.”</p>
<p>Doug could not help but smile.  “Well you’ve chosen the perfect theme for the celebration then.”</p>
<p>Jack laughed despite himself.  “Which leads to the real question.  Why on earth did you volunteer?”</p>
<p>Doug continued to smile, though realised suddenly that his reason for volunteering may not now be a good one following Jack’s confession.  “Though I would never usually think of this as a controversial statement, I realise now that it may be.  I love Christmas.”</p>
<p>“No way,” Jack said, refusing to believe him.  “I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” Doug laughed.</p>
<p>“Because you are Doug Witter.  So unless your reason for enjoying Christmas is the thrill of handing out a record number of DUIs to drivers coming back from Christmas parties or you enjoy arresting drunken mall elves, I’m not buying it.”</p>
<p>Doug gave Jack a very unimpressed Sheriff face.</p>
<p>“See: That face,” Jack pointed.  “That sums up Christmas as far as I’m concerned.”</p>
<p>“So you’re honestly saying that you get no joy from putting up a freshly cut Christmas tree? Or baking cookies while listening to classic Christmas songs? Or drinking peppermint hot chocolate sat out by the creek?  Or just curling up on the couch and watching ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’?”  Doug waited for Jack’s expression to crack.  </p>
<p>Jack just stared back him blankly, not too sure what to say.  </p>
<p>“Have you even done any of those things?” Doug asked, beginning to wonder what Christmas was like in the McPhee house.</p>
<p>“No one actually does those things.”</p>
<p>“Wow.  I have my work cut out with you.”</p>
<p>“The expectation that everything will be magically better at Christmas just leads to disappointment.  I would rather just accept that fact in advance and just try and get through December as unscathed as humanly possible.”</p>
<p>“What happened to you?” Doug asked, trying to make it a joke but not quite managing.  “Did Santa forget you one year?”</p>
<p>“Something like that,” Jack shrugged, forcing a smile.  “But that’s more than enough talk of Christmas.  We haven’t even survived Thanksgiving yet.”</p>
<p>“Good point.”  Now it was Doug’s turn to go quiet.  “Roll on new years, eh?”</p>
<p>The two men went back to eating in peaceful and comfortable silence.  It was not the first time that Jack had raised the topic of thanksgiving – hoping to get an idea from Doug what his plans were.  He knew from Pacey that Thanksgiving was a big family event for the Witters.  He assumed that Doug would be spending at least part of the day with his family but as of yet no invitation had been extended to Jack.  He was not sure if that was because it had not occurred to anyone yet or if simply he was not welcome.  Doug’s family knew about Doug and they were also aware of his relationship with Jack but that did not mean that they wanted to have the reality of the relationship sat at their Thanksgiving table.  Anytime Jack had mentioned it he got the feeling that Doug was trying to spare his feelings.</p>
<p>“Just so you know,” Doug smiled, “Gloria gave me your email address.”    </p>
<p>“My work email address,” Jack corrected, “Where all messages are monitored so please keep it clean.”</p>
<p>“You may need to give me your private email then.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack began pushing the desks back into rows, trying to restore his classroom back to normal.  Two periods of debates, that at times mostly consisted of student shouting over one another, had given him a headache.  Thankfully he had a free next period which would give him time to finish off the last of his marking.  By the time Doug had left the night before it had been late.  He had every intention of finishing it but having sat down in front of the TV he felt too drained.  His head was spinning from the list of things whirling around his brain: finish marking, call Jen, unpack boxes in the spare room, start planning the Christmas celebration.  The final item on the list had pushed him over the edge from tired to exhausted and he had decided just to go to bed.<p>He was still getting used to living alone.  Even though he and Pacey rarely crossed paths while he had been living there it had always been a comfort to know that someone was around overnight.  Laying in bed in his new home, listening to the quiet, occasionally hearing the waves lapping against the beach, it reminded him of being alone at sixteen.  Looking back he had no idea why his father had agreed to leave him in Capeside.  As mature as he had felt, he was a child.  He often looked at some of his students and the thought of them being left alone in a big house with no family around filled him with sadness.</p>
<p>He was still getting used to the sounds of his new home.  How certain things creaked and groaned in the darkness – the sound of the wind hitting the window panes.  The first few nights after he moved in he had left the landing light on overnight, like he used to do when he was a child.  He had hoped that Doug would be able to stay over – for the first night at least, but his shift pattern had not allowed it.  He felt silly being scared to be alone over night, knowing that given a few days he would be absolutely fine.  </p>
<p>When Doug had finally stayed over on Jack’s third night in the house, Jack had hesitated before turning off the landing light.  As he walked into the bedroom and found Doug sitting on the edge of the bed.  He received a soft smile.</p>
<p><i>“Leave it on if you want,”</i> Doug said softly, reaching out his arms to Jack.</p>
<p>Allowing himself to be folded into Doug’s embrace, Jack looked at him quizzically, trying to work out if and how Doug knew that the light had been on for the last couple of nights.  </p>
<p><i>“You’re on my night patrol route,”</i> Doug said softly, laying his head on Jack’s chest.</p>
<p><i>“Since when?”</i> </p>
<p><i>“Since two nights ago,”</i> he smiled.  <i>“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here.”</i></p>
<p>Jack had blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed that Doug had seen the light, not wanting him to know about his moments of fear.  Doug had realised and almost wished he had not said anything.  He had found it endearing.  Driving past in the darkness, the only light on the street coming from Jack’s hallway window, it had felt like it was calling him home.  </p>
<p>For the previous few weeks, while Jack had been at Pacey’s, they had only spent the night at Doug’s.  Doug was excited to stay at Jack’s new place.  He had seen Jack’s face when he found it; excited to not only have found somewhere on the beach but also big enough for Jen and Amy to stay – and though he had not said it, Doug knew that Jack’s intention was still to have them move in with him.  When Doug had come to see the place he could not help but think that it was the perfect place for Jack and could not wait to start making memories together there.</p>
<p>Jack closed the door to his classroom, hoping that would avoid any interruptions.  He sat down at his desk and turned on his laptop while also sifting though a pile of papers, trying to find where he had left off with his marking.  Thankfully there were fewer papers left to mark than he had thought.  He pulled out his red pen from his top drawer, also grabbing something from his Halloween haul to keep his sugar levels up.  As he read over one of the papers he found his headache getting worse.  He made a mental note to speak to Lucy after her next lesson – she clearly had not grasped the point of the assignment.  He pushed her homework to the side, realising there was no point continuing to mark it until he had given her the opportunity to rewrite it.</p>
<p>The pinging noise of this laptop, indicating that he had a new email, drew his attention away from his marking.  Glancing up at the screen he saw an a new email from Gloria, with the subject line, ‘Ideas for the Christmas celebration’. </p>
<p>“I have an idea,” he grumbled, “cancel the damn thing.”</p>
<p>He was about to go back to marking when he noticed another email that must have arrived while he was teaching.  He smiled to himself seeing Doug’s name and the subject line, ‘Scrooge’.  He decided against his better judgement and clicked on the email. The screen was filled with a picture of Michael Cane dressed as Scrooge.  Jack rolled his eye, not willing to give into a laugh.  He clicked on reply, but thought better of it.  He pulled out his cell phone and simply text Doug the words – <i>‘Muppets Christmas Carol – really?!</i>’</p>
<p>He dropped his cell phone down on his desk, surprised when it buzzed almost instantly.</p>
<p><i>‘So you’ve seen it?  There is hope for you yet.’</i> Doug’s message read.</p>
<p>Smiling, Jack started typing a reply before deciding against it, putting his phone back down.  He really needed to finish his marking.  He had only managed to complete one more when there was a knock at his door.  He groaned, lowering his forehead to the surface of his wooden desk, “Come in,” he called, knowing it was not going to be a student as they should be in class.</p>
<p>“I come in peace.”</p>
<p>Jack looked up from his desk to see Principal Morris in the doorway, two cups of coffee in hand.  “Hi James,” he said, sitting back up in his chair, gesturing for the other man to take the seat next to his desk.  He had only been working at Capeside high for a few months but he had built a good relationship with the other man.</p>
<p>James sat down, sliding one of the coffees towards Jack.  In return Jack reopened his desk drawer and pulled out another bag on Halloween candy, sliding it towards James in exchange.  The two men had spent many free periods and evenings having meetings, gradually getting to know each other, sometimes fire fighting issues relating to the introduction of a gay teacher, but usually just general school business.  James had taken it upto himself to be a mentor for his newest and youngest teacher and Jack appreciated it.</p>
<p>“Have you poisoned that?” James asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Jack smiled.  “But I’m purposely withholding the Reese’s Pieces.”</p>
<p>“That’s only fair,” James laughed.  “I’m sorry for dumping the Christmas celebration on you.  I’m happy to help.”</p>
<p>“You really are suffering from a guilty conscience,” Jack remarked, wondering if James would be offering if they had not built up such a good working relationship.</p>
<p>“I just wanted to check in with you – make sure everything is still going ok?”</p>
<p>Jack nodded, taking a sip of his coffee.  “Everything’s fine.”</p>
<p>“You seemed a little distracted yesterday,” James noticed.  “I just wanted to make sure that you’ve not have any further issues with any of the students or the parents?”</p>
<p>It had been a bumpy first few months with some parents being less than impressed by Jack’s arrival, and objecting strongly to him teaching their children.  James had dealt with it all better that Jack could have hoped for.  While they had expected some resistance, and were somewhat prepared for it, it had been difficult to anticipate where it would come from and how it would materialise.  Jack was aware that he was teaching some of the younger siblings of kids he had gone to school with, so whispers and comments had flown around for a while, though not all malicious  - some of the kids were just intrigued.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.  I’m just tired from moving into my new place and living off of a diet of pizza and candy.  I have a list of jobs that seems to be growing faster than I can tick them off.” </p>
<p>“So being in an after school meeting was the last place you wanted to be last night.”</p>
<p>“It’s always the last place I want to be,” Jack joked.  “No, seriously, it’s fine.  It wasn’t a big deal.”</p>
<p>“Until I added to your workload,” James smiled.  “I do have a good reason for it though.”</p>
<p>Jack raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“The community Christmas celebrated brings together people from all over Capeside, not just people from the school.  This will be a great opportunity to establish yourself in the community; show Capeside who you are, what you’re capable of.  Let people see you, take centre stage – make them realise that his community is a much better place with you in it.”</p>
<p>Jack sat back in his chair, slightly blown away.  He did not want to have to prove himself to anyone but he understood what James was saying and what he hoped would be the result of getting the community on side.  “Here I thought I could just half ass it,” Jack smirked.</p>
<p>“I know you shouldn’t have to convince Capeside of your worth and if you were any other member of staff you wouldn’t have to.  But if I may be completely honest, I think this could be just as beneficial for you to help you realise how much support you actually do have in the community.”</p>
<p>“Okay, so this is a personal growth project?”</p>
<p>“Now you’ve got it,” James laughed. “Tell me if I’m asking too much of you.”</p>
<p>Jack shook his head.  “No, it’s fine.  I’m just not big on the whole ‘Christmas’ thing,” he explained.</p>
<p>“You said ‘Christmas’ like it’s a dirty word.”</p>
<p>“Well I guess I’ve got a few weeks to work on that,” Jack sighed.  “I’ll get there.”</p>
<p>“Just let me know how I can help.”</p>
<p>“A bonus would be appreciated,” Jack joked.</p>
<p>“You’ve gone into the wrong profession,” James laughed. “But I’ll see what I can do.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack sat down in the sand, holding his phone to his ear.  Having managed to get out of school at a reasonable time he decided to make the most of his evening.  He had prepared dinner for himself from the items Doug had filled his refrigerator with and poured himself a glass of wine, taking them out the back of his new home, listening to the sound of the water through the November darkness.<p>He was enjoying having his own space for the first time in his adult life.  It was nice to be able to have things exactly how he wanted them, rather than trying to conform to someone else’s way of doing things.  He liked being able to walk through the door, kick off his shoes, dump his bag wherever he liked without worrying that it would cause a problem for someone else.  He could set the temperature to exactly how he liked it, leave the bathroom door open without fear of someone walking in on him, and play whatever music he fancied whenever he wanted.  He had been worried about feeling lonely, but after the first few days had passed and he had settled in, he had realised that his concern had been unfounded.  </p>
<p>Leaving his plate and glass on the table on his deck – something he never would have done at Pacey’s or Doug’s – he had taken a short wander on the beach.  He was almost home again when Jen called.</p>
<p>“I was going to call you later,” he smiled.</p>
<p>“Beat you to it,” Jen smiled down the phone.</p>
<p>“How is my princess?”</p>
<p>“She’s perfect as ever.  As is Amy,” Jen joked, making Jack laugh.  “No, she really is great.  She’s growing and going longer between feeds which means I’m getting a bit more sleep.”</p>
<p>“That’s really good,” Jack smiled.  He loved getting updates from Jen but hearing her voice was always bittersweet.  It made him miss her and Amy slightly more every time.  </p>
<p>“How’s the house?”</p>
<p>“It’s great,” Jack replied.  “It’s all coming together nicely.  I need to get a few more things for the spare room and Doug has given me a list of things I still need for the kitchen,” he laughed.  “I think I’m going to paint Amy’s room this weekend.”</p>
<p>“Do you think that maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself?” Jen asked.  “It’s very sweet of you to want to have a room ready for Amy but I’m sure there are other things you should focus on first.”</p>
<p>“Nothing is more important,” Jack replied sincerely.  “I was thinking maybe it needed to be ready for Thanksgiving?”</p>
<p>“Smooth, Jack.  Seamless,” she laughed.  “I wish we could come,” she began to explain, knowing that Jack would be disappointed.  “You know what Grams in like with Thanksgiving – she wants to do a big dinner.  She’s invited a few of her friends to join us.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded, forgetting that Jen could not see him.  “I get it.  Maybe another time.”</p>
<p>“Definitely another time.  I’m looking forward to seeing the house.  We’ll come soon, I promise.”</p>
<p>“You’re always welcome.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she smiled, feeling guilty for disappointing her friend.  Even though her story was true she knew that a piece of her was relieved to have an excuse.  It was becoming harder to hide her illness from Jack.  She was exhausted most of the time and the thought of the journey to Capeside was too much for her at the moment.  She had been prescribed a new combination of pills that she was hoping would help with the exhaustion and once she had that sorted she had vowed to herself that she would make the trip.  “So does that mean Thanksgiving at the Witters for you?”</p>
<p>“No,” Jack said simply.  “I don’t think it does.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you and Doug are going to have something just the two of you?” </p>
<p>“No, I don’t think that’s the plan either.”  Jen could hear the disappointment in his voice.  “It’s very much as avoided subject at the moment.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m sure that’s just because plans haven’t been finialised yet.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jack shrugged.  </p>
<p>“It’s still a couple of weeks away,” she added, knowing that she did not really believe her reasoning and Jack did not either.</p>
<p>“It’s fine.  It’s a family thing.  I’m sure I’ll see him at some point.”</p>
<p>The line went quiet for a moment before Jen spoke again.  “You’re right.  It is a family thing,” she smiled.  “So come back to New York.  Stay for the weekend.”</p>
<p>“You said Grams has invited friends,” Jack shook his head.  “I don’t want to intrude.”</p>
<p>“Jack,” Jen said sternly.  “Don’t be so ridiculous.  You are family.  You would never be intruding.”</p>
<p>Jack remained silent.  It was not that he did not believe her; he was just hoping to find a way of combining all aspects of his life.</p>
<p>“Jack, I know this is your first Thanksgiving with Doug and you had hoped to be included in his plans – and maybe you still will be.  But this is also Amy’s first Thanksgiving and she would love to have you hear so we can both show you how thankful we are for you.  Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be this year.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you’re right,” he smiled.  “I would love to see you both – and Grams.”</p>
<p>“That’s settled them.  I’ll tell Grams to buy a bigger turkey.”</p>
<p>“How much do you think I’m going to eat?” Jack laughed.</p>
<p>“Let’s just say the refrigerator stays full a lot longer since you moved back to Capeside.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>By the time Doug had got home from work he was feeling pretty tired.  He had stayed late at the station finishing off paperwork, not wanting to start the following morning with a stack of forms on his desk.  He sat down on the couch and untied his shoes, laying them neatly on the floor at the end of the couch.  He unfastened the top couple of buttons from his work shirt and wondered if he had the energy to make himself something to eat or if it was too late to bother.  He was not particularly hungry.  He had considered popping by to see Pacey on the way home but even that had gone out the window with his late departure.<p>Rubbing his hands over his face he lifted himself from the couch and headed into the kitchen.  He grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter deciding that would be sufficient.  He was about to head back to the couch when he noticed the light on his answering machine flashing.  He groaned knowing exactly who it would be – there were only a couple of people who still called him on his home phone rather than his cell.</p>
<p>He pressed the button and waited for hear the familiar voice; sitting on one of the stools next to the counter.</p>
<p>“Douglas, I have called four times now.” His mother’s voice played out into the room.  “Could you please call me back so I know you’re alright?  I don’t want to be a nagging mother, I know you have your own life, but I still worry about you.”</p>
<p>Doug rolled him eyes, peeling the banana as he continued to listen.</p>
<p>“Thanksgiving is fast approaching.  Kerry is coming with the kids and Gretchen is a doing her best to make it too.  Even Pacey has called me back.  I need to know if you’re coming and if you’re bringing Jack.  You know we would all love it if you did.”</p>
<p>Doug leant forward and rested his forehead against the counter.  “I bet you would,” he grumbled to himself.</p>
<p>“Anyway, call me.”</p>
<p>It had been a just over a month since he had told his parents about his relationship with Jack.  He had been amazed by how well they had taken it.  His Mom had seemed genuinely happy that he had found someone.  His Dad had said very little in the usual John Witter fashion.  But he had not lost his temper or said anything hurtful and Doug had come away thinking that was probably the best he could hope for.  Jack had been invited to join the Witter family for dinner the following week but last minute the plans had fallen through due to multiple scheduling issues.  Doug had realised that he was slightly relieved, and from what he could tell Jack was too.</p>
<p>It was not as though he did not want his family to meet Jack – this time as his boyfriend rather than Pacey’s friend – but he felt that maybe it was too soon.  He and Jack had only been dating for a few months and were still finding their feet in their relationship.  He could not imagine how throwing his family into the mix could possibly help anything.  He liked to keep his private life separate from his family – it had become habit.  He loved his family but he knew how they looked to the outside world.  They were loud and brash with generally speaking poor culinary skills.  He dreaded the questions that his parents would ask or the embarrassing stories they would tell.  He had been present for enough ‘embarrass Pacey’ sessions to know what was coming.</p>
<p>When the rescheduled meeting had also fallen though Doug had taken it as a sign from the universe that the family introduction was not meant to happen.  He had been given the impression by his dad that he was only going along with it because his mom was pushing so hard.  His dad was not someone who enjoyed opening his house to people.  He struggled to make small talk with his own family, let alone his son’s new boyfriend.  Doug feared that all the things his dad had managed to resist saying before would eventually come pouring out, and when it did he did not want Jack to be present.</p>
<p>The problem with sweeping the meeting under the rug was he now felt cornered.  He always spent Thanksgiving with his family.  It would look strange if he suddenly did not this year.  But taking Jack along would mean more than just his parents and Pacey.  His sisters and his nieces and nephews would all be there.  The thought of it made him feel sweaty and uncomfortable.  He just wanted to get through the day without all eyes on him and having to answer a thousand questions – many of which would probably be either embarrassing or bordering on offensive.  </p>
<p>He was trying to push the whole thing from his mind – trying to side step any comments about Thanksgiving that Jack made.  He could see the slight sting of hurt in Jack’s eyes each time but he had decided it was better than the alternative.</p>
<p>The machine beeped again with another message, taking Doug by surprise.  He raised his head and looked at the machine, wondering who this message could be from.</p>
<p>“Doug, it’s you father,” he heard.  He could not remember the last time his dad had called him.  He was pretty sure he had never left a message before.  “Call your mom back – she’d driving me mad.  She’s trying to work out how many chairs I need to get out of the shed.  She needs to know if you are coming and if you’re bringing your… friend.”</p>
<p>Doug shook his head as he listened to the discomfort in his dad’s voice.</p>
<p>“Call her back unless you want her to turn up at the station.”</p>
<p>The machine beeped indicating the end of the message.  Doug needed to figure out how to keep Jack and his family apart and he needed to do it quickly.  There was no way he was going to allow this to happen.           </p>
<p>
  <b>To Be Continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Making Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack finished taping around the door frame, glancing over his shoulder to see how Pacey was getting on with the paint.  He was using a paintbrush, going round the edges that Jack had already taped off, careful not to drip.</p><p>“Not bad, Pacey.” Jack smiled, noticing the concentration on his friend’s face.</p><p>“I have many talents,” Pacey shrugged.  “You would have known that if you and Dawson had invited me to join your lucrative painting business in high school.” </p><p>“You mean the lucrative painting business that was only founded as a way to stop Dawson’s spiralling further into a depression during the ‘summer of darkness’?”  Jack reminded.  “I don’t think asking you to join us would have been a smart move.  He probably would have pushed you off of a ladder.”</p><p>Pacey thought about it for a second.  “You’re absolutely right.  You’re forgiven.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jack said sarcastically.</p><p>Pacey stepped back and looked at the paint on the wall.  “I figured you’d go for pink.”</p><p>Jack raised an eyebrow.  “Why? Because Amy is a girl?  Shame on you, Pacey.”</p><p>“No,” Pacey shook his head, feigning insult.  “I just figured it was your favourite colour,” he joked.</p><p>“So you think the way to take the heat off that comment is to make a gay joke?”</p><p>“Did it work?” </p><p>Jack did not respond, carrying on with his task with a smile on his face, shaking his head slightly.</p><p>“For what it’s worth I like this colour,” Pacey nodded in approval.  </p><p>“Thank you.  Believe it or not I actually value your opinion.”</p><p>“Did it get Dougie’s approval?” Pacey asked, continuing to trace the edges.</p><p>Jack thought about it for a moment.  “I don’t think I showed him yet.”</p><p>“Interesting,” Pacey muttered.  </p><p>Jack stopped what he was doing and turned to give Pacey his full attention.  “Meaning?”</p><p>“Oh nothing,” Pacey shrugged.  “It’s just usually Doug would be all over a job like this.  I just wondered what the motive was for your choice of Witter companion for this task.”</p><p>“Correct me if I’m wrong but I seem to recall a conversation where you offered your help.”</p><p>“I also recall that conversation.”</p><p>“And unless I am mistaken, or he is leading some double life that I don’t know about, Doug is working today.”</p><p>“I am not aware of any double life.  He’s too boring to pull off anything that exciting,” Pacey remarked.  “But if I remember correctly he is only working this morning.  He would have been free this afternoon.”</p><p>“Pacey, if you have a point to make could you please get there already?”  He was beginning to feel like he was back in the classroom listening to one of his students talk about everything but the point.</p><p>“Yes, Mr. McPhee,” Pacey laughed.  “Why didn’t you ask Doug to help?  Is it really because he’s working or is it because of who this room is for?”</p><p>Jack looked at suspiciously.  “Has Doug said something to you?”</p><p>“No,” Pacey replied a little too quickly.  “Not really.  Let’s just say that I have been on the receiving end of Doug’s disapproval on many occasions.  I have been sensing a similar vibe about this room.”</p><p>Jack sighed, finally relenting.  “It is possible that we may have a difference of opinion regarding the need to officially label this as ‘Amy’s room’.” </p><p>Pacey nodded knowingly.  “Was that not always the intention when going for a house this size?” </p><p>Jack picked up a paintbrush and dipped it gently into the paint, wiping the excess on the side of the tin.  “I don’t think that was ever a secret.”</p><p>The two of them carried on in silence for a few minutes, Pacey’s questions running through Jack’s head.  It was no secret that Doug felt that Jack should focus on other areas of the house first.  He had made a passing; harmless enough, comment regarding the fact that he felt that there was no urgency in completing Amy’s room and that Jack would be better off completing areas that were actually going to be used.  Jack had not said anything; knowing that Doug had meant no harm, but inside he felt a sting.  He was still hoping that Amy’s room would be used – hopefully sooner rather than later.  Doug’s comment had made him feel that Doug believed that would not be the case.</p><p>“I just want everything to be perfect for her,” Jack added, feeling as though he needed to justify his position.</p><p>“I know,” Pacey replied, sounding like he was going to say something else but stopping himself.</p><p>“But you agree with Doug,” Jack finished for him.</p><p>“My default setting is to never agree with Doug – at least not completely,” he laughed, trying to lighten the tension he could feel building.  “So please don’t take this as anything other than coming from a place of love, or something resembling love in my case, but I would agree with Doug – which I will whole heartedly deny if you tell him – in that I feel that you need to maybe, ever so slightly, adjust your priorities.”</p><p>“From Amy to Doug?” Jack asked, feeling under attack.</p><p>“No,” Pacey smiled softly.  “From Amy to you.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Jack argued.</p><p>“I know,” Pacey said, even though unconvinced.  “I’m just making sure you stay that way.  You’re working long hours, you’ve been busy with the move, you’re on a mission to get things ready for Jen and Amy – there’s only so long you can keep going on a diet of pizza and coffee.”</p><p>“So you have been talking to Doug,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“What can I say; when you’re busy the Witters seem to have no life.”</p><p>“So maybe this little intervention should be for the two of you,” Jack reasoned.</p><p>“You think this is an intervention?  No, this is two friends catching up while painting.  No more.  No less.”</p><p>“Good,” Jack nodded, going back to painting.</p><p>“But if this were an intervention,” Pacey said, back turned to Jack, continuing to paint.  “I guess it would be my role to tell you that there may be a person or two, who will remain nameless, that are worried about how you may feel if for any reason this room is never filled.  And therefore it would be my role to also tell you that those unnamed individuals don’t want you to put all your hopes for future happiness into one basket so to speak, and remind you that there are plenty of reasons to be happy – things that are already here now.  If anything else comes along; well that’s just a great cherry on top.”</p><p>Jack did not look round, knowing that Pacey was not looking at him either.  He knew that both Pacey and Doug were dubious at best about Jen’s assurances about coming to Capeside.  “But this isn’t an intervention,” Jack said, keeping his eyes on each brush stroke.</p><p>“That’s exactly right,” Pacey nodded.  “So I don’t need to say any of that.”</p><p>“Good,” Jack nodded, “because if you had actually said any of that I would have been forced to look up your record on the system at work to see if you really did pass English.”</p><p>“Can you actually do that?”</p><p>“Probably,” Jack nodded.  “Never tried.”</p><p>“Do you think you could change any of my grades?” </p><p>Jack laughed, knowing Pacey could not care less what his grades were.  “Just be pleased you graduated.”</p><p>Pacey glanced over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the other man.  He was looking tired, as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.  When Doug had first come to him about his concerns Pacey have written them off – thinking Doug was exaggerating but with time he realised that Doug’s concerns were justified.  He had become fixated on Jen and Amy’s arrival, particularly since moving out of Pacey’s.  Pacey had assured Doug that it was a side effect of getting his own place and building a home and that it would get better – he really hoped he was right. </p><p>“So does this room need to be ready for Thanksgiving?” Pacey asked. “It’s going to need more than just a bit of paint on the walls.”</p><p>“I’d like it done before then,” Jack replied.  “But it’s not essential.”</p><p>“I thought Jen and Amy were joining us for turkey day?”</p><p>“No, Grams is doing a big dinner for them and a few friends from church.”</p><p>“Right,” Pacey replied.  “Sorry – I know you were looking forward to seeing them.”</p><p>“I will be seeing them,” Jack explained.  “I’m going to New York.”</p><p>“Since when?”</p><p>“Jen called last week.”</p><p>“Is Doug going too?” Pacey asked, seeming a bit confused – wondering if that was what his mom’s numerous phone calls had been about.</p><p>“Not that I know of,” Jack replied, giving nothing away in his voice.</p><p>“You’ll have to send my love to everyone,” Pacey added, feeling unsure what else to say.  “I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”</p><p>“Beats spending it alone,” Jack looked over his shoulder, his gaze catching Pacey’s, the smile on his face not making it as far as his eyes.</p><p>“Well you’ll be missed in Capeside.”</p><p>Jack wanted to ask what he meant by that, wondering who would actually notice his absence, but he was done thinking about it – he did not have the energy to rehash everything in his head.</p><p>“Fancy a sandwich?” Jack asked, forcing a smile.  “I have a fridge full of food that needs to be eaten.”    </p><p>“Do you really think I’d pass up an opportunity to eat your food for once?” Pacey laughed.</p><p>“Well, Doug bought it all,” Jack laughed back.</p><p>“Even more of a reason to accept your offer then.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack slumped down on the couch; reaching out for the remote, turning on the TV.  He flicked though the offerings, finally settling on an old movie.  He was not too sure what it was but recognised it as something Dawson had inflicted on them one summer.  He still had dried paint splatter on his clothes and his arms ached but he was pleased to have finished.  The whole house smelt of fresh paint.  He had opened the windows to and back door to allow the house to air – preferring to be cold than high on paint fumes.<p>Pacey had left a while ago, needing to get back to the restaurant – inviting Jack for dinner but Jack was not sure he felt up to it.  He felt drained and not just from painting Amy’s room.  He knew that there was some truth in Pacey’s earlier ramblings.  Maybe he was too fixated on the idea of Jen and Amy joining him in Capeside.  Maybe he was putting too much importance on it.  He just wanted what Pacey and Doug had – a combination of friends and family.  He wanted to have a base – something that was just a given.  Someone that he knew without any doubt would be there.  Someone to be able to go for walks or go for coffee with – someone that did not work unsociable hours or was not afraid to be seen in public with him.</p><p>Thanksgiving was not helping his state of mind.  It was fast approaching and Doug had still been avoiding the subject.  Jack knew there was no way he could compete with Doug’s avoidance – this was the man that avoided his own sexuality for thirty years.  He was a pro.  When Jack had finally accepted that Doug was not going to make any plans with him, he knew that going to New York was his best option.  When he had told Doug, he saw the flash of relief in the other man’s eyes.  He just wished he knew why.  Jack had no intention of gate crashing whatever plans Doug had.  He had just hoped that Doug had wanted to see him at some point during the day. </p><p>He had realised that he did not want to have to try and make plans.  He just wanted to be a part of something that meant not having to ask, feeling secure enough with someone to assume that wherever they were going, he would be going too.  He wanted some kind of tradition, unspoken arrangement.  He wanted a family.  And nothing highlighted the lack of family more than coming home to an empty house.  He just thought, no matter how far fetched, that if he had the house ready and Jen saw it, she would maybe feel the same pull that he did and not be able to resist any longer.  He knew it was emotional manipulation but also accepted that he was the one most likely to get hurt.</p><p>He tried not to let the Thanksgiving get to him.  He tried not to read too much into it.  Apart from that, everything with Doug had been going really well.  He was on the whole really happy, which in itself was something new to get used to.  He knew that it was still early days and he tried not to put too much pressure on their relationship or have too many expectations.  He found himself fighting to keep the balance right – not wanting to expect Doug to spend all of his free time with him, exacerbated by the fact that Jack still did not know many people in Capeside, with not wanting to look as though he was pulling back to counteract the first fear.  In a way he was grateful that work was taking up a lot of his time – it did not leave a huge amount of time on his hands.</p><p>At some point during the movie Jack had given into his exhaustion, falling asleep on the couch.  He did not notice the movie ending, or the sky turning dark or the light knocking on the front door.  He did not notice the sound of footsteps that had travelled down the side of his house, walked up over his decking and stopped when they reached the open door only a few feet away from him.</p><p>Doug stood in the doorway, eyes scanning the room, noticing the smell of paint before noticing Jack asleep on the couch.  He smiled to himself, stepping into the house, closing the door behind him, feeling that the evening chill had made its way inside.  He glanced up towards the kitchen – abandoned plates and the makings of lunch left on the counter.  Glad to see Jack was taking better care of himself, he moved towards the mess, starting to clear up.  It had only been a couple of weeks since Jack had moved into his own house but Doug had noticed a difference already.  He looked constantly exhausted; his shirts were looser against this body, and there seemed to be a constant underlying buzz of anxiety.  Doug had tried to convince him to hold off moving out of Pacey’s – trying to reason that there was no hurry, but Jack had been adamant.  Doug had tried to reassure him that not everything needed to be finished immediately but he knew it was important to Jack and he knew why.  He knew he just needed to support Jack’s decisions.</p><p>He had overheard a few conversations between Jack and Jen and he had been left feeling uneasy, as though Jen was not telling him something.  He tried to shake the feeling, deciding that his job made him too suspicious but he also knew that his instincts were usually pretty good.  Maybe it was his emotional connection with Jack that was throwing him off, but he had noted that Jack often came off the call looking deflated – an unconvincing smile plastered on his face and wondered if Jack sensed it too.  He knew better than to say anything though.  Jen and Amy was an untouchable subject. </p><p>He had not been surprised when Jack had told him that Jen and Amy would not be making the trip to Capeside for Thanksgiving.  He therefore had not been surprised when Jack said that he planned to go to New York instead.  He had felt conflicted.  All he really wanted was to spend the day with Jack – the one thing in his life he was truly thankful for, but he knew that was not going to happen, and the alternative was not an option either.  He was pleased that Jack had made plans that he seemed excited about and in turn felt less guilty for not being honest with him.</p><p>Having cleaned up the kitchen Doug decided to wake Jack, not sure how long he had been asleep for.  He sat down on the edge of the coffee table and softly ran a hand over Jack’s cheek, letting it settle, his fingers gently brushing over Jack’s hair.  He smiled to himself, watching as Jack started to wake, wondering how he got lucky enough to be the man that got to touch Jack – to be the one there when he woke up.    </p><p>Jack’s eyes opened slightly and a smile crept over his face.  He shifted slightly onto his side; head still nestled into a cushion.  “You used your key again,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“I didn’t need to,” Doug corrected.  “When I got here every window was open as well as the deck door.”</p><p>“Oh right,” Jack yawned, sitting up.  “The TV is still here, so I guess that’s a good sign.”</p><p>Doug moved to be sitting next to Jack on the couch, wrapping his arms around the other man, encouraging him to lean against him.  Jack rested his head on his shoulder.  “How did today go?”</p><p>“It was good,” Jack nodded.  “We managed to finish without Pacey kicking over or stepping in any paint.”</p><p>“Impressive,” Doug smiled, kissing the top of Jack’s head.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”</p><p>“You were at work,” Jack said simply.  “And even if you weren’t, I don’t expect you to be here all the time helping me with everything.”</p><p>“But I want to be,” Doug said softly.    </p><p>“Really?” he asked.  “Because I know this house stuff has taken over the last few weeks.”</p><p>“If it’s important to you then it’s important to me,” Doug replied.  </p><p>They sat quietly for a few moments, the sound of the TV the only thing from preventing silence. “So have you spoken to Pacey yet?” </p><p>“Pacey?” Doug asked, not sure how else to answer, knowing it was a loaded question. </p><p>“You know, your not-so-subtle brother,” Jack replied, his head still on Doug’s shoulder.  “I figured you’d want a debrief from your undercover agent.”</p><p>Doug could hear the smile in Jack’s voice.  “I think I’m going to plead the fifth.”</p><p>Jack lifted his head from Doug’s shoulder and moved away, ignoring Doug’s protest.  “I’m fine,” he said simply in the same way he had said the same thing to Pacey only a few hours ago.</p><p>“I know,” Doug said, though he was not quite sure he meant it. “But you can lean on me when you’re not.”</p><p>“I know that,” Jack smiled.  He did know it but it was nice to hear it.</p><p>“I’m noticing that you have a tendency to look after everyone before yourself,” Doug said honestly.  </p><p>“You’ve noticed that, huh?” Jack laughed despite himself.  He knew he was pushing himself too hard.  He knew he was putting too many hours in at work before coming home to work on the house. He knew he was choosing to spend the evening on the phone with Jen rather starting his marking at a reasonable hour.  He knew that he was struggling to juggle seeing Doug and Pacey, trying to work around their schedules.  He knew he could not carry on ordering late night take out – usually falling asleep on the couch before actually eating it.  He knew he was burning himself out.</p><p>“I love that about you and I’m not asking you to change.  Just let me look after you while you’re looking after everyone else and stop feeling like you’re asking too much of me.  I wouldn’t be here unless I wanted to be.”</p><p>“I’m not very good at ‘being looked after’.”</p><p>“You think?” Doug laughed, pleased to see a smile on Jack’s face as he dipped his head, his cheeks flushing slightly.  “I just need you to meet me half way and try and accept my help.  Just know that I only want what’s best for you.”</p><p>“And what exactly is best for me?” Jack asked.  </p><p>“Right now?” Doug thought, his eyes narrowing and lips pursing slightly in the typical Doug way that caused an eruption of butterflies inside of Jack.  “I am going to cook you dinner, I’ll let you choose tonight’s movie, followed by an early night.  No more painting, no marking or answering your cell phone.”</p><p>“Are you staying?” </p><p>“It would be very difficult to make you breakfast in bed in the morning if I don’t.”</p><p>“I don’t deserve you,” Jack said softly.  </p><p>Doug shook his head, exhaling softly.  “Let’s agree to disagree on that.”  Giving Jack’s hand a quick squeeze he got up from the couch and headed back into the kitchen.</p><p>“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” </p><p>“Usually,” Doug smiled, opening the refrigerator to see what he had to work with.  </p><p>“So answer me this,” Jack leant forward trying to get a better view of Doug.  “Who exactly is looking after you?”</p><p>Doug looked back over at Jack.  He could see the glint in his eyes, as though he thought he was getting one up on him with his question. Doug let the smile on his face spread further.  “It’s always you; even when you don’t know it.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack woke to find the bed empty.  The patch where he had been hoping to find Doug’s warm body was instead as cool as the November air that filled his room.  He pulled the covers tighter around his body, wondering how a house on the water would fare during the winter months.  He recalled the story Grams had shared the last night they spent in her Capeside home before heading to College – how the winters had always felt cold in a house that was built to celebrate summer.  He wondered if Doug would be the one to keep him warm for the years ahead in the same way Jen’s grandfather had for Grams.<p>He breathed in the smell of coffee drifting up from the kitchen as he remained wrapped in the warmth of his bed.  He tried to push aside the ‘to do list’ that was waiting to fill his head – the one that had been racing through his mind for weeks.  He just wanted a few more minutes, hovering on the edge of consciousness, where he did not have to face the real world.  Where he did not have to think about marking or painting or the other thousand things he needed to do.  </p><p>It was too late; the balance from asleep to awake had been tipped and there was no way of keeping life out any longer.  He groaned, sitting up in bed, wondering if he had time to jump in the shower before Doug returned.  He threw back the covers, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, yawning one last time before standing.  He wandered over to his closet and began riffling through its contents, looking for something to wear after his shower.  He pulled out a pair of jeans and an old sweater – all the comfort a Sunday warranted while still being presentable knowing he would have to leave the house at some point.</p><p>“One of the key features of breakfast in bed is actually being in bed,” Doug said from the doorway.</p><p>Jack smiled; closing the closet before turning around to see Doug stood holding a tray of breakfast.  “Morning.”</p><p>“Back into bed,” Doug directed, gesturing with his head as his hands were full.  “I promised breakfast in bed and I always deliver on a promise.”</p><p>Jack raised an eyebrow, resisting saying anything in return, and did as he was told, climbing back into the bed he had vacated only a couple of minutes earlier, pulling the covers back on Doug’s side so he could join him.</p><p>Doug sat down, passing the tray over and placing it on Jack’s lap before picking up one of the cups of coffee and leaning back against the headboard.  “How did you sleep?”</p><p>“Good,” Jack smiled.  “I feel almost human again.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Doug responded, his eyes narrowing as he looked over at the other man.</p><p>“What does that mean?” Jack laughed.</p><p>“Just because you’ve had one good night’s sleep doesn’t mean you can go back to burning the candle as both ends.”</p><p>Jack sat back, moving the tray slightly to help balance it on his lap.  “Doug, please don’t take this the wrong way – your concern is very sweet and appreciated,” Jack said looking over at the man next to him.  “But I have been looking after myself for twenty-five years with only a relatively small number of catastrophes.”</p><p>“I get it – back off, right?”</p><p>“No,” Jack said quickly.  “I don’t want you to back off.”  He took hold of Doug’s hand and gave it a little squeeze.  “I really do appreciate everything.  I just don’t want you thinking that I can’t look after myself.”</p><p>“I don’t think that,” Doug smiled.  He had never thought anything remotely like that.   “I can just see that you’ve got a lot on at the moment and I have capacity to help.  I just figured we’re a team.”</p><p>Jack smiled hearing Doug’s words.  He could not think of anyone he would rather be in a team with.  “I don’t want to be the weak link.”</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Doug laughed despite himself.  “Nothing could be further from the truth.  It’s because of you that I’m having to up my game.”</p><p>They both sat quietly for a moment, not looking at each other but both knowing the other was smiling.</p><p>“A team, huh?” Jack said softly.</p><p>“I think we’re almost at the point of needing a mascot,” Doug joked.</p><p>Jack laughed, taking a bite of his breakfast, passing some over to Doug.  “What do you have planned for today?”</p><p>“I have a few things to do at home to get sorted for the week,” Doug replied.  “And then I thought we could have dinner together tonight?”</p><p>“Shall I come to yours?”</p><p>“As long as that works for you?”</p><p>“I plan to head to the high school for a couple of hours this afternoon so I can come by after.”</p><p>“On a Sunday?”</p><p>“I find it easier to concentrate there.  Fewer distractions.  James mentioned he was going to be there this afternoon so I figured I’d take advantage of the building being open.”</p><p>“Do you need to rush of anywhere soon?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I’m in no hurry,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“Good.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>When Jack had arrived at the high school he had seen James’ car already in the parking lot.  He let himself into the building and made his way straight to his class room, not wanting to disturb James in his office.  On his desk he found a large box of Reese’s Pieces with note from James that said, ‘To replace all the packets I’ve been stealing from your drawer without you noticing.’  Jack laughed, wondering how many James had actually taken.  Opening his drawer he dropped them inside, quickly changing his mind, taking them back out and opening the box.<p>Jack knew he had a lot of work to get through in a sort amount of time.  After Thanksgiving his students were due a series of exams and he needed to plan his lesson meticulously to ensure that all materials were covered in time, with a little bit of slack built in for things that needed additional going over.  He wondered if any of his teachers used to get as nervous as he did when his student took exams, desperately hoping that at least some of what he had been teaching had made its way in and was retained by at least the majority if not everyone.</p><p>He laid his papers out over his desk, mapping out lessons and workload – red ink for homework, green ink for in class reading, and blue ink for at home reading.   After an hour or so of mapping things out he sat back to look at his handy work.  It was enough to make even Andie proud.  He just hoped that nothing happened to throw his plans out.</p><p>“You need to be careful with all that,” James said coming through the door.  “I may resort to asking you to cover art classes next time Sue goes off sick.”</p><p>Jack smirked, not looking up from his desk.  “Don’t even try it.”</p><p>“How’s it going?” James sat down in his usual seat next to Jack’s desk.</p><p>“I think I may have cracked it,” Jack said putting down his pen and finally looking up at the other man.  “Unless I’ve made a mistake somewhere I think I’ve got everything covered.”</p><p>“I’m sure you do,” James replied.</p><p>“How about you?  What did you have to do that couldn’t be done from home?”    </p><p>“Honestly, I was just looking for an excuse to get out the house.”</p><p>“Why?” Jack laughed.</p><p>“My nephew moved in with us last week.”</p><p>“And you don’t like your nephew?” Jack asked jokingly.</p><p>“Oh no, he’s a great kid,” James laughed.  “Well, he’s not a kid anymore.  He’s finishing up college in Boston and had some accommodation issues.  My brother and his wife live out west so Max is staying with us and commuting to Boston for his final few months.”</p><p>“So what’s the problem?”</p><p>“My kids – they’re the problem,” he smiled.  “They absolutely adore him and have been fighting for his attention ever since he arrived.  The poor boy’s head must be spinning.” </p><p>“Sound like he needs to get out the house rather than you.”</p><p>“I did invite him along but I guess a high school is not the hang out of choice for a Sunday afternoon.”  James paused a moment.  “You studied in Boston, right?”</p><p>“I’m not sure the word ‘studied’ would be an accurate description but, yes; I spent a couple of years at Boston Bay before heading to NYU.”</p><p>“Sounds like you’d have plenty to talk about.  Maybe I should send him your way if my girls start to drive him crazy.”</p><p>Jack smiled and nodded politely – mostly because he did not know how else to respond.</p><p>“Which reminds me,” James smiled, looking slightly uncomfortable, something Jack had never really witnessed from him before.  “My lovely wife, good-hearted as she is, would like to know if you would like to join us for Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“Thanksgiving?” Jack said, slightly surprised.  He had not really socialised with James outside of school apart from the one time they held a meeting at the Ice House over a beer – if that even counted.  He had briefly met his family at an event but nothing more.</p><p>“Or does your hatred of Christmas extend to all the other holidays?” </p><p>“No,” Jack smiled.  “I have nothing against Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“I just know that you don’t have any family in Capeside and wouldn’t like the idea of you being alone while everyone else is with their families.”</p><p>“Do you think I have no friends?” Jack smiled, sitting back in his chair.</p><p>“To be honest you’ve never actually mentioned any – apart from Pacey.”</p><p>“It’s a very kind offer – please thank your wife for me, but I’m actually going to be in New York for Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“Oh right, of course,” James nodded.  “Being drafted in for a bit of babysitting?”</p><p>“Something like that,” Jack replied because the truth was way too complicated.</p><p>“Well, maybe another time.”</p><p>“Sure,” Jack smiled; still catching a vibe that something was going on.  He could see from the look on James’ face that he was trying to come up with another excuse to invite him round.   </p><p>“You know, if you need any extra hands to help with the Christmas event, I’m sure Max would be happy to help.”</p><p>Suddenly the light bulb went off and Jack could not help but laugh, wondering why it had taken so long for him to read the subtext.  “Are you trying to set me up with your nephew?”</p><p>James looked at him blankly for a moment before smiling.  “My wife said I was too obvious.”</p><p>Jack laughed, picking up the box of candy from his desk and taking a small handful.  “The Christmas celebration definitely tipped it.”</p><p>“Considering I’m already pretty deep into this I may as well keep digging,” James laughed.  “What do you think?  He’s a nice guy.  Only a year or so younger than you – he took a gap before college.”</p><p>Jack shook his head, still slightly stunned.  “I’m going to take a stab at this,” he said.  “I’m guessing that the accommodation issue in Boston is something to do with breaking up with the boyfriend he lived with.”</p><p>“You’re good,” James laughed.  “Don’t let that put you off though.  That was a while back.”</p><p>“James, as flattered as I am – I think – that you’re so keen on this, I’m afraid it’s a going to be a no from me,” Jack said as kindly as he could – feeling like he was rejecting James himself.</p><p>“If it’s because we work together please don’t let that put you off.  I will keep my nose out of it.”</p><p>“That’s not why,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“He’s a good looking boy.  Strong family genes,” he joked.</p><p>“I’m sure,” Jack shook his head, wondering what on earth was going on.  James was still looking at him, waiting for something more by way of an explanation.  Jack took a deep breath; sure he was going to regret his next words.  “I have a boyfriend.”</p><p>James looked back at him slightly puzzled, trying to figure out if Jack was being serious.  “Since when?”</p><p>“A few months.”</p><p>“In Capeside?” James asked, his brain flicking through every conversation he had ever had with Jack.  There had never been any mention of a boyfriend.  His eyes suddenly widened, “Pacey?”</p><p>“Absolutely not!” Jack said, sounding more horrified than he had meant to.  It was more to do with how close James was to the truth than the thought of Pacey.</p><p>“Sorry,” James laughed, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine him being your type.”</p><p>“You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“Sorry - I don’t mean to be weird.  I just can’t believe that you’ve not mentioned this even in passing over the last couple on months.  With everything we’ve talked about how come this has never come up?”</p><p>“It’s complicated,” Jack said simply, hoping James would understand.  </p><p>“Right.  This is Capeside; not Boston or New York.”  </p><p>Jack nodded, his face saying more than any words could.  “Good old Capeside.”</p><p>“I’m really glad you told me though.”</p><p>“Me too,” Jack said honestly.</p><p>“Don’t worry – it’s just between us.  I understand.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack replied, not knowing what else to say but knowing he was very lucky to have a boss like James.</p><p>“Do I know him?” James smiled mischievously.</p><p>“I couldn’t possibly say,” Jack said shaking his head.</p><p>James looked at him slightly suspiciously.  “Does he work here?”</p><p>“How many other gay teachers are there that I don’t know about?”</p><p>“That’s exactly what I was just wondering.  I take that as a no.”  James said, still thinking.  “It is a no, right?”</p><p>“It’s a definite no.”</p><p>Smiling; James looked at his watch.  “I guess I should probably head home and break the news to my wife.  Are you almost ready to head out?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jack said collecting up his papers.  “I’m done for the day.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug found Pacey in his office, sat at his desk going through the most recent pile of invoices.<p>“Good afternoon, little brother,” Doug said, sitting down before being invited to.</p><p>“And to what do I owe this displeasure?”</p><p>“I needed to go to the store to pick up a couple of things for dinner and I though I’d come by and say hello.”</p><p>“How very thoughtful of you,” Pacey smiled.  “So is that the excuse you want to stick with for coming by to find out how yesterday went?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Doug smiled.</p><p>“You’re new, slightly mellower; Jack induced good mood, is making our conversations far less pleasurable for me.  Are you aware of that?” </p><p>Doug simply widened his smile.  “So how was yesterday?”</p><p>“Well, you know me – I’m not a big lover of DIY, and this is the second time now I have been found painting walls in the few months since Jack returned to Capeside, which does not bode well for the future longevity of our friendship.  But all that aside, it went fine.”</p><p>“Though as I understand it you tackled things with all the subtly of an elephant.”</p><p>“I agreed to talk to him.  At no point did I agree to be subtle.  If that’s what you were looking for you drafted in the wrong man.”</p><p>“And your verdict?” Doug asked.</p><p>“My verdict?” Pacey repeated.  “Is one you may not like.”</p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>“There is of course the obvious – so obvious that even Jack is aware of it.  He needs to focus on himself more.  But I can guarantee you that is unlikely to happen.  Take this from someone that has dated a McPhee – they have this innate drive to keep going, even when they know they shouldn’t.  Oddly something Jack didn’t seem too inflicted with in High School but clearly it was bubbling under the surface,” Pacey said, finally taking a breath.  “Then there is the slightly more subtle issue, which is where you come in.”</p><p>Doug looked at him questioningly, only willing to continue with Pacey’s diatribe due to his accuracy so far.</p><p>“You need to accept that this pattern of behaviour will only come to an end when both Jen and Amy move to Capeside, or, as much as I hate to say it – the more likely scenario, Jen tells Jack that they’re not coming.”</p><p>“And how exactly is that about me?”</p><p>“Because it is becoming increasingly obvious to all, including Jack who is desperately trying to remain in his Lindley love bubble, that you, Dougie, believe that Jen and Amy will not be joining Jack in his house built for three.”</p><p>“You don’t agree?”</p><p>“Of course I do.  Something is definitely not as it seems.  But I am not the one dating the man that has all his hopes set on the exact opposite of how I feel,” Pacey said, looking at Doug closely.  “And even worse, it will eventually become clear to Jack, as it has already to me, that you are relieved that the competing half of Jack’s heart is most likely staying in New York.”</p><p>“That’s not true,” Doug protested.  “Do you know how crushed Jack will be if they stay in New York?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Pacey said sadly.  “But you’re talking apples and oranges.  I’m not saying that you’re going to take any joy from Jack’s pain.  I’m just saying that you personally would prefer it if they did not come.”</p><p>Doug was about to object but Pacey continued.</p><p>“I’m not having a go at you, Doug.  I get it.  You and Jack have only been together a few months, things are going well.  The last thing you expect when meeting someone is that their best friend and baby come as part of the package.”</p><p>“It’s what he wants,” Doug said softly.</p><p>“Exactly,” Pacey nodded.  “So you need to find a way to get on board with this because otherwise you’ll feel him start to pull away.  First step in that is to get excited about Amy’s room – whether you believe it will ever be used or not.”</p><p>Doug thought for a moment, taking a deep breath.  “You’re right.”</p><p>Pacey stood up from his chair as though he had been electrocuted.  “Did you just say what I think you just said?”</p><p>“Sit down, Pacey,” Doug rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Today is a momentous day.”</p><p>“Have you quite finished?”  </p><p>“Actually, no,” Pacey said, sitting back down.  “I do actually have one more question.”</p><p>“Make it quick – I have to get back.”</p><p>Pacey was careful to keep a close eye on Doug’s expression.  Not wanting to miss anything.  “Why does Jack think that if he stayed in Capeside for Thanksgiving that he would be spending it alone?”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Doug asked, surprised by the change in subject.</p><p>“You heard me,” Pacey replied, knowing that Doug was stalling for time.  “I thought you were going to invite him to the Witter family freak show?”</p><p>“He’s going to New York,” was all Doug could say.</p><p>“I am aware of that – but I got the feeling that was a last resort kind of plan.”</p><p>“Pacey, just drop it okay.  Jack’s going to be in New York.  I will come to Mom and Dad’s for as long as I can bear it.  That’s just how it is.”</p><p>“You didn’t invite him, did you?”</p><p> “No, I didn’t,” Doug conceded.  </p><p>“Why the hell not?” Pacey asked confused, trying to imagine how Jack felt about that.</p><p>“Because Mom and Dad don’t want him there.”  The lie came out faster that he could stop it.  He regretted it almost immediately.  </p><p>“What?” Pacey said, outraged.  “Are you kidding?”</p><p>“Pacey, it’s not a big deal.  It’s not what you think.  What with Kerry and the kids, and Gretchen – they just want it to be a family thing.”</p><p>“Since when has that been a rule?  How many guys has Gretchen turned up with in the past?” </p><p>“Just drop it, Pacey.  It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>“Of course it’s a big deal.  I’m going to call Mom.”</p><p>“No, Pacey,” Doug said firmly.  “Please don’t blend in. What’s it going to achieve?  Jack is going to New York.  Even if Mom and Dad change their minds Jack will still be going to New York.  You will just be arguing for the sake of arguing.”</p><p>“That’s kind of my number one skill.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug laughed, despite himself.  “But it’s not your argument to have.  Just leave it.”</p><p>Pacey was not happy about it but he knew Doug was right.  “Fine.  I’ll keep out of it but if they say anything on the day I’m not just going to let it go.”</p><p>“Okay, Pacey,” Doug nodded – suddenly wishing he had gone straight home from the store.”</p><p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Thanksgiving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack had decided that it made sense to drive to New York the night before Thanksgiving – not wanting to have to wake up early and spend the first few hours of the day alone in the car.  He had sensed that Doug was disappointed to miss out on spending the evening together, and while he was disappointed too, he could not avoid the feeling that things could have been very different if Doug had wanted them to be.  He had told himself repeatedly that dwelling on it was pointless – that Thanksgiving was just one day.  That Doug had given him so many other days.  He wondered why this one felt so different to him.</p><p>By the time he had reached New York he had decided that the whole thing had been a blessing.  This way he could spend Thanksgiving with Jen and Amy without feeling like he had to choose.  The final few miles were tough – a brutal combination of tiredness and excitement.  He just wanted to get there and pull Jen into the biggest hug he had ever given her.  He wanted to hold Amy and not let he go – to make sure she did not forget him.</p><p>He smiled as he pulled into his regular parking space, turning off the engine and gathering his thoughts.  He picked up his cell phone and quickly sent a text to Doug to let him know that he had arrived safely.  He knew that if he waited until he was inside he would get swept up in everything and forget to do it.  Climbing out the car he groaned slightly, arching his back, feeling everything pop back into place.  He grabbed his bags from the trunk and took the familiar steps back to his old home.</p><p>He stood outside the door wondering what the correct etiquette was – should he knock or use his key.  Remembering that Jen had said that Helen would be away for Thanksgiving Jack decided to use his key; knowing that neither Jen or Grams would think anything of it.</p><p>As he pushed the door open he could hear the sound of Amy crying.  Closing the door softly behind him he followed the cries down the hallway to the source.  He stood in the doorway of the lounge, watching as Jen picked Amy up from her changing mat and tried to sooth her.</p><p>“Why are you making my God-Daughter cry?” he asked, causing Jen to turn around, instantly beaming.</p><p>“You’re here!” she said excitedly, managing to jump up from the floor with Amy pulled close like an expert.  </p><p>“Want to swap?” he asked, putting the bags down and reaching out for Amy.  </p><p>“Do I not even get a hug first?” </p><p>“Give me the baby,” he smiled, taking Amy from Jen’s outreached arms, holding her close to his chest.  Her cries, which had already begun to die down, completely stopped.  “Come here,” he said, reaching out to Jen, pulling her close, kissing the top of her head.  “You look beautiful.”</p><p>“God have I missed you,” she smiled, her face buried into his chest next to her daughter’s.  “How do you do that?”</p><p>“Do what?” he asked, looking down at her still pressed against him.</p><p>“Make everything so much better.”</p><p>He smiled, kissing her again.  “Ditto.”</p><p>“Does Grams know you’re back?” she asked, finally pulling away, picking up one of the bags that Jack had put down.</p><p>“I do now,” Grams said as she walked into the room.  “I know I am one day too early, but this is what I’m thankful for,” she smiled, giving Jack a warm hug.  “My three favourite people in the same room again.”</p><p>“It’s good to see you,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“I see you are already on Amy duty?” Grams smiled, noticing with a touch of sadness how perfect she looked against his chest.  </p><p>“And I will be until the second I leave.”</p><p>“Happy Thanksgiving,” Jen laughed.  “What is all this?” she asked, peering into the bag she was holding.  </p><p>“Just a few bits for Amy.  Nothing much – just a few outfits, some toys, a couple of pack of diapers,” he answered, moving further into the room and sitting down on the couch; noticing that Amy was getting sleeping.</p><p>“Jack, you didn’t have to do that,” Jen said, genuinely touched.</p><p>“I know that,” he responded nonchalantly.  “It’s just a little something.  I hear raising a baby can be expensive,” he smiled mockingly.  “The other bag has some groceries in.  Consider it my Thanksgiving offering.  It felt it necessary following Jen’s reminder that I still eat like a football player.”</p><p>“Jennifer,” Gram laughed.  </p><p>“All I said is that food lasts longer around here now,” she shrugged. </p><p>“Jack, can I get you a cup of tea?” Grams asked.</p><p>“No, thank you – I’m fine,” he smiled.  “I have everything I need here.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack carefully placed Amy in her crib in Jen’s room and sat down on the edge of the bed, unable to take his eyes off of her.  “I can move Amy’s crib into my room,” he said softly.  “I could do it without waking her.  Let you get a good night’s sleep?”<p>“I have a better idea,” Jen smiled, puling back the comforter on her bed.  “Why don’t you stay in here with us tonight?”</p><p>“I can do that,” Jack replied, slipping in under the covers next to Jen.  He reached out for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.  “I’ve missed this.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>They both lay quietly for a few moments listening to the sounds of Amy sleeping.  “She’s perfect,” Jack sighed, almost to himself.</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jen said softly.  “It wouldn’t be the same without you.  I know you can’t be here for all of Amy’s firsts but I’m glad you’re here for this one.”</p><p>“I wish I could be here more.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Jack wanted to tell her that he had painted Amy’s room.  He wanted to tell her that he could have it ready in a matter of days if needed.  He wanted to tell her that the house did not feel like a home yet.  But he did not want to ruin the moment.  He did not want to listen to Jen come up with a new reason why it was not the right time. </p><p>“You know if you ever need anything you only have to ask?” he said instead.  “Whatever it is – the answer will be yes.”</p><p>“I know,” she whispered, knowing that was not completely true.  The one thing she wanted more than anything was the one thing she could not ask of him – not again.  She wanted him home but knew for the first time in a long time ‘home’ was not the same place for the two of them.</p><p>“Have you heard anything from Amy’s Father?” Jack asked, almost out of nowhere.  He was not sure himself where the question had come from.</p><p>Jen shook her head – no.  “I don’t imagine we ever will.  He made his position very clear.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be.  I have no doubt that we are both better off without him.”</p><p>“He’s an idiot.”</p><p>Jen smiled softly; knowing that Jack was holding back.  “Between the two of us we really do pick make some bad choices.”</p><p>Jack laughed slightly, eyes closed, thinking back to some of their more questionable decisions.  </p><p>“Then again, Jackers, you seem to have broken free of the chains of poor romantic choices.  How is the Sheriff?”</p><p>When Jack kept his eyes closed and did not respond Jen wondered for a moment if he had fallen asleep.  She shifted slightly to get a better view and saw that he was definitely still awake.</p><p>“He’s good,” Jack answered finally, nodding his head softly as he opened his eyes.  </p><p>“And you?” Jen asked, wondering where Jack’s mind had been. “Are you good too?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said, maybe a little too quickly.</p><p>“Try again,” she said softly.  “And this time remember who you’re talking to.”</p><p>“I really am good,” Jack said honestly.  “Work is going well and things with Doug are good.”</p><p>“Yet still I sense you’re about to say our favourite word,” she smiled, exhaling softly.  “But?”</p><p>“But,” Jack repeated with a self-deprecating laugh.  “I don’t know if I’m just reading too much into things or if there really is something going on.  I just get this vibe.”</p><p>“Now we’re getting to the good stuff,” Jen teased.  “What sort of vibe?”</p><p>“It’s just this whole Thanksgiving thing,” Jack explained.  “Doug is spending the day with his family as I expected.  He’s not actually said anything but I got the impression from him that his parents did not want me there which is just a bit odd because it was only a few weeks ago that they invited me round for dinner.  I got the impression from Pacey that he was expecting me to be there, so it doesn’t seem like there’s been an argument or anything?”</p><p>“Meaning?” Jen asked, pretty sure she was following Jack’s flow but wanting to be sure they were on the same page.</p><p>“Meaning if they have said anything about not wanting me there Doug hasn’t tried to change their minds, which isn’t necessarily a big deal.  They’re his parents and it’s up to him how he wants to deal with them but considering he told them everything not that long ago, without really knowing how they would react, it doesn’t really make sense that he wouldn’t question this now, and if he had surely Pacey would have known.”</p><p>“You’ve clearly given this a lot of thought,” Jen said, agreeing with him so far.  “So what does that leave?”</p><p>“That it’s Doug that doesn’t want me there.”  Jack was slightly surprised that the words had slipped out, having tried to block this thought for a long time.</p><p>“In a world of infinite possibilities they can’t be the only options,” Jen said, trying to comfort her friend.  “Why wouldn’t he want you there?”</p><p>“I guess the same reason he doesn’t want anyone else to know.”</p><p>“But he’s told his family.”</p><p>“So maybe it’s less about being gay and more about it being me.”</p><p>“No way,” Jen said, shaking her head.  “Nothing about that makes sense.  He practically worships you.”</p><p>“Like I say – maybe I’m over thinking it all,” Jack conceded.  </p><p>“I think so,” Jen agreed.  “He loves you.”</p><p>Jack smiled and nodded.  He did not want to talk about it anymore.  “So, how long do we have until Amy wakes up?”</p><p>“She’s been doing quite well.  Her current routine is a quick feed around 4am and then back to sleep,” Jen replied, allowing the subject chance.</p><p>“Well I’ll see to that,” Jack said, looking over at Amy.  “You just rest.  You look exhausted.”</p><p>“You’re not exactly looking fresh yourself,” Jen teased.  “But thank you – I appreciate it.”</p><p>“Come here,” he said, reaching out for Jen, pulling her close.  “Get some sleep.”</p><p>“Good night, Jack.”</p><p>“Night,” he whispered, hoping to get to sleep quickly and not be left thinking about what they had just discussed.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jen had been right.  Amy woke up at almost exactly 4am.  Jack heard her shuffle around and managed to pre-empt her cries.  Without waking Jen he climbed out of bed, made his way to the kitchen and prepared Amy a bottle.  He managed to make it back to the bedroom before Amy became too fussy, scooping her up in his arms and making himself comfortable on the bed before offering the bottle to Amy’s eager mouth.  She instantly began to suck, her eyes staring back at him.<p>He smiled down at her, admiring how perfectly she fit in the curve of his arm.  He could not get over how much she had grown in the weeks since he had last seen her.  He looked over at Jen asleep next to them and could not help but smile, picturing how different his life would look right now if he had never written that poem.  Maybe this would all have been his.  It was just a silly, 4am kind of thought that had no basis in real want or desire but it still gave him a warm feeling inside.  He knew he was very lucky to be a part of all of this.  </p><p>Amy finished her bottle quickly, her eyes beginning to look heavy.  Jack hoped she would go back to sleep easily.  Putting the empty bottle down next to the bed he lifted Amy to be up against his shoulder, rubbing and gently patting her back.  Standing up from the bed and pacing the room he began to yawn himself – Amy soft and warm against him making him feel sleepy.  After a few minutes he could see that Amy was once again asleep.  He placed a soft kiss on her cheek before laying her back down in her crib.  </p><p>“Sweet dreams,” he whispered before climbing back into bed next to Jen.</p><p>“Like a pro,” she whispered through the darkness.</p><p>“You’re supposed to be asleep,” he said softly.</p><p>“I am.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack woke up to the sound of his cell phone vibrating.  He quickly reached out for it not wanting the sound to wake either Jen or Amy.  Through bleary eyes he could see Doug’s name on he screen.  He climbed out of bed and quickly moved to the door, just managing to answer the call before it went to voicemail as he exited the room.<p>“Morning,” he yawned as he made his way to his own bedroom.</p><p>“Did I wake you?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I was about to get up,” he lied, sitting down on his bed.  “What time is it?” </p><p>“8:30,” Doug replied.  “Would you like me to call back later?”</p><p>“No.  I’m awake; I’m back in my room.  I’m good.”</p><p>“Back in your room?  Where were you sleeping?”</p><p>“I stayed in Jen’s room so I could do Amy’s night feed.”</p><p>“That’s very kind of you,” Doug smiled, trying to ignore the pangs of jealousy that he was not the one sleeping next to him.  </p><p>“Is everything okay?  I wasn’t expecting you to call so early.”</p><p>“Everything’s fine.  I just wanted you to be the first person I spoke to today.  Happy Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“Happy Thanksgiving,” Jack said back softly, leaning back against his pillow.</p><p>“I know that we haven’t really talked about today,” Doug sighed, knowing that was because he had been avoiding the subject like the plague.  “I just wanted you to know how much I wanted to spend today with you.”</p><p>Jack did not know what to say.  He was trying to work out why Doug had said that and how he could piece it into one of his theories from the night before.</p><p>“Jack, are you still there?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Yes, I’m still here,” Jack said softly.  “Why are you saying this now?”</p><p>Now it was Doug’s turn to be quiet.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to talk to you about today for weeks,” Jack continued.  “If this is just some kind of lip service then you really don’t need to.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Doug said quickly.  “I know I should have said something before and I know it’s too late now, but it’s true.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” </p><p>“Because I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“I don’t accept that,” Jack said flatly.  Doug had brought up the subject and he was not just going to let it go that simply.</p><p>“I guess I couldn’t figure out how we could have made today work to keep everyone happy so I just pretended it wasn’t important, but I realise now that I was wrong.  I just want you to know that this isn’t what I wanted.”</p><p>“What did you want?”</p><p>“I just wanted you all to myself.  I wanted to start making our own traditions.”</p><p>Jack could not help but shake his head, laughing despite himself, knowing that was all he wanted too.  “I take it back.  You are an idiot.”</p><p>“I told you so,” Doug laughed too, glad the tension had been broken.</p><p>“And why exactly would that have been so impossible?” Jack asked, deciding he would regret it if he did not push just a little further.</p><p>“Unless you’ve forgotten, while you’re enjoying yourself today in relatively sane company, probably enjoying good food; I am going to be desperately trying to avoid food poisoning only to then long for it as an excuse to get away from the unbearable craziness of three generation of Witter.”</p><p>“They’re your family,” Jack replied, making a mental note to call Andie at some point.  He assumed she would probably be working.  </p><p>“So I’ve been led to believe,” Doug sighed.</p><p>“Today is a day to be with family,” Jack said, knowing that was the real answer to his questions.</p><p>“Jack,” Doug said sadly, knowing exactly what Jack was thinking.</p><p>“And I’m not family.”</p><p>“That doesn’t make you any less important,” Doug replied.  “And I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”    </p><p>“Just answer one more question and I promise I’ll drop it,” Jack said, figuring he had already gone this far.  “Who was it that didn’t want me there today – your family or you?”</p><p>Doug felt the panic flow through him.  He did not want to lie to Jack and certainly did not want to hurt him.  He realised he had done that already.  “I wanted you there,” he replied, knowing he was lying, but somehow it did not feel like as big of a lie as it would have been to say his family did not want him here, even if that was being implied.  </p><p>“Okay,” Jack nodded.  “Well, I guess it’s better that way around.”</p><p>Doug hung his head; glad he had not had this conversation face to face.  </p><p>“I hope you have a good time,” Jack added, trying to sound upbeat but aware that he may have missed slightly.</p><p>“You too,” Doug replied, hearing Jack’s slightly failed efforts.  “How is everyone there?  Has Amy got bigger?”</p><p>“They’re good,” Jack smiled, his mind going back to his family.  “She feels massive in my arms compared to last time.  I can’t wait for you to see her again.”</p><p>“Hopefully I will soon.  Maybe I could join you next time – share the drive.”</p><p>“Really?” Jack smiled.  “That would be great.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug had not even entered his parent’s house and he could already hear the commotion going on inside.  He could hear his sister yelling at the kids – more teenagers than children now, he could hear his mom calling his dad and him shouting back that he was watching the game.  It had always been a tradition of his to watch the previous year’s football game in the morning in preparation for this year’s – as though they could not be watched independently.<p>He stood on the front porch wondering if he should just get back in his car and drive to New York.  He was pretty sure no one inside would even notice that he was not there.</p><p>“If you’re waiting for someone to hold the door for you you’re going to be waiting a long time,” said a voice from behind him.</p><p>He turned around, a smile on my face.  “There’ my favourite sibling,” he smiled.</p><p>“I bet you say that to all of us,” Gretchen laughed, pulling him into a hug.</p><p>“I really don’t,” Doug smiled.  </p><p>“I’m just the one you see least,” she said, swiping his arm in jest.  “How are you big brother?”</p><p>“I’m good.”</p><p>She looked a him for a moment, taking in the sight of him.  “You really are, aren’t you?”</p><p>“That may all change the moment I open that door.”</p><p>“Almost definitely.  Just be grateful that you get to go home.  I’m spending the night, unless I get convince Pacey to take me in.  How the tables have turned.”</p><p>“You can stay at mine if you need to.”</p><p>“Really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and digging him in the ribs with her elbow.  “I figured you’d have ‘company’”</p><p>Doug rolled his eyes.  “Not tonight,” he said simply.  “The offer is there if you need it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Gretchen smiled.  “We should probably go inside.  I’m pretty sure Mom just spotted us – we have approximately five seconds before she flips out.”</p><p>“After you,” he groaned, opening the door and holding it for his sister.</p><p>“Thank you,” she replied sarcastically.  “And just so you know, I have about a thousand questions and I do plan on asking all of them.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t expect any different.”</p><p>“Here goes nothing,” she laughed, walking through the open doorway, the noise hitting her instantly.  “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!”</p><p>“Close the door – you’re letting all the cold in!” John Witter shouted from his chair in front of the TV, not even looking up to see who was there.</p><p>“And so it begins,” Doug groaned.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Having helped his mom get dishes down from the top shelf in the kitchen, made small talk with Kerry and spent a sufficient amount of time talking to his nieces and nephews Doug decided to find where his other siblings has disappeared to.  He had seen Pacey arrive and then disappear off with Gretchen.  He peered out of the window and spotted them both sat down by the water.<p>He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair that he had previously flung it over and headed for the door.</p><p>“Alright Doug,” his dad muttered, still looking at the TV, as though he had only just arrived.</p><p>“How’s the game?” Doug asked back, knowing that he dad would not be interested in talking about anything else.</p><p>“As bad as it was last year,” he chuckled at his own joke, taking a swig of his beer.</p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Doug nodded, reaching for the door.</p><p>“Your mom made me bring in the extra chair just in case your friend comes,” John said, eyes fixed on the TV.</p><p>“He’s in New York, Dad.  He won’t be coming,” Doug replied, wondering why he felt so uncomfortable.  More so than his dad did.  Maybe it was the tangle of lies he had managed to get himself into or maybe it was Kerry’s eye on him, trying to work out if what she had heard from her parents was right.</p><p>“No harm in having too many chairs I guess,” John shrugged.</p><p>Doug did not reply, opening the door to continue his escape.  </p><p>“Douglas,” his mom called, stopping him.  “Please tell your brother and sister that lunch will be twenty minutes.”</p><p>“Will do, Mom,” he called back, finally stepping outside.</p><p>He made his was down to the waterside, hearing Pacey and Gretchen’s laughs before he could heard their words.  </p><p>“Dougie,” Pacey grinned.  “Happy turkey day.”</p><p>“I have a feeling the turkey will enjoy the meal more than any of us will,” Doug joked sitting down next to Gretchen, hanging his legs over the pier.  “Mom has given her twenty minute warning.”</p><p>“Oh goodie,” Gretchen laughed.</p><p>“What were you two laughing about?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Well, we were just discussing the Witter family’s inability to stay away from Pacey’s usually incestuous group of friends, and how, you, Dougie, have ended up bagging arguably the best looking one of the bunch.” Gretchen laughed.  “How exactly did you manage that?”</p><p>Pacey took sympathy on his brother and handed him a beer.</p><p>“You know what?” Doug laughed, even though he could feel himself blush, “I actually have no idea.”</p><p>“Don’t be so modest,” Pacey laughed.  “Gretch, you should have seen it.  This was no absentminded accident.  Dougie here went after Jackers pretty damn hard.”</p><p>“How much have you had to drink?” Doug asked, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“If Mom has already called the twenty minutes warning – no where near enough yet.”</p><p>All three of them laughed and realising Pacey had a point they all took a long draw of their drinks.</p><p>“Could we not change the subject please?” Gretchen said.  “I want to know more.”</p><p>“There’s really not a lot to tell,” Doug shrugged – happy to answer questions if he had to but not wanting to go into a blow by blow account of the last few months.</p><p>“Not much to tell?” Gretchen laughed.  “You stayed comfortably in that closet of yours for thirty-two years and Jack comes strolling back into Capeside and that was all it took for you to admit what we already suspected?  Come one, Dougie – you told Mom and Dad.  This is huge.  And just so you know, I am in no way mocking you.  I am really happy for you.  I just want the gossip.”</p><p>“I’m not exactly sure what you want to hear.”</p><p>“Okay,” Pacey said, waving his hands.  “Clearly you’re not going to get much this one.  What do you want to know?”</p><p>“Everything,” Gretchen said, exasperated.  “Who made the first move?”</p><p>“Doug did,” Pacey answered, not paying attention to Doug’s eye rolling.  “Did he tell you that he punched Jack’s D-bag of an ex-boyfriend?”</p><p>“Pacey,” Doug groaned, never enjoying that particular memory.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Gretchen laughed.  “Why?”</p><p>“To be fair the guy completely had it coming.  If Doug hadn’t done it I would have felt compelled to do it myself.”</p><p>“Maybe you two are more similar than I thought,” Gretchen joked,</p><p>“Definitely not,” Doug disagreed quickly.</p><p>“Gretchen, why would you say something like that when we’re having such a nice time?” Pacey chastised.</p><p>“So how serious are we talking here?” Gretchen asked seriously.  </p><p>“I have seen Jack put down a glass without using a coaster and Doug didn’t say a word,” Pacey joked.</p><p>“Shut up!” Gretchen laughed.  “So this is like the ‘real deal’?”    </p><p>Doug carried on drinking his beer, letting his siblings have fun at his expense as though he was not even there.</p><p>“Pacey was telling me that Jack’s become pretty settled in Capeside.  A job; a house – that’s pretty big change.  He must be pretty into you.  I’ve never had someone willing to do that for me.  How about you, Pace?”</p><p>“You know what, Gretchen; I can’t say I have,” Pacey teased, “But then again neither of us have the brooding good looks that Doug possesses.”</p><p>“Shut up, Pacey,” Doug sighed, almost reaching his Pacey limit.</p><p>“You make it sound so simple,” Gretchen sighed.</p><p>“That’s because Pacey is telling the story.  It definitely was not simple.  It’s not been an easy move for Jack.  Did Pacey tell you that Jen had a baby?”</p><p>“No, he did not,” she replied, giving Pacey a look, wondering how he could have forgotten something like that.</p><p>“Jack finds it tough being away from Jen and Amy, and that along with the giant hissy fit our little brother threw when he found out about us could have derailed things,” he teased, “But everything is good.”</p><p>“Pacey?” Gretchen asked, smiling.  “Did you get upset that Doug was playing with your friend?”</p><p>“Definitely not the words I would have chosen,” Pacey said screwing his face up.</p><p>“Jack McPhee,” Gretchen smiled to herself, taking another sip of her beer.  “Didn’t you date his sister?” she asked Pacey.</p><p>“That would be correct,” Pacey nodded.  “Not seen Andie for years.  She’s well on her way to becoming a doctor.”</p><p>“Why do the smart ones always fall for you?” Gretchen laughed. “It makes no sense.”</p><p>“None at all,” Doug added.</p><p>“I was dating Andie at the same time Jack was dating Joey,” Pacey laughed, realising how absurd it all sounded out loud.</p><p>“Joey?  I had no idea,” Gretchen said, shaking her head, trying to picture.  “They would have made a cute couple.</p><p>Both Doug and Pacey shook their heads, not wanting to imagine that.</p><p>“Jack was the only one that ever truly won out over Dawson.  He paved the way for the rest of us mere mortals,” Pacey reminisced.  “Then he realised he liked boys and never went near another girl.”</p><p>“That’s not true,” Doug said dryly, trying to remember.  “I have it on good authority that he kissed a girl who then died – though he claims the two things were in no way related.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, Abbey Morgan,” Pacey shuddered. “I forgot about her.”</p><p>“And then there was the senior ski trip where he and Jen nearly slept together.”</p><p>“What?” Pacey laughed.  “How do you know about that and I didn’t.”</p><p>“Maybe you were too busy on that trip yourself to notice,” Gretchen nudged him.</p><p>“Are you sure Amy isn’t Jack’s?” Pacey joked.</p><p>“Well he did wake up in Jen’s bed this morning, so you never know,” Doug joked back, finally beginning to relax.  </p><p>“This is so nice,” Gretchen smiled.  “I miss this.”</p><p>“You miss this?” Pacey asked, confused.  “We’ve never done this before.”</p><p>“You know what I mean,” she said rolling her eyes.  “It’s a shame Jack isn’t here.  It would have been nice to catch up.”</p><p>“And Jack is much better at the gossip,” Pacey added.</p><p>“Next time,” Doug smiled despite himself, remembering his guilt again.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug could not help but notice that the table in from of him looked more like a crime scene than a family dinner.  His father had managed the first few slices of the turkey without causing any injury to himself or those next to him before calling on Pacey to finish the task.  Kerry’s kids had scrambled to grab food as though the offerings on the table were the greatest things they had ever seen which made Doug wonder what Kerry usually gave them if this looked good by comparison.<p>“Thank you, Mom, this looks great,” he said graciously, ignoring the sniggers from Pacey and Gretchen.  </p><p>Mrs Witter smiled as she surveyed everyone’s plates.  “Does everyone have everything?”</p><p>“We’re fine, Mom,” Gretchen replied.  “Just sit and relax now.”</p><p>“So, Pacey,” Mr Witter spoke, starting is usual round of checking in with each of his children so he could tick off his fatherly duties for another holiday season.  “How’s the business going?”</p><p>“Good.  It’s was a good summer.”</p><p>“Stan and Diane said they came by last week.  Said they didn’t see you but the food was good.”</p><p>“High praise from Stan indeed,” Mrs Witter added.</p><p>“I was probably stuck in the kitchen,” Pacey replied, knowing full feel that he had been hiding.  “Tell them I’ll try and catch them next time.”</p><p>“Will you be opening tonight?” Mr Witter asked.</p><p>“Not tonight.  Figured by this evening most of Capeside will be stuffed full of Turkey and beer.  I gave everyone the day off.”</p><p>“Good man,” Mr Witter muttered, continuing with his dinner.  “How about you, Gretchen?  How’s the city treating you?”</p><p>“It’s treating me well,” she smiled.</p><p>“I am going to pack up some leftovers for you to take back – you are too skinny,” Mrs Witter said concerned.</p><p>“Mom, I’m fine.”</p><p>“Stop fussing, Mary,” Mr Witter grumbled.  “And work is good?”</p><p>“It is,” Gretchen nodded, knowing that was all he really wanted to hear.</p><p>The siblings exchanged a look.  Two down and two to go.  They are wondered who would be next.   </p><p>“How are things down at the station, Douglas?”</p><p>“Busy but good – you know how it is,” Doug responded.</p><p>“I do indeed,” he replied.  “But I don’t miss it.  I thought I would but I know it’s in good hands.”</p><p>Pacey and Gretchen shared a look.  It was unlike their father to be so complimentary.  As they looked back towards the table they caught their mom shooting their dad ‘a look’.</p><p>Mr Witter cleared his throat slightly.  “And how is... your friend?  How long will he be in New York?”</p><p>Doug glanced around the table quickly before answering.  “He’s good.  He’s just there for a couple of days.”</p><p>“Right,” Mr Witter nodded.  “Good.”</p><p>“Friend?”  Pacey laughed, feeling the awkwardness.  “Is that really what we’re going to call him?”</p><p>“Pacey, drop it,” Doug said softly.</p><p>“No. Jack is not Doug’s ‘friend’,” Pacey shook his head, trying to keep his tone light.  “He’s my friend if we want to be factual about it but I don’t think that’s what Dad means.”</p><p>Gretchen laughed, almost choking on the sip of beer that she had just taken.  Pacey was surprised to even see a slight amused smile on Doug’s face.</p><p>“Jack is Doug’s boyfriend.  You can call him that – or you can simply call him ‘Jack’.  It’s not like he’s a stranger.”</p><p>“Pacey, do you mind?” Kerry groaned.  “We’re trying to eat.”</p><p>“And what exactly in what I’m saying is incompatible with your grazing?” Pacey asked.  </p><p>“Pacey,” Doug warned, knowing things were likely to take a downwards turn pretty quickly.</p><p>“No, Dougie, I am interested in knowing what our sister objects to.”</p><p>“Could you please bear in mind that my children are at the table?  I don’t think this is appropriate,” Kerry responded.  “Doug is free to do whatever he likes in private but that does not mean the rest of us want to hear about it.”</p><p>“Hmm,” was all Pacey said, looking up to see Doug’s eyes dipped, looking at his plate.  He tried to quickly decide if saying anything else would make things better or worse.  In the end he ran out of time.</p><p>“Watch your trap, Kerry,” Mr Witter barked.  “Show your brother a bit of respect.  And that goes for his… boyfriend too,” he said, nodding in Pacey’s direction.  “One more word out of you and you can go and eat your dinner in the basement on your own.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence across the table.  Kerry’s kids were looking between her and their grandfather, wondering what was going on, having not been listening to a word of the previous conversation.</p><p>“So, Dougie,” his mom smiled.  “What will Jacky be having for dinner today?”</p><p>“Jacky?” Doug choked.  “No, absolutely not.”</p><p>“What?” Mrs Witter asked.</p><p>“Give it up,” Pacey laughed.  “Joey will forever more be Josie – I think Jack can live with being ‘Jacky’.”</p><p>“Just no,” Doug said sternly.  “No.”</p><p>“Dougie and Jacky,” Gretchen pouted like a thirteen year old girl.  “So cute.”</p><p>“Actually, Mom – Jack already has a pet name that Doug also hates, so you’re probably best sticking with ‘Jackers’.”</p><p>“Jackers?” Mr Witter questioned from the end of the table.  “I guess that’s an improvement on Jacky.”</p><p>“Okay, fine,” Mrs Witter sighed.  “What is Jack having for Thanksgiving dinner?”</p><p>“I imagine the same as the rest of America,” Doug replied</p><p>“Oh,” she said, slight disappointed.  “I just thought as he was in New York that maybe he would be having something more ‘cosmopolitan’.  I have been doing a bit of reading about the gays and their trend setting. I have been reading all about the vegan diet.”</p><p>“Did she actually just say that?” Doug said looking over at Pacey and Gretchen.</p><p>“She did,” Pacey laughed, having the best Thanksgiving of his life.</p><p>“And it was amazing,” Gretchen added.</p><p>Doug stared at his mother is complete amazement for a moment.  “Mrs Ryan is going to be cooking.  You remember Mrs Ryan from church, right?  I don’t think there will be much out of the ordinary going on.”</p><p>“From what I’ve been reading the gays can be picky eaters,” Mrs Witter continued.</p><p>“She said it again,” Gretchen laughed, nudging Pacey as though he had not heard her.</p><p>“Not our Jackers,” Pacey laughed, “Which bodes will for his introduction to this family because he’s pretty much happy to eat whatever’s put in front of him.  You’d never realise that he grew up in yacht clubs and country clubs.”</p><p>Doug could not help but laugh at Pacey’s comment.  “Mom, why has this become an interest of yours?”</p><p>“I wanted to make sure I had something that Jack would eat.  It took so long for you to respond to my calls to let me know if he would be joining us today that I needed to be prepared.  I managed to get some of that vegan turkey stuff.”</p><p>“Tofurkey,” Mr Witter chimed in between mouthfuls.</p><p>“I had it in the freezer just in case he changed his mind about joining us,” Mrs Witter explained.</p><p>Doug could feel Pacey’s eyes on him – burning into him.</p><p>“I didn’t realise Jack was invited today,” Pacey said innocently.</p><p>“Why do you think I got the spare chair out of the shed,” Mr Witter groaned, fixated still on his offering to the day, as though everyone surely had noticed.</p><p>“Of course he was invited.  He’s Doug’s boyfriend,” Mrs Witter replied.  “We’ve been trying to get him here for weeks.”</p><p>“Sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t want to meet your family,” Kerry smirked.</p><p>“That’s not true,” Doug snapped, having had enough of her for one day.</p><p>“That’s definitely not true,” Pacey added; eyes still on his brother.   </p><p>“Well, maybe when he gets back from New York we can arrange something,” Mrs Witter smiled, oblivious to the looks her sons were sharing.</p><p>“We’ll see, Mom.  His works keeps him pretty busy,” Doug replied.</p><p>“Everyone has to eat,” Mr Witter chimed in, having noticed the looks that his wife had not and realising something was going on.</p><p>“Dad makes a solid point,” Pacey said, eyes still on his brother.</p><p>There were a few moments of quiet.  Doug could see the anger growing in his little brother and hoped that he could hold it together at least until dinner was over.  Gretchen was looking back and forth between the two of them, wondering what exactly was going on.</p><p>Suddenly Pacey stood from his chair.  “Doug, could I see you outside for a moment?”</p><p>“Pacey, it’s dinner time,” Doug warned, wanting his brother to sit back down.</p><p>“Now,” Pacey said sternly, heading towards the door.  Noticing that is brother was not following he turned back to the table.  “Unless you’d rather talk here?”</p><p>Check mate.  Doug stood up from the table begrudgingly and followed his brother to the door, ignoring the look from his father who seemed to be the only one to have figured out what was going on.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>“You’re so full of shit,” Pacey said before the door had even closed behind them, walking further down the lawn away from the house.<p>“Pacey,” Doug tried to chime in but failed.</p><p>“So everything you said about Mom and Dad not wanting him here was a complete lie?”</p><p>“It’s complicated,” Doug reasoned.</p><p>“How is it complicated?  Mom and Dad wanted him here and you didn’t.  That’s not complicated.  It’s messed up but it’s certainly not complicated.”  Pacey looked back at his brother.  “Did you see Mom’s face?  Have you ever seen her more excited about anything?  And Dad – Jeez, Doug, Jack has his own chair!”</p><p>“Pacey, I already feel bad enough.  You’re not going to make me feel any worse.”</p><p>“I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  I’m trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you.”</p><p>“It just felt too soon,” Doug replied.</p><p>“Too soon for what?  For you to actually be honest with Jack or too soon for you to bring another man to dinner?”</p><p>Doug did not respond; he stared over Pacey’s shoulder to the water – wishing they could go back to joking and having fun.</p><p>“Who is it you’re embarrassed of – us or Jack?”</p><p>“What is wrong with just wanting to keep things separate?”</p><p>“How has that been working out for you, Doug?  Because from where I’m standing no one seems to be getting what they want - including you. Do you have any idea how badly Jack wanted you to invite him here today?”</p><p>“Did he say something to you?” Doug asked.</p><p>“He didn’t have to say anything.  It was obvious.  Do you know how lucky you are to have someone like Jack?”</p><p>“Of course I do,” Doug replied, beginning to lose his patience.  </p><p>“Start acting like it then,” Pacey snapped.</p><p>“You can’t tell him,” Doug said, knowing how hurt Jack would be if he found out the truth now.  </p><p>“Don’t do that to me,” Pacey said angrily.  “I’m not going to be complicit in your lies.”</p><p>“Pacey, I’m just asking for you to not get involved.”</p><p>Pacey shook his head. “I’m not about to pick up the phone and tell Jack how much of an idiot you are but I’m also not going to lie to him.”</p><p>Doug knew he could not reasonably ask any more of his brother.  “I know I messed up.  By the time I realised it was too late.”</p><p>There was a moment of still between them, both looking off at the water in the distance, thinking of the same man that meant a lot to each of them in different ways.  They did not realise anyone else was outside until they heard the door close behind them.  Turning around they saw their father standing on the porch.</p><p>“Your mother has spent a long time preparing the food that is currently going cold on your plates,” he said to his sons.  “I suggest both of you go back inside, apologise to her and eat that meal like it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted.” </p><p>“Yes, Sir,” Both Doug and Pacey nodded, heading back up the lawn.</p><p>Mr Witter watched his eldest son pass by him, open the door and then disappear inside.   He waited a second for the door to close before putting a hand out to stop the younger son.  “I know Jack’s your friend,” Mr Witter said softly, “But Doug is your brother.  Go easy on him; he’s trying.”</p><p>Pacey nodded.  “He’s an idiot.”</p><p>“He’s a Witter.”</p><p>Pacey laughed.  “Same thing.”</p><p>Mr Witter put his arm across his son’s shoulders.  “Come on – unfortunately there’s still plenty of food to eat.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack leaned back in his chair, listening to Grams at the end of the hallway saying good bye to the friends that had joined them for Thanksgiving dinner.  “Who would have thought that a couple of old, church ladies could be such good company,” Jack smiled, feeling incredibly full.<p>“Well, these are New York City old, church ladies – they’re a whole different breed,” Jen smiled back “They’re always up for a laugh.”</p><p>“I hope we’re like that in fifty years,” Jack laughed.  “You could be a grandmother – great grandmother even by then.”</p><p>“I will never be that old,” Jen joked, the truth of the statement stinging slightly.</p><p>“It’s strange to think of Amy being older than we are now,” he smiled.  “It’s hard to imagine her being anything other than a baby.”</p><p>“I hate to break it to you, Jackers, but she won’t stay a baby for long.  Soon she’ll be walking and talking and doing a thousand other things that we take for granted.”</p><p>“I hate to think I’ll miss any of that,” Jack said softly.  </p><p>“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” Jen sighed.  “I think you’ll always have a front row view of her life.”</p><p>“I know it’s been said a thousand times but I really am so thankful for you, Amy and Grams.  I don’t know where I would be without you three.”</p><p>Grams returned to the table.  “That’s a two way street, Jack,” she smiled.  “Please don’t forget all the ways you have enriched our lives over the years.”</p><p>“Yeah, I mean, I think you give us too much credit sometimes,” Jen added.  “For three people with different surnames we made a pretty well functioning family and that only really started happening when you joined us.”</p><p>“Jennifer makes a good point.  You, Jack, are the glue.  Don’t you ever forget it.”</p><p>Jack smiled at the two women in his life.  “Thank you for having me.  Today and all of the days before.”</p><p>“And all the days after,” Jen smiled.</p><p>“Now, I believe it’s time for you lovely ladies to retire to the lounge.  I am going to get everything cleared away and then I will bring you some tea.”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Grams said sternly.</p><p>“Grams, you have been on your feet fussing over everyone all day,” Jack countered.  “And, Jen, you have about 30 minutes before Amy wakes from her nap and wants to be fed.  Go put your feet up while you can.”</p><p>“You don’t need to tell me twice,” Jen smiled, standing from the table and reaching out a hand for Grams. “Come on.  We know when we’re not wanted.”</p><p>With a disapproving look Grams took Jen’s hand and stood from her chair.  “I would much prefer a messy kitchen and your company.”</p><p>“Give me 30 minutes and you can have a tidy kitchen and my company.  How does that sound?”</p><p>“Like heaven,” she laughed.  “You are too good to us.”</p><p>“Go, before I change my mind,” Jack shooed at them before turning his attention to he table.  “Make that 60 minutes,” he called after them, hearing them laugh from the other room.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“He looks exhausted,” Grams said softly, looking over at Jack asleep on the couch.<p>Jen nodded in agreement, Amy in her arms, slowly taking her bottle.</p><p>“He looked exhausted when he arrived,” Grams added.  “I didn’t want to say anything.”</p><p>“He looks happy though, don’t you think?” Jen asked.</p><p>“Yes, I would say so.  Capeside seems to be agreeing with him.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence between them; a conversation held without a single word – Jen still trying to convince Grams that he decision to not tell Jack about her illness was for the best.</p><p>“How did he do with the night feed?” Grams asked.  </p><p>“Like he’s done it every night for the past three months,” Jen smiled softly.  “He was amazing.”</p><p>“As I suspected.”</p><p>“Do you think it’s too much to expect of him if I asked him to be here for Christmas?” Jen asked.  “It’s Amy’s first one and I don’t want him to miss it.”</p><p>“Maybe we could go to Capeside?” Grams offered.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”</p><p>“Why not?  Jack has the space now.”</p><p>“I want his house to be filled with happy future memories and not haunted with the ghost of Christmas past.”  Jen kept her eyes on her daughter, not looking up.</p><p>“Jennifer, please don’t talk like that.”</p><p>“”Do you think he’ll come?  Maybe Doug could come too?”</p><p>“We can only ask,” Grams nodded.  “There’s plenty of time to come up with a plan.”</p><p>All of a sudden a buzzing noise rang out in the room and Jack’s sleeping form came back to life, bleary eyed and confused as to when he had fallen asleep, making Jen and Grams laugh.</p><p>He reached out for his cell phone on the coffee table and saw Doug’s name. “I swear he’s had me chipped and knows when I’m sleeping.” He stood up and quickly answered the call, heading to his bedroom.  “Hi,” he smiled.</p><p>“You were sleeping again,” Doug said – not even a question.</p><p>“How do you know that?” </p><p>“I can just tell.”</p><p>Jack closed his bedroom door and sat down on his bed.  “You survived then?”</p><p>“Just about,” Doug replied.  “It’s been a long day.  I’ve missed you.”  </p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p>“What would you think if we were to say that in future years Thanksgivings is ours?  Whatever we do we do it together.”</p><p>“I could get on board with that,” Jack smiled, “On one condition.”</p><p>“Which is?”</p><p>“Every year I’m allowed to tell the story as to why weren’t together this year,” Jack teased.</p><p>“I can live with that.”</p><p>“So you think there will be future Thanksgivings on the cards for us?”</p><p>“I think so,” Doug said.  “I hope so.”</p><p>“Me too,” Jack said in agreement before any doubt could take hold in Doug’s mind.  “So how were the Witters?”</p><p>“Hovering slightly above the normal level of crazy,” Doug laughed.  “My mum has decided your name is ‘Jacky’.”</p><p>“Oh no – definitely not,” Jack groaned.  “That alone could be the thing that kills all prospects of future Thanksgivings.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I think Pacey has convinced her to go with ‘Jackers’ instead.”</p><p>“You say it like that’s better.”</p><p>“Is it not?”</p><p>“Okay, maybe slightly.”  Jack lay down, resting his head on the pillow.  “How did that come up anyway?”</p><p>“You’ve been invited for dinner next week,” Doug said carefully, listening out for any indicators of Jack’s reaction.</p><p>“Oh,” was all he said, trying to figure out how that could have happened when they did not want him to join them before.</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Doug said quickly, realising Jack was not necessarily keen.  “I haven’t confirmed anything.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jack said, still lost in thought.  “Maybe we can talk about it more when I get back to Capeside.”</p><p>“Of course,” Doug agreed, noticing that Jack had not said ‘home’.  “No pressure.”  </p><p>“I wish you were here,” Jack said absent-mindedly, without really thinking.</p><p>“I was tempted to get in the car drive to you this morning,” Doug confessed.</p><p>“That would have been a nice surprise,” Jack said softly, his eyes beginning to get heavy again.</p><p>“You’re falling asleep,” Doug said – Jack could hear the smile in his voice.</p><p>“Maybe,” Jack mumbled</p><p>“I should let you go.”</p><p>“No, don’t,” Jack protested weakly, enjoying the sound of Doug’s voice.  “Tell me more about your day.”</p><p>“I love you, Jack.”</p><p>There was a brief pause and Doug wondered if Jack had actually fallen asleep.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Truth Will Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack had considered driving straight to Doug’s rather than heading home.  He had almost called ahead to let him know that he was coming but then at the last moment had changed his mind.  He was not sure if Doug would be at home or if he would be interrupting plans.  The moment of self-doubt was long enough for him to take the turning that led to his own house, deciding that after the long drive it was best just to go home.</p>
<p>Pulling up in front of his house and climbing out of the car he realised that going to Doug’s would have been a mistake.  Doug would not have been there.  He could tell instantly that Doug was waiting for him inside.  Grabbing his bag from the passenger seat he moved to the door, about to put his key in the lock when the door opened from the inside.</p>
<p>“Have you moved in without me realising?” Jack joked.</p>
<p>Doug took hold of Jack’s bag before then taking his hand, pulling him through the door.  “You’re back earlier that I expected,” Doug smiled, kissing him softly.  “How fast were you driving?”</p>
<p>“Fast enough to not get caught,” Jack joked.  “I nearly went straight to yours,” he confessed.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you didn’t,” Doug smiled, leading Jack down the hallway and round the corner into the open plan living area, “Because this is all here.”</p>
<p>Jack stared at the scene in front of him, a stunned look on his face.  The table was set for dinner with a candle lit in the middle.  He could see in the kitchen that a reasonably large amount of cooking had taken place.  “What is all this?”</p>
<p>“Thanksgiving dinner,” Doug responded, wrapping his arms around the other man.  “I figured two days late was better than never.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to do all this.”</p>
<p>“I did,” Doug said softly.  “And I wanted to.”</p>
<p>“It’s a lot of effort.  We could have gone out for dinner.”</p>
<p>“I thought this would be nicer,” Doug said, “and more private.”</p>
<p>“It is,” Jack said quickly; not wanting to sound unappreciative.  “I love it.  I just don’t want you going to too much trouble.”</p>
<p>“I just want twenty-four hours of not having to share you with anyone,” Doug smiled.</p>
<p>“Twenty-four hours?  How long do you plan for this dinner to last?”</p>
<p>Doug shook his head, pulling Jack further into the room and over to the couch.  “We have a little while before everything is ready.”</p>
<p>Jack sat down, still wrapped in Doug’s arms.  “Where did that candle come from?” </p>
<p>Doug looked at him; his eyes narrowed.  “Is this really how you’d like to spend this pocket of time – discussing where that candle came from?” </p>
<p>Jack leaned back against the cushion, Doug mirroring his movements, his body pressed against him.  “No,” he shook his head.  </p>
<p>“Good choice,” Doug nodded in agreement, his lips finding Jack’s.</p>
<p>Jack closed his eyes, sinking further into the cushion beneath him, Doug firmly against him, making him forget about the way his body ached from the drive.  Doug’s hands were eager against his body, but unable to decide where they wanted to be, roaming every inch of him.  One hand travelled down Jack’s side, over his hip, looping round to the back of Jack’s thigh, manoeuvring him slightly so that he could fit more easily between his parted legs.</p>
<p>As Doug’s mouth travelled to Jack’s neck, Jack was able to catch his breath, impressed by how quickly Doug had managed to orchestrate their current position.  He could feel fingers expertly working the buttons of his shirt.</p>
<p>Jack ran his fingers through Doug’s hair, using them to tilt his face back up towards his, purposely kissing him more slowly and softly.  “What’s the rush?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed you,” Doug smiled, mouth moving to Jack’s collarbone, visible now his shirt was open.  </p>
<p>“I’ve only been gone three days,” Jack laughed.</p>
<p>“Too long,” Doug muttered against Jack’s skin.  “Did you not miss me?”</p>
<p>“Of course I did,” Jack replied, slightly taken aback by Doug’s neediness.  It all felt very out of character.  He once again reached for Doug; his hands finding his cheeks, bringing him back up to face him.  “Is everything okay?”  </p>
<p>“Of course,” Doug smiled, realising afterwards that it may not have been as convincing as he may have liked.  He put his palms against the couch either side of Jack and straightened his arms pushing himself up over the other man – no more than an inch of space between them.  “It’s more than okay.”</p>
<p>Jack was not completely convinced but conceded that maybe he was just tired after three nights of night feeds and a long drive.  Doug’s eyes were staring into his, making his whole body tingle.  He had missed Doug – massively so.  He had missed the feel of him lying next to him at night and the way he would sometimes catch him watching him while he was doing completely mundane things like marking homework, or watching TV.  He had missed his mouth and his hands and his arms wrapped around him.</p>
<p>Jack nodded, satisfied that everything really was fine, smiling as Doug’s mouth again found his.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack stared down at the food still on his plate, wondering how long he would need to wait before he could even consider taking another mouthful.  He thought he had been full after eating the dinner that Grams had produced but he was now experiencing a new level of discomfort.<p>“Are you alright?” Doug asked, taking a sip of his wine.</p>
<p>“I now know how I’m going to die,” Jack said dramatically.  “My obituary will read, ‘Jack McPhee – ate himself to death. Leaves behind a loving family and half a plate of food.’”</p>
<p>Doug laughed, taking another mouthful – mostly just to see the pained look on Jack’s face rather than because he actually wanted any more.  “You’re so dramatic,” he accused as he felt his cell phone begin to vibrate in his pocket.  For the forth time during their meal he reached into his pocket and rejected the call without Jack knowing.</p>
<p>“I’m allowed to be dramatic; my stomach is about to explode.”</p>
<p>“Nice,” Doug grimaced.</p>
<p>“Make sure my funeral is well catered.  It’s only fitting that everyone should be well fed.”</p>
<p>“My goodness, I’d hate to see what you’d be like in real mortal peril.”</p>
<p>“You are severely underestimating my pain right now,” Jack groaned, still with a smile on his face.  “I’ve losing my superpower.  I could have managed this twice over only a year or two ago.”</p>
<p>“Your superpower?” Doug laughed.  “What kind of superpower is that?”</p>
<p>“Hey, we don’t get to choose our powers, they are gifted to us.”</p>
<p>“Really?  So what’s mine?”</p>
<p>Jack thought about it for a second, trying to come up with something equally as pointless as his own.  His eyes narrowed, trying hard to think.  “Coaster enforcement,” he smiled.  “Your super power is that you can see water marks from a mile away.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Doug replied, pretending to be hurt.  “You could have gone for anything and that’s what you went for.”  He felt his cell phone vibrate again and this time when he reached into his pocket he turned his phone off completely.</p>
<p>“I’ve got it,” Jack smirked.  “You’re super power is looking good in uniform.”</p>
<p>“I guess that’s a burden I’ll just have to learn to live with.”</p>
<p>“You and me both,” Jack teased.  His eyes scanned the table in front of him – the food, the wine, and all the effort that had gone into it, before raising his eyes back up to the man he loved.  “Thank you for this.”</p>
<p>“Even though it’s nearly killed you?” he smiled, sitting back and taking in the view of Jack with a smile on his face.  “I love it when you smile like that.”</p>
<p>Jack reacted exactly how Doug expected – he smiled; his mouth curling upwards more to the left, his eyes briefly grazing the table before returning to him, a light blush ghosting over his cheeks.  “Are you staying tonight?”</p>
<p>“I’d like to,” Doug replied, “Unless you’d prefer me not to.”</p>
<p>“Stay,” Jack smiled.  “I want you to.”</p>
<p>Doug nodded, enjoying the still that had washed over them.  He looked back at Jack, thinking that he could quite happily sit and do nothing else for the rest of the night.</p>
<p>The sudden sound of a phone vibrating shook him from his thoughts.  He put his hand in his pocket, confused.  Pulling his phone out he realised it was turned off as he had thought.</p>
<p>“It’s mine,” Jack said, looking around for where he had left it, eventually spotting it on the floor next to the couch.  He quickly retrieved it before he lost the call, worried that maybe it was Jen.  “It’s Pacey,” he said to Doug the moment before answering, not giving Doug the opportunity to tell him to ignore it.</p>
<p>“Hi Pacey,” he said quickly, hoping he had not hung up already.</p>
<p>“Jackers, thank goodness someone is courteous enough to answer their phone,” Pacey said.  “Are you back in Capeside?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’ve been back an hour or two.  What’s up?”</p>
<p>“I’m assuming your second favourite Witter is with you?” Pacey asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Jack said evenly.  “I’ve not see Gretchen for years,” he teased, causing Pacey to laugh.</p>
<p>“I’m guessing from your good mood that Doug is indeed there?”</p>
<p>“Yes, he’s here,” Jack replied, looking over at Doug slightly puzzled.</p>
<p>“Could I speak to him please” Pacey requested.</p>
<p>“What am I – a call operator?  Why did you not call him?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Jackers.  Poor, naïve, Jackers – You have so much still to learn.  Like how Doug thinks that merely switching off his phone will stop unwanted calls.  Let this be a lesson to both of you.”</p>
<p>“I’m passing you over,” Jack sighed.  “I don’t have the brainpower for this right now.”  Jack reached the phone out to Doug who simply stared at it, not wanting to take it.  “What is going on?” Jack asked. </p>
<p>Deciding that he would rather deal with his brother than answer Jack’s question he quickly took the phone.  “What do you want, Pacey?”</p>
<p>“Watch the tone; I’m doing you a favour here,” Pacey spoke.</p>
<p>“How exactly did you come to that conclusion?”  </p>
<p>“I have just had a call from Mom.”</p>
<p>“Why was she calling you?” Doug asked.</p>
<p>“Because she seems to think I’m your keeper or something.  She was calling to ask for Jack’s number.”</p>
<p>“What?” Doug asked, terror flooding his body.  “You didn’t not give it to her?”</p>
<p>“Of course I didn’t.  As fun as it is to mess with you I wouldn’t do that to Jack,” Pacey clarified.  “She’s taking this dinner things very seriously.  You need to call her back before she turns up on your doorstep or the station – or worse; the high school.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’ll call her,” Doug sighed, feeling a headache coming on.  “Not that there’s anything to tell her; we haven’t discussed it yet.”</p>
<p>Glancing up, Doug noticed Jack giving him a questioning look.  “Discussed what?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I suggest you get on and discuss it because there’s only so long I can keep her at bay,” Pacey explained.  “Just say, ‘Jackers, would you like to have something that resembles dinner with my family?’”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Pacey – helpful as always.”</p>
<p>“Pass the phone over; I’ll do it for you.”</p>
<p>“What is going on?” Jack asked, not sure if he was amused or irritated.  </p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” Doug said to Jack, hearing Pacey protesting in his ear.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” Jack replied, deciding he was definitely leaning more towards irritated. </p>
<p>“Pacey, I’m going to hang up now,” Doug said flatly.  </p>
<p>“Call your mother,” Pacey said mockingly before the line went dead.</p>
<p>Doug shook his head, taking a deep breath.  “Sorry about that,” he said softly, reaching out to return Jack’s phone, avoiding looking at him, sensing he was annoyed.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” he asked, cringing as he realised how teacher-like it sounded.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to say anything tonight,” Doug explained.  “I was going to raise it tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Raise what?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“My mom is keen to get a date in the diary for dinner,” he said, finally looking up at Jack.  “So much so that her hounding has now spread to Pacey.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jack replied, face softening slightly. He stood up from the table and began clearing away plates and dishes.</p>
<p>“Leave that,” Doug said, “I can do it later.”</p>
<p>“You cooked,” Jack shook his head, “It’s the least I can do.”</p>
<p>“Jack,” Doug said knowingly.  “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>Jack looked back at him abruptly from the kitchen.  “I never said I didn’t want to.”</p>
<p>Doug smiled, not that Jack would have noticed as he continued to busy himself in the kitchen.  “You’ve said very little about it.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t had a chance to give it much thought,” he lied, and Doug knew it.  He knew that Doug knew it too.  He had thought about little else on his drive home.  He could not quite understand where the sudden desire to invite him over had come from.  “The next couple of weeks are going to be really busy at work,” he added for good measure.</p>
<p>Doug nodded, knowing that a large amount of Jack’s unease had been caused by him.  He stood from the table and followed Jack into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close.  “You don’t have to do this.”</p>
<p>Jack sighed, closing his eyes as he rested his head against Doug’s forehead.  “We both know that’s not true.”</p>
<p>“What’s worrying you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Jack replied.  “Maybe I’m just getting too used to this bubble we’ve created.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Doug nodded.  “Or maybe it’s because you know my family are insane.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, I have plenty of experience of family insanity,” Jack replied.  “I don’t know, it just feels a little forced, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“Jack, every Witter family event is forced,” Doug joked.</p>
<p>“Could you please just be serious for a moment?”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Doug nodded, kissing Jack softly.  “You really don’t have anything to worry about.”</p>
<p>“That’s easy for you to say.  You know the likelihood of being called upon to meet my family is pretty slim.”</p>
<p>“What about Jen and Grams?” Doug reminded.  “Do they not count?”</p>
<p>“I guess,” Jack smiled, remembering how nervous Doug had been about spending time with Jen.</p>
<p>“And I’m pretty certain that Amy isn’t too sure about me yet,” he smiled.</p>
<p>“She has good reason,” Jack smiled, finally relaxing a little.   </p>
<p>“Will you give it some thought?”</p>
<p>“I guess I could check my schedule for the week,” Jack conceded.  </p>
<p>“And just a little advice - don’t answer any unknown numbers; my mom is trying to get your phone number.”</p>
<p>“I should have stayed in New York,” Jack groaned.</p>
<p>“Like that would stop her.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack walked into the Ice House hoping it would be quiet.  He was in need of a good catch up with Pacey and hoped to not have to compete for his attention.  His mind had been spinning with thoughts of an impending Witter family dinner ever since Pacey had called the evening before.  Spinning that had only intensified since Doug had left his place.  Jack had never done the ‘meet the parents’ thing before, yet he was pretty sure that that particular aspect was not the thing that was making him feel so apprehensive.  No matter how he tried to think about it he could not make it all make sense in his head.<p>“Jackers,” Pacey smiled, coming out of the kitchen at just the right moment.  “How was New York?”</p>
<p>“Great,” Jack replied.  “All over a little too quickly though.”</p>
<p>“Are you telling me that you’re not overjoyed to be back in Capeside?” Pacey teased, heading over to the bar and gesturing for Jack to follow.</p>
<p>“How is it even possible that things seem simpler in New York?”</p>
<p>Pacey smiled knowingly.  “Beer?”</p>
<p>“No, thank you,” Jack shook his head.  “Coffee would be good if you have any on the go.”</p>
<p>“Always,” Pacey nodded, pouring Jack a cup from the pot behind him.  “In need of the caffeine?”</p>
<p>“Did they teach you the full range of leading questions when you bought this place?”</p>
<p>“Who is ‘they’?  You make it sound like a cult,” Pacey smiled.  “Should I try another of my ‘leading questions’ to get you to talk?  That’s clearly why you’re here.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I just want to see my friend,” Jack reasoned.</p>
<p>“That goes without saying,” Pacey joked, leaning against the bar.  “I’m assuming your visit is linked to my phonecall yesterday.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to praise you for that one – it’s pretty obvious.”</p>
<p>“How can I help?”</p>
<p>Jack looked at his friend, his eyes narrowed slightly, wondering what was going on.  He was getting the same vibes from Pacey as he had from Doug and he could not quite put his finger on it.  “What is going on, Pacey?” he asked.  “And don’t tell me nothing because I know I’m missing something here.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Pacey asked; worried how he was supposed to answer Jack’s questions in light of Doug’s Thanksgiving revelation.</p>
<p>“Something doesn’t add up.  Why are your parents inviting me for dinner when only a few days ago I wasn’t welcome?” </p>
<p>Pacey glanced down at his hands for a moment too long and he knew Jack noticed.</p>
<p>“Pacey, please, why do I get the feeling everyone knows something that I don’t?”</p>
<p>“Jack, nothing is going on.  Why are you trying to make sense of the actions of crazy people?” Pacey asked, hoping Jack would accept his response.  He had told Doug that he would not lie to Jack and he had meant it, but it did not mean that he would enjoy telling Jack the truth.  He accepted that Doug had backed himself into a corner and the only way to free himself would have been to cause Jack hurt – but that did not mean Pacey condoned his lies.</p>
<p>“Have I done something wrong?” Jack asked quietly.</p>
<p>Just like that Pacey watched his friend morph into the teenage version of himself – anxious and lacking confidence.  Pacey closed his eyes for a second before pulling back from the bar.  “I really think you’re asking the wrong person these questions.”</p>
<p>“I have done something, haven’t I?” Jack shook his head.</p>
<p>“No,” Pacey said quickly, “Absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“So what is it?”  </p>
<p>“I said I wouldn’t do this,” Pacey muttered, mostly to himself but Jack still heard.</p>
<p>“Do what?” Jack asked.  “Pacey, what is going on?”</p>
<p>“Jack, I am going to tell you the truth because you deserve it, and lord knows my brother isn’t going to give it to you, but please could you keep in mind that I am only the messenger, and I too only learnt about this very recently.”</p>
<p>“What are you taking about?”</p>
<p>Pacey groaned, really wishing his brother had been less of a coward.  “The reason that it doesn’t make sense that my parents are inviting you for dinner this week when they didn’t want you there last week is because one of those facts are not indeed fact and instead a complete fabrication created by my brother for reasons I still haven’t quite got to the bottom of.”</p>
<p>Jack looked at Pacey; slightly confused, wishing for once that Pacey would just give a simple answer.  “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I mean, Jackers,” Pacey said, shaking his head softly, “My parents invited you for Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p>“What?” Jack said.  “No, that can’t be right.  I asked Doug and he said…” Jack thought about it and realised that his response had been ambiguous.  He had just taken from it what he wanted to hear.  </p>
<p>Pacey watched his friend’s face as the truth dawned on him.  “I’m sorry, Jack.  I only found out at Thanksgiving dinner myself.  My mom even bought some weird vegan turkey that is likely to sit in their freezer until the end of time because she was worried that you had some special dietary needs.  So please don’t hold this against them – for the first time ever my parents were actually doing the right thing.”</p>
<p>“I guess that makes more sense,” Jack said softly, clearing his throat, “and makes me a complete idiot.”</p>
<p>“No, it doesn’t.  Jack, I believed him too.  He spun me the same story and I was too ready to believe my parents were the issue.”</p>
<p>“They must think I’m really rude,” Jack suddenly said, feeling mortified.  “They must think I completely ignored their invitation – I didn’t thank them or anything.”</p>
<p>“If it makes you feel any better I think my dad figured out what was going on somewhere in the middle of the argument Doug and I had.  My mom was completely oblivious to it all, but she’s not wired like that anyway.  She wouldn’t have thought anything of it.”</p>
<p>“So it was Doug that didn’t want me there,” Jack said quietly, as though the reality was still hitting him.  </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Jack.”</p>
<p>“No, don’t apologise.  I’m the one that should be apologising.  You shouldn’t have been put in the middle of whatever this is,” he said shaking his head.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure it’s not your place to apologise either.”</p>
<p>Jack stood up from his bar stool.  “I should get going.  Thank you for telling me, Pacey.  I’m sorry it fell on you to do it.”</p>
<p>“Jack, why don’t you stay and have a drink?  I can make us some dinner – you can tell me all about how big Amy is getting.”</p>
<p>“Maybe another time,” Jack said, already walking away.  “I’ll call you in the week.”</p>
<p>“Jack,” Pacey called after him.  “For what he’s worth he knows he messed up.”</p>
<p>“You can say that again,” Jack mumbled, walking out into the cold air.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</p>
</div>“Jen, I don’t know what to do,” Jack sighed, sinking back into his couch.  “I don’t want to have an argument but I feel that’s what will happen if I say anything.  I wouldn’t even know what to say.  I don’t even really know how I feel – I’m angry, I’m upset, I’m completely confused.”<p>“You don’t have to do anything right away,” Jen said, surprised by Jack’s news.  “Just sleep on it tonight.  See how you feel in the morning.”</p>
<p>“I feel like a complete idiot.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Jen asked, “There’s no reason for you to feel like that.”</p>
<p>“I knew something wasn’t quite right but still I believed him.  Not because it felt right but because it was what I wanted to hear.”</p>
<p>“I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself,” Jen replied.  “You believed what he said because you trust him.”</p>
<p>Jack did not say anything; just thinking about Jen’s words.  He did trust him, which in itself took him by surprise.  There were not many people he could say that about – especially not ones he had only properly known for a few months.  His trust had been unquestioning.  </p>
<p>“And you should trust him,” Jen added, knowing exactly what was going through Jack’s mind.  “It sounds like he panicked and made a stupid decision which he struggled to get out of.  Yes, he lied to you, and no, of course that’s not okay – but what was the alternative?  If he had told you over the phone on Thanksgiving that he didn’t want to spend the day with you I would be far more annoyed.  And really, he did want to spend the day with you – that wasn’t a lie.  He just didn’t want you to go to his family dinner.”</p>
<p>“So what has changed?” Jack asked.  “That’s what it keeps coming back to.”</p>
<p>“I think only he can answer that question.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, if he decides to tell the truth,” Jack said scathingly.</p>
<p>“Jack, it’s okay to be angry.  You don’t have to pretend you’re not just to avoid an argument.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be angry.  It’s not going to get us anywhere.”</p>
<p>“Maybe he needs to know that you’re angry,” Jen reasoned.</p>
<p>“What if we have an argument and he decides this is all just too complicated?”</p>
<p>“Jack…”</p>
<p>“No, I’m serious.  He’s clearly not as comfortable with everything as he’s been making out,” Jack said sadly.  “Who would want to go through the hassle of introducing their boyfriend to their parents if they not even sure things are going to work?”</p>
<p>“But he does want you to meet his parents.”</p>
<p>“And this is exactly why I can’t talk to him about this.  I can’t even get it straight in my head.”</p>
<p>“So take some time.  Think about it.  Don’t think about it – whatever works,” she said, wishing she could do more to help him make sense of it all.  “But I honestly don’t think you need to worry about what this is all means.  He loves you.”</p>
<p>“I hope you’re right.”</p>
<p>“I’m certain of it,” she reassured.  “He just panicked.  He dealt with it badly, but I think he knows that.”</p>
<p>Jack sighed, rubbing his hand over the bridge of his nose.  “I hate it when you make sense.”</p>
<p>“You love it really,” she smiled</p>
<p>“I’m just glad Amy will have the benefit of your advice growing up. I would be utterly useless.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true,” Jen said, trying to hide her sadness.  “None of us ever really know how to deal with our own problems.  We all make mistakes and make decisions that come back to bite us.  That’s why we have each other to help and hopefully keep us from making mistakes, or at very least help right those we’ve already made.”</p>
<p>“It’s been a bit of a one way street recently,” Jack commented.  “I’m starting to think you don’t need me anymore.”</p>
<p>“You have to be kidding.  Knowing you are always there for me is pretty much all that has kept me going through these last few months.  You are my safe place – you always will be.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I should have stayed in New York for a couple more days,” Jack thought out loud.</p>
<p>“Regret is a pointless emotion,” Jen replied.  “It won’t change anything and it won’t make you feel better.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I should have gone on a date with Max,” Jack laughed, in no way being serious.</p>
<p>“Who is Max?”</p>
<p>“Long story.”</p>
<p>“I have time,” Jen laughed.  “I need the gossip.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug had sent a text message first thing just to say good morning and wish Jack a good day at work.  Jack almost did not respond but realised the only thing more pointless than ignoring someone was to ignore someone that did not even know they were being ignored.  He managed to find time to respond a few moments before his first class filed into the room, looking about as happy as he felt to be back at school after the extended weekend.  He kept his message short and to the point – not entering into any conversation beyond offering a ‘good morning’ in return.<p>He still was not sure how he felt about everything.  Definitely better having spoken to Jen, but as the night had gone on and he found himself alone in bed with just the darkness and his thoughts he again started to feel more frustrated.  He tried to tell himself that it was not about him, that this was about Doug working through his issues with his family and being more public about their relationship but by the time he had been lying awake for hours he decided that there was no way to look at it without it being personal – even if only abstractly.  It made Jack question everything.  Was the fact that Doug was gay the secret, or was he the secret?  Before he did not see the difference between the two but now the difference was blinding.  Did Doug not want to take a man home for Thanksgiving or did he not want to take Jack?  It made a difference.  Maybe one that other people would not notice but suddenly it was all Jack could see.</p>
<p>Did Doug text him because picking up the phone would mean risking someone overhearing?  Did Doug really enjoy having Jack all to himself during their evenings at home or was that a convenient excuse so he could stay hidden?  Did he not want to be seen in public in case someone worked out his secret or did he just not want to be seen with Jack?  Jack knew that if he was forced to explain the difference that he would struggle, but he knew there was a difference – in how it made him feel if nothing else.</p>
<p>Jack had decided to stay in his classroom during his free period and during lunchtime.  He was not in the mood to see anyone.  He had hoped that if he got on with some work that maybe the day would pass more quickly.  Doug had text again during his morning break.  Doug knew his schedule well enough to know when break times were and Jack knew that he had deliberately text then in the hope of getting a response.  But the more Jack read the message the less sure he was that it required a response, so he left it. </p>
<p>When his phone had started ringing during his lunch break it had made him jump – he had been so lost in his lesson plans that he had momentarily forgotten about everything else.  He decided to let it go to voicemail, hoping Doug would hang up rather than leaving a message.  He was not ready to talk to him – he was still worried what he might say.  He opened his desk drawer and shut his phone inside, not wanting the distraction or the temptation, and it almost worked because he did not think to get it back out until the end of the day.</p>
<p>He walked around his classroom collecting the books that were left on each of the desks.  Usually he would get the students to bring them back to the front on the way out but he was looking for anything to keep him busy and prolong the school day – he wanted to remain Mr. McPhee for a while longer before becoming Jack again.  He heard his phone vibrate against his desk and let out an involuntary groan.</p>
<p>He picked it up and read the message from Doug – ‘Fancy dinner tonight?’  Jack dropped his phone back down without responding.  He did want to have dinner with Doug.  He wanted to rewind 24 hours and have dinner without knowing what he now knew.  He wanted to still be the version of himself that believed everything Doug told him during their Thanksgiving call – the one that had made him smile and feel even closer to Doug than he had before.  He had felt as though Doug was opening up and letting him in more, but now he knew that was not the case.  If even one part of the conversation was pretend then the whole things may as well have been.</p>
<p>Getting annoyed with himself, Jack picked up one of the books he had piled on his desk and threw it hard against the wall.  He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned.  Throwing the book was not as satisfying as he wanted it to be.</p>
<p>“If I stay will the next one be aimed at me?”</p>
<p>Jack spun around quickly to see James just inside the doorway.  He screwed his face up and shook his head, embarrassed to have been caught.  “Have I just lost my bonus?” he tried to joke, not quite achieving the tone he was going for.</p>
<p>“I’m sure I can still arrange something,” he smiled warmly, “Minus the cost of one book.”</p>
<p>“Sorry about that,” Jack replied, picking it up from the floor.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me which student you were imagining throwing that at?”</p>
<p>Jack laughed, moving round to behind his desk.  “The students are safe.”</p>
<p>“How was Thanksgiving?” James asked, sitting down before being invited.</p>
<p>“Good, thank you,” Jack replied, also sitting down.  </p>
<p>“How’s Amy?” </p>
<p>“Perfect,” Jack smiled.  “Getting bigger by the day.”</p>
<p>“They do that,” James laughed, “and then before you know it they’re teenagers and you wonder where all the time went.”</p>
<p>“How are things at home?  Have the girls got over the novelty of having their cousin around?”</p>
<p>“Let’s just say that I’m considering moving in with Max’s ex in Boston just to get away from the noise,” he joked, making Jack laugh.  “It’s getting a little better.”</p>
<p>Jack looked back at James for a moment, wondering why he was sat in his classroom when he should be leaving for the evening, and then he got a sinking feeling that he had forgotten something.  “Why do I have this awful feeling that I’m supposed to know why you’re sat here right now?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“I knew you’d forgotten,” James smiled.  “Supervision meeting?”</p>
<p> “Of course,” Jack said apologetically.  “Sorry – I’m not sure where my mind is,” he lied, knowing exactly where it was.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it,” James replied.  “Does now still work for you – we can reschedule if you like?”</p>
<p>“No, actually now is good.”</p>
<p>“How about we get out of here?” James suggested. “Go get a coffee or something.  I think we would both benefit from getting out of these four walls.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jack said, beginning to pack up.  “I just need a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Great, I just need to lock up my office.  How about we meet at the Icehouse?”</p>
<p>Jack could not think of an excuse to avoid the Icehouse fast enough so he ended up nodding in agreement.  “See you there.”</p>
<p>He carried on packing up as James left, throwing some papers into his bag and the rest into his desk drawer.  He picked up his phone and pushed it into his pocket as he stood from his desk.  Having a change of heart he pulled it back out and reread Doug’s last message.</p>
<p>He quickly typed a response and clicked send but before putting it away again – ‘Can’t tonight.  Sorry.’</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug was sat at the bar watching Pacey replace one of the spirit bottles when Jack’s text came through.  He could not recall Jack mentioning having anything on after school but figured he must have forgotten, or maybe something had come up last minute.  Still, something about the message seemed unlike Jack.  It felt cold, no attempt at an explanation or suggestion that he would call later when he had the chance.  He tried to shrug it off; telling himself he had probably been in a hurry to respond.<p>He read it a few more times while Pacey continued to fiddle.  The three words going around his head until he could no longer resist asking.  “Do you know what Jack’s doing tonight?”</p>
<p>Pacey looked over his shoulder at his brother.  “How would I know?”  </p>
<p>In the ten minutes or so that Doug had been sat at the bar the subject of Jack had not come up; mostly because Pacey had been deliberately keeping himself busy.  He had no idea if Jack had spoken to Doug about their conversation the previous evening, but he guessed that he probably had not due to the fact Doug did not seem to want to rip his head off.  He was hoping to keep avoiding the subject, not wanting to be the one to tell Doug that he had told Jack the truth.</p>
<p>“Have you heard from him today?” Doug asked.</p>
<p>“Doug, you are starting to sound like a teenager with a crush rather than an adult in a relationship,” Pacey replied.  “He’s probably busy with work stuff,” he added assuming Doug had not heard from him either.</p>
<p>Hearing the door open, Pacey looked up from what he was doing just in time to see Jack walk through the door, followed closely by James.  He saw the moment Jack spotted Doug sat at the bar and was pretty sure he saw him curse under his breath.  “Don’t look now, but I think the answer to your questions just walked in.”</p>
<p>Doug turned around to see what Pacey was talking about, his eyes meeting Jack’s almost instantly, trying to swallow the hurt when Jack quickly looked away.</p>
<p>Jack was not sure what to do.  Not sure if he should he go over to the bar – it would seem strange not to.  He paused momentarily to look around for a table, wondering if he should encourage James to sit down first but in the moment that he had stopped to think, James had already moved in front of him, trying to get further into the warm, and was already heading towards Pacey, and therefore Doug too.</p>
<p>Jack took a deep breath before following James, making sure that when he reached the bar he stood with James between himself and Doug.  Both the Witters noticed.</p>
<p>“Evening,” Pacey smiled, wondering if James could also sense the tension.  </p>
<p>“Evening,” James replied.  “Sheriff,” he said, nodding in Doug’s direction.</p>
<p>“Please, just call me Doug,” he shook his head.  His eyes moved to the other man who seemed to be doing his absolute best to remain looking straight ahead.  “Evening, Jack.”</p>
<p>“Hi,” Jack said, managing to actually sound quite friendly.</p>
<p>“So is this an ‘extension of work’ or a ‘drowning of your sorrows’ kind of visit?”</p>
<p>“The former,” James answered.  “I needed to get Jack out of the building before he caused any more damage to school property.”</p>
<p>Jack shook his head but managed a smile.  </p>
<p>“One more act of vandalism and I was going to have to call you, Doug, to cart him off in handcuffs,” James joked, looking over at Doug.</p>
<p>Just like that Jack’s smile was gone; his teeth tightly clenched together.  Pacey was laughing though.</p>
<p>Doug made a polite attempt at seeing the funny side, though he was certainly intrigued.  “Vandalism, huh?” was all he was able to say.</p>
<p>“So what can I get for you?” Pacey asked, seeing how uncomfortable Jack looked and as the only one fully clued in on what was going on with him, he felt it was his duty to defuse the situation.</p>
<p>“I think we need a couple of beers,” James said, looking at Jack for approval which he got in the form of a slow nod.</p>
<p>“I can do that,” Pacey said, turning to the refrigerator behind him.</p>
<p>“Did you both have a good Thanksgiving?” James asked.</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you.  You?” Doug responded, still aware that Jack was struggling to look at him for more than a second.  He wondering what on earth was going on. As he looked over at his brother, who clearly also noticed Jack’s behaviour but did not look surprised, Doug suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and knew what was going on.</p>
<p>Pacey felt his brother’s eyes on him and knew that you did not make it all the way to being Sheriff without being able to read a room.  “Here you go,” he smiled, handing Jack and James their drinks.</p>
<p>James pulled a note out of his wallet and slid it towards Pacey only to have it returned to him.</p>
<p>“Jackers doesn’t pay for drinks here – I still owe him for all the hours he put in over the summer, and if you’re here for work then the same extends to you.”</p>
<p>“That’s very kind of you – but Jackers?” James asked, looking at his colleague who was in turn looking at his friend with an unimpressed expression.  “Is there a story behind the name?”</p>
<p>“It came from an ex-girlfriend, right?” Pacey continued before Jack had a chance to nip it in the bud.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Pacey,” Jack said sarcastically.</p>
<p>“I just felt like James could do with a laugh.”</p>
<p>“If you’d like a laugh,” Jack said towards James, “I suggest looking up Pacey’s school file.”</p>
<p>Doug could not help but laugh, enjoying someone having fun at his brother’s expense.</p>
<p>“I may well do that,” James smiled.</p>
<p>“Jack’s should also be pretty interesting,” Pacey joked.</p>
<p>“Oh, I know,” James nodded.  “I’ve already looked that one up.”</p>
<p>Jack shrugged, picking up his beer.  “I have nothing to hide.”  He looked around for somewhere quiet to sit.  “Anyway, we have work to do.  I’ll catch you both later.”</p>
<p>“Bye,” both Doug and Pacey said together, Doug slightly heartened by Jack’s use of the word ‘both’.  He kept his eyes on Jack as he walked away, purposely choosing a table that was just out of sight.</p>
<p>Doug’s eyes went back to Pacey.  “What did you do?”</p>
<p>“What did <i>I</i> do?” Pacey asked.  “Don’t try and turn this around on me.”</p>
<p>“You said you wouldn’t say anything.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe that’s quite true,” Pacey argued.  “I said I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell him the truth.”</p>
<p>“And you expect me to believe that he came to you asking?”</p>
<p>“Worse,” Pacey said quietly, moving closer to Doug – partly because he did not want anyone overhearing but mostly to make his brother clear about how annoyed he was.  “He came here asking me if he had done something wrong.  He couldn’t work out why Mom and Dad had not wanted him to come to Thanksgiving but are pushing for this week.  He had pretty much worked it all out but was more willing to accept that he was the problem rather than the fact you had lied.”</p>
<p>“When?” was all Doug could say, feeling awful.  He had not meant for everything to turn out like this.</p>
<p>“Last night,” Pacey replied.</p>
<p>“Was he angry?”</p>
<p>“No,” Pacey shook his head.  “He just looked really hurt.”</p>
<p>Doug put his head in his hands; elbows on the edge of the bar.  “I’ve really messed this up.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations – you’re back up to speed.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“Do you not think it’s going to be too cold to have the Christmas Celebration outside?” Jack asked.  “What if it rains?”<p>“I’m not sure we have a huge amount of choice.  We have the auditorium but there’s no way that will give us enough space.”</p>
<p>“How many people are expected to come?”</p>
<p>“It’s open to the whole community so potentially high numbers.  It’s become a bit of a tradition in recent years.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jack sighed, “I guess we really do have little choice then.  Better hope it doesn’t rain.”</p>
<p>“Most of the sponsors are also running stalls and can mostly sort themselves out.  We just need to allocate them a space.  Catering and refreshments are pretty much sorted.  We just need to put the finishing touches on entertainment and making everything look festive.  That’s where you come in.”</p>
<p>“In my opinion nothing says ‘festive’ like an empty auditorium,” Jack smiled.</p>
<p>“Please don’t make me fire you at Christmas,” James Joked.</p>
<p>“You need me.”</p>
<p>“True, but I’ll happily throw a few books at you,” he said in reference to Jack’s earlier action.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” James smiled.  “It’s forgotten.  I just wondered if you wanted to tell me what go you so wound up?”</p>
<p>“It’s complicated.”</p>
<p>James nodded knowingly.  “Right.  I know what that means.”</p>
<p>“It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care about the book – you know that.  But if something is bothering you I’m always happy to listen.  Even if it is ‘complicated’.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>James began packing up his things.  “I think that’s enough for one evening,” he said looking down at his watch.  “If I’m lucky I’ve missed dinner time.  I swear my wife is still trying to use up leftover Turkey.”</p>
<p>“Good luck with that,” Jack laughed, also packing up.</p>
<p>“Are you heading straight off?”</p>
<p>“I’ll probably hang back.  See if Pacey takes the hint and feeds me.”</p>
<p>“He’s a good guy,” James said.  “Bet he was a nightmare student.”</p>
<p>“Correct on both counts.”</p>
<p>James stood up, putting the last of his papers into his bag.  “I may be about to over step the boundary here, but I feel we know each other well enough now, so I’m going to say to you the same thing I said to Max not that long ago.  I understand that sometimes things can be ‘complicated’, but you’re a nice guy, Jack – I would hate to think that was being taken advantage of.”</p>
<p>Jack’s eyes grazed the table, wishing he could explain everything.  “It’s not like that, but I appreciate the sentiment.” </p>
<p>“Okay.  Good,” James said, pulling his jacket on.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Have a good evening,” Jack replied before James walked away, leaving him in a sea of papers and notes.</p>
<p>He heard James and Pacey exchanging farewells and was about to head back to the bar himself when he also heard Doug’s voice.  Butterflies erupted in his stomach.  How could he want to avoid someone and be near to them at the same time?  He suddenly wished he had left with James.</p>
<p>He quickly pulled together his papers and stuffed them haphazardly into his bag, knowing the longer he was sat there alone the more compelled Doug would be to come over.  He had not been avoiding the impending conversation all day just to have it in public.  He stood quickly, grabbing his jacket, not even stopping to put it on.  He walked quickly round the corner, aware both Pacey and Doug had eyes on him.</p>
<p>“Night,” he called in the general direction of the bar, raising a hand in a weak attempt at a wave.</p>
<p>“Are you not staying for something to eat?” Pacey called after him.</p>
<p>“Not tonight, Pace,” he replied, hand already on the door, pushing it open, feeling the cold hit him.  “Thanks for the drink,” he called over his shoulder as he disappeared.</p>
<p>The Witter brothers stared at each other stunned – both expecting Jack to hang around a little longer, even if he was not in the mood to talk.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Pacey asked, looking at his brother still sat on the stool.  “You have thirty seconds max before he gets to his car.  Go after him.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Doug said, not feeling as sure as Pacey looked.</p>
<p>“Go!” </p>
<p>Something in the way Pacey said it made Doug spring into action, grabbing his jacket and quickly following in the direction Jack had disappeared.  </p>
<p>“Idiot,” Pacey shook his head, going back to wiping down the menus in front of him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>“Jack, wait,” Doug called, not before checking no one else was in earshot.<p>“Not now, Doug,” Jack replied, unlocking his car and opening the door.</p>
<p>“Please, just hear me out.”</p>
<p>Jack looked up to see Doug stood on the other side of the car.  “It’s funny you should say that because I thought I already had.”</p>
<p>“Just come back inside and we can talk.”</p>
<p>“You know I can’t do that – someone could see us together and call the news paper or worse still, your parents.”</p>
<p>“Jack, please,” Doug said softly.  “Let me explain.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to explain,” Jack said, sounding exhausted.  “I don’t want to think about this anymore and try and figure out what it means.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t mean anything,” Doug tried to reason.  “I had a moment of panic and it all just felt too much.”</p>
<p>“And I get that,” Jack said, shaking his head.  “And if you had talked to me about it maybe I would have agreed with you.  Maybe you would have realised that the whole thing made me feel nervous too.”</p>
<p>“I should have…”</p>
<p>“But instead you lied.  And not only that, you tried to pass off that lie as being loving and sincere and I fell for it.”</p>
<p>“You make it sound like I was trying to trick you,” Doug said, feeling slightly hurt.</p>
<p>“Doug, I have absolutely no idea what your intentions are.”  Jack threw his bag onto the passenger seat.  “Believe it or not, I don’t want to argue about this.”</p>
<p>“Neither do I,” Doug agreed, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it.”</p>
<p>“I’m too angry to talk to you right now.”</p>
<p>“Be angry at me then – I deserve it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not angry with you,” Jack said shaking his head and climbing into his car.  “I’m angry with myself.”</p>
<p>Doug watched as Jack closed his door and started up the engine.  Part of him wanted to pull the passenger door open and jump in, stopping Jack from driving away, but he stayed still, eyes surveying the area for witnesses to their conversation.  He half expected Jack to change his mind – to get back out of the car and come back inside, so when he heard the tyres move against the gravel he felt sick to his stomach, the feeling only intensifying as he watched him drive away.</p>
<p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Dinner Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He knew it was risky.  He had told himself as much a hundred times as he had been driving around Capeside trying to pluck up the courage.  He tried to work out if it was the kind of risky that would ultimately pay off or if it would completely backfire. He could not be sure.  All he knew was that he could not let another night go by with Jack getting lost in his thoughts – unable to get answers to his questions and fears.</p>
<p>After all, Doug had already taken risks to get to this point.  It had been risky to tell Jack how he felt.  It had been risky to kiss him that first time, not knowing what would happen.  He knew he was in the wrong.  He needed Jack to know that.  He needed to explain himself.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>By the time Jack had got home he was already feeling calmer.  The last thing he wanted to do was have an argument in a parking lot.  He did not want to be angry.  He did not want to be upset.  He just needed some space.<p>He let himself into his house, turning on only the hallway light and headed to the kitchen.  He went through the motions of making himself something to eat, working just in the light of the refrigerator.  He sat down in front of his dinner for all of ten seconds before deciding he was not in the mood to eat.  Leaving it sat on the counter he headed upstairs in favour of an early night.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Doug pulled up outside Jack’s house.  He saw Jack’s car parked outside and could see lights on inside – glad that Jack had come straight home.  Not that he could think of anywhere else he would have gone.  He turned off the engine and climbed out of his car, walking quickly to the front door.  He knocked lightly, listening to hear if Jack was coming to answer the door.<p>He knocked once again and waited.  After a few minutes he accepted that Jack was not coming – unsure if he was ignoring him or simply had not heard his knocking.  He paused for a moment wondering if his next move would be the huge mistake he feared it was – taking his keys out of his pocket and letting himself into Jack’s house.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Jack turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist.  He was beginning to fear that he had overreacted, wishing that Doug had just let him walk away rather than cornering him the way he did.  He was beginning to wonder if the fact that Doug had lied to him was even really the issue.  More and more his thoughts were coming back to wondering if maybe Doug was not quite as into the relationship as he was.  Maybe he had misread everything.<p>He dried off his hair and walked out into his bedroom, moving over to his dresser to grab a t-shirt and pair of shorts.</p>
<p>“Stop now,” he muttered to himself.  There was no point thinking about it.  He decided to take a mental night off and vowed to call Doug tomorrow when he had the chance.  Tonight he just wanted to settle in bed with an audio book and exist in a different world for a while.</p>
<p>He retrieved his headphones from the drawer, linking them to his phone before slipping them into his ears, continuing to get dressed.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Doug moved down the hallway into the living area.  The lights were off and there was no sign of Jack anywhere.  He spotted Jack’s untouched dinner on the counter and wondered if he was planning to come back for it.  Looking back behind him he could see lights coming from the landing upstairs but could not hear any movement.<p>“Jack?” he called softly, not wanting to startle him.</p>
<p>Not receiving a response he was unsure what to do, but realising he was already pretty deep into this he decided to climb the stairs, urged on by the light of Jack’s bedroom.  As he reached the top he softly called Jack’s name once again – still receiving no response.</p>
<p>Against everything that seemed sane and reasonable, against every instinct he had – personally and professionally, he carried on moving, wondering what it was about Jack that made his act so out of character.  He probably would have laughed if he had not been holding his breath.</p>
<p>It was only as he turned to be standing in the bedroom doorway that he spotted Jack – resting back against a pile of pillows, eyes shut and headphones in.  He could smell the scent of Jack’s shower gel, realising why Jack had not heard him knocking.  He froze for a moment, taking in the sight before him, knowing he needed to make a decision pretty quickly before this became far creepier than he had intended it to be.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Jack took a deep breath, drifting deeper into relaxation, wondering how much longer he would be able to listen to the words washing over him without falling sleep.  This was exactly what he needed, switching off from everything apart from the story running through his head like a movie.<p>Eyes still closed he had a sudden feeling of movement within the room, as though something had disturbed the air around him.  He was almost able to convince himself that he was imagining it when he felt it again.  As his eyes shot open he spotted the figure in his doorway.  He felt his heart stop for a fraction of a second before he shot up in bed, terror pulsing through him.  He had no idea if he made a noise or if the shriek had been purely internal.</p>
<p>It only took a moment to realise it was Doug but his body was already pulsing with adrenaline   “Jesus, what are you doing?!” he shouted, partly due to panic and partly because his audio book was still playing in his ears.  </p>
<p>Doug had his hands up in front of him, already apologising before Jack had even said anything.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Are you trying to kill me?” Jack said, hand on his chest, falling back into his pillows, trying to steady his breathing.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.  I tried to get your attention,” Doug explained, moving closer, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Jack and removing his headphones so he was sure Jack could hear him.</p>
<p>“I’m confiscating your key,” Jack said, unable to control his laughter.  “Jesus, I’m never going to be able to sleep again.”</p>
<p>Doug felt his tension wash away with the sound of Jack’s laugh, even though he knew it was a result of his shock.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly, “And not just about scaring you.”     </p>
<p>Jack looked back at Doug and after a few seconds offered a weak smile.  He wanted to tell him that everything was okay but that was the best he could manage.</p>
<p>Doug took hold of his hand.  “It was never about not wanting to be with you, or even being embarrassed or ashamed to introduce you to my family,” Doug explained sincerely, hoping Jack would believe him.  “If anything it was the complete opposite.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Jack asked, sitting up slightly.</p>
<p>“I like what we have.  I like closing the world out and not having to share you.  And my family – I mean, you’ve met them,” he said, rolling his eyes.  “They have this ability to completely take over.  From the moment you walk through the door that will be it – there’s no getting away from them.”</p>
<p>“Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Jack asked, though his tone was kind.</p>
<p>“Jack, I know they are going to love you.  I know that one dinner with you they won’t care that I’ve brought home a man.  I just got scared that maybe they would be too much for you.  That you’d spend one day with them and realise…” he trailed off, not sure how to finish this thought.</p>
<p>“Realise what?  That you’re a Witter?” Jack laughed.   “That your mom is loud and overbearing, your dad has not a single politically correct bone in his body, and your brother is a smart-ass?  You think I don’t already know that?”</p>
<p>“I just didn’t want to inflict that on you.”</p>
<p>“Did you consider, even for a second, that I would be okay with that?  Maybe even like it?  I mean, I don’t know if you noticed, Doug, but the only people that invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them aren’t related to me.  Even James invited me out of pity.  My own father didn’t call.  It doesn’t matter to me that your family are a bit ‘out there’ – the fact that you were all there together says so much more about who you all are.”</p>
<p>Doug closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, feeling like a complete idiot.  Jack fit so well into the family he had created for himself with Jen that it was easy to forget about his actual family – a group of people that Doug knew virtually nothing about.  “Like I’ve confessed a few times now – I’m an idiot.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Jack nodded.  “You are.  But I still love you.”</p>
<p>“So we’re okay?” Doug asked, making himself a little more comfortable on the bed.</p>
<p>Jack smiled.  “You are.  I may still be on the brink of a heart attack.”</p>
<p>“Sorry about that.”</p>
<p>“You know you’re going to have to stay over tonight.  Just in case I have nightmares about shadowy figures in the doorway.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure I can do that,” Doug smiled, “On one condition.”</p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p>“You tell me about today’s act of vandalism that nearly got you escorted off school grounds in handcuffs.”</p>
<p>Jack rolled his eyes.  “I may have thrown a book at the wall imagining your face at the same time James happened to walk through the door.”</p>
<p>Doug laughed, imagining the scene.  “Is this violent streak something I should watch out for in the future?”  </p>
<p>“You’re probably safe,” Jack shrugged.  “But if you ever see me looking angry and holding a book it may not be a bad idea to duck.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had only just made it to work on time, having forgotten to set his alarm.  He ended up leaving Doug in bed, knowing that he did not need to be in work until later that morning, only waking him just before he had to leave.<p>Even though the night before Doug had inadvertently played out one of Jack’s worst nightmares about living alone, he had been glad that he had not taken no for an answer and decided to come round.  If felt good to finally get to the bottom of what was going on with him.  They talked everything through and Jack had finally agreed to dinner with the Witters.  He had promised to check his schedule for the week so Doug could go back to his mom with options.</p>
<p>However, during the drive to work he decided that maybe he could do one better than that.  When he had a break between lessons he did his own detective work to find the number he was looking for.  Finding it more easily that he had anticipated he dialled it before he could change his mind.  After five rings the phone at the other end was answered.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Mrs Witter?” Jack said, closing the door to his classroom to avoid any eavesdropping.  He could hear the television on in the background.</p>
<p>“Speaking,” she said over the noise.</p>
<p>“Hi, it’s Jack McPhee – I hope you don’t mind me calling.”</p>
<p>There was a slight pause before she spoke again, her voice sounding a mixture of surprised and delighted.  “Jack!  How are you?”</p>
<p>“I’m good, thank you.”  He could not help but laugh.</p>
<p>“One second, Jack,” she said before the line became muffled.  Jack imagined her holding her hand over the mouthpiece.  “John, turn the damn TV down.  Jack is on the phone.”  This was followed but a muffled response from further away and then her voice again.  “Yes, Dougie’s Jack.  Turn the damn thing down.”</p>
<p>“I can call back later if now isn’t a good time,” Jack offered, realising the he had caught her off guard. </p>
<p>“Nonsense,” she replied, her voice now un-muffled.  “It’s lovely to hear from you.  Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes, everything is fine.  I just wanted to apologise for not making it over to see you at Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p>“How very sweet of you,” she replied.</p>
<p>“Doug mentioned that maybe we could visit you one evening this week if that was still okay with you?”</p>
<p>“Of course it is,” she replied quickly.  “We would love that.  I can make dinner.”</p>
<p>“Only if it’s not too much trouble,” Jack smiled – trying to be on the right kind of charming - years of living with Grams paying off.</p>
<p>“No trouble at all.  When were you thinking?”</p>
<p>“Does tomorrow work for you?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Pacey watched as Doug sauntered in as though he had not a single care in the world and guessed that everything with Jack must have got sorted out.  He sat down at one of the tables in the corner and started reading the paper that had been tucked under his arm.  Pacey could not help but smile – only Doug could make happiness irritating.  He picked up a fresh cup and filled it with coffee before heading over, placing it down on the table in front of his brother.<p>He pulled an order pad out from his pocket and stood in front of him, waiting to be acknowledged.  “What can I get for you this morning, Sheriff?” he mocked.</p>
<p>Doug lowered the paper and looked up at his brother.  He used his foot to push out the chair opposite him and nodded for Pacey to sit down.  “I’m sorry for putting you in an impossible position.  It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>“Well that wasn’t in my horoscope this morning,” Pacey joked, sitting down.  “I assume you caught up with Jack then.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but he still drove off,” Doug said flatly.  “So I went to his, scared the crap out of him and finally managed to get him to listen.”</p>
<p>Pacey looked at him as though he was crazy.  “Whatever works for you guys I guess.  I’m glad it’s all sorted.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“Can I get you some breakfast?” he asked looking down at his watch.  “More like bunch?” </p>
<p>“No, I’ve eaten.  Just killing a bit of time before work.”</p>
<p>“Mom has been calling again this morning,” Pacey said, unsure what kind of a reaction that would get from his brother.</p>
<p>“What does she want now?” Doug groaned.</p>
<p>“No idea.  I didn’t answer.  I was working,” Pacey shrugged.  “Has she not been calling you?”</p>
<p>“No,” Doug said simply, pulling his phone out of his pocket to double check.  “She must just want to talk to you,” he grinned.</p>
<p>As if they had summoned the bogeyman Pacey’s phone began to ring again.  He groaned as he answered it.  “Morning Mom.”</p>
<p>“I have called three times already,” she said.  “Why do you and your brother never answer your phones?”</p>
<p>“Did you want Dougie?” Pacey asked.  “He’s sat right here.  I’ll put you on speaker,” he grinned wickedly at his brother.</p>
<p>“Hi Mom,” Doug said, glaring back at Pacey.</p>
<p>“Oh, Douglas, good morning.”</p>
<p>“What’s up, Mom?” Pacey asked.</p>
<p>“I was just calling to invite you for dinner tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“What’s the occasion?” he asked.  “Has someone died?  Have I been left money in a will?”</p>
<p>“Pacey, we don’t joke about such things,” she scolded.  </p>
<p>“Sorry, Mom.”</p>
<p>“Doug and Jack are coming for dinner.  I just need to know if you’re coming too.”</p>
<p>Pacey and Doug looked at each other, both surprised by their mother’s comment.</p>
<p>“Mom, I told you that I needed to talk to Jack before we make plans,” Doug said, pulling the phone closer to him and speaking in a hushed tone, even though there was no one around to hear or care.</p>
<p>“No need, Douglas.  I have already spoken to Jack and he informs me that you are both free tomorrow night.”</p>
<p>“You called him?” Doug asked, feeling utterly mortified.</p>
<p>“Of course not,” she replied.  “He called me this morning.”</p>
<p>“He did what?” Doug said, more to himself that anyone else.  He looked over to Pacey, trying to figure out if he knew anything about it but he just shrugged, looking equally as puzzled, though slightly more amused.</p>
<p>“The two of you could do with taking a leaf out of Jack’s book.”</p>
<p>“He’s stitched us up,” Pacey joked, looking at his brother.</p>
<p>“Will you be joining us, Pacey?” she asked again.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Pacey laughed.  “Do you need me to bring anything?”</p>
<p>“No, Jack and I have it covered,” she replied.  “I’ll see you both tomorrow at six.”</p>
<p>“Okay, Mom,” Pacey replied.  </p>
<p>“Bye, Mom,” Doug added, still slightly stunned.</p>
<p>“Bye boys,” she said before hanging up the phone.</p>
<p>“Did she just say that she and Jack have it covered?” Doug asked his brother, wondering if he had imagined it.</p>
<p>“That’s Jack for you – full of surprises,” Pacey smiled. </p>
<p>“You can say that again,” Doug replied, still trying to fathom what had happened.  The two brothers looked at each other silently, their Mom’s words filling the air between them, bouncing off of them back and forth until suddenly Doug started to laugh.  “He’s going to make Mom fall in love with him.”</p>
<p>“I think he already has,” Pacey laughed, “Which is only going to end badly for the rest of us.  I don’t know which of the two of them is the worse cook.” </p>
<p>“God help us.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had thought that picking Pacey up on the way to dinner would help calm his nerves but he had been wrong.  Listening to Doug and Pacey chatting – their voice echoing all around him, making him feel dizzy – he felt even more nervous than he had before.  He was aware of Doug’s occasional glances in his direction from the driver’s seat but kept his eyes looking straight ahead, hands tightly gripping the tin resting on his lap.<p>“It’s not too late to turn the car around and go pretty much anywhere else,” Pacey joked from the backseat, receiving a disapproving look from Doug in the rear-view mirror, not wanting him adding to Jack’s nerves.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be fine,” Doug said, trying to sound more cheerful than he actually felt.</p>
<p>“Of course it is,” Jack muttered, unsure who he was trying to convince.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Pacey nodded, “That’s the game we’re playing.  Tonight is going to be great.”</p>
<p>“Dial it back a notch,” Doug muttered.  “You’re not helping.”</p>
<p>“Hey, if things get a little ‘intense’ at any point tonight, you are more than welcome to throw me under the bus.  I have done plenty of stupid things that Mom and Dad still don’t know anything about.”</p>
<p>“Good to know,” Jack smiled as Doug pulled of the road and headed down towards the Witter house.</p>
<p>“Anyone know what poison Mom is cooking up tonight?” Pacey asked, trying to prepare himself.</p>
<p>“Spaghetti and meatballs,” Jack replied with a smile as he looked over his shoulder at his friend.  “Your mom asked what I wanted and I figured it was about time you got the eighteenth birthday meal that you wanted.”</p>
<p>Pacey laughed, surprised that he remembered.  “I’m actually quite touched.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” Jack continued to smile as he turned back around as Doug was pulling to a stop.  “I remember you saying you liked it because it was the only thing she cooked that she didn’t mess up.”</p>
<p>Doug could not help but laugh.  “Smart.”</p>
<p>“I’m all for being dutiful but that doesn’t mean I have a death wish.”</p>
<p>“So that just leaves dessert for us to worry about,” Pacey teased, glancing over at the tin on Jack’s lap.  “Generally speaking the Witters take their sugar intake pretty seriously.  You will likely be judged purely on the contents of that tin.”</p>
<p>“I’m feeling confident,” Jack replied, trying not to let Pacey get to him.</p>
<p>“Doug, please tell me Jack’s confidence is well founded.  What’s in the tin?”</p>
<p>“Sorry, little brother, I cannot help.  I have been under very strict instructions to keep well away from the tin.  I almost ended up in detention when I was caught within arms reach.”</p>
<p>“Could you both please have a little faith?” Jack protested.  “I worked very hard on this.”</p>
<p>“I’m looking forward to it,” Doug smiled.</p>
<p>“I’ll reserve judgement,” Pacey shook his head.  “That’s the best I can commit to.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Jack said, opening his door, waiting for the others to do the same.  “I’ll gladly accept your apology, along with your praise, after you’ve had one of the best desserts of your life.”</p>
<p>“Fighting talk, McPhee,” Pacey laughed, opening the door and climbing out of the car.  </p>
<p>Doug also climbed out of the car and grabbed the ice cream that Jack had allowed him to pick up to go with dessert – not letting him have any involvement with anything else.  He really hoped that it was going to be as good as Jack seemed to think.  Having sampled some of Jack’s culinary offerings he was not quite as confident but vowed he would eat whatever was put in front of him.  </p>
<p>The three men stood shoulder to shoulder on the lawn outside the house, Jack firmly in the middle of the two brothers, both of his hands still tightly holding onto the tin. “This was a huge mistake,” he said, almost to himself.</p>
<p>“They’re going to love you,” Doug comforted.</p>
<p>“If you think about it, you tick all the boxes,” Pacey added.  “You’re a nice guy with a good job, an interest in football, carrying home baked goods, with absolutely zero chance of becoming entangled in a pregnancy scandal concerning one of their kids.” </p>
<p>“As crass at Pacey is, he does make somewhat of a good point,” Doug laughed.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Dougie.”</p>
<p>“You’re very welcome.”</p>
<p>“You two are making my head hurt,” Jack groaned; his eyes fixed on the front door.</p>
<p>“Think of this like a band aid,” Pacey said, looping his arm through Jack’s and starting to walk, practically dragging Jack towards the house.  “It’s best just to rip it straight off.  Faster the better.”</p>
<p>Jack glanced back at Doug, wondering if he was planning to do anything to intervene and seeing him following behind with a smile on his face, he resigned himself to the fact that this was going to happen. </p>
<p>In a matter of seconds Pacey had pulled the front door open and rather unceremoniously pushed Jack inside.  Before he had a chance to get his bearings Doug was by his side, his hand resting on the small of Jack’s back.  He tried to focus on that and only that, rather than the sound of Pacey’s voice bellowing out, announcing their arrival.</p>
<p>“Put a sock in it, Pacey,” Mr Witter said flatly, causing Jack to turn to his right, spotting him sat in his chair in front of the TV – almost as though he had not moved an inch in the six years since he had last stepped foot in the Witter house.  “Evening boys,” he nodded in Jack and Doug’s direction before turning back to the TV.</p>
<p>“Good start,” Doug said quietly, leaning in close to Jack, making him laugh ever so slightly.  </p>
<p>“Is that you?” they heard Mrs. Witter calling from the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mom,” Doug called back.</p>
<p>“Brace for impact,” Pacey joked mere seconds before she appeared in the doorway, quickly making her way in their direction.</p>
<p>“Jack,” she grinned, “So lovely to see you.”  Ignoring that his hands were full she pulled him into a tight embrace.</p>
<p>“You too,” he replied with a smile, wondering how long it would be before she let go.</p>
<p>She pulled away but remained standing close.  “I’m so glad we were able to make this happen.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for inviting me,” Jack said kindly, seeing that she was genuinely happy that he had come.  “This is for you,” he said holding out the tin.</p>
<p>“I told you not to go to any trouble,” she smiled, taking the tin from his hand.  “May I peek?” she asked, cracking the tin open slightly when Jack nodded his approval.  Both Doug and Pacey leaned forward trying to get a glimpse at what now seemed to be a conspiracy between Jack and their mother, but she closed the tin again too quickly.  “Looks amazing.  I suggest everyone leaves plenty of room for dessert.”</p>
<p>“Doug brought ice cream,” Pacey mocked.</p>
<p>“And Pacey brought himself,” Doug added.</p>
<p>Mrs Witter looked at her sons as though she had only just noticed that they were stood there. “Could one of you please take Jack’s coat while I go and fetch some drinks?” she asked.  “Please excuse my sons, Jack – sometimes they completely lose their manners.”</p>
<p>“Would you like some help?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“You make yourself at home,” she replied, while shaking her head, no.  “I will be back in just a few minutes.”</p>
<p>They watched as she returned in the direction of the kitchen, taking Jack’s tin with her.  Smiling, Doug helped Jack off with his coat and hung it over the back of a chair along with his own.  </p>
<p>“Surely that’s the worst bit over,” Pacey smiled, throwing his coat over the same chair. “Bring on dinner.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“So, Jack,” Mrs Witter smiled, “How are you finding it being back in Capeside?”<p>“It’s been an adjustment,” he smiled back, pushing food around his plate.  Thankfully, he did not have much of an appetite because every time he managed to get anything near his mouth he was asked another question.  “After two years in Boston and another four in New York you start to forget quiet really exists.  I’m glad to be back though.”</p>
<p>“I’ve always liked the quiet,” John muttered, not lifting his eyes from his plate.</p>
<p>“Which is unfortunate in this family,” Pacey joked.</p>
<p>“How’s the new house?” Mrs Witter asked, ignoring her husband and son.  “Pacey mentioned that you moved out of his spare room a few weeks ago.”</p>
<p>“It’s great.  There’s still a bit of work to do but it’s coming along nicely.  I really like being by the water.”</p>
<p>“And not living with Pacey,” Doug added with a smile. “It’s a great house; leads straight out onto the beach.”</p>
<p>Jack felt Doug’s knee brush reassuringly against his own.  “It’s slowly beginning to feel like home.”</p>
<p>“How are you finding it now that the winter is really kicking in?” John asked in a typical dad-like fashion.</p>
<p>“It’s not too bad but I’m definitely looking forward to the spring.”</p>
<p>“And work, Jack – how is that?” Mrs Witter asked.</p>
<p>“Busy,” Jack replied, “But good.  I never imagined being back at Capeside High but it seems to be working out.”</p>
<p>“That’s fantastic,” she smiled.  “So no plans to go back to New York?”</p>
<p>“Mom,” Doug said, wondering where her line of questioning was going, unsure if her concern was Jack leaving or the thought of Jack taking Doug with him.</p>
<p>“Let the poor boy eat,” John chimed in.  “He came for dinner not an inquisition.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she apologised, “You’re right.”</p>
<p>There was a moment of quiet and Jack managed a couple of mouthfuls before he noticed Mrs Witter’s burning desire to ask further questions.  She had hardly removed her eyes from him since sitting down at the table, a smile almost permanently plastered on her face.  He was doing his best to ignore if but could not shake the feeling of being an exhibition in a museum or an animal behind glass at the zoo.  Jack had definitely relaxed since first arriving but he still felt a little on edge.  Doug had done a good job of trying to calm him, having barely left his side all evening.  </p>
<p>Jack had also noticed Mr Witter’s occasional looks, as though he was trying to get used to the imagine of his son with another man.  It was nothing Jack was not used to – his own dad had been far worse for a long time.  He was comforted by the fact that he was at least joining in the conversation and it did feel like he was making an effort.  Jack hoped that Doug also recognised that.</p>
<p>Unable to hold it in any longer Mrs Witter spoke again.  “What are your plans for Christmas, Jack?”</p>
<p>That one caught him off guard.  “Oh, I don’t know.  I haven’t really given it much thought,” he replied.</p>
<p>Pacey shook his head at him mockingly from across the table.  </p>
<p>“You should join us!” Mrs Witter said excitedly.</p>
<p>Jack felt the panic surge through him.  He and Doug had not discussed Christmas and after the mess that was Thanksgiving the last thing Jack wanted to do was accept an invitation that had not come directly from Doug.  “That’s very kind of you…” Jack trailed off.</p>
<p>“Mom, it’s probably a bit early to be making plans,” Doug added, saving Jack from having to finish his sentence – hoping Jack took his comment as trying to give him options rather than not wanting him to come for Christmas.  Doug had not even considered his own plans yet but was certain that he wanted them to involve Jack.</p>
<p>“Jack does have a family too,” Pacey added for good measure, trying to emphasise his brother’s intentions.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Mrs Witter said, raising her hands in front of her.  “It was just a suggestion.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate the invitation,” Jack smiled, not wanting her to feel bad.  “As soon as I know what’s happening I will let you know.”</p>
<p>“In future please don’t feel as though you need an invitation.  You’re always welcome,” she smiled warmly.</p>
<p>“What about me and Doug?” Pacey joked.  “Are we always welcome?”</p>
<p>“No, you still need to wait for an invitation,” John replied, a smile visible on his face for the first time all evening.   </p>
<p>“How was dinner?” Mrs Witter asked, noticing that everyone was mostly finished.</p>
<p>“It was great, Mom – thank you,” Doug replied, causing a ripple of lip service to erupt around the table.  </p>
<p>“I hope you aren’t too full for Jack’s homemade brownies,” she asked.</p>
<p>“Brownies?” Pacey smiled, looking suspiciously at his friend.  “I hadn’t pegged you as a chocolate brownie kind of guy.”</p>
<p>“There’s lot you don’t know about me, Pacey,” Jack replied, holding his gaze, almost daring him to say something else – smiling as he backed down.</p>
<p>“Did you manage to catch any of the Thanksgiving Day football?” John asked Jack.</p>
<p>“I caught some of the Jets/Cowboys game,” Jack replied.  “It was not a good day for New York.”</p>
<p>“The Packers/Lions game was a much better watch,” John replied.  “Did you see any of it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Jack shook his head.  “I did not spend the day in a particularly ‘sports friendly’ household.”</p>
<p>“I have it recorded – fancy catching some of it now while Doug and Pacey help their mother clean up?”</p>
<p>Jack looked at Doug for a moment, his eyes wide.  He had not expected Mr Witter to make as much of an effort.  Receiving only a smile from Doug he looked back at Mr Witter, hoping that he had not caught Jack’s fleeting look of panic.  “Sure.  That sounds good.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack was sat in the chair next to Mr Witter, the TV playing the football match from the previous week, volume much higher than necessary.  Jack wondered if the volume had been purposely set high to avoid the temptation to make small talk.  If that were so, Jack was grateful, not knowing what he would say.<p>“He should have caught that,” Mr Witter mutter, almost before the ball had been dropped making Jack wonder how many times he had watched this particular match.  </p>
<p>Jack made a noise in agreement, assuming that was all that was required.  Out the corner of his eye he could just about see Doug and Pacey continuing to clear the table.  He could see them both glancing over towards him, occasionally speaking softly to each other.  At one point the sound of Pacey’s laugh had made Jack jump, making him realise how on edge he was.</p>
<p>“Did you play football in college?” Mr Witter asked, eyes still fixed on the screen.</p>
<p>“After injuring my shoulder in senior year football was off the cards for me,” Jack replied.</p>
<p>“That’s a shame.  If I remember right you were a good player.  I like to catch the home games at the High School – show my support.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know that,” Jack said looking over at the other man for the first time.  </p>
<p>“Do you miss it?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Jack admitted.  “I coached soccer for a little while but it wasn’t the same.”</p>
<p>Mr Witter nodded, making a soft grunting noise in agreement as he continued to watch the game.</p>
<p>They both continued to watch the game unfold in front of them in semi-comfortable silence.  Jack was not a huge fan of watching football on TV – there was often very little to watch.  He much preferred playing but the thought of putting his body through what he had in high school put him off doing much more that tossing a ball back and forth.</p>
<p>“You’re not as chatty as your sister,” Mr Witter said suddenly, a hint of a smile in his voice.</p>
<p>Jack laughed, noticing both Doug and Pacey look over from where they were standing.  “No one is as chatty as my sister,” he replied.  “You remember her, huh?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” Mr Witter laughed.  “I only spoke to her once but I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.  Cheery little thing.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded, “Not much has changed.”</p>
<p>Jack thought that maybe Mr Witter was going to say something else.  He had looked like he wanted to, but after a moment of silence Jack figured that he had read him wrong and returned his gaze to the TV screen.</p>
<p>“I figured,” Mr Witter said quietly, “That if you have even half the impact on Doug as your sister did on Pacey then that would be just great.”</p>
<p>Jack kept his eyes on the TV, knowing that Mr Witter was doing the same.  He was not sure what to say.  He had not expected him to say anything that personal and was not completely sure what to make of it.</p>
<p>“He’s a Witter through and through,” Mr Witter continued.  “Pacey – well he’s more like his mother’s side of the family, same a Gretchen.  Doug though – he’s most definitely a Witter.  You’re going to need to be patient with him.” </p>
<p>“I’m realising that,” Jack nodded, wondering who this man next to him was.  He certainly was not the man that Pacey and Doug had spoken about for years.</p>
<p>“What are you taking about?” Doug asked, walking towards them, perching on the arm of Jack’s chair.</p>
<p>“Football,” Jack smiled up at him, receiving a nod of approval from Mr Witter.</p>
<p>“Mom wants to know if you’re ready for dessert?”</p>
<p>“I’m always ready for dessert,” Jack laughed.</p>
<p>Mr Witter smiled. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack took a spoonful of his dessert and put it in his mouth, pretending to not be intently watching for both Doug and Pacey’s reactions.  He knew his lack of skills in the kitchen was a running joke for the two of them and could not think of a better opportunity to prove to them that he was not completely inept.  Having said that it had taken a couple of trips to the store for supplies, as well as numerous calls to both Jen and Grams for the end result to be what was now in front of everyone.  He had wanted to make a good impression but somewhere along the line it had become more important to him to get Pacey and Doug to concede that something he made was not only edible but also delicious.<p>He watched as the brothers exchanged looks, seemingly impressed by the appearance of Jack’s offering, even before having tasted it.  Getting impatient he put down his spoon and sat back, crossing his arms across his chest, waiting to see which one of them was going to take the first bite.</p>
<p>“You first,” Pacey said to Doug, “Seems only fair.”</p>
<p>Doug scowled at his brother before smiling at Jack.  “Looks great,” he said cautiously before taking a noticeably small spoonful.  Jack watched the smile on his face widen and then flash Pacey a look, “And tastes amazing.”</p>
<p>Trying to figure out if it was a trick Pacey took a tentative mouthful before looking at Jack with a stunned expression.  He groaned reaching into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.  He slid a $20 note across the table towards his brother.  “If I find out you made these I’m taking my money back.”</p>
<p>“Did you two bet on if my brownies were going to be any good?” Jack asked, feigning insult.</p>
<p>“If it makes you feel any better I bet that they would be,” Doug smiled, taking the $20 in his hand.</p>
<p>“That’s not really true though, Doug, is it?” Pacey grinned.  “Your bet was purely that they would be edible.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Pacey,” Doug scowled.</p>
<p>“So you bet that they would be inedible?” Jack asked Pacey.  “I’ll take that,” he said, pulling the money from Doug’s fingers, “as punishment for your lack of faith.  Shame on both of you.”</p>
<p>Mr Witter grunted in approval as Jack pocketed the money.</p>
<p>“Jack, this is absolutely delicious,” Mrs Witter smiled, seemingly oblivious to what had been taking place across the table.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Jack replied graciously, raising his eyebrows with a smile at Pacey sat opposite him.</p>
<p>“I’m hoping there’s more,” Mr Witter said, standing and taking his bowl in the direction of the kitchen.</p>
<p>“I should go help him before he messes up my kitchen,” Mrs Witter sighed, following her husband into the kitchen.  </p>
<p>Jack assumed she probably wanted a word for word run down of what had been said while she was cleaning up from dinner.</p>
<p>“Something is going on here,” Pacey said suspiciously.  “When did you make these?”</p>
<p>“Last night after work,” Jack replied, still eating.</p>
<p>“Just like that – the man who, no word of a lie, has been known to burn pasta, suddenly produced these heavenly brownies?”</p>
<p>“Heavenly?” Jack smiled.  “Thanks, Pacey.”</p>
<p>“Your selective hearing is only further fuelling my suspicions.”</p>
<p>“Pacey, have a little faith,” Doug smiled, giving Jack’s knee a squeeze under the table.  “You’re starting to sound a little disgruntled.”</p>
<p>“Disgruntled? No,” Pacey protested.  “Disbelieving?  Maybe.”</p>
<p>Jack simply smiled, enjoying how irritating Pacey was finding it.</p>
<p>“Where did you get the recipe?” Pacey questioned.</p>
<p>“Family recipe,” Jack replied simply.</p>
<p>“No – definitely not,” Pacey laughed.</p>
<p>“Okay fine, I’m lying,” Jack laughed.  “Have you ever heard of Google?”</p>
<p>Doug could not help but laugh.  “Come on, Pacey, where else do you think they came from?  Just accept he made them.”</p>
<p>“Not without help,” Pacey replied, willing to meet in the middle, expecting Doug to confess to helping.</p>
<p>“Not from me,” Doug said, “I was working last night.”</p>
<p>“Pacey, if you really want to know I had step by step tuition from Grams over the phone.  If you don’t believe me you can call her. Ask her about the hours of her life that she will never get back.”</p>
<p>“I’m still impressed,” Doug smiled.  “And I think Mom and Dad are too.”</p>
<p>“But that’s nothing to do with the brownies,” Pacey smiled.  “You’ve done it, Jackers.  The feat that we never thought possible – you have managed to get both Witter parents on side.”</p>
<p>“Are you saying you doubted my abilities in that too?” Jack joked.</p>
<p>“Never,” Doug answered sincerely.  “I always knew they would love you.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had barely closed the front door before Doug’s arms were around his waist, pulling him closer, his mouth quickly finding Jack’s and kissing him the way he had wanted to all evening, holding him close, not wanting to let him go.<p>“What was that for?” Jack smiled, his mouth still almost touching the other man’s.  </p>
<p>“For being you,” Doug smiled, closing the minute gap between them, kissing Jack again.  His hands moved from Jack’s waist, tracing their way up and down his sides before resting on his hips, thumbs stroking in circular motions.  “You were particularly impressive tonight.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t do anything,” Jack shook his head, savouring the feel of Doug’s hand on him, his face still close enough that he could feel his eyelashes brush Doug’s skin with each blink.</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Doug kissed.  “You didn’t need to do anything other than be yourself.” </p>
<p>“So you’re classing it a success?” </p>
<p>“Are you kidding?  I think if we ever break up my parents will want to cut me loose and keep you,” Doug joked.</p>
<p>“For both of our sakes I guess we need to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Jack smiled, kissing Doug again, not even caring that they had only made it three paces from the front door.  He leaned back against the wall behind him, feeling Doug’s body follow as though they were attached – one man’s movement causing the other’s.</p>
<p>“It’s not going to happen,” Doug said softly, his mouth finding Jack’s neck, smiling as he felt Jack’s body melt under him.</p>
<p>“You seem pretty sure,” Jack smiled, his hand stroking Doug’s hair.</p>
<p>“I won’t let it happen,” he mumbled, words almost unrecognisable against Jack’s skin to the point that Jack was sure he heard it purely as vibrations rather that audible sound.</p>
<p>Doug’s mouth returned to Jack’s, kissing him with ferocity; a huge weight lifted from his shoulders that he had not even realised had been there until he saw how well the evening had gone. </p>
<p>“I’m going to give you another ten seconds before I say the least sexy thing in the world and ruin this moment completely,” Jack said, his mouth still pressed against Doug’s, barely able to get the words out.</p>
<p>“Ten seconds?” Doug mumbled, hands slipping under Jack’s shirt, having been able to find the smallest of gaps to take advantage of.</p>
<p>Jack nodded, not able to find the words he needed as Doug’s mouth returned to his neck.</p>
<p>“I can do a lot with ten seconds,” he smiled, continuing to work on the small patch of flesh on Jack’s neck.</p>
<p>Jack playfully pushed his face away.  “I may work in a high school but I don’t need to be going to work with your territorial stamp on my neck for the world to see.”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Doug said seriously before smiling wickedly, hands moving to the buttons on Jack’s shirt, undoing enough to push it open at the top.  “I’ll find somewhere more private.”  His traced his mouth from Jack’s neck down to his collarbone before continuing his previous assault.  “You can start that ten seconds now.”</p>
<p>Jack groaned, wishing he was not about to say what he knew he had to.  If he had not spent the whole of the previous night stressing about chocolate brownies and then having to the clean up the extraordinary amount of mess he had managed to make this would not have been a problem.   He blamed the brownies for not being able to take hold of Doug’s hand and take him straight to bed.  The way Doug’s mouth felt against him he would not have even cared if they did not make it to the bedroom.</p>
<p>“Ten,” Jack whispered weakly.</p>
<p>“Please tell me you’re counting backwards,” Doug smiled against his skin.</p>
<p>“Afraid not,” Jack sighed.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Doug traced his way back up to Jack’s mouth, kissing him one last time. “Hit me with it.”</p>
<p>Jack screwed up his face, already hating the sound of his words before he had even spoken.  “I have some work I need to finish before bed.”</p>
<p>Doug rested his forehead against Jack’s and let out a groan but smiled with sympathy.  “How long do you need?”</p>
<p>“If I get on with it with no distractions probably only 30 minutes.  45 minutes max.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’d better get on with it then,” Doug smiled, stepping back and taking hold of Jack’s hand, practically dragging him down the hallway, flicking the lights on in the living room as they entered.  “I’m setting an alarm on my phone,” Doug teased, kissing Jack once more before vowing to let him work in peace.</p>
<p>Jack sat down on the couch, pulling some papers out of his work bag that was on the floor next to him.  Sitting back he kicked off his shoes and put his feet up on the coffee table.  Though he was doing his best to concentrate he was aware of Doug picking up his shoes and putting them away more neatly.</p>
<p>Doug sat down on one of the chairs on the other side of the coffee table and watched as Jack worked, smiling at him as he peered at him over the top of his papers before shaking his head and going back to his work, jotting something down in red pen.</p>
<p>“Why do teachers always use red pen?” Doug asked</p>
<p>Jack peered back over the top of the paper.  “Because it makes us feel important,” he smiled.  </p>
<p>Doug laughed, sitting back in his chair, eyes still on the other man.  After a few minutes he glanced down at his watch and smiled.  Getting up from his chair he knelt down in front of the coffee table and slowly peeled one of Jack’s socks off, dropping it on the floor.  “Five minutes gone.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Jack asked, slightly bemused, but not looking away from his papers.  </p>
<p>“One item of clothing for every five minutes,” Doug smiled playfully.  “Seems only fair.”</p>
<p>“I said I needed at least 30 minutes.  How much clothing do you think I’m wearing?”</p>
<p>“Just about enough,” Doug smiled.</p>
<p>Jack shook his head and tried to continue without thinking about Doug sat on the other side of the paper in front of him.  He managed to get a few more pages complete before he felt his second sock being removed.  He wiggled his toes in recognition of another five minutes gone.</p>
<p>He scribbled a few notes on the page in front of him, re-reading a section before adding a couple more scribbles.  He heard Doug shift from his position on the floor and he realised another five minutes had passed by.  He had no more socks and wondered what Doug’s plan was.  He felt him sit next to him on the couch, trying not to look at him, keeping his eyes on his work.  He felt Doug’s hands expertly unfasten his belt, tugging it firmly to remove it completely – his disobedient hips shifting slightly in assistance.</p>
<p>“You’re not helping,” Jack groaned</p>
<p>“What exactly would you like help with?” Doug asked, his face so close to Jack’s that he knew that if he turned slightly their lips would be touching.  Jack tried to resist – he really did, but he was hit by a wave of weakness and temptation.  In one swift movement he propped his papers onto the coffee table and turned, mouth finding Doug’s and pulling his body down on top of his own, enjoying feeling the weight of the other man pinning him down.</p>
<p>“Have you finished already?” Doug teased.</p>
<p>“You’re a bad man,” Jack said between kisses.</p>
<p>Doug’s hands returned to Jack’s shirt, continuing to undo the buttons that he had left fastened from earlier, pushing the material apart once his task was complete.  “It’s not my fault that you make me do bad things.”</p>
<p>Jack laughed, “I don’t think your parents would like me quite so much if they knew that.”</p>
<p>“My parents are the furthest thing from my mind right now,” Doug replied, mouth grazing over Jack’s chest.  “I’d like to keep it that way.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure I can help with that,” Jack kissed in response.</p>
<p>“Let’s go upstairs,” Doug said feeling hopeful that Jack would not resist. </p>
<p>“Ten more minutes,” Jack groaned, pushing himself back into a seated position, forcing Doug to roll off of him with a groan.  </p>
<p>Doug reached and pulled Jack’s shirt down his arms, removing it completely.  “Fine, but this stays off.”</p>
<p>“Deal,” Jack smiled, picking his papers back up from the coffee table.  “If you feel like making yourself useful you’re welcome to tidy the kitchen while you wait,” he smiled cheekily.  </p>
<p>Doug rolled his eyes slightly, standing up and throwing Jack’s shirt over his shoulder, heading in the direction of the kitchen.  He noticed item from Jack’s baking session on the counter, abandoned there due to having no real home in a kitchen never before used for baking.  Doug opened a few cupboards to try and find somewhere appropriate to put everything.  Lifting up the bag of flour he realised it was empty which made him laugh – how many attempts had Jack made in order to use a whole bag of flour?</p>
<p>He walked over to the trash can and lifted the lid to dispose of the bag only to stop in his tracks, a smile forming on his face and quickly turning into a smirk.  He looked over at Jack, still sat working, unaware that he had been caught out.  Putting down the flour bag, Doug removed the item from the top of the trash can, looking at it more closely, trying to work out if his suspicions were correct.</p>
<p>He tried to hold back a laugh, trying to keep a straight face before clearing his throat in an attempt to get Jack’s attention.  “Do you have something you’d like to confess?”</p>
<p>Jack looked up from behind his papers and saw Doug standing in the kitchen holding the box that he thought he had done a better job of hiding.  “I was going to tell you,” he smiled, not sure if that was true or not.</p>
<p>Doug looked back down at the box in his hand, Jack’s address written on it along with a New York sender address.  “What exactly was Jen sending you that was so important that she sent it by overnight fed-ex?”</p>
<p>“Don’t make me say it,” Jack laughed.  </p>
<p>“Pacey was right,” Doug laughed, almost impressed by Jack’s stunt.</p>
<p>“I never said he wasn’t,” Jack protested and as Doug shifted through his memory of the evening he realised that was true.  “I said they were homemade, which they were.  I said that I spent last night baking, which I did.  And it was true that Grams was tutoring me.”</p>
<p>“Jack McPhee,” Doug smiled, shaking his head.</p>
<p>“I just neglected to say that after four batches of brownies – each one worse that the other, and even Grams’ saintly patience being tested to the max, Jen took pity on me and came up with the perfect solution to the problem.”</p>
<p>“You devious cheat.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell Pacey?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“Of course not,” Doug laughed, “Seeing the look of confusion on his face while eating that brownie was the best part of the night.”</p>
<p>“The best part, huh?” Jack asked, putting his virtually completed work down on the coffee table.  “That’s pretty tragic.  I think we need to do something about that.”</p>
<p>“It’s about time,” Doug grinned, moving back over to Jack, pulling him off the couch, kissing him softly.  “Your secret’s safe with me.”</p>
<p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Christmas Spirit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>I hadn't planned for this story to go down the explicit route but this chapter just kind of happened.<br/>If the idea/description of two men being intimate bothers you then I suggest not reading this chapter.</b>
  </p>
</div></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack walked into the teachers’ lounge with a smile on his face and a sense of relief.  He had started his afternoon with a list of favours to ask that was as long as his arm and proceeded to spend his free periods visiting almost every department in the school, shamelessly begging for help.  </p>
<p>“Someone is looking smug,” James smiled as Jack dropped down into the cushioned seat opposite him.  </p>
<p>“Yep,” Jack simply replied, leaning back in the chair.  “My work here is done.  Wake me up after Christmas.”</p>
<p>“I hear you’ve been going round making all sorts of wild promises to people.”</p>
<p>“Nothing you’ll have too much difficulty fulfilling,” Jack smiled back.</p>
<p>“I think the power has gone to your head,” James shook his head.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome to strip me of me power and responsibilities.”</p>
<p>James thought about it for a second.  “I trust you.  Just please don’t volunteer me to look after Judith’s cat over Christmas – I’ve been dodging that one already.”</p>
<p>“The cat has a name,” Jack chastised in a way he knew Judith would approve of.</p>
<p>“Oh I know – and I refuse to stand outside calling ‘Mr Meows’ to get the damn thing to come back inside.”</p>
<p>Jack simply laughed, wishing he had actually used that as a bargaining chip – maybe he could have got more out of Judith.</p>
<p>“So what has you looking so pleased with yourself?”</p>
<p>“The drama department have agreed to provide costumes and budding young thespians to play Dickens characters in return for use of my classroom as a dressing room during their next production.  I have strong armed at least five of my students into doing readings for the young and impressionable minds of Capeside with the promise of extra credit.  The art department did not take much convincing to decorate the auditorium – well, once I had mentioned that there was some money left in the budget that I can throw their way.  The AV club – which I did not know existed until today, are happy to provide the sound system on the proviso that they do not need to be seen or get involved in any other way.  And I have music sorted thanks to Jim and his slightly odd aspirations of becoming Capeside’s first sixty-year-old DJ.  There’s more but you get the idea.”</p>
<p>“You have been busy,” James laughed, actually pretty impressed.  He had wanted Jack to venture out of the safety of the English department, having noticed Jack’s preference to sticking pretty close to his classroom and small group of colleagues.  </p>
<p>“So how is my bonus coming along?” Jack joked.</p>
<p>“I think you just spent it on supplies for the art department,” James grinned.  “Maybe next year.”</p>
<p>“And just like that I’ve found the perfect candidate for Scrooge.”</p>
<p>James simply laughed, hoping Jack was joking.  “Well, you’ve certainly got in the festive spirit.”</p>
<p>“Oh no – this is not festive spirit.  This is sheer relief that my list of jobs is finally shrinking.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you,” James mocked.  “I think you’re starting to come round to the festivities.”</p>
<p>“The only good thing about the festive period is the increased acceptance of day drinking.”</p>
<p>“So you’re not feeling festive; you’re just drunk?” James laughed, knowing that obviously was not the case.</p>
<p>“No, but give it an hour,” Jack said looking down at his watch.  </p>
<p>“Is that the all you have planned for the weekend?”</p>
<p>Jack groaned, thinking about the weekend ahead of him.  “No, but it’s probably what will get me through it.  Let’s just say you’re not the only one that’s trying to convince me of al the wonders of Christmas.”</p>
<p>“So the boyfriend is pro Christmas? Interesting,” James smiled.  “I’m going to store that away as a clue.  I’m one step closer to figuring out who he is.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that will narrow it down a great deal,” Jack teased.  </p>
<p>“It’s always the snippet of information that you disregard as unimportant that breaks the case.”</p>
<p>“Why do I get the feeling you fancy yourself as a bit of a detective?”</p>
<p>“Jim has is extra-curricular aspirations and so do I,” James smiled.  “Maybe I should ask Sheriff Witter if I can volunteer with Capeside PD.  Try and crack this case wide open.”</p>
<p>Jack hoped James did not notice the flash of panic in his eyes or the way his voice caught in his throat.  “I’m sure they’d love to have you,” he joked.  “Though I have a feeling it’s more coffee and donuts than actual crime solving.”</p>
<p>“I can live with that.”</p>
<p>Jack pulled himself up from his chair.  “Have a good weekend.”</p>
<p>“You too, Jack.”</p>
<p>Jack headed to the door and was about to leave when James called his name making him turn around.  He prayed it was nothing to do with their previous conversation.  </p>
<p>“Merry Christmas,” James teased.  “I’ve been saving my first one of the year for you.”</p>
<p>“You really shouldn’t have,” Jack groaned.  “See you Monday.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack pulled himself up to be sat on one of the countertops in Pacey’s kitchen, helping himself to the food that Pacey had knowingly left next to him.  He had already been home but realising that cooking for himself seemed too tedious he decided to do some marking before heading to Pacey’s; late enough that the dinner rush would be over.  Jack watched as Pacey added the finishing touches to the last of the dessert orders before joining him on the countertop.<p>“You know, your ass on my counter is not exactly sanitary,” he chastised.  “If you get me closed down I won’t be happy.”</p>
<p>“And yours is up to code?” Jack asked, continuing to pick at the plate of food.</p>
<p>“Did you not have anyone else to feed you tonight?” </p>
<p>“Am I not allowed to come by and see you anymore?  Last time I checked we were friends.”</p>
<p>“That we are, Jackers,” Pacey smiled.</p>
<p>“Then why must you always assume that I have an ulterior motive for coming by?” Jack said with a smile on his face.  “Maybe I was just in needed of a dose of your witty charm.”</p>
<p>“You should have stopped while you were ahead,” Pacey laughed, not believing a word of it.  “Why are you really here?”   </p>
<p>“Now you come to mention it,” Jack smiled, “I do have a slightly odd favour to ask.”</p>
<p>“What type of odd?  It had better not be anything kinky.”</p>
<p>“Would that be a deal breaker for you?”</p>
<p>Pacey thought about it for a second.  “Probably not; unless it involves the man that shall remain nameless in public.”</p>
<p>“It’s more of a festive oddity,” Jack said, shaking his head.  </p>
<p>“You have me intrigued.  Since when have you had an interest in anything festive?”</p>
<p>Jack groaned, “Since I’ve been lumbered with coordinating the Capeside Christmas Celebration.”</p>
<p>Pacey could not help but grin; knowing how much Jack must hate that role.  “How can I help?”</p>
<p>“Ever made a mince pie?”</p>
<p>Pacey looked back at him puzzled.  “That was not what I was expecting,” he said amused.  “I’m assuming you mean one of the British spiced fruit pies as apposed to a savoury meaty offering?”</p>
<p>Jack pulled a face of disgust at his final few words, “Thankfully, yes,” he replied.  </p>
<p>“I’ve eaten one.  Don’t think I’ve ever made one.”</p>
<p>“Fancy trying?” Jack asked hopefully.  “The theme of the celebration is ‘A Christmas Carol’ so I figured something British would be appropriate.  I can pay and I can offer some prime advertising space for the Icehouse.” </p>
<p>Pacey thought about it for a second.  “It shouldn’t be too difficult,” he conceded.  “How many do you need?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Jack shrugged, a smile growing on his face.  “Maybe five hundred?”</p>
<p>“Five hundred,” Pacey choked.  “What does this look like – a bakery?”</p>
<p>“Come on, Pace.  I have faith in you.”</p>
<p>Pacey thought about it for a moment and shrugged, “I guess I could,” he smiled.  “But I would expect there to be a pretty substantial favour in the bank should I ever need to call upon you.”</p>
<p>“Except for helping you dispose of a body, consider a favour banked.”</p>
<p>“Leave it with me,” Pacey nodded, hopping down from the counter, pulling Jack down at the same time.  “Come – let’s get a drink like actual friends.”</p>
<p>Jack followed Pacey out of the kitchen and headed to their usual table in the corner while Pacey retrieved a couple of beers from behind the bar and carried them over to where Jack was sat.</p>
<p>“Cheers, Pacey,” Jack smiled.  </p>
<p>“So, Christmas, huh?” was all Pacey said, watching as Jack rolled his eyes.  </p>
<p>“Comes round every year; I don’t know why people get so excited.”</p>
<p>“You know Doug is a pretty big fan of the festive season?” Pacey asked, knowing the answer already.  “It was pretty much the only time of year he was nice to me growing up.”</p>
<p>“He’s mentioned it,” Jack nodded.  </p>
<p>“He’s already getting excited.  Have you noticed?”</p>
<p>“It’s hard not to.  He put a wreath on my front door.”</p>
<p>Pacey could not help but laugh.  “And it’s still there?”</p>
<p>“I took it down twice.  It kept reappearing.  I gave up,” Jack groaned.  “At least it’s on the outside so I don’t have to look at it.”</p>
<p>“Does Doug know you’re the living embodiment of the Grinch?”</p>
<p>“The Grinch wanted to steal Christmas and ruin it for everyone else,” Jack protested.  “I am perfectly happy for other people to enjoy themselves – I just don’t want any involvement in it.” </p>
<p>“And Doug knows that?”</p>
<p>“He’s aware of my feelings,” Jack nodded – not that Doug seemed to be taking him particularly seriously.</p>
<p>“Does he know why?” Pacey asked cautiously.  </p>
<p>“Pacey,” Jack said sternly.</p>
<p>Pacey put his hands up in immediate defeat, “I’m not saying a word.”</p>
<p>“Please could you just forget that you even know?  Andie never should have said anything.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, she’s always been really good at respecting people’s privacy and boundaries,” Pacey laughed, trying to lighten the mood; relieved when Jack cracked a smile.  “I’m just saying this because there is no way that Doug will be able to resist forcing his Christmas cheer on you – but if he understood why you feel the way you do…” Pacey trailed off, seeing the look on Jack’s face.  “Okay, I’ll shut up.”</p>
<p>“I know this is important to Doug.  I’m trying my best to get on board for his sake.  I’m not trying to bring anyone down.”</p>
<p>“Jack, I understand,” Pacey said sympathetically.  “And he would too.”</p>
<p>“There’s no need to dredge up the past.  It’s not going to change anything.  And you never know; maybe this year will be a turning point.”</p>
<p>“I like your optimism,” Pacey said sincerely, raising his bottle and clinking it against Jack’s.  “Cheers.”</p>
<p>The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment, both wondering what Christmas would look like this year.  Jack had been considering inviting Doug to New York for Christmas but having seen his work schedule he had realised that would not work so decided against saying anything.  Jen had given him the impression that once again she would not be making the trip to Capeside.  While he understood he also knew that it would once again come down to him to make the decision and choose who he was going to spend the day with.  And while the day was not important to him he was very aware of its importance to his loved ones.</p>
<p>He was shaken from his thoughts by the sight of Doug walking into the restaurant still in full uniform.  He glanced down at his watch and realised that he must have just finished his shift.</p>
<p>“Did you tell him you were here?” Pacey asked, watching as Doug looked around for a familiar face.</p>
<p>“No,” Jack shook his head.  “He must be here to see you.”</p>
<p>“Dougie,” Pacey called over to him; waving to get his attention. </p>
<p>Doug turned and spotted him sat in the corner, almost instantly spotting Jack sat with him.  A smile crept over his face before quickly being masked when he remembered they were not alone.</p>
<p>“Watch this,” Jack said quietly to Pacey.  “Doug is about to pretend I’m nothing more than his goofy little brother’s friend.”</p>
<p>“Wait, which one of us are you calling goofy?” Pacey asked.</p>
<p>“Ask Doug,” Jack replied cheekily, watching at Doug walked over, clearly slightly thrown by Jack’s presence.  “I should probably just go.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare,” Pacey replied, taking a firm hold of his arm just in case he decided to move anywhere.  “Evening, Dougie.”</p>
<p>“Evening,” he smiled partially, clearly trying to figure out the best way to greet the man that ideally he would like to kiss and then take home. “Jack,” he nodded in his direction, and suddenly wished the ground would open up and swallow him.  It did not help when he saw his brother’s smirk.  He was too busy returning that smirk with a glare to notice Jack’s reaction – a slightly embarrassed smile trying to hide the hurt.</p>
<p>There was a moment of awkward silence as Jack and Pacey waited for Doug to say why he had come by unexpectedly, but all Doug could think about was the man sat in front of him, looking back at him expectantly, and he had no idea how to react.</p>
<p>“What brings you to this fine establishment on a Friday night?” Pacey prompted, pushing a chair out towards him.</p>
<p>Doug simply looked down at the chair for a few seconds, wondering whether he was actually going to sit.  Pacey was already grating on him and he had only been there one minute.  Instead of sitting he rested his hands on the top of the backrest.  “I actually came to talk to you about something – but it can wait,” he replied, unable to stop his eyes from drifting back to Jack, giving him soft smile, making both other men wonder what was going on.</p>
<p>“Don’t let me stop you,” Jack said, pushing his chair out.  “I was just about to head home.”  He stood up only to find himself yanked back down into his chair by Pacey.</p>
<p>“No, you weren’t,” he said simply, not once breaking eye contact with his brother.  </p>
<p>“Okay,” Jack said softly.</p>
<p>“Doug, I am having a drink with my friend.  If you would like to join us you would be more than welcome.  Jack will most likely require feeding again shortly – I would be more than happy to get you something as well.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a tamagotchi,” Jack groaned, mostly to himself because neither Witter was listening to him.  They were instead seemly frozen in a battle of wills.  Jack watched Doug’s jaw tighten as Pacey raised his eyebrows.  He watched as Doug glanced around the restaurant, trying to weigh up the possible ramifications of sitting down.</p>
<p>When Doug did not respond, Pacey continued to push, irritated by Doug’s inability to lighten up and stop stressing about what everyone would think.  “You’re being a fool.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, I’m just going to head off,” Jack said, standing up again, not wanting to get the involved in whatever was going on in front of him.</p>
<p>“Sit down, Jack,” both Pacey and Doug said simultaneously, accompanied by another tug on his arm.  </p>
<p>Jack did as he was told, looking back and forth between the brothers.  He could not work out which was more stubborn and he knew both had a relatively short fuse when it came to the other man, making him feel more wary that he ordinarily would.</p>
<p>“It’s been a long day,” Doug was first to crack.  “I should probably head home before I say something I regret.”</p>
<p>“To me?” Pacey asked, “Or to my friend?”</p>
<p> Jack’s eyes bugged out of his head, glaring at his friend, giving him a swift kick under the table.  “Pacey,” he hissed, not sure why he felt the need to provoke.</p>
<p>Doug pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep, calming breath.  “Good night, Jack,” he said simply – as though he was saying goodbye to anyone.</p>
<p>Jack offered him a weak smile; confused by what had just happened.  Doug returned it fleetingly before turning and leaving.  Jack remained silent until Doug had exited the restaurant.  “What the hell was that?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Pacey asked, taking a sip of his beer.</p>
<p>“Don’t give me that,” Jack said harshly.  “Was that really necessary?”</p>
<p>“How can you stay so calm when he acts like that?” Pacey asked.  “Does it not drive you mad?”</p>
<p>“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t frustrate me, but what you just did is not going to help things.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Pacey groaned, “But I can’t stand him treating you like that.  I just want him to get his head out of his ass.”</p>
<p>“Why do you care so much?” Jack asked.  </p>
<p>“I thought we established that we are friends,” Pacey smile, hoping that his response would be satisfactory.</p>
<p>“Try again.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he groaned.  “It frustrates me.  He doesn’t seem to realise that he’s onto a damn good thing and if he carries on like this he could lose it.”</p>
<p>Jack could not help but smile.  “But it’s not your fight, Pacey.”</p>
<p>“I know that.  But if years ago someone had pointed out to me how close I was to ruining everything before it actually happened – maybe things would be different today.”</p>
<p>A wave of realisation washed over Jack and it made him ache.  “Joey?”</p>
<p>Pacey simply nodded.  It was always Joey.</p>
<p>“You can’t take your regrets out on Doug.  It’s not going to help anyone.”</p>
<p>“You know, you’re actually a lot like her,” Pacey muttered in response.  “She put up with far more than she deserved until it was just too much – certainly too much to come back from.”     </p>
<p>“But I’m not Joey and we’re not eighteen anymore,” Jack said softly.  </p>
<p>“No, we’re definitely not eighteen anymore,” Pacey laughed despite himself.  “Where has the time gone?”</p>
<p>“Pacey, why don’t you just call her?” Jack asked supportively.  “I’m sure she would love to hear from you.”</p>
<p>“It’s countless years, a college roommate and a soul mate too late,” he sighed.</p>
<p>“None of that matters,” Jack replied, shaking his head.  “It’s either meant to be or it’s not.”</p>
<p>“You really believe in all that ‘fate’ stuff?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Jack replied.  “At least if fate exists, then nothing you have done, or haven’t done, should make a difference in the end result.  Belief in fate means you can let yourself off the hook a little bit.  It’s either meant or be or it’s not.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Pacey reasoned.  “You and Joey would have made a good couple,” he laughed.</p>
<p>“That definitely wasn’t meant to be,” Jack smiled.  “Maybe my being gay was fate’s way of giving you a fighting chance with Miss Potter.”</p>
<p>“That’s an interesting way of looking at things,” Pacey laughed.  “Just don’t use the idea of fate as justification for my brother messing you around, okay?”</p>
<p>Jack gave his friend as half smile, not really wanting to get into it all with him.  “So, you mentioned food earlier – what are you making me?” he grinned, “Because I plan on having a few more beers with you tonight and am definitely going to need something to accompany them.”</p>
<p>Pacey stood up from the table and picked up his beer.  “Let’s move his party back to the kitchen.  You can have whatever you want.”</p>
<p>Jack laughed, also standing up.  “Maybe you should try that line on Joey because if we really are that similar it will definitely work.”</p>
<p>“I’m only offering food, McPhee.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, that’s all I want from this particular Witter.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack woke up with a headache.  He rolled over in bed and buried his face into his pillow, wishing he could stay like that all weekend.  By the time he had left Pacey’s it was late.  Once Pacey had said goodbye to his last customer, finished helping the last few members of staff clean up, and finally locked the doors, they had both stayed behind for a couple more drinks.  It had ended up being a great night – one that probably went on a little too long.  By the time they had left, Jack knew there was no way he could drive home so the two of them made their way on foot, laughing and joking until they had to part ways.<p>Jack had tried to forget about what happened with Doug which he actually found relatively easy because he had no idea what had actually happened.  The last thing he wanted to do was get involved in whatever the two brothers had going on between them but still he woke up feeling bad that he had not checked in with Doug all evening.  He knew he had plans with Doug but they had been sketchy at best.  They only thing that was agreed upon was that Doug would come over in the morning.  The rest he had been pretty secretive about.  Groaning, he rolled over and grabbed his cell phone from next to the bed, smiling slightly when he spotted the aspirin and glass of water his past self must have left for him to find. </p>
<p>He quickly took the pills before leaning back against his pillow and dialling Doug’s number.  It rang twice before being answered.</p>
<p>“How’s your head?” Doug asked without even greeting him.</p>
<p>“Pounding,” Jack groaned.  </p>
<p>“Did you have a good night?”</p>
<p>“I think so,” he mumbled, struggling to say much else, moving the phone away from his ear slightly when Doug laughed.  He was relieved to hear it though – worried that Doug may have been annoyed with him.  “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Doug replied honestly.  “I’m sorry about last night.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have anything to apologise for.”</p>
<p>Jack smiled slightly, stretching out in his bed.  “What time are you planning on coming over?  I’m still in bed.”</p>
<p>“I was thinking about 10,” Doug replied in a tone that Jack could not quite identify.</p>
<p>“What time is it now?” Jack asked, wondering how long he had to get ready.</p>
<p>“It’s 10:45.”</p>
<p>It took Jack a moment to realise what Doug had said.  He pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed.  He walked to the door and poked his head round into the hallway.  There was no sign of Doug but he caught a distant smell of coffee.  “I swear if you jump out on my again you will not see me again until the New Year.”  Walking back into his room he grabbed a pair of sweatpants and threw them on, not bothering to find a T-shirt.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t dare,” Doug laughed.</p>
<p>“I was feeling quite impressed with myself,” Jack said as he started down the stairs, “Thinking I had he presence of mind to leave aspirin next to the bed last night – but that was you, wasn’t it?” </p>
<p>“I’ll let you believe whatever you choose to.”</p>
<p>“I think I need to invest in some proper security,” Jack said, leaning against the doorway, watching as Doug moved his phone away from his ear and smiled.</p>
<p>“Why?  You have a direct line to one of Capeside’s finest,” Doug grinned, walking over to him, and wrapping his arms around his waist.  </p>
<p>“I feel that maybe he’s starting to take advantage of his position,” Jack joked, kissing Doug good morning.</p>
<p>“Is that a problem?”</p>
<p>“I can live with it,” Jack smiled.  “Good morning.”</p>
<p>“Morning,” Doug replied, noticing as Jack spotted the pile of things he had brought with him.  His face flashed with a mix of panic and dread before he managed to mask it with curiosity.</p>
<p>“What on earth is all that?”  </p>
<p>Doug glanced over his shoulder to the pile, wondering if maybe this was all a bad idea.  Jack had not even seen what was waiting out on the deck and he already looked horrified.  “It’s the makings of a proper Christmas,” Doug said softly, wishing he could not feel how tense Jack’s body had become within his arms.  </p>
<p>“Christmas is not for another ten days,” was all Jack could manage.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m realising that I have judged this all wrong,” Doug said softly.  “Why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll get rid of all of it.  When you come back down it will be like nothing ever happened.”</p>
<p>“No,” Jack shook his head, not particularly convincingly.  “It’s fine.”  His eyes were still fixed on Doug’s haul. </p>
<p>“Jack, is there something I should know?” Doug asked, wondering what was making Jack act like he had bought a python into his house rather than a box of Christmas decorations.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“At first I just figured your family weren’t particularly into Christmas, but you’re acting as though the decorations could kill you.  What am I missing here?”</p>
<p>The thought of telling him made Jack feel lightheaded but maybe Pacey was right – Doug would understand if he explained.  He knew he would understand.  But the thought of Doug giving him ‘that look’ – the one that Pacey had, was too much for him.  “It’s nothing,” he shook his head.  “I’m still half asleep, or hungover, or something.  Nothing a shower won’t fix.”  He quickly kissed the other man before removing himself from his embrace.  “I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>Doug watched as Jack left the room, listening to his footsteps disappearing up the stairs.  “Crap,” he muttered, wondering what to do next.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack sat on the edge of the bed, freshly showered and dressed, knowing that he needed to go back downstairs – knowing that Doug would be wondering what he was doing.  When Doug had cryptically mentioned spending the day encouraging some Christmas spirit Jack had of course realised what that would likely involve but suddenly faced with the reality of it all sat in his house it felt too much.  He wanted so desperately to make Doug happy and to give him what he wanted but suddenly was unsure if he could.<p>He was too lost in thought to hear Doug coming up the stairs; only noticing his presence once he was already through the door, making his way over to him.  </p>
<p>“I was just about to head down,” Jack said apologetically.</p>
<p>Doug crouched down in front of him and taking hold of his hand.  “Talk to me,” he said softly.</p>
<p>“Everything’s fine,” Jack replied, avoiding eye contact.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to make you tell me if you don’t want to,” Doug continued in a low and soft voice, “But clearly something is going on.”</p>
<p>Jack was not going to say anything but suddenly he was not able to keep the words from slipping out.  “My brother died at Christmas.”</p>
<p>Doug closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, tightening the grip on Jack’s hand.  “I had no idea.  I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t apologise,” Jack said quietly.  “There’s no way you could have known.”</p>
<p>Doug stood up from his crouched position and sat next to Jack on the bed, keeping hold of his hand.</p>
<p>“After that, Christmas wasn’t really something to look forward to.  Andie would still try and make an effort but it wasn’t the same anymore – not like it used to be.  Christmas was a big deal as a kid.  My mom would go completely overboard for the whole of December.  We were totally spoilt.  My dad would take time off from work.  It’s the only time I really remember him being home.”</p>
<p>“Sounds nice,” Doug said softly.</p>
<p>“It was.  It just seemed completely normal.”</p>
<p>“It was a similar story at my house – just with more shouting,” Doug joked, pleased when Jack laughed.  “Every Christmas Eve my dad would bring home an insane amount of fried chicken.  More than any family could get through in one evening.  When I was about eleven I remember asking him why he always bought so much and he just smiled at me and said, ‘just in case your mom burns the dinner tomorrow.  At least we’ll have leftovers in the fridge.’  He told me not to tell anyone and I never did.”</p>
<p>Jack smiled, leaning his head against Doug’s shoulder.  “At least this year your mom has a freezer full of tofurkey to full back on,” Jack joked.</p>
<p>Doug exhaled loudly, “Don’t remind me.”  He kissed the top of Jack’s head and slowly stood from the bed.  </p>
<p>“Where are you going?” </p>
<p>“Downstairs to get rid of all the Christmas stuff.”</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Jack said softly, causing Doug to give him a slightly puzzled look.  “Maybe it’s time to move on.”</p>
<p>“Jack, you don’t have to.”</p>
<p>“I want to,” he replied, trying to convince the final doubtful part of his brain.  “I want us to have a good Christmas.”</p>
<p>“Only if you’re sure.”</p>
<p>“I can’t expect you to miss out of Christmas for the rest of your life,” Jack smiled softly.</p>
<p>“The rest of my life?” he smiled back, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Or however long,” Jack shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious.</p>
<p>“The rest of my life,” Doug nodded softly.  “I like the sound of that.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“How come we’ve done exactly the same thing and yours looks like that and mine just looks gross?” Jack asked.<p>Doug glanced over at Jack’s mixing bowl and could not help but laugh at the mess of ingredients that just did not seem to be coming together.  “I have no idea how you managed to do that.”</p>
<p>“Can I give up now?” Jack pleaded.  </p>
<p>“We may still be able to save it,” Doug insisted, stepping behind Jack, wrapping his arms around his waist, and taking hold of the spoon Jack had been using to stir the mixture.</p>
<p>“I really think you need to dial back your optimism,” Jack laughed.  “I don’t think I have ever said no to a cookie but even I’m not willing to eat these.”</p>
<p>“You never know, just because they look bad doesn’t mean they won’t taste good.”</p>
<p>“Even you don’t believe that,” Jack smirked, taking the spoon from Doug’s hand and pushing the bowl away.</p>
<p>“Just count yourself lucky that you’re talented in other areas because the kitchen is clearly your kryptonite,” Doug joked, burying his face into Jack’s neck and kissing him softly.  “Do you want to help finish off mine?”</p>
<p>“Definitely not.  I don’t want to ruin them too.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you start on the Christmas tree?” Doug asked, glancing over at the bare tree in the corner of the room.</p>
<p>“I have a better idea,” Jack said turning around in Doug’s embrace.  “Why don’t I open a bottle of wine and watch you finish up?”</p>
<p>“It’s only 1’oclock,” Doug laughed.</p>
<p>“It’s Christmas,” Jack replied.  He ducked out of Doug’s hold and went in search of a bottle.  “I guess red is more festive,” he muttered to himself.</p>
<p>“Is this your idea of getting in the Christmas spirit?” Doug asked.</p>
<p>“Nice choice of words,” Jack grinned, putting the wine back and opening the cupboard, grabbing a bottle of whisky.  “Do you know any Christmas recipes for this or should we just drink it neat like we would the rest of the year?”</p>
<p>“Are my festive activities going to turn you into an alcoholic?” </p>
<p>“Just focus on finishing those cookies because I imagine I’m going to need something to soak up some of this,” Jack joked, grabbing a couple of glasses and sitting down opposite Doug at the counter, pouring two glasses – one more generously than the other.  “So, what was it that you wanted to talk to Pacey about last night?”</p>
<p>“It was nothing,” Doug shrugged, not looking up from his cookie mix.</p>
<p>“Did you know that an elf dies every time someone lies at Christmas?” Jack grinned.</p>
<p>“Even though you are mocking me, I am still enjoying you at least acknowledging Christmas.”</p>
<p>“Elves die when you avoid answering questions too.  You can’t save them on a technicality.”</p>
<p>“You really want to know?” Doug asked, receiving a nod in response.  “I wanted to talk to Pacey about top secret Santa related business.”</p>
<p>“Trying to figure out how to get back on the good list?” Jack asked.  “If anyone knows it would be Pacey.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to him about your Christmas present,” Doug smiled, knowing full well he would receive a frown in return.</p>
<p>“I told you that I don’t want presents.”</p>
<p>“What can I say?  I spoke to Santa and he confirmed that you’re on the nice list.  It’s out of my hands.”</p>
<p>“Tell him to double check because that doesn’t seem quite right to me.”</p>
<p>“I did.  Double checked, triple checked – you’re on the nice list.  You’d have to do something pretty naughty between now and Christmas Eve to change that.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Jack asked raising his eyebrows.  “How bad are we talking?”</p>
<p>“Pretty bad,” Doug shrugged.</p>
<p>“Like end up in handcuffs bad or throwing cookie dough at someone kind of bad?” Jack asked with a wicked look in his eyes, one hand reaching for his discarded bowl of ingredients while the other raised his glass to his mouth for a sip.</p>
<p>“Watch it – one thing could easily lead to the other,” Doug warned, watching Jack’s eyes when he really should have been watching his hand.  A moment later a dollop of cookie dough landed on his face.</p>
<p>“Your move, Sheriff,” Jack teased.  “Do you need to call for back up?”</p>
<p>Doug brushed the cookie dough from his face with his fingers, not breaking eye contact with Jack as he moved his fingers to his mouth to get a taste.  “You’re right – it does taste bad,” he smiled, “Try some.”</p>
<p>Jack did not quite have time to duck before a Doug threw a scoop of cookie dough back at him in retaliation. “Am I on the naughty list yet?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>Doug shook his head, abandoning his cookies and moving around to the other side of the counter, pulling Jack up from his seat.  “Not even close,” he said, licking the cookie dough from Jack’s chin before finding Jack’s mouth with his own.  His hands found Jack’s hips, managing to lift him to be seated on the edge of he counter.  In one swift moment he pushed Jack’s legs apart and filled the space created – all without breaking the kiss.</p>
<p>“I thought you were making cookies,” Jack grinned between kisses.  </p>
<p>“Cookies can wait,” Doug mumbled into the softness of Jack’s neck, tugging at the bottom of his sweater, swiftly pulling it up his body and over his head, his mouth immediately resuming its position on his neck.  Jack pulled his arms free and discarded the clothing on the floor before his hands settled in Doug’s hair, his face bent forward against the other man, enjoying the feel of Doug’s mouth on his skin.</p>
<p>Doug hands moved over Jack’s thighs, making just enough additional space for him to firmly press up against the other man, smiling as Jack arched back and released a groan.  Doug loved how he knew how work Jack’s body and loved it even more when he discovered something new.  He knew that the patch of skin just above Jack’s left collarbone was particularly sensitive - more so than the same patch on the right.  He knew that all he had to do was graze his teeth lightly over it to drive Jack wild.  The night he had discovered that been a very good one.</p>
<p>He had realised quite quickly that Jack enjoyed being dominated, which suited Doug too.  He had wondered if that was how Jack had always been or if it was simply the dynamic between the two of them.  The fact that he was a couple of inches taller and more muscular than the younger man definitely had its advantages.  He gripped hold of Jack’s hips, preventing him from sliding further back on the counter; preventing him from any kind of relief from the pressure pressed against his front.  The more Jack tried to free himself the firmer Doug held him in place.  Doug knew this turned Jack on, even if Jack never admitted it.  He could feel it in the way Jack pulled his mouth back to his own, kissing his desperately – craving release and the suspense of it all in equal measure.   Doug had discovered where the line was and he enjoyed toying with the other man, keeping him right in the sweet spot where he wanted him.  He wondered if Jack knew that in turn this drove him mad.  Doug often wondered what it meant about him as a person but he did not consider it too deeply because everything with Jack felt so right.</p>
<p>Just as he thought Jack could not take anymore he drew back, receiving the expected groan of loss from his partner.  He slowly unbuttoned his own shirt, watching as Jack leant back on his hands on the counter, looking at Doug with dark eyes – clearly questioning how they had gone from baking cookies to this so seamlessly.   Doug smiled as Jack reached back and found his whiskey glass, taking a slow controlled sip as he continued to watch Doug strip, giving an approving smile as Doug shrugged his shirt down his arms and flung it over the stool Jack had previously occupied.   Deciding to leave Jack waiting a little longer for more physical contact Doug unbuttons his pants, pushing them down his thighs and letting them fall to the ground, watching as Jack straightened back up, watching as he stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.  </p>
<p>Stepping back towards Jack, he took the glass from his hand, setting it down on the counter before resuming kissing him, tasting whiskey.  His hands ran lightly up and down Jack’s sides, barely touching him, just enough to create a type of static spark than he felt run though Jack’s body.  He had noticed early on, before they had even slept together, that though Jack did not seem ticklish, he did seem very sensitive to touch, at times becoming overwhelmed by over stimulation.  Doug had committed to memory what he had discovered to be just the right level for each desired reaction.  Small amounts could go a long way.  What someone else would find to be teasing, Jack’s body would gladly accept as a promise of what was to come – an invitation that was always accepted.  Too much and it was as though some of the magic dwindled.  It was just another thing that made Doug fall deeper in love with him – he had never met anyone like him before and as time went on it was becoming more apparent that Jack was clueless to all of the things that made him so unique.</p>
<p>Doug could feel Jack’s fingers tangled in the hair at the back of his head, the other hand tightly gripping his upper arm.  He was no longer trying to pull back on the countertop; if anything he was forcing himself forward, trying to get as much contact with Doug as possible. Doug read the signs expertly, hands moving to the button on Jack’s jeans, the sound of it popping open reverberating around them, competing only with the sound of the moan that escaped Doug’s mouth as Jack suddenly pulled forward against him.   Jack was trying to slide down off the counter but Doug was not ready for the change of position and moved closer still, not giving Jack the space to move into, hands back to his hips, inching him back, thumbs rubbing soft circles against his skin.</p>
<p>Jack’s head fell to Doug’s shoulder, his breathing strained.  “If I’m on the nice list why are you torturing me?” Jack laughed, against his skin.</p>
<p>“Because I’m on the naughty list,” Doug smiled against his ear, hands slipping back to Jack’s jeans, unfastening them the rest of the way, encouraging Jack to lift his hips just enough to remove them.</p>
<p>“Figures,” Jack laughed, kicking his legs gently until his jeans hit the floor.  “But I don’t care how ‘naughty’ you think you are.  There’s no way you’re going to let me sit here with no clothes on – mere inches from your precious cookies,” Jack teased.  “So you better consider your next move very carefully.”</p>
<p>Doug contemplated calling his bluff, looking at his boyfriend sat in only his boxers, wondering what his next move should actually be.  The waiting was becoming painful.  He quickly glanced around them, trying to figure out an alternative because the bedroom was simply too far away.  He could tell Jack was about to suggest it so before he could say a word he quickly took control of his mouth again with his own, kissing him roughly in a way Jack knew the torture was nearly over.  He wrapped his legs around Doug, pulling their bodies back together as closely as they had been before.</p>
<p>Jack let out a yelp into their join mouths as Doug lifted him from the counter, hands gripping his ass with enough force to bruise as he transported him the small amount of paces to the dining table, dropping Jack down before swiping the box that had been on there out of the way, causing a cascade of tinsel and decorations to fall over the floor.  Jack felt his body be lowered backwards, never growing further from Doug’s as he remained hovering above him – never once breaking the kiss.  Jack was impressed by Doug’s speed because before he knew it his underwear had been removed, along with Doug’s and within seconds there was a hand clasping his erection.  </p>
<p>Doug watched as Jack’s eye rolled back and his back arched, his mouth opening but no sound coming out.  He knew how many breaths it would take for Jack to regain a little bit of composure.  He knew how many strokes it would take before Jack would start moaning.  He knew he was not going to let either of those things happen before he made his next move.  He used his free hand to manoeuvre his lover slightly closer to the edge of the table before pushing two fingers quickly and deeply inside of him.  Jack gasped loudly having not anticipated Doug’s move to come so quickly.  Doug looked down at the other man lovingly, waiting for confirmation that he was ready, gently twisting his fingers, and slowly bringing up the pace to match his other hand.  When he felt Jack begin to push back against him he smiled knowingly, removing his fingers and stopping his hand’s rhythmic onslaught.  </p>
<p>Leaning down over Jack, he took hold of his hips to steady him, taking ownership of Jack’s mouth once again as he slowly pushed himself deep into his lover, feeling Jack bite down on his lip as he did so.  He braced his arms on the table either side of Jack and felt the other man quickly loop his arms through them, gripping onto his shoulder, not allowing him to move away – not that he would have wanted to.  Doug watched the ecstasy play out over Jack’s face, confirming Doug’s thoughts that he had read all of his previous arousal signals perfectly – bring him to exactly where he wanted him.  It had not been difficult – from their very first time they had been completely in sync.  </p>
<p>Being new to everything Doug had been concerned that maybe he over thought things; tried to look for signs where they did not exist but now he was grateful for his careful analysis of Jack’s body and all of his subtle signals because being the one that caused that look on his face – being the one to allowed Jack to let go so completely in a way Doug had never seen before was the best feeling in the world.</p>
<p>Doug began to move more quickly and deeply, spurred on by the sounds coming from Jack, returning them with his own conformation of undeniable pleasure.  Leaning on his forearms, his hands stroked their way through Jack’s hair.  His eyes were fixed on the picture of Jack’s face as he pulled their mouths apart once again just in time to see Jack’s head push back against the wood of the table, body writhing as he tightened around Doug.  Doug could not help but smile as Jack muttered a couple of curse words as he repeated the movements that had caused Jack’s body to go into spasm, knowing that the peak was in sight.  He slowed for a moment, kissing Jack softly on swollen lips, resting his forehead against the other man’s, eyes locking in a moment of complete stillness before suddenly resuming his movements, carefully moving with precision until he heard Jack cry out the way he did in Doug’s deepest fantasies.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>After a quick joint shower, the two men returned to their festive activities with more success than before.  Doug had managed to make a new batch of cookies, getting them in the oven before anything could happen to them.  While he decorated them Jack sat on the floor in front of the couch attempting to untangle the Christmas lights for the tree.<p>“They smell good,” Jack smiled.  “Can I eat them yet?”</p>
<p>“Soon,” Doug smiled.</p>
<p>Jack continued to tug at the lights, giving them a little shake in the hope that they would magically untangle. “I’m starting to think a tree is a step too far.  No one is here all day to see it anyway.”</p>
<p>“That’s not the point.  What is Christmas without a tree?”</p>
<p>“I know I have consented to all of this but I don’t want it to look like some tacky Santa’s grotto in here.” </p>
<p>“Tacky?” Doug laughed. “What do you take me for?”</p>
<p>“There are a lot of decorations here,” Jack said peering into the box that Doug had brought round.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to use them all,” Doug smiled, adding the finishing touches to the frosting.</p>
<p>“Well I guess it will be good practice for next weekend.  The school has been donated ten trees for the celebration event.”</p>
<p>“How is the planning going for that?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Jack shrugged unenthusiastically.  “It’s mostly sorted as long as it doesn’t rain or snow.  Most of it has to be outside due to space and I’m slightly concerned that people are going to be cold and miserable.”</p>
<p>“You know when I volunteered to help out I actually expected you to give me something to do.”</p>
<p>“Fancy decorating ten Christmas trees?” Jack joked.</p>
<p>“If you need me to.”</p>
<p>“Come on,” Jack rolled his eyes. “I think the town’s sheriff has more important uses of his time.”</p>
<p>“I’m being serious.  This was supposed to be something for us to do together.” </p>
<p>“From five foot apart, pretending to barely know each other?” Jack asked.  “It’s just the reality of it the situation,” he added, seeing the pained look on Doug’s face.</p>
<p>“I never said that we couldn’t be seen together in public.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Jack replied, finally giving up on he lights and putting them back in the box.  “But I can’t just compartmentalise everything.  I can’t go from telling you how much I love you behind closed doors to decorating Christmas trees with ‘Pacey’s brother’.  If you’re able to do that then great – but I can’t.”</p>
<p>“I seem to remember there being a stage in our relationship between being merely ‘Pacey’s brother’ and this.”</p>
<p>“Doug, I don’t want this to be a thing,” Jack sighed.  “I’m not even asking for you to do anything about it.  I’m just trying to explain how I feel.”</p>
<p>“How can you tell me that you’re unhappy and not expect me to do something about it?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say I’m unhappy,” Jack said softly.  “Do I seem unhappy?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how you seem, Jack,” Doug said shaking his head.</p>
<p>“You’re kidding, right?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m not.  I just don’t know sometimes.  It’s like you’re still looking for something and as hard as I try I can’t seem to give it to you.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Jack asked confused.  “Where is this even coming from?”</p>
<p>“I can’t be the person you want me to be in public,” Doug snapped.</p>
<p>“When have I ever asked you to be anything?” Jack said, standing up – hoping that moving around would stop his frustration from bubbling over.  “I have never asked you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Doug said, hanging his head slightly.</p>
<p>“You make it sound like you’re the only one trying here and I’m just taking it all for granted,” Jack said, unable to hide the hurt.  “I understand what you’re going through.  I appreciate every step you have taken outside of your comfort zone – whether it was for me, or for you, or for both of us.  And I’m sorry of I’ve given you the impression that you alone are not enough because that’s certainly not how I feel.  But I’m not going to apologise for finding things difficult.  I’m not going to apologise for wanting the world to know how I feel about you.  And I’m certainly not going to apologise for not being as good as you are at pretending to the world that this relationship doesn’t matter to me.”  </p>
<p>“Jack,” Doug said sadly, hating seeing the hurt on his face.  </p>
<p>“No, it’s okay – please don’t say anything,” Jack said as he headed towards the door.  “I’m going to lie down.  My head is pounding.  Stay; go – do whatever you want.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack sat on the floor against the freshly painted walls of Amy’s room, trying to figure out why things kept taking a turn for the worst.  He felt dizzy from it all.  The house had gone quiet and he assumed that Doug had gone home.  He had given him no reason to stay.  He had wanted to go back to bed, have a nap and then wake up in a place that was simpler but he knew he would not be able to sleep.  Instead he did the next best thing and pulled his phone to call Jen.<p>“So you’re hiding upstairs; Doug is waiting downstairs and you’re both miserable?  Sounds healthy,” Jen said sarcastically once Jack had finished relaying the afternoon.</p>
<p>“I think he’s gone home,” Jack mumbled.  “I would have.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Jen disagreed.  “I don’t think the sheriff walks away that easily.”</p>
<p>“Is that a dig at my inability to stay put during an argument?”</p>
<p>“If you wish to take it that way,” Jen smiled, glad that he had understood her intention.</p>
<p>“I don’t have the energy to fight about something that isn’t going to change.”</p>
<p>“It has to change eventually,” Jen reasoned. “And it sounds to me like Doug is just as frustrated with the situation as you are – maybe more.  Unless I’m missing something, Jackers, it sounds like he’s trying to find ways to spend time with you in public and you’re closing the door.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go around town pretending.”</p>
<p>“So it’s all or nothing?” Jen asked.  </p>
<p>“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jack groaned, not really knowing what he was saying.</p>
<p>“Instead of seeing it as pretending why don’t you see it as taking small steps?  I know when you came out of the closet you did it in a pretty impressive and all-encompassing stumble, but it’s not like that for everyone.”</p>
<p>“Such imagery – thanks, Jen,” he smiled, loving Jen’s unique take on things.</p>
<p>“You were there – you remember.”</p>
<p>“What if I screw up?  What if I forget myself and do something that outs him?”</p>
<p>“Is that what you’re worried about?” Jen asked.  “Why don’t you just tell him that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he said honestly.</p>
<p>“I really don’t think you should worry about that,” Jen reassured.  “It sounds to me like he just wants to find ways to spend time with you over Christmas – it’s not as though you’ve confirmed where you’re planning to spend it.”</p>
<p>“Poor,” Jack laughed.  “I’m actually slightly embarrassed for you.  Was that really the best lead in you could come up with?”</p>
<p>“Sleep deprived mother.  Please remember that.”</p>
<p>“You can’t use that excuse forever.”</p>
<p>“I hope not,” Jen sighed.  </p>
<p>“She’ll sleep through eventually.”</p>
<p>“What are your plans for Christmas, Jack?” Jen asked simply.</p>
<p>“I’m considering going to the airport and taking the next available flight and just seeing where I end up.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a pretty risky move.”</p>
<p>“It could pay off,” Jack replied.</p>
<p>“You know that Amy, Grams and I would love to have you here for Christmas.  I have wanted to ask you for weeks but I am trying to be fair to Doug.  We had you here for Thanksgiving and I have enough experience of split families to know that two holidays in a row is greedy.”</p>
<p>“We’ve not really talked about it,” Jack confessed.  </p>
<p>“He’s probably not said anything for the exact same reason I haven’t,” Jen said.  “But I think he’s dropping enough hints for you to know that Christmas is important to him.”</p>
<p>“It’s Amy’s first Christmas,” Jack said, unsure what else to say to explain his inability to commit to plans.</p>
<p>“And it’s your first Christmas in Capeside with Doug and in your new house,” Jen added.</p>
<p>Jack had stopped asking Jen to come to Capeside; the disappointment each time she made up an excuse was too much.  “So what are you saying?”</p>
<p>“I’m saying that while you are always welcome here; I am not going to invite you.  I am removing the choice.”</p>
<p>“Jen,” Jack began to protest, only to be cut off.</p>
<p>“Hear me out,” she said.  “I don’t want to you to agonise over this – when we both know that you are not big on Christmas anyway.  Instead I am inviting you to join us for Boxing Day.  Do Christmas in Capeside, enjoy yourself guilt-free, and then come to us the following day when there will be enough leftovers in the fridge to do the whole thing again.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” he asked, a smile spreading across his face.</p>
<p>“We can do an anti-Christmas celebration.  It seems only fitting.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Jen,” Jack said softly, a weight lifted from his shoulders.</p>
<p>“I know – and you can tell me that face to face in only eleven days and counting,” she smiled.  “Now go downstairs and tell Doug the same thing.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure I’ve blown it,” Jack groaned.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Doug said from outside the door causing Jack to look up.</p>
<p>“You’re still here,” he smiled softly.</p>
<p>“Told you!” Jen said from the other end of the phone. </p>
<p>“I thought you left,” Jack said as Doug came into the room.</p>
<p>“Did you want me to leave?” Doug asked with a knowing smile.</p>
<p>“No,” Jack shook his head.</p>
<p>“So I’m still here.”</p>
<p>“So am I,” Jen reminded.  “You may want to hang up now.”</p>
<p>“Bye, Jen,” Jack laughed.  “I’ll call you later.”</p>
<p>“Good – I need the gossip.”</p>
<p>Jack hung up the phone putting it down next to him, looking back to Doug who was now crouching in front of him.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” Doug smiled, taking Jack’s hand and standing up, pulling Jack up with him.  “We seem to have a nasty habit of creating arguments when actually we just want the same thing.”</p>
<p>“I think we got into this without any real long-term plan.”</p>
<p>“Do you want a long-term plan, Jack?”</p>
<p>“I think I just need to know that eventually things will be different – that you want them to be different.  I don’t need to know how we get there and I’m certainly not going to be set timeframes.  I just need to know that we are heading in the same direction, because I’m finding the inconsistency of it all difficult.”</p>
<p>“In what way?” Doug said softly, wanting to be careful to understand this time.</p>
<p>“When we’re together, it feels incredible, right?”</p>
<p>“Right,” Doug nodded.</p>
<p>“I knew what I was getting into from the beginning but back then I just figured that if everything became a bigger issue I could just walk away.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to walk away?” Doug asked, his heart barely beating.</p>
<p>“No,” Jack said honestly.  “And that’s exactly it.  I don’t think I could anymore.  I don’t think I imagined feeling like this – especially so quickly.”</p>
<p>“But you’re worried that you’re wasting your time?” Doug asked – no accusation, just saying what he feared Jack was not.</p>
<p>“Not wasting my time – I would never call it that.  I love you,” Jack said seriously.  “I just need to know that we’re on the same page because I don’t want to be having this conversation in months to come wishing things were different.”</p>
<p>“We’re on the same page,” Doug said softly.  “I just think sometimes we have different ways of dealing with the exact same feelings.  I get what you were saying before about finding it hard and I know it may look like I’m able to switch my feelings on and off but I assure you that’s not true.  Seeing you in public and feeling as though I can’t be with you the way I want to be is agony but it’s so much worse when I don’t get to be with you – seeing other people get to talk to you and hear your stories.  I know at times it must seem like I’m two different people – but this is the real me.  You get the real me.”</p>
<p>“Is it going to be like this forever?”</p>
<p>“No,” Doug shook his head.  “I promise.  I just need some time.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded knowing that was the most he could hope for.</p>
<p>“I promise you, even when I can’t show you in the way I want to, I always love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
<p>“Now,” Doug smiled, “Come with me.”  Taking Jack’s hand gently in his own he began to lead him out the door.</p>
<p>“Where are we going?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“Back downstairs to do this properly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack followed Doug down the stairs, drawn in by the smell of vanilla and cinnamon – the after scent of fresh pine.  Leading him though the door Doug paused allowing Jack to take in the vision that he had worked hard to create.  Christmas cookies lay on the coffee table next to mugs of peppermint hot chocolate with candy cane stirrers.   ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ was on the TV waiting for someone to press play.  But Jack’s eyes were fixed on the most beautifully decorated Christmas tree he had ever seen.</p>
<p>“Is this what you’ve been doing?” Jack said softly.</p>
<p>“No, I went for a walk and came back and found everything like this,” Doug teased.  </p>
<p>“It’s beautiful,” Jack smiled.</p>
<p>“I really want you to have the best Christmas.” Doug pulled him close, unsure whether he should continue.  “I really want you to spend Christmas here with me.”</p>
<p>Jack smiled, softly kissing Doug.  “I would love that.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Doug asked, slightly stunned.</p>
<p>“There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”</p>
<p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Impending Doom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>School had already broken up for the holiday period which made Jack even more annoyed that he was spending his Friday decorating the school’s auditorium and making sure that everyone that had promised help were keeping up their end of the deals he had made.  Christmas was only a couple of days away and he would be lying if he said he was feeling anymore festive than usual. Going back to his overly decorated house was not helping matters. As much as he loved and appreciated Doug’s efforts he could not help but think they were wasted on him.</p><p>“Here,” James smiled, handing Jack a cup of coffee.  “You look like you need it.”</p><p>“I think I’m in hell,” Jack replied, taking the cup.  </p><p>“This really isn’t an act, is it?” </p><p>“No – I am genuinely this miserable,” Jack joked, taking a sip of his coffee, pulling a disgusted face.  “What is this?” </p><p>James could not help but smile.  “Eggnog coffee – from one of the stalls outside setting up for tomorrow.”</p><p>“And that sounded good to you?” Jack asked.</p><p>“It’s worth it just to see the look on your face.”</p><p>“Do you not have better things to do?  Because if not I will happily find you something.”</p><p>“I was actually coming to tell you that I brought the Morris decorating committee with me,” he pointed to a small group of people in the corner of the room decorating the newly delivered Christmas trees.  “Sophie and Lara said that decorating the tree is the best part of Christmas, so I asked if they fancied decorating ten.  I have never seen them get their shoes and coats on so quickly.  My wife is grateful for an empty house.”  </p><p>“I almost forgive you for the coffee,” Jack laughed, watching the girls separating out the decorations that had been donated into colour coordinated piles.  It reminded him of Andie.  His eyes moved the other person with them, unable to place who it was.</p><p>“That’s Max,” James said following Jack’s eye line.  “I brought him along to finish the tops of the trees that the girls can’t reach.”</p><p>“Good plan,” Jack nodded.</p><p>“Come and say hello,” James said, the hand on Jack’s back guiding him in the direction of his family making it clear that he had little choice.  “Girls, you remember Jack?” he asked as they approached.</p><p>“Hi, Jack,” they girls smiled in unison making Jack smile.  “Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” he replied.  “I hear you like decorating trees.  Do you really think you can manage all ten?”</p><p>“Definitely,” the older girl smiled – he could not remember which was which.  </p><p>“Fantastic,” he grinned.  “Your dad said he’s going to get you a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows as a thank you.”  He turned to James and flashed him a wicked smile.  “Lots of whipped cream too.  That’s what you said, right?” </p><p>“Just another thing to deduct from your bonus,” James smiled.</p><p>Jack looked over to Max who was laughing at their exchange.  “And you must be Max,” Jack said, offering a hand.  “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you too, Jack,” Max replied, shaking his hand.  “I’ve heard a lot about you.”</p><p>“Don’t believe most of it,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“I never do,” Max laughed. </p><p>“How are you finding Capeside?”</p><p>“Quiet,” Max replied, before looking over at his younger cousins who were already arguing over which colour to decorate the first tree.  “And surprisingly loud at the same time,” he laughed.</p><p>“I bought Max a pair of noise cancelling headphones for Christmas but I’ve decided to keep them for myself,” James smiled.</p><p>“You really don’t want to drink that,” Max said, gesturing to the coffee cup in Jack’s hand.  “It’s a crime against coffee.”</p><p>“I learnt that the hard way.”</p><p>“What is wrong with you two?  It’s fine.”</p><p>“That’s just what you want – a nice hot cup of ‘fine’,” Jack laughed.  “Coffee should not be messed with like that.  Maybe it’s a Boston thing,” he shrugged looking at Max.</p><p>“You would never find that rubbish on the menu at Darwin’s,” Max mumbled, mostly to himself.</p><p> Jack let out a groan.  “God, I miss Darwin’s.  I would give anything to be there right now.  In fact anywhere but here.”</p><p>“Jack’s not big on the whole Christmas thing,” James explained to Max.  </p><p>“Really?” Max asked.  “Why not?”</p><p>Before Jack had a chance to even consider his reply he heard his name being called from the entrance to the auditorium “Jack, you’re needed outside right away,” the voice called.</p><p>“That’s why,” Jack rolled his eyes.  “I should go.”  He turned in the direction of the exit, grateful when he realised that James was following.  </p><p>They both stepped outside to see two large trucks pulled up next to the green, men unloading poles and other large items, looking around for the right place to set up.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Which one of you is Jack?” one of the men asked.</p><p>“Him,” James said, wondering what was going on, realising pretty quickly that Jack had no idea either.</p><p>“Where do you want this?” the man asked.</p><p>“What is it?” Jack asked confused.</p><p>“The marquee,” the man said.  “For the Christmas event.”</p><p>Jack simply looked at him blankly.</p><p>“I was told to bring the biggest marquee, find Jack, and get the boys to put up the marquee before dark.  I’m here, you’re Jack, so where do you want this?”</p><p>“Over there,” Jack pointed to the green.  “Outside the auditorium.  We can move the stalls inside once you’ve finished.” He had no idea what was going on but he was not going to turn down such a good offer.   </p><p>“You heard him, boys,” the man called over his shoulder and immediately his team went to work.</p><p>“What is going on?” James asked Jack quietly. </p><p>“A Christmas miracle?” Jack shrugged.  “Your guess is as good as mine.”</p><p> “The outdoor space heaters will be here in the morning,” the man continued.  “No one is going to freeze or get wet this Christmas.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack said amazed.  “That’s great.  Do you guys need anything?”</p><p>“No, you’re alright,” the man smiled.  “Just sit back and watch this marquee go up in record time.  The Sheriff has promised the boys beer and pizza once they’ve finished.”</p><p>“Sheriff?” Jack asked; trying to hide the smile on his face as it all became clearer.  </p><p>“Let’s say I owed Sheriff Witter a favour.  I told him I was happy to provide the items but I wasn’t sure the boys would available last minute.  Clearly, he’s a persuasive man,” he laughed.</p><p>“That must have been some favour he did for you to get this is return,” James laughed.</p><p>“Nothing bad I assure you,” the man laughed.  “My daughter was in a pretty nasty accident last Christmas.  Sheriff Witter was the first one on the scene.  He called for help and kept her calm. He gave me the gift of still having my daughter.  I’ll owe him for eternity.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack said softly.  “We really appreciate it.”</p><p>James looked at Jack slightly suspiciously; feeling like he was missing something.  “That’s a lot of trouble for Doug to go to.”</p><p>Jack shrugged, trying to hide the jumble of emotions flowing through him.  “I guess when he volunteered to help he really meant it.”</p><p>“Seems that way,” James nodded.  </p><p>“You know the Sheriff,” the man smile.  “Big fan of Christmas.” </p><p>Jack was pretty sure he heard James take a sharp in take of breath.  Refusing to look at him, hoping he imagined it, he quickly turned back towards the auditorium.  “I should probably go check how everything is coming along.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>The marquee had indeed gone up faster than expected and the team of guys even stayed to help move everything inside.  The stalls were all set up, Christmas trees were in position – the art department had set to work quickly to make sure the outside space was as festively decorated as the inside.  It was later than expected by the time everyone finished but Jack was really pleased with the result.  He had thanked everyone for their hard work and sent them home to enjoy their evening before heading back tomorrow for the event.<p>James’ daughters, with help from Max, had decorated the trees beautifully.  Jack had taken them hot chocolate and snacks around the time they had finished tree number seven.  He had sat with them for a while, asking them what they had asked Santa for.  He tried to avoid eye contact with James, feeling oddly guilty.  He did not know if James had figured out what was going on with Doug and while Jack knew he should be concerned about how Doug may feel about it, he actually felt more concerned about James’ potential reaction.  He knew James would be discreet but he cared about his opinion and felt bad for keeping him in the dark.  James was more than just his boss – he was his friend.</p><p>Trying to push it out of his mind he found himself sat alone under the marquee, admiring the community spirit that had pulled everything together.  He pulled out his cell phone and dialled Doug’s number, knowing that he was working and may not be able to answer.</p><p>“Hi,” he heard Doug answer after only a couple of rings.  “I wondered if I’d hear from you this evening.”</p><p>“I hope you haven’t been sat staring at your phone rather than policing the mean streets of Capeside,” Jack joked.  </p><p>“It’s a quiet town; I can manage both.  I am currently out on patrol,” Doug replied, the smile evident in his voice.</p><p>“Should I call back later?” Jack asked, not wanting to interrupt. </p><p>“No, now is perfect actually.  Where are you?”</p><p>“I’m still at the school,” Jack answered.  “It’s been an eventful day.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Do you think that next time you arrange for a giant marquee to be set up outside my place of work you could maybe give me a heads up?” Jack joked.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Doug smiled.</p><p>“There’s no point denying it.  Your buddy sold you out,” Jack laughed.  “How did the pizza and beers go?”</p><p>“I only stuck around long enough to make the order.  I had somewhere more important to be.”</p><p>“That’s a shame.”</p><p>“No really,” Doug replied, his voice playful.</p><p>Jack was just about to question him when the marquee lit up with flashing blue and red lights.  Jack stood up from where he was sat, looking out towards the parking lot, spotting Doug’s patrol car coming to a stop.  He hung up his phone and headed to the makeshift doorway as Doug climbed out of his car holding a pizza box.</p><p>“I thought you might be hungry,” Doug shrugged.</p><p>Jack could do little more than grin at the sight of the other man, completely stunned by his presence.  “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”  </p><p>“I am,” Doug smiled, kissing Jack softly as he passed him, entering the marquee.  “I’m making sure everything is secure at the high school ahead of tomorrow’s event.”</p><p>“How did you know I’d still be here?” Jack asked, following Doug further inside, sitting back down where he had been before.</p><p>“Just a hunch,” Doug replied, holding out the pizza box to Jack.  “I assumed you’d be working late and probably not eaten.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“It’s just pizza,” Doug shrugged.</p><p>“Not just for the pizza,” Jack corrected, “For everything.”</p><p>“I told you that I wanted to help,” he smiled.  “It looks great in here.  You should feel proud.”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything really – just ran around making sure everyone else was working hard,” Jack shook his head.</p><p>“It wouldn’t have happened without you.”</p><p>“It’s not done yet.  There’s still time for it all to go wrong.”</p><p>Doug scowled ever so slightly, moving closer to Jack, and taking hold of his hand.  “It must be exhausting always waiting for everything to go wrong.  Believe it or not, sometimes things work out.”  </p><p>“I know.  I’m sorry,” Jack sighed.</p><p>“Don’t be,” Doug smiled softly.  “Just have a little more faith – in yourself and the choices you make.”</p><p>“You mean you,” Jack mocked.</p><p>“Yes; me, “Doug smiled, rolling his eyes, “And everything else.  You need to relax a little.  Everything’s fine.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack nodded.  “I just can’t quite shake this weird feeling of impending doom.”</p><p>“That’s because you’re a pessimist that seems hell bent on proving yourself right when it come to the horrors of Christmas.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Jack conceded, agreeing that there was an element of truth in that.  “I’m not doing it on purpose.”</p><p>“I know.  But Christmas is only three days away and there’s only a couple of hours left of today.  What can really go wrong between now and then?”</p><p>Jack looked at him like he had just said ‘Candy Man’ three times in a row.  “I can’t believe you just said that.”</p><p>“Correction,” Doug laughed, “A superstitious pessimist.”</p><p>“I’m holding you directly responsible for any bad things that happen.”</p><p>“Please do,” Doug nodded.  “We just need to get though tomorrow and maybe even have a little fun.  Then once I’ve finished the early shift on Christmas Eve I will come to yours and Christmas can begin.”</p><p>“You make it sound so simple.”</p><p>“It is simple,” Doug said, giving Jack’s hand a squeeze.  “Are you sure you’re still happy to go to my parents on Christmas Day?”</p><p>“It would be rude not to,” Jack replied, not particularly bothered either way.</p><p>“I can make an excuse.”</p><p>“No, really, it should be fun.”</p><p>“So a superstitious pessimist with questionable ideas of what constitutes fun.”</p><p>“And I’m all yours.  Aren’t you lucky?”</p><p>“Very,” Doug smiled, opening the pizza box, looking around the marquee.  “I promise this will be the best Christmas ever.”</p><p>“You think so?” Jack smiled, hoping Doug was right.</p><p>“How can it not when I have you?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had found it hard to sleep; his mind going over everything that needed to be done before everyone arrived for the celebration.  He wished he could simply turn up, make sure everyone knew what they were doing and then leave – maybe reappearing for the last few minutes to make it look like he had been there all along.  Refusing to wear the Christmas jumper that Doug had gifted him a few days earlier he settled for a green sweater that he supposed could be interpreted as festive to those who really wanted it to be.<p>As he pulled into the parking lot he was surprised to see so many people already there.  The event did not start for another couple of hours but stall holders and volunteers were already busy preparing.  As he climbed out of his car he could hear Christmas music playing in the auditorium and had to fight the urge to get back in his car and drive away.  He patted his pocket making sure he had his keys – having decided he would hide out in his classroom for a bit if needed.  </p><p>The air was thick with the smell of sugar and cinnamon and while there was certainly a December chill, the sky was clear and the sun shone in a way that made Jack question whether it really was Christmastime.  He closed his car door and leant back against it heavily, not ready to go inside just yet.</p><p>“Just a couple more days and it will all be over for another year.”</p><p>Jack glanced over his shoulder to see James approaching.  “How do you do that?” Jack asked with a smile.  “Do you have a tracker on me or something?”</p><p>“It’s not my fault that your car is incredibly noticeable,” James laughed, joining Jack in standing in front of his car, also leaning back against it.</p><p>“Maybe I should trade it in.”</p><p>“Maybe,” James nodded.  There was a moment of silence as James tried to decide whether he was going to say what was on his mind.  “My girls had a lovely time yesterday.  After the hot chocolate and sweets, you may well have knocked Max off his pedestal.   They were talking about you all night.  I think Sophie may have a little crush.”  </p><p>“I have one of those faces that appeals to pre-teens,” Jack joked.</p><p>“And sheriffs,” James added, looking straight ahead.</p><p>“Do I have to call you Poirot now?” </p><p>“No, I shouldn’t be rewarded with such an honour.  It took me far too long to figure it out,” James laughed.  “And trust me, I gave it some serious thought.  I was so close – just went for the wrong brother.”</p><p>Jack did not respond – not too sure what to say.  He knew he was going to have to ask James to keep it quiet but he could not bear to hear the words come out of his mouth.</p><p>“He seems like a good guy.”</p><p>“He is,” Jack said softly.  </p><p>“I’m not going to say anything,” James said, hoping Jack already knew that.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I understand what you mean by ‘complicated’ now.  Can’t be easy.”</p><p>“I can’t say it’s particularly fun at times.  It is what it is, I guess.”    </p><p>“Does anyone else know?” James asked.</p><p>“His family,” Jack shrugged.  “No one else in Capeside.”</p><p>“Maybe me figuring it out is a blessing then.  I meant what I said before.  I’m always happy to be an ear.”</p><p>“Thank you.  I appreciate that.”</p><p>The two men stood quietly, still leaning against the car, surveying the scene in front of them as more people began to arrive.</p><p>“Are you ever going to let me test drive this thing?” James asked, running his hand over the hood of Jack’s car.</p><p>“Let’s wait and see how decent my bonus is.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</p>
</div>“Jackers!” Pacey called across the parking lot having spotted his friend stood outside the auditorium.  “I come bearing disgusting British baked goods.”<p>“Sounds so appealing,” Jack laughed, heading over to help Pacey with the boxes.</p><p>“I tried my best,” Pacey shrugged, handing a box to Jack.</p><p>Jack peered into the trunk of Pacey’s car at the remaining boxes.  “That doesn’t look like 500.  You better not have short-changed me.”</p><p>“Would I ever?” Pacey replied in mock offence.  “The rest are on route in my assistant’s car.”</p><p>“Your assistant?” </p><p>“She’s not very good but she’s trading her assistance for somewhere to stay that isn’t my parents’ house.”</p><p>Before Jack could question him any further a car pulled up next to Pacey’s – the door opening quickly.  “There’s my favourite secret brother-in-law,” Gretchen grinned. “Kind of anyway.  You know what I mean.”</p><p>“Gretchen,” Jack grinned.  “I had no idea you were here,” he said, handing the box in his arms back to Pacey so he could give Gretchen a hug.</p><p>“Long time no see, McPhee.”</p><p>“How have you been?” Jack asked, trying to remember the last time he saw her.</p><p>“I’m good.  I hear you’re keeping well – choice of company excluded,” she teased.</p><p>“So good to see you.”  Jack gave her another hug before grabbing the box back from Pacey.  “We should get these inside.  I assume you want to get out of here as quickly as possible.”</p><p>“That would be correct,” Pacey smiled, “But unfortunately not what fate has on the cards for us.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Gretchen and I will be here for the duration.  As will the rest of the Witter clan – minus Kerry and the demon spawn.”</p><p>“Mom’s orders,” Gretchen rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Your parents are coming?” Jack asked confused.</p><p>“Did Doug not tell you?” Gretchen asked.</p><p>“Of course he didn’t,” Pacey rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Mom caught wind of the fact you were organising this little shindig – either from Doug or Pacey; whichever of them is too stupid to keep their mouth shut.  So here we are, out in force, to show support for the newest member of this dysfunctional little family of ours.”</p><p>“Are you being serious?” Jack asked.  </p><p>“Would we joke about this?” Pacey replied.</p><p>Gretchen threw her arm around Jack’s shoulder.  “Let the festivities begin.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had managed to find a quiet corner to hide.  The event was in full swing and it felt as though the auditorium and surrounding areas were getting busier by the minute.  Music was playing, people were catching up with old friends and enjoying mulled wine and mince pies – which Jack had been surprised to find he quite liked.  Students from the drama department were dressed in period costumes, interacting with guests as different characters from Dickens’ novel.  The decorations looked good, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Jack’s stomach was still in knots.<p>“Mind if I hide with you?” Gretchen asked, leaning against the wall next to him.</p><p>“Feel free,” Jack nodded.  </p><p>“Looks like a success to me,” she smiled.  “Surely as man of the hour you should be out their soaking up all the praise.”</p><p>“I’m not sure that’s really my style,” Jack replied.  “Who are you hiding from?”</p><p>“Pacey – he’s force feeding me mince pies.”  She looked over at Jack and shrugged, deciding to tell the truth.  “Honestly? The same as you, I guess – everyone.  Or are you hiding from my brother too?”</p><p>“Pacey?” Jack asked, wondering why he would need to hide from him.</p><p>“No, the other one,” Gretchen grinned.</p><p>“Is he here?” Jack asked, pretending that he did not know the exact moment he had walked into the room.  </p><p>“So that’s how you want to play it,” she smiled, nudging him with her elbow.</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve quite mastered the correct etiquette for pretending my boyfriend is straight – especially in front of all of his family.  I figured it’s probably best if I just keep my distance.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she sympathised.</p><p>“It’s not a big deal,” Jack shrugged.  “I was planning on heading to my classroom and doing a bit of prep anyway.”</p><p>“No way,” Gretchen said sternly.  “I will not allow it and I know full well that if Pacey finds out that you’re doing that he will personally come and drag you out.”</p><p>“How would he find out?” Jack asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Because I’d tell him.  And you know I would,” she laughed.  “Come on, you know my mom is desperate to see you,” she said pulling on his arm.  </p><p>Jack sighed, “Fine, but I swear if you leave me alone with them I will send Pacey over with more mince pies.”</p><p>“Deal,” she smiled, already pulling him in the direction of her family.</p><p>As though his eyes were intrinsically drawn to him, Jack spotted Doug stood a few metres away from the table his parents were sat at.  He was talking to a couple that Jack did not recognise. Their eyes met and Doug shot him a small and discreet smile before returning his attention to his conversation.</p><p>“Look who I found,” Gretchen said, still pulling Jack by the arm.</p><p>“Jack!” Mrs Witter said excitedly, standing from her seat to give Jack a big hug.  “Merry Christmas,” she beamed.</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Jack replied as she released him, nodding in Mr. Witter’s direction, receiving a nod in return.</p><p>“You’ve done such a good job,” Mrs Witter said, looking around the room.  “You’re clearly very talented.”</p><p>“All I really did was coordinate,” Jack replied.  “The students did the majority of the work – they’re the talented ones.”</p><p>“Modest too,” Mrs Witter smiled.  </p><p>“Are you looking forward to Christmas?” Jack asked, trying to change the subject.  He could feel Doug’s eyes on him and he felt like he had been caught doing something wrong.</p><p>“Oh yes,” Mrs Witter replied.  “I can’t wait to have everyone together.”</p><p>“Christmas is a pretty big deal in the Witter house,” Gretchen added.  “When Pacey was little he used to call it ‘Better Thanksgiving with presents’.”</p><p>“I still do,” Pacey chimed in, approaching just at the right time, putting his arm around Jack’s shoulders.  “You’ll soon learn that any holiday that involves consuming high volumes of food and alcohol are pretty popular in the Witter household.”</p><p>“Pacey, you make us sound so uncivilised,” Mrs Witter chastised.  </p><p>“The boy’s right,” Mr Witter grumbled.  “I don’t think Jack’s going to be put off by the truth.”</p><p>Jack could not help but laugh.  He was quite quickly warming to Mr Witter’s dry sense of humour.  </p><p>“Are you still joining us for Christmas?” Mrs Witter asked, her voice hushed in case anyone overheard.</p><p>“As long as it’s not too much trouble getting out the extra chair?” Jack smiled, pleased when Mr Witter let out a laugh.</p><p>“I’m sure we can manage that,” he nodded.</p><p>“Holy crap,” Gretchen said, turning to Pacey.  “Did Jack just make Dad laugh?”</p><p>“I’m telling you – he’s got them both wrapped around his little finger,” Pacey replied.</p><p>“Doug better hope this relationship works out because I don’t think Mom and Dad are going to let Jack go.”</p><p>“Jack,” Mrs Witter smiled, pulling out a chair, “Please sit down.”</p><p>“I should probably go check on a few things,” Jack said, once again feeling Doug’s eyes on him.</p><p>“Don’t dash off,” she insisted.  “Just a few minutes.  I want to hear more about New York.”</p><p>“Just sit,” Gretchen said, sitting in the chair next to the one that had been offered to Jack.  “She’s not going to give up.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Doug stood back and watched Jack sitting with his family, talking and laughing.  He had felt the need to remind his mom about the discretion required when it came to his life and she had assured him that she understood, but here she was, hand on Jack’s arm, laughing and joking like old friends.  He wondered what Jack was thinking.  He wondered how long it would be before he politely excused himself.<p>Having finished his conversation with a couple of acquaintances he had been planning to head back over to his family but felt unable to do so with Jack there; not wanting to create an awkward situation.  He began to wonder if Jack had been right all along – maybe complete avoidance was best.  </p><p>“Is that your family?” a voice asked from next to him.</p><p>Doug looked to his side to see James.  “Yes,” he nodded.  </p><p>“I hadn’t realised Jack knew the rest of your family so well,” James said.</p><p>“He’s been friends with Pacey since high school,” Doug reasoned.</p><p>“Of course,” James nodded.  “They seem pretty taken with him,” he added, noticing the way he seemed to be the centre of the Witter family’s attentions.  He also noticed Doug tense up slightly more than he already had been.  “Jack can be very charming when he wants to be.”</p><p>Doug did not say anything.  He had the feeling that James wanted to say something else but was holding back.</p><p>“My daughters have become slightly besotted with him.”</p><p>“Really?” Doug asked, not realising that Jack knew the rest of James’ family.</p><p>“I’m hoping it has more to do with him being such a nice guy, rather than the fact he bought them hot chocolate and sweets.  I’d like to think they’re not so easily bought.”</p><p>“Kids can be fickle,” Doug replied with a forced laugh.</p><p>“He is a good guy though,” James repeated, looking for Doug’s reaction.  He had meant what he had said to Jack about not telling anyone, but surely there was no harm in letting on to Doug that he knew, even if he did not outright say it.  James liked Jack, and with the absence of family in Capeside, James felt the need to be the one to look out for his interests.    </p><p>“Absolutely,” Doug agreed, feeling some tension.  </p><p>“Seems like quite the family man.”</p><p>“He does,” Doug agreed, resisting the urge to comment on the fact that Jack had a knack of getting closer to other people’s families that he did with his own. Somewhere in the back of his mind he questioned where such a cruel thought had materialised from – more used to that sort of snipe being aimed at Pacey rather than the man he loved.</p><p>“Thank you for arranging the marquee by the way,” James shifted a gear.  “I hope it didn’t put you out too much arranging it?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Doug replied.  “I just wanted to help out.”</p><p>“I know Jack really appreciates it.  We all do.  Thank you.”</p><p>Doug looked back at James more intently, wondering what was going on.  He did not know the man well, having only had a few conversations with him one on one, but this was certainly the most uncomfortable he had felt, like he was being sized up.</p><p>“Anyway, I should probably go and find my family,” James smiled.  “I guess you’ll probably want to be doing the same.  Merry Christmas, Sheriff.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Doug replied, watching as James walked away, not before glancing back over at Jack one last time.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>Doug had tried to catch Jack’s attention a couple of times.  He had hoped that a simple knowing look would be enough to make Jack realise how spending so much time with his family looked to onlookers.  He had hoped Jack would excuse himself and find other people to socialise with – preferably no one linked to Doug in anyway.  He felt slightly spooked by his interaction with James and could not shake the feeling that maybe he knew – wondering if he had worked it out from watching the way Jack was laughing and joking with his family – looking like someone that belonged.<p>Doug was not sure what he had expected Jack to do.  He knew that his family had a way of pulling people in and his mom certainly would not make it easy for Jack to leave.  Afterall it had been Doug that had assured Jack that being seen together in public was not a big deal – reminding him that there was a stage between being acquaintances and a couple.  While that stage may not have lasted long between the two of them, it had existed – during which they would often have been seen in each other’s company, particularly around Pacey.  So why was the sight of Jack sat with his family making his blood boil?  </p><p>Each of his attempts to discreetly catch Jack’s attention had failed and eventually he grew frustrated with trying.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Doug asked as he approached his family’s table.</p><p>“There you are,” Mrs Witter smiled.  “Gretchen was just telling Jack about the time she tried to make everyone matching Christmas jumpers when you were kids – do you remember?”</p><p>“Unfortunately,” Doug groaned at the memory.  </p><p>Doug looked to Jack, who was still smiling from Gretchen’s telling of the story, giving him a questioning look.  Almost immediately the smile faded from the other man’s face.  Also noticing the look, Pacey placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder, stopping him from standing.  </p><p>“Where have you been?” Mr Witter asked his son, also noticing the tension.</p><p>“We are supposed to be having a family afternoon,” Mrs Witter added.  “They are so rare these days.”</p><p>“Sorry, Mom,” he replied, eye still on Jack.  “But there are other people to talk to here.”</p><p>Jack made a slight noise – clearing his throat; trying to not take Doug’s comment to heart, even though he knew it was aimed at him.</p><p>“Doug, I think you need to tone it down a notch or two,” Pacey warned.  </p><p>“Don’t start, Pacey,” Doug snapped, not in the mood for his brother’s interference.  </p><p>“Douglas,” Mr Witter warned, not wanting a repeat of Thanksgiving.  He knew his younger son would not think twice about going to bat for Jack, even if Jack preferred to excuse Doug’s behaviour.  </p><p>Jack had never seen Doug’s eyes look so cold.  He did not understand what was going on.  It had been Doug that had pushed the idea that it was not a problem for them to be seen together in public and that Jack should not feel the need to avoid him, but now he was looking at him like he had committed the worst crime.  He felt his cheeks begin to flush – Pacey’s hand burning into his shoulder.</p><p>“Well, I guess I will see you all in a couple of days,” Jack said softly, reaching up and patting Pacey’s hand, silently begging him to let go without causing a scene.</p><p>“Don’t go yet,” Gretchen said quickly.  “Doug has only just got here.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Pacey muttered sarcastically.</p><p>“I’m sure Jack has more important things to do,” Doug said – his eyes still fixed on the other man.</p><p>Jack wished the ground would open and swallow him whole.  “I should check on how things are going outside.”  He stood up on shaky legs wishing he had stuck with his original plan of hiding out in his classroom.</p><p>“Doug, you are being an idiot,” Pacey said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Pacey, please leave it,” Jack said softly, not able to look at either him or Doug.  “It’s fine.”</p><p>“It’s not fine,” Pacey shook his head.</p><p>Jack took a deep breath.  “I hope you all have a good afternoon,” he said, turning quickly, managing to sidestep Pacey trying to pull him back.</p><p>“Bye, Jack,” Gretchen said quickly, completely shocked by what she had witnessed. </p><p>The whole family watched as Jack walked away, shoulder slumping down as he got closer to the door, unable to hide his hurt any longer.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Gretchen asked.  </p><p>“I’ve asked for your discretion,” Doug said quietly – his voice firm and thick with annoyance.  “Not to play happy families in the middle of a community event.”</p><p>“You absolutely nailed discretion, Dougie, well done,” Gretchen said sarcastically.  </p><p>“Not here,” Mr Witter snapped, having had enough for his children squabbling.  “I have had enough of this.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div>The cold air hit him as he exited the auditorium as quickly as possible.  He reminded himself that there were hundreds of people around him and now was not the time to react to what had just happened.  He plastered a smile on his face as one of his students passed by and waved.<p>Everyone seemed to be having a good time.  The sound of Christmas songs washed over him as he stood wondering which direction he should head in in order to get away.  He considered getting back into his car and heading home but one glance over at the parking lot and he realised that would not be possible for some time – his car completely blocked in by so many others.  He looked over at the main school building – a couple of lights were on.  He knew that the art and drama department had been using the main building for prep so he was confident he would be able to get in without any problem.  </p><p>There were people everywhere.  He just needed to get through the crowd without being stopped by anyone.  He scanned the groups of people trying to figure out his best route; avoiding anyone he knew.  It took him a moment to realise that he was already too late and that someone was walking straight towards him.</p><p>“I was just coming to look for you,” Max smiled, holding out a coffee cup.  “I figured you may need this.”</p><p>Jack looked at the cup blankly, trying to force his brain to catch up with the scene in front of him.</p><p>“I promise it’s just regular coffee – no added syrup or unnecessary festivities.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack smiled, taking the cup.  “You didn’t have to.”</p><p>“You know as well as I do that it was an excuse to come over and talk to you,” Max laughed.  “There’s only so much of my cousins hopped up on sugar and the promise of Santa Claus that I can take.”</p><p>Jack could not help but laugh which took him by surprise because he felt nothing like laughing.  “I was just about to go hide in my classroom.  You’re welcome to join me if you like?”</p><p>“As long as I’m not intruding on any deep contemplation regarding your hatred of Christmas?”</p><p>“I’m not as bad as that,” Jack shook his head, starting to walk in the direction of the main building.  </p><p>“What did you have planned?” Max asked as he followed.</p><p>“I don’t know – sit at my desk and watch videos of cats on my phone like all the best teachers out there,” Jack joked.  “Or randomly add some obscene doodles into literature books to see if students are actually reading them.”</p><p>“Both are strong options,” Max laughed, taking hold of the door as Jack opened it for him.</p><p>“The third option was to take a nap under my desk but that seems a little inappropriate now.”</p><p>“Don’t let me stop you.  I can start with the book graffiti while you nap.”</p><p>“I’ve got this now,” Jack said raising the coffee cup Max had given him.  “I should be fine.”</p><p>“What is it that has you wanting to hide away?” Max asked as Jack unlocked his classroom door and let him in, turning on the lights.</p><p>“Life,” Jack replied simply.</p><p>“And you can hide from life in here?” Max asked, mockingly knocking on the walls.  “What are these walls made out of – magic?”</p><p>“Something even stronger,” Jack smiled, “Teenage indifference.  In this room Jack does not exist.  I am purely Mr McPhee.  I could walk in with a severed arm and I can guarantee that most of the students will be too fixated on their own dramas to even notice – let alone care.”</p><p>“So Jack and Mr McPhee are two different people?” Max asked, perching on one of the desks.</p><p>“Pretty much,” Jack replied.</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“Mr McPhee cares if you hand your homework in and Jack would rather you didn’t to save him some marking time in the evening,” he smiled.  “Mr McPhee will put you in detention for things that Jack would probably laugh at.”</p><p>“Jack sounds a lot cooler that Mr McPhee,” Max noted.  “I’m glad I’m not a student here.”</p><p>“As someone that was once a student here, I am also glad to no longer be.  It was brutal.”</p><p>“This was your high school?” Max asked.  “I didn’t know that.”</p><p>Jack looked at him for a moment, mentally questioning why a man he met for the first time yesterday would be surprised to not know something like that about him.  “How much as James told you about me?”</p><p>“Let’s just say I wouldn’t have been surprised if you were hiding from my uncle’s pitiful attempts at matchmaking,” Max smiled.</p><p>“If it makes you feel any better he made a pretty strong pitch in your favour,” Jack laughed, sitting on his desk, letting his legs hang over the edge.</p><p>“Just so you know, I didn’t ask him to.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack nodded.  </p><p>“And for full transparency, he told me about your ‘complicated’ relationship.  Not the details or anything – just that you’re in one.”</p><p>“I wondered,” Jack nodded.</p><p>“It’s none of my business but I hope there’s more to it that just being ‘complicated’.  I’ve been there and I know it’s not a lot of fun.”</p><p>Jack paused before responding, wondering if his gut reaction that there was more to his and Doug’s relationship that complications was accurate.  “Generally speaking it’s more ‘good’ than ‘complicated’.”</p><p>“I’m glad,” Max smiled.  “And it’s all worked out for the best because you’re the complete opposite of my type anyway.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Jack laughed.  “What is your type?”</p><p>“You know – ugly and dumb.”</p><p>“You’re a funny guy, Max,” Jack snickered</p><p>“I hope you don’t hold my uncle’s meddling against him.”</p><p>“James is a good guy.”</p><p>“He is,” Max nodded.  “He doesn’t often befriend one of his teachers in the way he seems to have with you.  He must think you’re a good guy too.”</p><p>“It’s nice to know that someone has my back around here.”</p><p>“How has Capeside reacted to having a gay teacher?” Max asked.</p><p>“Slightly better than expected,” Jack shrugged.  “It mostly fine with the occasional bit of graffiti, bigotry and protest.”</p><p>“You really know how to sell small town life.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure there’s a quote from me in the brochure.”</p><p>“I’ll look out for that,” Max smiled.  </p><p>Both men turned to the door as they heard a knock.  A moment later Pacey let himself in.  “Am I interrupting?”  </p><p>“Not at all,” Jack smiled, welcoming his friend inside. “Pacey, meet Max – James’ nephew.  Max, this is Pacey – a good friend of mine and fellow Capeside High survivor.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Max smiled.</p><p>“You too,” Pacey replied, giving Jack a look trying to figure out if he was okay.  </p><p>“You’re welcome to hide out in here with us,” Jack said.</p><p>“You know things must be pretty bad out there if I am choosing to take solace in a classroom,” Pacey joked.</p><p>Max could sense that Pacey wanted to talk to Jack alone.  He stood up from the desk he had been perched on.  “I should probably go and find Sophie and Lara.  I promised them I would decorate baubles with them – wish me luck.”</p><p>“Good luck,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“Thanks for letting me hide out for a while.  I’ll catch you later.”</p><p>Jack and Pacey watched as Max left, pulling the door to behind him.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to scare him off.”</p><p>“Sure you did,” Jack joked.  “Don’t worry about it.  He probably thinks you’re my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Right now I wish I was.”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Jack laughed.</p><p>“I’m not declaring my love for you, Jackers – even if I do think that your dark sultry looks would go perfectly with the rough around the edges thing I have going on,” Pacey smiled.  “I just mean that at least if that were the case whatever the tell that was that happened back there never would have happened.”</p><p>“How is it that you’re more comfortable with being gay than your brother is?”</p><p>“Have you noticed that whenever you’re annoyed with him you call him ‘your brother’ rather than just Doug?”</p><p>Jack shrugged, not knowing what to say.  He was annoyed with Doug.  Inside he was fuming but he did not want Pacey to know that.  He did not want anyone to know that.  He could not get past the coldness in Doug’s eyes.</p><p>“I left mid-way through Gretchen giving him a lecture.”</p><p>“I bet that’s going down well,” Jack groaned.</p><p>“He was a complete ass.  I’m glad someone is telling him as much.  He needs to hear it.”</p><p>“I knew what I was getting myself into,” Jack sighed.</p><p>“So that’s it – you’re just going to accept the way he treated you?”</p><p>“What would you like me to do, Pace – head back in there and start an argument that I’m never going to win?”</p><p>“I want you admit that what happened back there hurt because right now I’m really concerned about what you’re willing to overlook.”</p><p>“Of course it hurt,” Jack said shaking his head.  “Does it make you feel better hearing me say that because it doesn’t make me feel any better.”</p><p>“He needs to know how his inability to be more open is affecting you.”</p><p>“He knows,” Jack said, starting to get a little annoyed, taking a deep breath to calm himself.  “We’ve talked about it.  We’ve argued about it.  He knows.”</p><p>“Doesn’t that just make it worse?”</p><p>“Pacey, could we please not make a big deal out of this?”</p><p>“You’re kidding, right?  Doug just treated you like dirt and I’m supposed to just ignore it.  If it had been anyone else I probably would have swung for him.”</p><p>“It doesn’t concern you, Pacey.”</p><p>“Of course it concerns me.  You’re my friend – hell, you’re my best friend.”</p><p>“And he’s your brother,” Jack added.  “I’m not going to allow you to do anything that jeopardises your relationship.”    </p><p>“Jack’s right,” came a voice from the doorway, causing them both to look around, seeing Mr Witter.  “I saw Pacey head in this direction and figured we were both looking for the same person.”</p><p>“Come in,” Jack said graciously, standing up, nervously wondering what he wanted.</p><p>He stepped further into the room.  “Pacey, could you please go and keep your mother company?  I would like to talk to Jack.”</p><p>Pacey glanced over at Jack, trying to gage if he was okay with that.  Jack simply nodded slightly in his direction.  “Okay,” Pacey replied.  “I’ll catch you later, Jack.”</p><p>“Bye, Pace.”</p><p>Mr Witter closed the door behind his son before looking back over at Jack.</p><p>“I’m really sorry if I’ve caused a problem,” Jack said softly, “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”</p><p>“I did not come here for an apology,” Mr Witter said plainly.  “I came here to give you an apology.”</p><p>Jack looked back at him blankly.  “Why are you apologising?”</p><p>“May I?” Mr Witter asked, gesturing towards the chair next to Jack’s desk.</p><p>“Of course,” Jack replied, sitting back down on the edge of his desk as Mr Witter sat in the chair.</p><p>“When Doug told me he was gay, I had my concerns.  I’d had concerns for a while – I’m sure you can appreciate that the news didn’t come completely out of the blue.”</p><p>Jack nodded, wondering where this was headed.  </p><p>“My concerns were not what people may have thought though.  They were never anything to do with him liking men.  It was never a moral judgement.  It was fear,” Mr Witter admitted.  “It was fear that he would never live the full life that he deserved.  Doug is so damn comfortable in Capeside that it’s become an identity.  So much so he has accepted the judgement of others as an unavoidable part of life.”</p><p>Jack continued to listen, wondering if Mr Witter had ever shared any of this with Doug.</p><p>“I don’t imagine Doug ever leaving Capeside and because of that I was concerned that would mean him spending his life alone.  I mean, no offense, but what sane, young, gay man chooses to settle down in a town like this?”  </p><p>Jack could not help but laugh.  “That’s a good question.”</p><p>“But you did,” Mr Witter continued.  “And I saw the look on Doug’s face when he told us about you and suddenly my concerns died away.  I thought that maybe it would all be okay.  I hoped that he would take your lead and be more open.  I did not imagine that instead he would be doing the opposite to you.  I never considered the harm the secrecy would inflict on you.  For that I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jack shook his head.  “You don’t need to apologise.”</p><p>“I do – to you and to Doug,” Mr Witter insisted.  “I should have done more to help him be more comfortable with himself years ago.  I shouldn’t have waited until he told us about his life and about you.  I should have been building him up from the second I first suspected anything.  Hell, I should have started before that.”</p><p>“I’m not sure you could have done anything,” Jack replied, knowing that was not true, but wanting to give some comfort to the older man – regret was not going to change anything.</p><p>“I was in a position of power when you came out, Jack.  I remember the story, the rumours.  I remember what happened with Pacey.  Maybe I should have done more for you too and in turn that would have helped Doug realise that there was no need to hide.”</p><p>“I think you’re being far too hard on yourself.”</p><p>“We all should have done better.  This town should have done better.  I heard the whispers.  I heard the name calling and snide comments.  Whether on the street, in the school or within the police department – I should have done more to stop them.  Maybe then Doug wouldn’t be so concerned about them.”</p><p>“You say that with the benefit of hindsight,” Jack shrugged.  </p><p>“I just want you to know that I accept you and Doug.  I want you to be happy.  I accept my part in his issues, but I will not make excuses for his behaviour today.”</p><p>Jack simply shrugged, unsure if he would even be able to get words out if he tried.</p><p>“Mostly I want to thank you for being so level-headed - not just in the horrible display from Doug but also in what you said to Pacey.  It is clear how much you care for the two of them and how much you respect their relationship.”</p><p>“I don’t want to come between family,” Jack said simply.</p><p>“Pacey will always have your back,” Mr Witter smiled.  “I’m not sure how the two of them turned out so different.”</p><p>“They’re more similar than they’re willing to believe,” Jack smiled back.  </p><p>“Doug loves you,” Mr Witter said firmly.  “I have no doubt about that.”</p><p>“I’m glad you’re so sure,” Jack said, looking down at his hands, unable to forget the cold stare from the man he loved.  </p><p>“Why don’t we head back out?” Mr Witter suggested.  “Enjoy the festivities before it’s all over.”</p><p>“You go,” Jack nodded.  “I have a couple of things to finish up in here first.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had every intention of re-joining the festivities but as the time passed he felt less and less ready to face anyone.  He found the he was busying himself with silly tasks that he had been meaning to do for months – tidying his desk drawers, sorting through the books in the cupboard, and by the time he got to sorting through his pens he knew he was just stalling for time.  The sun was beginning to set and he knew the celebration would be over shortly – culminating in fireworks.  He figured that he may as well stay in his classroom and wait until everyone started leaving – only coming out to help with the clean-up.<p>He stood at the window, just about able to see the celebration taking place – glowing in red, green and gold, sparkling even more as the sun continued its descent.  For the first time he wished to be out there and enjoying himself, but not how things were now.  He wished he could be out there with Doug, hand in hand, enjoying Christmas through his eyes, seeing the magic.  But there was no magic here now.  He hated himself just a little for believing, even if for just a moment, that things could be different this year.</p><p>“You’re an idiot,” he mumbled to himself, finally allowing himself to feel the hurt and frustration of the day.  He wanted to disappear.  He wanted to fall back to his default Christmas plans of curling up in a ball and avoiding everyone – particularly if they had the surname Witter.  He had appreciated Mr Witter coming to speak to him and his honestly certainly gave an insight into his view of the whole situation, but all it did was make Jack feel worse.  It made him realise that it was very unlikely that Doug would change.  Even with the support of his family he could not find it within himself to be honest.  Jack could not help but feel that he would never be more than something Doug was ashamed of.  He feared that if Doug were ever completely honest and open about his life beyond the bubble of his family, that maybe he would no longer be the one Doug wanted once his options expanded.  Afterall, it would not be the first time that had been the case for Jack.    </p><p>He roughly wiped a stray tear from his cheek.  He just needed to get through a couple more hours and get home.  He refused to breakdown at work.  He refused to let anyone see his pain.  </p><p>Still looking out the window he saw the reflection of Doug standing behind him in the doorway before he spoke.</p><p>“So this is where you’ve been,” he said.</p><p>Jack stayed looking out the window.  He did not have the energy to do this.  He felt another tear cascade down his cheek making him hate himself just a little bit more than before.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for you,” Doug added.</p><p>Jack felt like telling him that he can’t have been looking too hard because half of his family had already found him – but he resisted.  He felt more tears.  Fearful that he was about to lose all control of his emotions he kept his back to Doug, unable to look at him.  Unable to speak.</p><p>“Jack,” Doug continued, moving further into the room, closer to the other man.</p><p>“Just go,” Jack said softly.  “I’m not doing this here.”</p><p>“Doing what?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Whatever this is,” Jack replied, finally turning around revealing his bloodshot eyes and tear streak cheeks.</p><p>“Jack,” Doug said again, shocked by the sight of him.  “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“No you’re not,” Jack shook his head, taking a step back as Doug stepped closer.</p><p>“I am,” he protested softly.  </p><p>“Why?” Jack asked, his expression almost as cold as Doug’s had been earlier in the day.  “Because your sister told you to be?  Because Pacey is angry with you?”</p><p>“Because I hurt you.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” Jack bit back.  “You didn’t care about that earlier so why do you care about that now?”</p><p>“Jack, please…”</p><p>“Please what?” Jack shook his head.  “What is it you want from me?  You don’t want me to be involved with your family and then you do – now you’ve changed your mind again.  You want me to act natural in public; you want me to act like we’re friends and then react like that.”</p><p>“What do you expect?” Doug asked, his mask slipping slightly as his annoyance bubbled over.  “You were being so obvious.”</p><p>“Obvious about what?” Jack asked, exasperated.  “That Pacey is one of my best friends? That I know Gretchen from back when she dated Dawson? That I was sat with their family in the absence of my own.”</p><p>“That’s just it, Jack - they are not your family.  They are my family.  You can’t just use them to replace what you’re lacking.”</p><p>“Is that what this is about?” Jack asked, stunned.</p><p>Doug did not respond, still surprised by the words that had spilled out of him.</p><p>“What is it that you think I’m trying to do?  Push you out of your own family?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Doug shook his head.</p><p>“I am making an effort for you; because I thought it was important to you.”</p><p>“I didn’t expect it to be like this.”</p><p>“Like what?” Jack asked before suddenly realising.  “You didn’t expect them to like me – did you?  In fact I think you were banking on the fact that they wouldn’t.  That your dad would have an issue with everything.  Because that would be really convenient wouldn’t it?  I mean, why would you ever want to tell anyone else the truth about us if your own family couldn’t accept it?” </p><p>The room fell quiet.  Jack was hoping Doug would tell him he was wrong.  He was hoping he had a different explanation but after a few moments he realised that nothing was coming.  </p><p>“I don’t believe this,” Jack shook his head.  “This is too much.”</p><p>“It’s not true,” Doug finally protested.  “None of that is true.”</p><p>“So what is it then?  Tell me because I really want to be wrong about this.”</p><p>“Why does everything have to be a big conspiracy all the time?  Why do you always choose to believe that everyone is plotting against you?”</p><p>“That didn’t answer my question,” Jack replied, becoming even more sure that his theory was correct.</p><p>“No, it didn’t, and nothing I could possibly say now will satisfy you because you have made up your mind and you are so stubborn that you will do anything to prove yourself right – no matter how ridiculous it is.”</p><p>“How has this gone from you coming to apologise, to me being the problem?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Because you are the problem!” Doug said angrily.  “That feeling of impending doom that you were talking about – it is you!”</p><p>Jack looked at Doug shocked – the cold expression from before was back and getting colder by the second.  “Right,” Jack nodded, not sure what else to say.</p><p>“You are so fixated on misery.  So convinced that Christmas brings nothing but pain that you have orchestrated this whole miserable persona and are hell bent on bringing everyone else down with you.  You can’t just let things be.  You have to pick and pick until you’ve ripped everything apart.  You’re not satisfied until you have someone else to blame for the misery that you create.”</p><p>Jack clenched his jaw.  He had no words.  He felt as though he had been repeatedly punched in the gut.</p><p>“Everything has to be how you want it and on your schedule and you just lay on the guilt thick and fast until you get what you want.  And anything that is left, that you haven’t yet ruined, you set to self-destruct.”</p><p>“I think you should go,” Jack said – his voice sounding calmer than he was expecting.  </p><p>“No, I’m not finished,” Doug snapped.</p><p>“Yes, you are,” Jack replied.  “We’re finished here.”</p><p>“No we’re not.”</p><p>“Doug, I have no idea what has got into you today but you need to go before you say anything else that can’t be taken back,” Jack said plainly, feeling himself begin to shut down in self-preservation.  </p><p>“I am not finished,” Doug said defiantly.</p><p>“Yes you are,” came a voice from the hallway.  “I suggest you leave,” James said resolutely as he walked through the door.</p><p>Doug looked at him, panic evident on his face.  </p><p>“Sheriff, I can only imagine this is a dispute that you wish to keep private, and considering the hallways will shortly be filled with students and teachers coming inside to change out of costumes and collect their belongings after what has for many been a very joyful day, I think now would be a good time for you to excuse yourself.”</p><p>Doug nodded graciously, glancing back to Jack who had returned to the window, suddenly feeling immense guilt for every single word he had tumbled out of him.  Realising there was no way he was going to be able to fix anything he quickly made his way out of the door before James’ glare became too much for even the Sheriff of Capeside to handle.</p><p>“He’s gone,” James said softly, watching Jack as he stood staring out the window. His reflection showing James everything that he was trying to hide.</p><p>“I don’t think I have ever been more embarrassed,” Jack said in a small voice.  “And that’s really saying something.”</p><p>“Don’t be.”</p><p>“How much of that did you hear?”</p><p>“Enough.”</p><p>“Did anyone else hear?”</p><p>“No,” James shook his head.  “I was coming to find you to see if you wanted to watch the fireworks with my family.  Max said I’d probably find you in here.”  James moved over to be stood next to Jack, watching the reflection of Jack’s face on the glass rather than looking past it to the festivities outside.  “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t even know what to say.”</p><p>James nodded in understanding.  “Does that happen a lot?” he asked concerned.</p><p>“No,” Jack shook his head.  “I think I just got it all wrong today.”</p><p>“It didn’t sound like you were the one in the wrong.”</p><p>“Why do I get the feeling that you’re not Doug’s biggest fan?”</p><p>“I have nothing against him,” James smiled.  “But I guess our friendship has made me feel slightly protective.  I may have tried to size him up earlier.  I hope that wasn’t the cause of the argument.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t worry about it.  It was heading in this direction regardless,” Jack shrugged.   </p><p>“Well, I’m sorry if I did have something to do with it.”</p><p>Jack shook his head, wondering how things could get any worse.  “You should go back and be with your family.  I don’t want you to miss watching the fireworks with them.”</p><p>As if on cue the first firework lit up the sky.  “They won’t even notice I’m gone.  And I fear to think what Sophie will do if I return without you.  She’s made you a bauble for your tree.”</p><p>Jack could not help but smile.  “To be twelve again,” he sighed.</p><p>“I’ve just waiting for Lara to develop a little crush on you,” James smiled.  “Then it will be all three of them.”</p><p>“Three?” Jack asked, realising a little too late what James meant.</p><p>James dug his elbow into Jack’s arm playfully.  “Are you sure don’t want to reconsider Max?” he joked.</p><p>“Very funny.”  Jack watched as fireworks continued to be let off, illuminating the sky.  </p><p> “I was going to give you this later,” James said pulling an envelope out of his pocket and handing it to Jack, “But maybe now is the right time.”</p><p>“What is it?” Jack asked, cautiously opening the envelope.</p><p>“Your bonus.”</p><p>Jack looked at him confused, knowing full well that he did not get bonuses – no matter how much he and James joked about it.  He pulled a card out of the envelope that had a picture of a snowman.  Opening the card he read James’ writing wishing him a merry Christmas.  He looked over at James knowingly.</p><p>“I figured if I called it a Christmas present you wouldn’t accept it,” James smiled.</p><p>Jack looked down at the gift cards in his hand and suddenly felt choked up.  “You shouldn’t have.”</p><p>“Nothing gets a teacher more excited that coffee and stationery. Those should keep you going for the rest of the year,” James smiled.  “Just don’t tell the others.”</p><p>Jack smiled as he nodded, not even trying to hide the tear that escaped.  James stood up from where he was perched on one of the desks and moved to the other side of the room, flicking the switch that turned the lights off.</p><p>“Let’s watch the display,” he said softly, settling back down next to his friend, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder as the room lit up with the glow of fireworks.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack said softly.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Jack.”</p><p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
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  <p>    <b>Thank you to everyone that is reading/commenting.  It's really lovely to know people are enjoying reading as much I have been enjoying writing.  This chapter is being posted a little earlier than intended... enjoy :) </b><br/>  </p>
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    <p>It had been a long and sleepless night.  Doug lay in bed wondering what on earth had come over him to make him behave like that – to say the awful things that he could never take back, no matter how much he wanted to.  Each time he closed his eyes he could see the hurt in Jack’s as he stood there being hit by the tidal wave of Doug’s tirade.  He did not know where it had all come from.  He did not know what had made him suddenly lash out - apart from Jack getting too close to the truth.  </p><p>From the moment he had walked into the high school; knowing Jack was there, he had felt like all eyes were on him.  Every time someone smiled and said hello he had been left wondering if they knew.  He had felt cornered and suddenly began to question all the things that he had tried to convince Jack to be true.  In that moment he knew Jack was right – there was no happy medium in public.  They were either together or they were not.  And in that moment, seeing Jack sat with his family, terrified that someone would figure out the truth, he decided that maybe it was better for them not to be together at all.   </p><p>Within seconds of realising that he may have lost Jack he knew that he was wrong.  There was no situation where losing Jack was the better of the two options.  He did not even care that James knew.  If anything if was a relief.  Someone outside of his family knew and the world was still turning as it had been before. </p><p>He had tried to call Jack before work, not surprised when the call was not answered.  He had not expected him to want to talk.  He knew he had a lot of making up to do and hoped that by the time he had finished work Jack would be more receptive to listening.  As his shift went on he became more angry with himself.  He knew he had no right to take his fears out on Jack.  He knew he did not deserve it.  He was angry at himself for ruining what should have been a perfect day.  He had been looking forward to spending Christmas Eve with Jack ever since they had made their plans.  He was looking forward to cooking him dinner, watching a couple of movies and cuddling up on the couch in the glow of the Christmas tree lights.</p><p>He had spent most of his shift shut away in his office, trying to think of anything he could say to make it better.  He had tried to call a few more times, only to find after the fifth attempt that Jack had switched his phone off.  He even started to feel desperate enough that he considered calling Pacey – hoping he would have some advice. But that would mean confessing everything he had said to Jack – if Jack had not already told him.  He could not face doing that.  He just had to pray for a miracle.  </p><p>On the drive to Jack’s house he had considered stopping off and buying flowers but cringed at how much of a cliché that would be.  He rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head, taking the longer route just to give himself time to perfect it.  He was so focused on his speech when he pulled up that he failed to notice the absence of Jack’s car.  He failed to notice that the wreath he had put on Jack’s door was no longer there.  He knocked loudly, not sure if Jack would answer.  He had his key poised ready to let himself in, using it after his second knock went unanswered.  </p><p>“Jack?” he called into the house, closing the door behind him.  He listened for any signs of life – his anxiety building with every step he took down the hallway.  “Jack?” he called again once at the end of the hallway, wondering if maybe he was upstairs.</p><p>Still hearing no response he walked into the open plan living area and took a deep intake of breath.  The decorations that he had lovingly hung the week before were no longer hanging, instead dumped into a box in the corner of the room, along with the stockings and mistletoe.  The Christmas cards that Jack had been given from students and other teachers were in a pile discarded on top of the box rather than displayed on the bookcase as they had been before.  Doug looked around trying to locate the Christmas tree that was no longer in the corner of the room.  It took him a moment before he spotted it dumped outside the backdoor on the decking – still decorated but laying on its side, pine needles littering the floor marking the route it had been hastily dragged out of the house.  The wreath lay next to it abandoned.  Other than the box in the corner of the room, all Christmas had been removed from the house – except for one card.</p><p>Doug moved over to the dining table, picking up the lone handmade card that stood on display – the envelope it came in sat next to it.  The front of the card had a simple gold star with a liberal amount of glitter.  Bushing his hand against his shirt to remove the glitter he opened the card to see writing that clearly belonged to a child – ‘To Jack, Merry Christmas, from Sophie’.  Wondering who Sophie was, he put down the card, noticing something else in the envelope.  Picking it up, he removed the piece of paper, noticing that the writing clearly belonged to someone else.  His eyes scanned the words over and over trying to take them in. ‘Thank you for yesterday.  Just in case things get too ‘complicated’ and you change your mind, here is my Christmas present to you - Max’.  At the bottom of the paper was a phone number.</p><p>Doug felt his stomach churn, wondering what was going on.  Who was Max, what was he thanking Jack for and why was he giving him his number?  Doug glanced over his shoulder, suddenly worried that he was going to get caught snooping through Jack’s things.  His mind was racing.  He needed to see Jack – he needed a chance to apologise.  Suddenly concerned that he was contending with more than he had originally though.  He stared back down at the paper in his hands, his heart pounding. </p><p>The house felt cold and lifeless.  Doug knew that Jack was gone – there was no point going in further search of him.  He looked around for a clue as to where he could be.  His eyes rested on the kitchen counter – the same spot that he and Jack had been making cookies the week before.  There was a small, wrapped package and what looked like a note.  As he moved closer he was able to make out Jack’s writing on the paper that lay next to a Christmas present with Doug’s name on.  He picked up the note, hoping for a shred of hope to cling to.  ‘Merry Christmas.  Leave your key on the way out.’</p><p>Doug’s stomach churned again, finally accepting what he had been trying to convince himself all day not to be true – he had ruined everything.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Amy was sat in her bouncy chair in the middle of the kitchen table, Grams and Jen sat in front of her, cooing over her as she smiled and bounced while they decorated cookies.<p>“I hate to say it, Grams, but this seems like an excessive amount of effort to go to for just the three of us – particularly as Amy can’t even eat these yet,” Jen said, struggling with the tiny nozzle of her piping bag.  “I could go to the store and buy us some cookies and they would look far more festive than anything I’m going to manage to produce.”</p><p>“This is not about the end product, Jennifer,” Grams reminded.  “It’s about taking the time to make something with love.”</p><p>“I know,” Jen nodded, “I just think, considering it’s just us, maybe we could use that as an excuse to roll back some of the more tiresome traditions and try and relax a little bit.”</p><p>“Jennifer,” Grams said sadly.  “I know this isn’t exactly how you wanted Christmas to be this year but this is still Amy’s first Christmas and we should treat it as the joyous occasion that it is.”</p><p>“Don’t get me wrong, Grams – I am so glad to be spending Christmas with you and Amy, and I’m glad that Jack has chosen to be with Doug for Christmas, but it’s not the same without him.”</p><p>“He will be here in two days,” Grams sympathised.  “I will certainly be thinking of him tomorrow but we don’t have long to wait until he arrives.”</p><p>“Maybe we could just pretend that tomorrow isn’t Christmas.  Maybe we could push it back a day until he arrives?”</p><p>“Tomorrow is about celebrating the birth of the Lord,” Grams replied.  “I am afraid we cannot dictate the timing of that celebration.”</p><p>“Right,” Jen nodded, rolling her eyes slightly.  </p><p>“But if you’re asking if I mind leaving the more commercial aspects of our celebrations until the following day – I don’t have any objection to that,” Grams smiled, laying her hand softly on Jen’s arm.  </p><p>“How about you, Amy?” Jen smiled, reaching out and taking her daughter’s tiny hand.  “You don’t mind waiting one more day, huh?”</p><p>Amy gurgled in response, bouncing her seat more vigorously.  </p><p>“Maybe you and Amy would like to join me at church tomorrow?” Grams said hopefully.  </p><p>“Is church really the right place to take a four-month-old?” Jen raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Church is for everyone,” Grams replied.  “No such thing as too young or too old.”</p><p>“We’ll see,” Jen smiled.</p><p>Before Grams could respond they were both distracted by a noise at the end of the hallway.  They looked at each other, wondering if the other had heard the same thing they had.  The noise came again before they had a chance to question it.</p><p>Jen stood up from the table, giving Grams a puzzled look.  “It sounded like a key in the lock.”</p><p>Grams watched as Jen walked over to the door to look out into the hallway.  “It can’t be,” Grams shook her head.  “The only people that have key are Helen and…”</p><p>“Jack!” Jen exclaimed, cutting Grams off mid-flow, dashing from the kitchen.</p><p>Grams looked at her great-granddaughter.  “What on earth,” she smiled, unbuckling Amy and picking her up, carrying her in the direction Jen had disappeared.</p><p>Sure enough at the end of the hallway, barely inside the door, surrounded by bags, Jen in his arms, stood Jack. </p><p>“Surprise,” he grinned.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Jen beamed, not letting him go.</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind,” he replied, not wanting to answer her question.</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Jen shook her head.  “I have never been more happy to see you.”</p><p>“Let the poor boy get through the door,” Grams smiled, also pleased to see him.</p><p>Jen finally let go of him, pulling him further into the house, eyeing all the bags he had bought with him.  “What is all this?”</p><p>“Presents,” Jack said simply.  </p><p>“Since when do you do Christmas presents?” </p><p>“Since my God-daughter deserves to be spoilt,” Jack smiled, reaching out for Amy and taking her from Grams.  “Hello, beautiful.”  He kissed her softly on her head.    </p><p>Jen went to peak into one of the bags but Jack stepped in front of her.  “What are you hiding, McPhee?”</p><p>“There may be one or two in there for you,” he smiled.  “They’re not wrapped yet.”</p><p>“Did you buy them today?” Jen joked, not expecting that really to be the case.</p><p>“I may have stopped off for a bit of shopping on the way,” he shrugged.  “I did not want there to be any disappoint when I turned up.”</p><p>“Your being here is enough,” Grams smiled, giving Jack a hug.  </p><p>“I hope I haven’t ruined any plans?” </p><p>“Just before you arrived I was trying to convince Grams to push back Christmas until you arrived.  Now everyone is happy,” Jen laughed.  “Come in, I’ll make some coffee.”</p><p>“Perfect,” Jack smiled, giving Amy a cuddle.  “Jen, why does the baby smell like cookies?”</p><p>“Come and find out!”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack lay on the floor with Amy – both on their fronts, face to face.  He gently waved toys in front of her and for a brief moment when she smiled he forgot of his heartache.<p>Jen stood in the doorway unnoticed, watching her best friend and daughter playing together.  She had the ghost of a smile across her face knowing that she should be weary.  As pleased as she was that Jack was in New York she knew the circumstances causing his last-minute change of plans could not be good.  </p><p>As though Grams was reading her mind, she appeared next to her, watching the same scene Jen was, a knowing look in her eye.  “Are you going to ask him?” she said in a hushed tone.</p><p>Jen looked at her grandmother and tried to hide the fact that she knew exactly what she meant, hoping if she pretended well enough then the issue would disappear.  “Ask him what?”  </p><p>“Jennifer,” Grams sighed.  “You know precisely what I mean.”</p><p>“He’ll tell us if he wants to,” Jen replied simply.</p><p>“Of course, because both you and Jack are known for being forthcoming with information.”</p><p>Jen rolled her eyes, hating that she was right.  “Can we not just wait until after tomorrow?  Let’s just enjoy having him here.”</p><p>“Jennifer,” Grams said sternly.</p><p>“Why don’t you ask?” Jen said back, eyes wide, waiting for Grams’ response that did not come.  “Just as I thought.”</p><p>“You know I can hear you both?” Jack said looking around at them.  “You’re stood ten feet away from me.  If I can hear students whispering in the back on my classroom, then you stand no chance.”</p><p>“Damn, I forgot about his new superpower,” Jen groaned.</p><p>“Not to mention that subtlety is not one of yours,” Jack replied.  “I expected better of you though, Grams.  You’re usually more discreet.”</p><p>Both smiling, they moved further into the room, sitting down on the couch near Jack and Amy.  </p><p>“We’re just concerned,” Grams explained.  </p><p>“Not that we aren’t really pleased to see you,” Jen added.  “We just wondered why you’re here.”</p><p>Jack sighed, placing the toy in his hand in front of Amy and sat up.  He knew there was no point trying to avoid the conversation.  If it were the other way around he would be asking too.  Both women were looking at him expectantly.</p><p>“I’ll tell you but please could we just not make a big deal about this and just enjoy the next few days?”</p><p>“Of course, Dear,” Grams encouraged.</p><p>Jack looked over at Jack, waiting for her to agree.</p><p>“Come on, you know I can’t agree to something so blindly,” she protested.</p><p>“If that’s your choice,” Jack shrugged, turning back to Amy.  </p><p>“Okay,” Jen replied quickly.  “I promise.”</p><p>Jack took a deep breath, turning back to face them, not exactly sure what to say.  He did not feel like going into details.  He did not want to try and make sense of everything because it was not possible.  “Doug and I had an argument – it got nasty.  We’re over.”</p><p>“What? No,” Jen replied, shocked.  “You’ve had arguments before.”</p><p>“This was different,” Jack sighed, shaking his head, trying to erase the memories.  </p><p>“What were you arguing about?” Grams asked.</p><p>“The general gist was that he would prefer that his family disapprove of me so that he has an excuse to never tell anyone else, while I am incapable of doing anything but spreading misery and ruining every good thing in my life with my unrelenting picking and nagging.”</p><p>“Jeez,” Jen exhaled, shocked by Jack’s words.  “He really said that?”</p><p>Jack nodded, “Except his version was longer, louder, and unknowingly in earshot of my boss.”</p><p>“When?” Jen asked, trying to give her brain time to catch up.</p><p>“Last night,” Jack said softly.  “And that doesn’t even cover the way he reacted when we saw me talking to his family in public – but that’s a whole other chapter in the book of my cursed love life.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Grams sighed, offering a kind smile.</p><p>“It is what it is.  It’s done now,” Jack shrugged.  “You can both have one more question and then this topic is officially being buried.”</p><p>Jen and Grams looked at each other, trying to work out what they should ask in order to ease their concerns.</p><p>“Does Doug know?” Jen asked.  </p><p>“Does Doug know what?” Jack asked.</p><p>“That you’re here?  That it’s over?”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure that’s two questions,” Jack scowled.  </p><p>“More one question that consists of two sub-questions.”</p><p>Jack rolled his eyes.  “I expect that when he sees that I’m not in Capeside he will realise where I am,” replied.  “And yes, I imagine he realises it’s over – unless he’s a complete idiot.”</p><p>“He doesn’t realise,” Jen mumbled, mostly for the benefit of Grams, knowing full well that Jack would ignore the comment.</p><p>“Grams?” Jack said, looking over to her, wondering what she may ask.</p><p>“I only have one question,” she smiled softly.  “Are you okay?”</p><p>Jack smiled, hanging his head over to slightly, trying to give himself time to work out the answer. “Not really.”</p><p>Jen stood from the couch and sat down next to him, pulling him into a hug.  “Please don’t feel like you need to be for our sake.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Jack nodded.  “I’m in the right place.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Grams nodded decisively, standing from the couch.  “This calls for Christmas cookies and ice cream.”</p><p>“Now you’re talking,” Jack laughed, wrapping his arms around Jen.  </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Jack,” Jen said softly as Grams left the room.  </p><p>“Don’t be,” he replied.  “I guess I should have seen it coming.”</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>“Because Doug’s right.  I do ruin everything that’s good.”</p><p>“I refuse to let you believe that.”</p><p>“I guess it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not.  It’s too late to change anything now.  We’re over.”</p>
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  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug woke up alone.  Just as he had for every Christmas of his adult life.  Ordinarily this did not bother him, but this year he woke up with the heavy weight of regret weighing down on his chest.  He could think of nothing other than the fact that he should have been waking up with Jack in his arms; he should have had those magic moments of watching Jack before he woke too. He should have felt within seconds of waking, that he already had everything he wanted for Christmas – and every day to come.<p>He had tried to call Jack on numerous occasions the previous day.  Each time unable to get through.  He had assumed that Jack had headed straight to New York to be with Jen but without being able to confirm his thoughts he began to worry – Jack could simply be anywhere.  His mind kept going back to the note he had found, trying not to allow his mind to imagine Jack with another man – whoever he was.  Even the thought of him meeting up for coffee or going for dinner, regardless of intention, made Doug’s pulse race; worried that Jack would realise how much he missed all the things Doug was not able to give him.  Worried that Jack would remember the simple pleasures of being able to walk side by side with someone in public, holding hands, kissing without first looking who was around.  He shook his head trying to banish the thought.</p><p>A small part of him had hoped that maybe Jack just needed to let off some steam.  That he just needed to put a bit of space between them before returning home in time for Christmas.  But as Doug had watched the hours pass the night before, sat alone in Jack’s house, he realised that he was being too hopeful. As he reluctantly left Jack’s spare key on the counter he left, knowing that he would not be seeing Jack for Christmas – wondering who would be instead.</p><p>He had tried to keep himself busy but all he could think about was what he should have been doing with Jack ahead of heading to his parents’ house for lunch.  It was only then that it dawned on him that he was going to be turning up alone and have to deal with his family’s questions and judgment.  The Christmas that Doug thought was going to be the best of his life was rapidly becoming the worst and he knew only he was to blame.  </p><p>He picked up his phone and called Jack’s number one more time – praying that he would answer.  Even if just to tell him where he was.  He held his breath and waited for the call to connect, groaning when it automatically went to voicemail.  He knew at some point he would have to give up – but not today.</p>
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  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack was already awake when Jen came in with Amy in her arms.  He had been awake for hours, already having snuck his mountain of presents for Amy around the Christmas tree and made himself some coffee.  He was already on his second cup – sat up resting against his pillows.<p>“Morning,” he smiled.</p><p>“I thought I smelt coffee,” she smiled back.  “How long have you been awake?”</p><p>“A couple of hours.”</p><p>“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, climbing into bed next to him, propping Amy up on the pillow between them.</p><p>“I guess my body clock is still on school time.”</p><p>“Maybe,” she nodded, not quite believing it.  “Merry Christmas by the way.”</p><p>“You too,” Jack smiled, not able to say the words.  He passed Jen his coffee cup, making sure not to pass it over Amy.  “So, has Santa visited for this little one?”</p><p>“From the sound of all the shuffling I heard going on earlier I am going to assume he has,” Jen smiled.  “You know you don’t have to spoil her so much.”</p><p>Jack pulled an unimpressed face, shaking his head.  “What is the point of having a God-daughter if I don’t get to spoil her?” </p><p>“She loves you regardless.”</p><p>“I’m not doing it for her love,” Jack replied.  “Amy is likely to be the closest I ever come to having a child of my own, and unfortunately for her, right now I’m the closest thing she has to a father.  So whatever I have is hers – whatever she wants or needs I will make sure she has.  And when it comes to Christmas and birthdays I will spoil her.”</p><p>Jen smiled, continuing to take sips of Jack’s coffee.  “Amy has changed you.”</p><p>“Amy has changed all of us.”</p><p>“True,” Jen conceded.  “But it’s different with you.  It’s like you’re so much more sure of everything.”</p><p>“If only,” Jack smiled, raising his eyebrows. </p><p>“I mean it,” Jen chastised his flippantness.  “It’s like she’s given you purpose.  Something to fight for.”</p><p>“I’m never going to let anything bad happen to either of you – you know that, right?” Jack said seriously.  </p><p>“You can’t stop bad things from happening, Jack.  The world doesn’t work like that.”</p><p>“I know that,” Jack smiled warmly.  “But I’ll be here to make all the bad things better in any way I can.”</p><p>“We know,” Jen smiled, reaching out and taking Jack’s hand, waiting for him to look over at her before she spoke again.  “Doug was wrong about you.  You know that, right?”</p><p>“Jen, I don’t want to talk about Doug.”</p><p>“That’s fine.  I want to talk about you,” she replied simply.  “You are none of the things he said.  I’m sure even he knows that.”</p><p>“I think maybe there was some truth in it.”</p><p>“Which part?”</p><p>“The part where I’m not comfortable simply being happy,” Jack shrugged.</p><p>“It takes some getting used to.”</p><p>“It’s not like I’m trying to look for problems.  I’m not trying to be so negative but every now and again I get a wave of panic.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“About maybe things are moving too fast,” Jack said softly, having not voiced his concern before.  “When it’s just the two of us everything is amazing and then I remember the reality of it all.  That I have moved my whole life for a man that can’t even acknowledge me in public.  I don’t see that changing any time soon and I don’t know how long I can live like that – like it’s not real.”</p><p>“It is real though.  Doug is real.”</p><p>“I’m not sure about that,” Jack said, still slightly confused.  “When it’s just the two of us he’s so intense and it’s so easy to get swept away by it all.”</p><p>“And that’s bad?” Jen asked, trying to understand.</p><p>“No.  Maybe.  It just sometimes feels like an act.  Or that he’s trying to get everything out so he can supress it more easily when he needs to.  He spends so long pretending to be something he’s not, that I just wonder if he’s doing that with me too.  That he doesn’t really know what he wants.  What if I’m not what he actually wants?”</p><p>“What if you’re exactly what he wants?” Jen asked.</p><p>Jack shook his head dismissively, as though believing that was too painful.  “It doesn’t make sense for that to be true.”</p><p>“Stop trying to make things make sense.  Love does not make sense.”</p><p>“Jen, you did not see him the other night.  I’ve never seen him like that.  We go from these crazy highs into plummeting lows so quickly and without warning – it’s exhausting.  And then we’re both left there, looking at each other, knowing that any moment either one of us could decide that it’s too much to deal with.”</p><p>“Jack, I think that’s what relationships are like at times.  It’s just that you are more invested in this one.  Either person can walk away at any time.  You just have to have faith that they won’t.”</p><p>“But I did, Jen.  I walked away, and right now, even though it hurts, I don’t regret my decision.”</p><p>Jen did not say anything.  She did not want to condone Doug’s behaviour.  Jack deserved better, but she was not as convinced as Jack was that things were over.</p><p>“I just can’t shake this feeling in the pit of stomach that something really bad is coming.  I know it sounds really dramatic, and Doug thinks that I’m just being paranoid and creating my own misery but I can’t escape it.”</p><p>Jen looked over at her best friend trying to hide the fact that she knew exactly what he meant – trying to hide that she knew what the impending doom was.  “Do you always have that feeling?” she asked, beginning to feel guilty as though he could feel the storm that was within her – growing so big that it had spilled over into him.</p><p>“No, actually,” Jack said, suddenly realising, “It goes away when I’m with you.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug pulled his car up alongside Pacey’s, unsure if he was relieved or not that he was already there.  He had seriously considered just staying home and ignoring the festivities but the dread of his mom turning up on his doorstep and causing a scene had shaken him to his senses.  He would have to face his family at some point.<p>He grabbed his bags of gifts from the back seat and headed up the steps to his parents’ house – remembering how the last time he had done so Jack had been by his side.  Now even his childhood home was haunted by the ghost of what should have been.  He paused, taking in a deep breath before opening the door.  He was most of the way into the house, already removing his coat, before he was noticed.  </p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Gretchen smiled softly, getting up and giving her a brother a hug.</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” he smiled back, releasing her from the hug.</p><p>She placed her hand on his upper arm, noticing his usual festive spark was missing.  “I’m sorry about the other day,” she said quietly.  </p><p>“Me too,” he nodded.</p><p>“Let me get you a drink,” She smiled, looping her arm through his and pulling him in the direction of the kitchen.  “I have you feeling you are in need of something strong.”</p><p>“Best not,” he shook his head.  “I think I’m just going to make some coffee.”</p><p>Gretchen nodded knowingly.  “Well then, please don’t judge me for drinking on your behalf.”</p><p>“Never,” Doug smiled, feeling a tiny bit more at ease, and grateful that Gretchen had not asked him the question that she was clearly burning to know the answer to.</p><p>“Dougie,” Mrs Witter smiled as he walked into the kitchen.  “Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Mom,” he replied, giving her a hug, spotting the half-full coffee pot over her shoulder, sighing with relief.  He was dreading having to hang around the kitchen while it brewed.</p><p>“How’s everything going in here?” he asked as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard and filled it from the pot.  </p><p>“Better since I arrived,” Pacey joked as he walked into the kitchen.  “Merry Christmas, Big Brother.”</p><p>Doug nodded back in Pacey’s direction, noticing his eyes dart around the room and then back over his shoulder clearly in search of someone else.</p><p>“Where’s Jackers?” he asked, instantly receiving a glare from Gretchen as she sat down at the table.  </p><p>“Here’s not here,” Doug answered simply.</p><p>The brothers held a gaze for a moment.  Pacey fought the urge to say anything, seeing well enough that Doug was not in any fit state to be pushed.  </p><p>“What time will he be here?” Mrs Witter asked, oblivious to what everyone else had already worked out.</p><p>“Mom,” Gretchen said softly, shaking her head.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“He’s not coming, Mom,” Doug replied, avoiding eye contact with anyone, taking a sip of coffee.</p><p>“Why not?” Mrs Witter asked.  </p><p>“Because I messed up,” he said simply before leaving the room.  </p><p>He knew instantly that Pacey was following him.  He walked back through the house, past Kerry’s kids fighting over a wrapped box, and outside to sit on the front steps.  Within seconds Pacey was sat next to him.</p><p>“If you’re about to say, ‘I told you so’, then I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t.  Not today.”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to say that,” Pacey replied.  </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“What happened?  The last time I saw you at the school the other day you were heading to find Jack to apologise.”</p><p>Doug hung his head slightly, staring into his mug of coffee.  “It didn’t quite go to plan.  We ended up getting into a massive argument.”</p><p>“He was angry, huh?” </p><p>“No, not really,” Doug shook his head.  “He was upset.  He was hurt.  And instead of just letting him be those things, I instead got angry and said some awful things.”</p><p>“Jesus, Doug – what is wrong with you?” Pacey asked, unsure how Doug could have messed it up so badly.</p><p>“I honestly don’t know.”</p><p>“How was it left?” Pacey asked, feeling worried.  He knew that even Jack had his limit to what he was willing to take.</p><p>“I think he ended it,” Doug said, having been unwilling to accept that before.</p><p>“You think?  Don’t you think you should have clarified that?”</p><p>“I was mid-way through arguing that point when James walked in.”</p><p>Pacey put his head in his hands and exhaled loudly.  “Where is Jack now?”</p><p>“I don’t know.  I assume he’s in New York,” Doug replied.  “Or maybe he’s with Max,” he said slightly bitterly, all of this anger aimed at himself.</p><p>“Max?” Pacey asked.  “Who the hell is Max?”</p><p>“I was hoping you’d know,” Doug sighed.  “I found a note from him at Jack’s house with his phone number – thanking him.”</p><p>“Are you’re jealous?” Pacey asked, trying not to laugh, knowing that this was not funny to Doug.  </p><p>“What do you think?” Doug replied.  “Some guy has given my boyfriend his phone number the same day he disappears from Capeside.”</p><p>“He disappeared from Capeside because you were an ass, not because some guy gave him his phone number,” Pacey reasoned.</p><p>“Is that your way of telling me not to worry?”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Pacey replied, “You should be worried.  You may be swimming in your own mini sea of avoidance and denial, but Jack’s sea spans much wider, and for him there are plenty more fish out there.”</p><p>“So this is your way of telling me that you think he’s gone fishing?”</p><p>“No,” Pacey said exasperated.  “It’s me telling you that if you carry on the way you have been you are going to push him away for good, and you’re not the only one around here that realises that Jack is a catch.”</p><p>“Okay, can we stop with the metaphors now?”</p><p>“Look, I met Max the other day,” Pacey said, realising he was the man from Jack’s classroom.  “You don’t need to worry about him.  Max may well be ready and waiting in the wings, but he didn’t seem like the type to step on anyone’s toes.”</p><p>“How can you be so sure?”</p><p>“I can’t,” Pacey shrugged, “But what Max wants is irrelevant.  It’s Jack you should be focusing on.”</p><p>Doug really hoped Pacey was right.  “What do I do?”</p><p>“Have you tried calling him?” </p><p>“Of course I have,” Doug groaned.  “Probably fifty times.  His phone is off.”</p><p>“Try again,” Pacey encouraged.</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Pacey nodded. “He could be anywhere.  If he doesn’t answer I’ll call Jen.”</p><p>Doug nodded, putting his coffee down on the step next to him and pulling his phone out.  He began calling Jack, not expecting any different outcome from all the previous times.  He shrugged as once again it went to voicemail, shaking his head at Pacey who was already pulling his own phone out to make a call.</p><p>He was about to dial Jen when he had a thought – even Jack would not have his phone off for the whole of Christmas, surely he was expecting at least a call from Andie.  Instead of calling Jen he called Jack’s number and was not surprised when it began to ring.</p><p>Doug looked at Pacey stunned.  “How did you do that?”</p><p>“He’s blocked your number,” Pacey reasoned, only just finishing his sentence before the call was answered.</p><p>“Pacey,” was all Jack said into the phone, knowing he should be weary of any and all Witter instigated calls.</p><p>“Jackers,” Pacey said back.  “Where are you?”</p><p>“You know where I am,” he replied.</p><p>“Why so cagey?”</p><p>“You know the answer to that too,” Jack said flatly.</p><p>“Okay,” Pacey laughed, standing from the porch steps, silently indicating to Doug to stay there.  “So clearly I’m pretty transparent,” he said, walking away from the house.  “But it’s just me now, okay?”</p><p>“Pacey, this probably isn’t a good idea.  Go back to your family; have a good time.”</p><p>“Which one would you like me to do? Because from experience I know I can’t do both.”  Pacey sat down on the wooden table that his family used during summer BBQs, looking back at the house to make sure Doug had stayed where he had left him.  “I’m just calling my friend to wish him a Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“You should probably try the next name on your list because I’m all out of Christmas cheer,” Jack replied.  </p><p>“Where are you, Jack?” Pacey asked more seriously, hoping his assumption was correct.  “Because if you’re sat at home alone I’m driving straight over to yours now.”</p><p>“I’m in New York,” Jack replied – Pacey could hear his slight smile.</p><p>“Good – that’s what I figured.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” he said quickly before Pacey could ask.</p><p>“So, you blocked Doug’s number?”</p><p>“Could we not do this?” Jack asked.  “It’s not going to change anything.”</p><p>“Luckily for you, changing things is not my intention and neither is taking sides.”</p><p>“Good,” Jack replied, “Because our friendship means a lot to me and I don’t want to lose that too.”</p><p>“Doug is under the impression that you have ended things,” Pacey said cautiously.  He waited a moment for Jack to respond but the line stayed quiet.  “Is he right?”</p><p>“I think so.”</p><p>“You sound about as sure as he does.”</p><p>“Look, Pacey,” Jack sighed, “I don’t really want to get into everything with you.  Doug made it pretty clear why I’m not the ideal partner, and you know what, he’s probably right.  We could carry on doing this and carry on wasting each other’s time, but the end result is going to be the same.”</p><p>“I don’t know what he said to you…”</p><p>“No, you don’t,” Jack interrupted.  “So please don’t try and tell me that he didn’t mean it or that what he said isn’t true.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.  You’re right.  Honestly, Jack, I was just calling to make sure you were with Jen and not in some ditch somewhere – and to wish you a Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“I know, Pacey.  I’m sorry too,” Jack replied more softly.  “I’ll catch up with you when I get back.”</p><p>“When will that be?”</p><p>“I will probably stay until the new year.”</p><p>“Okay,” Pacey nodded – knowing Jack wanted to prolong his distance from Doug for a long as possible. “Would you like me to pass on a message?”</p><p>Jack took a deep breath as he tried to decide.  “Yes,” he said softly.  “Could you apologise to your parents for me?”</p><p>“Sure,” Pacey replied.  “Anything for Doug?”</p><p>“No,” Jack said simply.  “Everything has been said.”</p><p>“Okay,” Pacey nodded.  “Send my love to New York lot.”</p><p>“I will,” Jack replied.  “Thanks for calling, Pacey.”</p><p>“Anytime.”</p><p>“Good-bye.”</p><p>“Bye,” Pacey said, hanging up his phone, not surprised when he looked up to see Doug approaching.</p><p>“Is he in New York?” Doug asked, sitting down next to Pacey.</p><p>Pacey nodded in confirmation, still trying to process what Jack had said to him.  He had not seemed angry – just hurt and completely exasperated by the whole thing.</p><p>“Is he okay?”</p><p>“No, I don’t think he is,” Pacey replied.  “What did you say to him because he seems to have convinced himself that whatever you said is true?”</p><p>Doug could not bring himself to answer the question – too ashamed to tell Pacey all the awful things that had come out of his mouth.</p><p>“Did you mean what you said to him?” Pacey asked.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Doug said honestly.</p><p>“Jesus, Doug – what are you playing at?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Pacey – okay?” Doug said, beginning to lose his temper a little.  “I didn’t mean it the way it came out.  I didn’t mean to tear him down like that.  I know he didn’t deserve it.  But yes, maybe a little bit of me did mean it – some of it.  If I could go back and not say any of it I would.  I wish I could take it all back because I shouldn’t have said it the way I did.”</p><p>“What did you say?” Pacey asked again, this time his tone making it clear that he expected an answer.</p><p>“I said that he creates misery and purposely ruins things because he’s incapable of being happy,” Doug confessed.  “And that he is determined to make everyone around him as miserable as he is.”</p><p>Pacey looked down at his feet; unable to look at his brother.  “That’s some apology,” Pacey said bitterly, unsure how Doug had gone from wanting to make everything better to causing it to implode.  “You’ve really screwed this up – you know that, right?”</p><p>“What did he say?” Doug asked, wondering how confused Jack must be when he was so confused himself.</p><p>“He said it was over,” Pacey replied.</p><p>“Do you think it’s over?” Doug asked, trying to cling to a small amount of hope.</p><p>“Honestly?” Pacey asked, looking at his brother.  “If you meant any of what you said to him, you don’t deserve to be in a relationship with him.  Jack is a good guy.  He does not deserve to be treated like your verbal punch bag when you feel frustrated.  And before you protest, please know that this is not me casting any judgement on you – I have been there and done that – at prom no less.  As much as I felt like I meant everything I said that night, it was pretty clear to everyone except those of us involved, that my anger and frustrations were with myself and not anyone else.  So before you answer my question I urge you to consider that position really carefully.”  He looked Doug square in the eyes.  “Those things you said to Jack – did you mean them?  Or were they really about you?”</p><p>Doug closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.  “Why do I keep doing this?”</p><p>“I think you summed it up perfectly in your attack of Jack,” Pacey replied.  “Every time something happens that makes your relationship with Jack a little more real; every time you lose a little bit of control, you panic.  I don’t think it’s just Jack that struggles with finding happiness – but I have to say he’s dealing with it a lot better than you are.”</p><p>“I just can’t shake the feeling that the longer that goes by without me outing myself to Capeside, the more likely it is that Jack will get fed up waiting.  And while I don’t want that to happen, I can’t bring myself to do what he wants.”</p><p>“Has he ever said that’s what he wants?” Pacey asked.</p><p>“He doesn’t have to,” Doug sighed.  </p><p>“That may be so, but I don’t think there is anything about what Jack has done that should give you the impression that he’s planning to walk away – unless you keep pushing him.”</p><p>“I think it’s too late,” Doug shook his head.  “I don’t know how I can convince him that I didn’t mean what I said.”</p><p>“It’s not going to be easy.  After everything he went through with his family, and it being Christmas – It’s like he’s predisposed to accept the blame.”</p><p>Doug looked at his brother oddly, trying to understand what he meant.  “You’ve lost me.”</p><p>Pacey’s eyes widened, realising that he may have put his foot in it.  “Forget I said anything.”</p><p>“No – tell me what you mean,” Doug said firmly.</p><p>“I thought Jack told you about the source of his aversion to Christmas?”</p><p>“He said his brother died at Christmas,” Doug replied, still looking at Pacey for something more.</p><p>“That’s all he told you?” Pacey shook his head.  “Then you really need to forget I said anything.  Really – knowing is not going to make you feel better.”</p><p>“Pacey,” Doug said disapprovingly.  “You’re freaking me out.”</p><p>“Really, Doug, it’s not my story to tell,” Pacey said standing up.  “We should head back inside.”</p><p>“Pacey, come on.  You can’t just say something like that and then walk away.”</p><p>“I’m not getting involved,” he said, walking away.  “I’ve already said too much.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>The Witter Christmas dinner was uncharacteristically quiet.  Kerry’s kids had become so bored without the usual entertainment of family bickering and infighting that they had decided to retreat to the basement to continue playing video games.  Along with some awkward small talk, looks where being exchanged across the table.  Doug kept glancing at Pacey trying to figure out what he knew about Jack that he was refusing to say.  Gretchen was glancing over at Doug trying to work out why he was sat having dinner with the family when he should have been fighting for Jack.  Mrs Witter was glancing around the table, eyes burning into her husband – wishing for someone to fix what was wrong.  Kerry was too afraid to look at anyone following the telling off she received at Thanksgiving.  Mr Witter watched it all from the head of the table and had had almost enough of it.<p>“Has everyone forgotten that it’s Christmas?” Mr Witter announced.  “Time to eat, drink and be merry.  What has happened to the ‘merry’?”</p><p>No one answered, keeping their eyes on the plates, not wanting to be singled out.</p><p>“Maybe we should just talk about what has got everyone acting so serious,” Mr Witter added, hoping to force everyone into cheering up a little.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Doug said through a clenched jaw.</p><p>“Doug’s right,” Pacey added in support.  “Let’s just stick with the usual Witter response of ignoring any and all problems.”</p><p>“Ignoring things isn’t going to fix this one,” Gretchen chimed in.  “Unless the aim isn’t to fix it.”</p><p>“Gretchen, just leave it,” Doug sighed.  </p><p>“Why don’t you call him?” Mrs Witter asked, as though Doug had never thought of that.  “Just apologise.”</p><p>“Mom, please, it’s not that simple.”</p><p>“Of course it is,” she insisted.  </p><p>“He doesn’t want to talk,” Doug added.</p><p>“Of course he doesn’t,” Mr Witter mumbled under his breath, causing his wife to shoot him a look.</p><p>“It’s Christmas.  The least you can do is check in and see how he’s doing,” Mrs Witter persisted.</p><p>“I spoke to him earlier, Mom – he’s fine,” Pacey informed, hoping that would stop her from persisting.</p><p>“So it’s not that he doesn’t want to talk, he just doesn’t want to talk to Doug,” Kerry mumbled.</p><p>“Unhelpful, Kerry – as always,” Pacey groaned.  “Could you at least pretend to be compassionate?”</p><p>“What - we’re all supposed to have a miserable Christmas just because Doug’s messed things up with his boyfriend?” Kerry asked insensitively.  “Or are we not calling him that anymore?”</p><p>“Kerry’s right,” Doug said standing from the table.  “This really shouldn’t be impacting on your day.”</p><p>“Doug, ignore her, just sit down,” Pacey interjected.  </p><p>“No, Pacey – it’s fine,” Doug replied calmly as he headed for the door. </p><p>“Is no one going to stop him?” Pacey asked his family as he watched Doug leave the house.  “What is wrong with you all?”  He stood up from his chair about to follow Doug.</p><p>“Sit down, Pacey,” Mr Witter said calmly as he stood from his chair.  “I’ll go.”</p><p>“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Pacey asked.</p><p>“It’s long overdue,” he replied as he grabbed his coat from the hook beside the door.  “Everyone eat – and be nice to each other or God help me.”  He glanced back at his family before walking out the door, spotting Doug about to get in his car.  “Don’t you dare drive away,” he called after his eldest son.  </p><p>“Dad, go back inside,” Doug groaned, just wanting to go home.</p><p>“I’m sorry – since when do you tell me what to do in my own home?” Mr Witter asked as he approached, his words stern but voice softer.  “We need to talk.”</p><p>“Not now, Dad.”</p><p>“I’m not asking,” Mr Witter said, gesturing in the direction of the bench he and Pacey had been sat at earlier.  “There are things that need to be said.”</p><p>Doug reluctantly followed his father to the bench and sat down.</p><p>Mr Witter hesitated for a moment before sitting down alongside his son.  “I have been giving everything a lot of thought – particularly the last couple of days.  I told Pacey not to get involved and intended to do the same but I can’t bite my tongue any longer.”</p><p>Doug remained looking straight ahead, not sure what his father was about to say, but pretty certain he would not enjoy hearing it.</p><p>“If Jack were my son and I saw the way you treated him the other day I would be telling him that he could do far better for himself.  But you’re my son, so I have been trying to be as understanding as I can.”</p><p>“Dad, I could really do without hearing whatever relationship advice you have prepared to dole out,” Doug grumbled.</p><p>“I’m not giving you relationship advice,” Mr Witter replied.  “I’m warning you that you’re about to ruin a good thing.  I don’t know how to fix this – not beyond what you seem unwilling to do.”</p><p>“I figured if anything you’d be happy that things are over between me and Jack,” Doug said coldly.</p><p>“Why?  Because Jack’s a man?” Mr Witter said irritated.  “I like Jack.  My only concern is that you seem to be punching well above your weight.  Luckily for you I don’t think he’s realised yet.” </p><p>Doug looked at his father in disbelief.  “What is going on here?”</p><p>“This is exactly why I told Jack that he would need to be patient with you,” Mr Witter shook his head at his son.  “I want to make something very clear to you, Doug, because I clearly have failed to do so over the course of your life.  I am not now, nor have I ever been, ashamed or embarrassed by your sexual orientation or life choices.  I may not have been the warmest of fathers - that’s just not who I am, but I have always just assumed that you knew that I love and respect you.”</p><p>Doug did not know how to respond.  He had never heard his father speak like that.  “When have you been talking to Jack?”</p><p>“I went to talk to him in his classroom the other day.  To apologise on behalf of all of us.”</p><p>“You didn’t need to do that,” Doug protested, unsure how he felt about his father getting involved.</p><p>“Someone had to do something.  I take responsibility for my role in your inability to be more open, but the rest if on you.  I am not ashamed that my son is gay – but I am ashamed of how you have been treating Jack.  I thought we raised you better than that.” </p><p>“What did he say?” Doug asked quietly.</p><p>“He did not need to say anything.  The fact that he thought he owed me an apology said enough.”</p><p>Doug exhaled, wondering how everything had become so complicated.</p><p>“You need to find a way to fix this, Doug, or believe me, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“Do you think this will become a new Christmas tradition?” Jack asked as he pushed Amy’s stroller through the park.<p>“Since when do you care about Christmas traditions?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jack smiled, looking down at his Goddaughter wrapped up in the new coat and hat he had bought her for Christmas.</p><p>“I guess the more poignant question is ‘who’ has made you start caring about Christmas traditions.  Amy or the sheriff?”</p><p>“Maybe it’s you,” Jack grinned, putting his arm around her as they continued to walk.</p><p>“I don’t believe that for a second.  I have been trying to get you onboard with Christmas for years.  I’m not the thing that’s different this year.”</p><p>Jack steered them down the path along the lake, enjoying the stillness of the water.  “I guess I’ve finally realised that maybe I can still enjoy the holidays if I just stop telling myself that everything’s going to be awful.”</p><p> Jen smiled at him knowingly.  “So Doug then?”</p><p>“Ironic, huh?”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“I manage to find some Christmas spirit and lose Doug all at the same time.”</p><p>“Are you sure you’ve lost him?” Jen asked softly.</p><p>Jack stopped in front of the water, turning Amy’s stroller so that she could see the ducks.  He crouched down next to her and smiled, making sure she was wrapped up tightly enough.  “You’ll probably enjoy this more next year,” Jack said softly to the only baby he had ever loved.  He could not imagine loving her more if she were his own.</p><p>“Please don’t use my daughter to avoid answering my question,” Jen said, not willing to let it go.</p><p>“I thought we agreed to drop this?” Jack said, looking up at Jen.</p><p>“Okay, fine – if that’s how you want to deal with this,” Jen shrugged.  “But answer this – when you imagine pushing Amy through the park next Christmas, are you alone or is Doug with you?”</p><p>Jack looked at her as though she had asked the most absurd question.  “You’re with me.”</p><p>“And if I’m not?” Jen pushed.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you be?” Jack asked concerned.  “Where are you planning to be?”</p><p>“I’m not planning to be anywhere,” Jen answered.  “You just never know what could happen.”</p><p>“Jen, I have spent months ignoring numerous comments like this but I’m starting to worry now.  What is going on?”</p><p>Jen shook her head, pushing her hands deeper into her pockets, eyes fixed on the lake in front of them.  “It really is nothing.  I guess having Amy just makes me feel more vulnerable.  We’re not as invincible as we thought we were as teenagers.”</p><p>“You know I will always be here for Amy.”</p><p>“I know that,” Jen nodded.  “And honestly, knowing that really helps in my moments of fear.  But you know, I’m not doing this alone out of choice.  Being a single parent was not top of my list of things to do.  It’s tough.  As much as having Amy is incredible, it would be so lovely to share it with someone.”</p><p>“So share it with me,” Jack said, standing up from where he was crouched in front of Amy.  “Come back to Capeside with me.  Let me be there for you.  Let me help you.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be fair on you,” Jen replied simply.</p><p>“How do you figure that?  I love you, Jen.  I love Amy.  I miss you both so much.  We could do this together.”</p><p>“Amy and I can’t fill the gap that Doug leaves.”</p><p>“This has nothing to do with Doug.  It doesn’t change us.  You know how I feel.”</p><p>“This has everything to do with Doug, you just don’t see it yet.”</p><p>“I don’t get it, Jen.  You talk like you want me to be there for you more, but when I ask you to move to Capeside you act like I’m insane.  What is it?  Do you want me to move back here?”</p><p>“No – of course not,” Jen said firmly.  “I want you to stay in Capeside.”</p><p>“You’re making my head spin,” Jack laughed, mostly to defuse the tension.   </p><p>“Jack, I want someone around.  I want someone to share the load and help in the moments when I have no idea what I’m doing, but I don’t want that person to be you.”</p><p>Jack opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.  Of all the things Doug had said to him, Jen’s comment stung ten times worse.</p><p>“No, Jack, please don’t misunderstand,” Jen said quickly, seeing the hurt on his face.  “I wish it could be you.  It just can’t.  I love you – more than I have ever loved anyone and that is exactly why I need someone that is not you.  If I make my whole life about you, and allow you to make your whole life about me, I am cheating both of us out of potentially having something bigger.  I want to find someone that loves me just as much as you love me; someone who would care for Amy in the way you would.  Someone as kind and sweet and funny.  But it can’t be you.  It’s not about wanting more or different – or even that I don’t think we could have a great life together, but I want what you have.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jack asked, still feeling confused.</p><p>“I want to have my best friend in the whole world and I want someone who not only loves me, but is in love with me.  Just like you have with me and with Doug.”</p><p>“And yet here we are,” Jack shook his head, understanding what she was saying, but not feeling able to agree.  “Once again, when things get tough, it’s just us.”</p><p>“Because that’s how you’ve made it,” Jen said softly.  “Doug may have messed up – in a really big way, but you were the one who ended things.”</p><p>“What would you have done in my situation?  Just accept all the crap just to keep someone?”</p><p>“No, I would have done the same as you,” Jen smiled softly.  “That’s how I know it’s probably not the right thing to do.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Pacey was not surprised to find Doug sat on his porch when he returned home.  Doug had left shortly after his conversation with their father, leaving Pacey wondering what had happened.  Mr Witter had assured him that everything was fine and Doug just needed some time and space to think, but that did not stop Pacey worrying about him.  Afterall, when the tables had been reversed it had been Doug that answered his cry for help – in return he wanted to try and stop Doug from hitting rock bottom.<p>Pacey pulled his car to a stop and climbed out – thankful that Gretchen had decided to catch up with a couple of friends before heading back to his.  He walked towards his brother, sitting down next to him on the step.</p><p>“Want to come in or are you happy to sit here?”</p><p>“This will do,” Doug replied.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Pacey asked.  “Bearing in mind that I can’t think of many conversations I’ve had with our father where I’ve come away feeling better that I did before.”</p><p>“It was okay,” Doug said softly.  “Just another person who realised sooner than I did that Jack walking away was inevitable.”</p><p>“And that’s it – fight over?”  Pacey asked.  “Come on, Doug, after everything you’ve both gone through the last few months, you’re willing to accept that this is how it ends?”</p><p>“No, actually,” Doug shook his head.  “I’ll be damned if this is it.”</p><p>Pacey smiled, pleased to see some of Doug’s fighting spirit return.  “It’s not going to be easy,” he warned.</p><p>“I know.  Which is why I’m here.”</p><p>“How can I help?”</p><p>“I need two things from you,” Doug said, turning to face his brother.</p><p>“Anything,” Pacey nodded.</p><p>“I’m glad you said that,” Doug replied, “Because if I have any chance of fixing this I need to not be in the dark anymore.  I need you to tell me why Jack hates Christmas.”</p><p>Pacey groaned.  “Doug, you are putting me in a really awkward position here.  As far as I’m aware Jack has never told anyone.  I don’t think he’s even told Jen.”</p><p>“So how do you know?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Andie,” Pacey replied.  “She told me the Christmas that we were together, and honestly, after that I saw Jack in a different light.  I think it was when we started becoming friends.  It just made things make sense.”</p><p>“I need to know,” Doug insisted.</p><p>“But he’s not the same person anymore.  He’s not a kid now.  Things have moved on.”</p><p>“Except he hasn’t.”</p><p>Pacey thought about it for a moment and decided that Doug was probably right.  “Look, I don’t know everything in depth and I only know Andie’s side of things.”</p><p>“Just tell me,” Doug pushed, trying to stop Pacey from stalling any longer.</p><p>“What Jack told you is true, his brother died not long before Christmas, he just didn’t tell you the whole story.  From my understanding, things were understandably tough that year.  It was the Christmas before they moved to Capeside.  Their dad was nowhere to be seen – just working every hour.  Andie was pretty manic – insistent that Christmas should be the same as any other year.  It had been easy to miss the signs that their mom was not coping.  Jack tried to convince Andie that Christmas was not going to be the same that year – wanting her to manage her expectations, but all that did was cause arguments between the two of them.  Not wanting to make things worse, Jack went along with everything Andie wanted – the usual decorating of the tree, baking, presents.  The whole nine yards.”</p><p>Doug listened carefully, able to picture a reluctant teenage Jack going along with Andie’s will, in the same way he had for Doug this year.</p><p>“Come Christmas morning, their dad made excuses to not be there and Andie was particularly highly strung.  Their mom had taken her first real nosedive and when Jack finally agreed to come downstairs and open presents he was faced with a pile of gifts with Tim’s name on them.  Neither Jack nor Andie knew what was going on or what to do, and when their mom insisted that Jack open all of Tim’s presents, he had refused.  From what Andie said, their mom grew really distressed.  Andie wanted Jack to play along – pretend to be Tim – anything to keep the façade of a happy family Christmas.  And when he refused she said something awful.  Something she has never forgiven herself for.”</p><p>Doug sat for a moment, waiting for Pacey to continue, but after a moment he realised that Pacey had stopped.  “What did she say?”</p><p>Pacey rubbed his hands over his face.  “Look, the accident that killed their brother,” Pacey said, trying to think how to word it correctly.  “They were driving home from one of Tim’s football games when suddenly Jack realised he had left something behind.   Their mom had told him that she was not going to turn back but he protested until Tim convinced their mom to go back.”</p><p>Doug leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, face in his hands.  He felt like he knew what was coming but hoped he was wrong.</p><p>“Andie told Jack that she blamed him for the accident.  That if he hadn’t been so forgetful they would not have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  That all the misery the family was going through was because of him,” Pacey explained.  “She regretted saying it instantly.  She told me how guilty she felt.  But Jack felt so guilty that he went along with whatever Andie wanted – giving her the make-believe perfect Christmas.  He opened Tim’s presents, he sat and ate dinner, watched Christmas movies – just to keep Andie from falling apart.”</p><p>“And you did not think that this was worth telling me before?” Doug asked.  “Jesus, Pacey – how could you keep that to yourself.”</p><p>“Because it’s not my story to share,” Pacey reminded.  “I tried to convince him to tell you but he shot me down.  Like I said, he’s never told anyone – don’t take it personally.”</p><p>Doug sat for a moment, going over it all in his head.  He knew the truth now and with that he knew all the unintended hurt Jack must have felt from the awful things Doug had said.  “Okay, so now I know,” he nodded.  “He knows it’s not his fault though, right?  Andie managed to convince him of that at least?”</p><p>Pacey shook his head.  “I don’t think they ever spoke about it.  I’m sure he knows that Andie didn’t mean it, but whether he believes it’s true or not is something else entirely.”</p><p>“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Doug said, standing up from step.  </p><p>“What are you going to do?” Pacey asked, watching his brother pace back and forth in front of him.  </p><p>“I don’t know yet.  Not entirely anyway.  I think I need more than just your help.”</p><p>“Who are you thinking of?” Pacey asked confused.  “Because of Mom and Dad are probably drunk by now,” Pacey joked, trying to lighten the mood, relieved when he saw a slight smile on his brother’s face.</p><p>“It’s time to pull out the big guns,” Doug said simply.  “Which leads me to the second thing I need from you.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Pacey asked.  </p><p>“Jen’s address.”</p><p>
  <b>To be continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. All That Remains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“About time, Witter,” Jen answered her phone, closing the door to her room for some much-needed privacy.  “I have been expecting your call for hours.”</p><p>“Please accept my sincerest apologies,” Pacey joked, “I have been rather busy trying to knock some sense into my brother.  Clearly he got the looks and not the brains.”</p><p>“You should never underestimate the power of good looks,” Jen smiled, glad that Pacey had been working as hard as she had been.  “Not something you would know much about though,” she teased.</p><p>“Ouch, Jen,” he laughed.  “And to think I was calling to see if you wanted to rekindle our little pact from way back – considering you’re the only one in our little group with the ability to resist a Witter.”</p><p>“Do you fancy moving to New York and help changing diapers?” </p><p>“I thought Jack had that bit under control,” Pacey shook his head.  </p><p>“Didn’t think so,” Jen smiled, leaning back on her bed against the wall.  “So, now that we’ve confirmed that our pact is still a complete flop, how can I assist you on this most festive of days?”</p><p>“Firstly, merry Christmas,” Pacey replied, almost having forgotten what day it was.  “Secondly, there is a little gift on its way to you that has the potential to either make Jack’s Christmas or send him into a homicidal rage.”</p><p>“Which one are you putting your money on?” </p><p>“If Doug is as successful in this apology as he was the last then I would go for homicidal rage.”</p><p>“Good to know,” Jen replied.  </p><p>“I don’t really know what he has planned.  I don’t think he knows himself.”</p><p>“What do you think, Pacey?  You’re the one that knows Doug best.  You’re the one that sees them together.  Honestly, is this going to be worth all the effort it’s going to take for me to get Jack to even talk to Doug?  Or are we just going to be right back in the same place next month?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Pacey shook his head.  “When they’re not on the verge of oblivion they’re so good together that it actually hurts to watch – it’s not like anything I’ve ever seen before.  And then out of nowhere, one of them – usually Doug, has a complete freak out with a force so great that it threatens to take out the whole of Capeside with its tremors.”</p><p>“What are you saying, Pacey?”</p><p>Pacey laughed slightly despite himself.  “I’m saying that if I had a love like that, I wouldn’t be walking away from it.  Even if I wasn’t sure how it was going to work out.”</p><p>Jen sighed.  “What time should I expect the sheriff?”</p><p>“I think it’s going to be a late one.  He left just over an hour ago.”</p><p>“Okay, Pacey, I’ll be ready for him.”</p><p>“Are you going to hurt him?” </p><p>“I haven’t decided yet.”</p><p>In the hours since Pacey’s phone call, Jen had had time to consider the best way to deal with Doug’s impending arrival, deciding that it was probably best not to tell Jack until she had a chance to talk to Doug first.  She wanted to get Doug’s side of things before she made a judgement on exactly what was going on.  </p><p>When Jack had offered to have Amy for the night Jen had agreed, encouraging him to have an early night so that the night feed did not impact on him too much the following day.  Even though Grams had raised an eyebrow, realizing that something was going on, Jack had not seemed to notice, instead busying himself with getting things ready for Amy.  It had been Jack’s idea to swap rooms for the night rather than moving all of Amy’s things – something else that Jen had quickly agreed would be convenient.  </p><p>She had helped put Amy down in her crib, made sure Jack had everything he needed, hugged him good night and then instead of heading to his room for an uninterrupted night’s sleep, she had wrapped up in her thickest coat and scarf, grabbed two cups of coffee and made herself comfortable on the step outside the house.  She had not been sure how long she would be waiting, wondering if Doug had plans to stop of anywhere first, or even if he had changed his mind mid-drive and was heading back to Capeside.  When she saw a car drive slowing down the street, findings somewhere to park not far away she knew instantly that it was him.</p><p>“Good evening, sheriff,” she said flatly as he walked towards her.  He did not seem surprised to see her there.</p><p>“So, you’re tonight’s gatekeeper?” he nodded in her direction, stood at the bottom of the steps.</p><p>“Tonight and always,” she replied, reaching one of the cups of coffee out in his direction.  “Why, were you hoping for Grams?”</p><p>“Lord no, she’s even scarier than you,” he smiled, taking the coffee and sitting down on the step next to her.  </p><p>“You better believe it.  How well this conversation goes will determine whether I tell her to stand down from her post just inside the door.”</p><p>Doug knew she was joking but he could not help but glance over his shoulder, half expecting to see Grams peeking through the pane of glass next to the front door.  “Where’s Jack?”</p><p>Jen smiled.  “He’s asleep.  He volunteered to take the night shift.”</p><p>“Does he know I’m here?”</p><p>“If he did, I very much doubt he would be asleep,” she reasoned.  “I didn’t tell him you were coming.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I wanted to be sure that you were going to stick around first.”</p><p>“I guess that depends if he wants me to stick around,” Doug replied, suddenly even more worried that maybe Jack would not want to see him.</p><p>“Honestly, I think it could go either way.”</p><p>Doug nodded, not overly surprised.  “Did he tell you what happened?”</p><p>“Mostly,” Jen nodded, taking a sip of her coffee and watching as Doug did the same.  “Though I think it’s probably a testament to his feelings for you that he gave me a restrained run down of events.  He knows better than to awaken my anger towards someone that ultimately he does not want to hate.”</p><p>“You have every right to be angry,” Doug confessed.</p><p>“Who said I’m not?” Jen asked firmly.</p><p>“I didn’t expect to get as far as the front step and I certainly did not expect coffee.”</p><p>“That’s what years of living with Grams does to you. Even when you’re super pissed at someone you still offer a guest a drink.”</p><p>Doug could not help but laugh.  “You’re not quite the hardened New Yorker you’d like people to believe, are you?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Jen shrugged, “But then again you don’t know what I’ve put in your coffee.”</p><p>Doug defiantly took another sip.  “I’ll take my chances.”</p><p>The two of them sat in silence for a while, watching as the occasional cab drove by and a couple of people stumbled down the sidewalk in front of them, heading home from their day of festivities.  Doug could not help but notice how different Christmas seemed in New York and wondered what kind of day Jack had had.  He wondered whether Jack had thought about him with anything other than anger.</p><p>“Do you want to be with Jack?” Jen asked, finally breaking the silence.  There was no point discussing anything else until that point had been clarified.</p><p>“More than anything,” Doug nodded.</p><p>“So why does he keep coming back to New York convinced that you feel differently?” Jen asked.  “Thanksgiving was one thing and I defended you the best I could.  I tried my best to convince him that it was a one off – that you just had a brief moment of panic and it didn’t mean anything.  And the only reason you got away with that whole mess so lightly was because he thought if he told you how hurt he was that you would walk away.”</p><p>Doug did not respond.  He knew that Jen had not finished and the only way he was ever going to hear the blunt truth would be to listen to her – even if her words bruised him on impact.</p><p>“And then here were are – only a few weeks later, but this time worse.  Because this time you attacked the very soul of the man you claim to love.  You took his insecurities and concerns and twisted them into a personal attack, all because, I can only assume, you felt scared that this perfect double life you have going may start to crack.  Then somehow, in all of that, you have made him believe that this is his fault.  That all the things he hates most about himself – that he would usually try and hide, but has let you see, are also things that you now hate too.”</p><p>Doug felt like he was back in school and that he was being told off by the principal only there was more shame, and no one to come and bail him out.</p><p>“Jack is willing to do virtually anything for you.  He’s moved his life; he’s gone back to hiding and muting a part of himself and it’s all for you.  He’s not even asking for you to come out to Capeside.  He’s willing to wait for you.  The least you can do is treat him like a human being in public – rather than merely a problematic loose end that could ruin your reputation.  And then to attack him for making an effort with your family – criticizing him for lacking a family presence of his own, like it is in anyway his fault.  I mean, my God, Doug, his family life may actually be more complicated than mine and that’s saying something.  Yet somehow, he has ended up the way he is.  He loves Grams like she is his actual grandmother, and Amy like she is his daughter.  He would do anything to please your family because he knows how it feels when things don’t work out.”</p><p>Jen glanced over her shoulder at her front door, making sure everything was still peaceful and quiet inside.  She hoped that both Jack and Amy were sleeping soundly – dreaming of things much nicer than she was talking about outside in the cold.</p><p>“I think I’m done,” she said softly.  “Though don’t hold me to that.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Doug said, looking over at her.  “Thank you for being honest.  Thank you for always being there for Jack and for giving me a chance.”</p><p>“Deep down it’s what Jack would want.”</p><p>“I know I’ve messed up, and I know it’s not the first time I’ve said that.  I accused Jack of being incapable of being happy and I know that was incredibly hypocritical because I never really realised that I was unhappy until Jack walked into my life.  I have never come close to experiencing happiness on the same scale as I have with Jack and that is utterly terrifying.  I don’t want to ever go back to the man I was before, but I haven’t quite figured out how to fully be the man I want to be.  All I know is that I can’t do this without Jack.”</p><p>“Of course you could,” Jen comforted.</p><p>“Well, I don’t want to.  Because without him everything seems empty and pointless.”</p><p>Jen could not help but smile slightly.  “I know that feeling.”</p><p>“It’s baffling.  He is this incredible man – kind, smart, funny, understanding beyond anything you could reasonably expect.  And then he looks at you and all you can see is him trying to figure out why you love him so much.  Like he has zero awareness of all the things that make him so incredible.  And sometimes I just want to shake him – beg him to see what I see, because after a while I start to feel like if he doesn’t see it, then maybe that’s because I’m not properly showing him how special he is to me and I begin to doubt myself the same way he is doubting himself.”</p><p>“And there lies the curse of Jack McPhee,” Jen laughed.  “Welcome to the club.”</p><p>“What am I supposed to do?”</p><p>“Just love him.  Be honest with him.  Don’t give him reason to question you.  Maybe don’t tear him down in front of his boss.”</p><p>Doug groaned, shaking his head.  “It was not my finest hour.  I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.”</p><p>“Luckily for you James had already figured it all out.  Apparently, the marquee pushed him over the edge,” Jen laughed.  </p><p>“Figures,” Doug nodded, thinking back to the conversation he had with James at the Christmas event.  </p><p>“Can you imagine how unbearable Jack would be if he actually did realise how amazing he is?”  </p><p>“Almost as bad a Pacey,” Doug laughed. </p><p>“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Jen smiled.  “Jack has had a lot of crappy people in his life.  People that should have stuck around when they didn’t.  People who should have been more patient with him, or never quite knew how to read him.  There have been nice guys, not so nice guys – guys that Jack should have taken one look at and run in the opposite direction.  But there’s never been anyone like you.”</p><p>“Is that a good thing?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I guess only time will tell,” Jen shrugged.  “But I think so.  So does Pacey.  Usually when we both agree that’s a good thing.”</p><p>“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I am trying.”</p><p>“I know.  Jack is too,” Jen smiled.  “He wants to be with you, Doug.  Just look at everything he has done to prove that.  He sees a future with you – otherwise he wouldn’t care about how deep you are in the closet or about impressing your family with Brownies that cost more to overnight from New York than he made at work that day.”</p><p>Doug laughed.  “He almost got away with that one too.”</p><p>“You just need to be sure that you see a future with him too,” Jen added.  “And I’m not talking about life as it is now.  I mean a life where you aren’t in the closet.  A life where you can be there for him – in private and in public.  A life that will undoubtedly include Amy and understand all the ways he loves her without feeling threatened and pushed out.  Because no one is trying to force you out.  I promise you that.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug nodded.  He opened his mouth to ask something but changed his mind.</p><p>“What is it?” Jen asked knowingly.  “You may as well say it because I’m not letting you inside until I’m completely satisfied of your intentions,” she joked.</p><p>“Do you think he will ever love me as much as he loves you?” Doug ask, hanging his head slightly, feeling shame for asking the words.</p><p>“That’s exactly the problem,” Jen said sympathetically, a tear threatening.  “You don’t realise that he already does.  Maybe he doesn’t realise either yet.  You just need to stop giving him reasons to question himself.  He’s only clinging on because you keep giving him reason to.  He’s going to need you and I need to know that you’re going to be there for him when I can’t.”</p><p>Doug took in a deep breath.  “Do you have any intention of moving to Capeside?” he asked softly, knowing it was a sensitive topic.</p><p>Jen thought carefully about her answer.  “It’s where I imagine Amy growing up.”</p><p>Doug closed his eyes, the feeling of impending doom that Jack had referred to now ricocheting through him.  Unsure what to say he reached out and took hold of Jen’s hand.  “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she said simply, trying to harden up once again, afraid that Doug was looking at her and staring right into her soul.  “Just promise me that you’ll love him the way he needs.”</p><p>“I promise.”</p><p>Jen nodded, suddenly standing up from the step.  “Right, you’ve passed the first test.”</p><p>“Does that mean I can come inside?” Doug asked, also standing hopefully.</p><p>“Yes,” Jen smiled.  “But you don’t get to see Jack tonight.  I will talk to him in the morning.”</p><p>“Okay,” Doug said, feeling slightly unsure.</p><p>“You can sleep in Jack’s room.”</p><p>“Where Jack?” Doug asked confused.  </p><p>“He’s in my room.”</p><p>“That seems to happen a lot,” Doug said suspiciously.  </p><p>“Trust me, if anything was going to happen, I would have worn him down by now,” she joked.  “Go grab the bag that you so hopefully packed from your car and I’ll sneak you in past Grams.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t make me regret it.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>When Jack woke, he was surprised to see light creeping in from behind the curtains.  He sat up suddenly, worried that he had slept through Amy’s night feed; unsure why he had not heard her stir.  He glanced over at her crib to see her still fast asleep, making her usual sweet baby noises.  It was only then that he had realised that Jen was lying next to him.  Guilt rushed through his body, thinking Jen must have come in to deal with Amy and he had slept through it all.<p>He felt Jen’s hand rest against his arm, pulling him back down into the bed.  “She slept through,” Jen said softly.  </p><p>“Really?” Jack whispered, smiling at Amy’s milestone – one that he hoped would make Jen’s life a little easier if it continued.  “I thought I’d slept through her crying.”</p><p>“No,” Jen reassured.  “Though you were in a very deep sleep when I crawled into bed next to you.”</p><p>“I guess I was more tired than I thought.”</p><p>“It seems as though Amy took sympathy on you,” Jen smiled, still slightly amazed that she had gone through the whole night.</p><p>“I’ll remember to thank her later,” Jack smiled before remembering that Jen was supposed to have slept in his room.  “Why are you in here?”</p><p>“I missed you,” she smiled, knowing full well he would see right through it.</p><p>“You expect me to believe that you would rather squeeze into bed next to me on the first child free night you were offered in weeks?” Jack asked.  “What’s wrong with my bed?  What have you done?”</p><p>“I haven’t done anything to your bed,” Jen rolled her eyes.  “I didn’t even get into your bed.  By the time I was ready to sleep your bed was already taken by someone else.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Jack asked, confused.  “Have you been renting out my room to random strays?”</p><p>“Kind of,” Jen smiled.  “Though this one isn’t particularly random.”</p><p>“Jen, you’re making me nervous.”</p><p>“You had a late-night visitor,” Jen said softly.  “Somewhat reminiscent of old times.”</p><p>Jack pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.  “If you don’t tell me I’m just going to go in there and find out what’s going on.”</p><p>“It’s Doug,” Jen said simply, taking hold of Jack’s hand before he could stand.  She felt him tense at the mention of his name.</p><p>“What is he doing here?” </p><p>“From what I can tell he has come to fight for you.”</p><p>“You know that how?”</p><p>“Because I refused to let him in last night until he talked to me and explained himself.”</p><p>Jack turned back and looked at his friend.  “And you were satisfied with what he had to say?”</p><p>Jen smiled softly.  “Yes, he seemed sincere.”</p><p>“Good,” Jack nodded.  “You date him then.”  He stood up from the bed, unsure where to go; unable to go back to his room.  </p><p>“Come on, Jack,” Jen said sitting up.  “He drove all the way here on Christmas day.”</p><p>“Am I supposed to be impressed by that?” Jack asked, picking up his clothes from the previous day that he had left on the floor.</p><p>“Yeah, a little bit,” Jen replied.  </p><p>“Well I’m not.”</p><p>“Come on, Jack.  You’re not fooling me,” Jen said softly. “I know you want to fix this, and Doug has made the first move.”</p><p>“It was his move to make.”</p><p>“Yes,” Jen agreed.  “Yes, it was – and here he is.  In New York.  Wanting to make things right.  </p><p>“God, Jen – what were you thinking?” Jack snapped, pacing the room.  </p><p>“What should I have done – sent him back to Capeside?”</p><p>“Yes!” Jack said angrily.  “I told you that it’s over.”</p><p>“And I don’t believe you,” she said simply.</p><p>“It’s not your decision to make!  Whose side are you on?” he asked, finally standing still, staring back at her – a sadness in his eyes that had not been there since he arrived.  A sadness and hurt that she had been waiting for him to show.</p><p>“Yours,” she said softly.  “I’m always on your side.  You know that.”</p><p>“So why did you let him in?” </p><p>Jen sighed.  “Because as many times as you have said it’s over, I just haven’t been convinced.  Maybe it is – maybe it isn’t.  That’s between you and Doug and I am not looking to sway you at all, but I want you to make a decision that you won’t regret.  And to be honest, right now – this is the first time I’ve seen you get angry or upset about this.  It’s the first time I’ve seen you feel anything.  This is the man you love and he hurt you.  Stop making excuses for it and stop taking the blame.  It’s like you’ve been so scared that having an argument will lead to a breakup that you’ve jumped straight to that while still avoiding the argument. You need to deal with what happened before just writing the whole thing off.  What are you so afraid of?”</p><p>“I don’t know.  You make it all sound so easy but it’s not.” </p><p>“If you’re scared that’s absolutely fine, but please don’t be angry – not with me.”</p><p>“I’m not scared; I’m just exhausted.  I can’t keep doing this over and over,” Jack said, sitting back down on the bed, his balled-up clothes on his lap.  </p><p>“Maybe you just need to hear him out?”  </p><p>“What’s the point?”</p><p>“You love him,” Jen answered.   “And he loves you.”</p><p>“He just doesn’t like me very much,” Jack added, still feeling hurt from their last conversation.</p><p>“You know that’s not true.”</p><p>“No, I don’t, and that’s the problem,” he shook his head standing up and heading towards the door.</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>“I an attempt to avoid becoming even more pathetic and depressing, I’m going for a shower and then I’m going to go out for coffee.”</p><p>“We have coffee here – plenty of it in fact.”</p><p>“Fine – I’m going for a walk then.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jen sighed.  “Do whatever you need to do, but you can’t run from this forever – things will still be the same when you come back.”</p><p>Jack nodded, knowing she was right, but still needing time and space to think.  He was not prepared to face Doug without knowing what he wanted the outcome to be.   “I know,” he said softly, glancing over at Amy still asleep in her crib as he opened the door and walked out.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jen knocked lightly on the door before entering.  Doug was sat in the middle of Jack’s bed, holding a book that he had borrowed from the shelf, trying to convince himself that reading it would take his mind off of things – stop the butterflies in his stomach from multiplying.<p>“Morning,” Jen smiled softly, holding Amy in her arms.</p><p>“That does not look like a face that’s bringing good news,” Doug replied, knowing instantly that the sound of the front door closing he heard moments before was Jack.</p><p>Jen sat down on the edge of the bed, settling Amy on her lap.  “If you were expecting him to come running in here to see you then you’ve vastly underestimated the challenge you have ahead of you.”</p><p>“How bad was it when you told him that I’m here?”</p><p>“You know that moment in horror movies when the lead character realises the call is coming from inside the house?” Jen joked – “Imagine that.”</p><p>Doug could not help but laugh, his gaze moving to Amy – growing bigger but as beautiful as ever, just as Jack always described.  “Do you think he’s coming back?”</p><p>“I’m certain he’ll be back soon.”</p><p>“How can you be sure?”</p><p>“I know Jack,” Jen smiled before pointing in the direction of the desk chair in the corner of the room that had Jack’s coat draped over it, confessing the real reason for her theory.  “It’s December in New York and unless he’s taken one of mine, he’s out there without a coat.”</p><p>“We both know he’s stubborn enough to freeze to death,” Doug replied, once again looking down at Amy.  “Your God-father is the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”</p><p>As though she understood what Doug was saying, Amy threw her arms up and began to wriggle.</p><p>“Careful now,” Jen laughed, “Amy is very protective of Jack.”</p><p>“It must be genetic,” Doug smiled.  “She’s amazing, Jen – honestly, truly beautiful.”</p><p>“Would you like to hold her?” Jen asked with a smile – never growing tired of hearing people complimenting her greatest achievement in life.  </p><p>“I really wouldn’t know what I’m doing with a baby,” Doug shook his head.</p><p>“Time to learn then,” she smiled, lifting Amy gently from her lap and placing her in Doug’s arms.  “Relax, she’s not a loaded gun.”</p><p>“I know what to do with one of those,” Doug laughed, trying to relax his hold as Amy wriggled, getting used to someone new.</p><p>“See, you’re fine.”</p><p>“It’s no wonder Jack is completely in love with you,” he said, smiling down at Amy.  </p><p>“If only he could see you right now,” Jen smiled, before suddenly realising what she had said, her eyes widening as she looked at Doug.  “I have an idea.”</p><p>“The look on your face is not filling me with confidence.”</p><p>“Ordinarily I would outrightly object to Amy being used as a pawn of manipulation, but drastic times call for drastic measures.”</p><p>“What are you thinking?” Doug asked intrigued.  </p><p>“I’m thinking that in order to believe it, Jack needs to see that the life he loves and the one he misses don’t have to be so separate after all.”</p><p>Before Jen could continue there was a knock at door.  Doug looked at Jen nervously, unsure if his presence was known to the whole household.</p><p>“You’re very jumpy for a sheriff,” she joked.  “Or do you not like little old ladies?”</p><p>“Jennifer,” Grams’ voice called from outside the door.  </p><p>“Just a second, Grams,” she called back.</p><p>There was a moment of pause before Grams spoke again, a knowing smile evident in her voice.  “Could you please tell Doug that breakfast will be ready shortly?  Unless you are planning to slip him food in secret, I suggest he join us.”</p><p>Jen smiled, standing from the bed and heading to the door, opening it to reveal Grams stood with a smile on her face.  “Morning, Grams,” Jen smiled back.  “Look who I found in Jack’s room this morning – who knew!”</p><p>“Jennifer, please drop the pretense.  The only person you were fooling last night was Jack,” she sighed, looking over at Doug holding Amy still.  “Good morning, Doug.”</p><p>“Good morning, Mrs. Ryan,” he replied.</p><p>“So, you knew all along?” Jen asked.</p><p>“I knew someone was here and I knew you were responsible.  It didn’t exactly take a lot to piece it all together,” Grams nodded before smiling mischievously.  “Jack was always better at sneaking boys into the house than you ever were.”</p><p>“Grams!” Jen laughed.  </p><p>“Doug, please feel free to have a shower and join us for breakfast,” she said kindly. </p><p>“Thank you,” he replied.  </p><p>“Jennifer will show you where to find everything you’ll need,” she said, stepping back into the hallway.  “And when you’re ready we’ll put our heads together and figure out what to do about Jack.” </p><p>Grams closed the door, leaving them alone once again.  “See, she’s not so scary,” Jen laughed.</p><p>“Maybe,” Doug nodded.  “Nothing gets past her, does it?”</p><p>“Seemingly not,” Jen smiled.</p><p>“So,” Doug said clearing his throat.  “How many boys are we talking here?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack found himself in a diner only a block or two from home.  He sat in the corner trying to warm up, trying to ignore the sea of happy couples enjoying breakfast together, trying to ignore the fact that even if he and Doug had not had their argument, he still would not be able to sit with him in a public space and enjoy something as simple as breakfast with him.<p>He wondered if that’s what it came down to in the end – the feeling that no matter what he did he had no control over their relationship.  It was Doug that held all the cards – the one that got to decide if and when to make things public.  At first that had not bothered Jack, but following Doug’s display at the Christmas celebration, Jack was beginning to feel as though Doug had no intention of ever taking steps to change things.</p><p>Even if Jack could forgive the things Doug had said to him – put it down to nothing more than frustration and the pressures of the holiday.  Even if he could forget his coldness in his eyes – pretend that he had never seen it.  Even if he could move past the feeling of complete devastation he had felt – assure himself that it would not happen again.  Still the issue of Doug’s closeted status would be there – looming over them like a ticking time bomb.  The thing that Jack had been previously convinced would only be a short-term hurdle now seemed to be a permanent fixture determined to cause them to stumble time and time again.</p><p>But now, after everything that had happened at the school, after everything Doug had said, the hurdle of Doug’s closeted status suddenly seemed like a problem for a different day – a block much further down the course.  Before he could even consider tackling that, Jack needed to figure out if he could forgive everything that had been said, unsure if that was possible.  Each and every one of Doug’s words had felt like daggers, each one plunged in with more force than the one before it.  The cold stare in Doug’s eyes made Jack question if the love he previously saw there had been real at all.  It made him want to scream – Doug’s words going around and around his head – growing louder, spinning faster, constantly on loop.  When he closed his eyes all he could see was Doug’s unrelenting attack.</p><p>He wiped a tear roughly from his cheek, refusing to sit crying in a random diner.  He hated that he felt so worn and beaten.  He hated that he felt tricked by all the loving words Doug had ever said to him.  Hating most of all that there was a burning desire within him to go and find the man that had caused all of the pain – unsure if he wanted to hear him out or simply to just make sure he left New York.  Either way he knew he had to face him.</p><p>Jack had been sure that when he had opened the front door that he had heard a sudden rush of movement, doors closing in the distance – then silence.   He had walked past Doug’s car on his way back to the house so knew he was at very least still in New York, if not still hidden in his bedroom.  He made his way through the house, listening out for any clues that may help him figure out what was going on. </p><p>Nothing prepared him for what he walked in on.  Nothing prepared him for the swell of his heart mixed with the feeling of his stomach turning over.  He froze in the doorway.  The only thing he could focus on was Doug sat on the couch – Amy asleep on his chest.</p><p>Doug looked up at him – his eyes shining blue, the ice-cold stare from days before now completely gone.  He smiled softly, praying that Jen’s plan would work at least long enough to break the forced silence between them.  Both Jen and Grams had agreed that Jack needed to witness the two facets of his life beginning to merge – bringing the pieces of his heart back together.</p><p>“Where is everyone?” Jack asked, looking over his shoulder to try and find Jen or Grams.</p><p>“Upstairs,” Doug answered.  “Jen needed help with something.”</p><p>Jack nodded, glancing behind him again to the stairs, wishing someone would appear.  He did not know if he should go in search of Jen or move further into the room towards Doug.  Simply standing in the doorway did not seem like a viable option.  He looked back at Amy, comfortable and relaxed in the same spot that he had laid his head on many occasions.  A large part of him wanted to curl up right next to her in Doug’s arms.  But another part of him wanted to retreat.</p><p>“Do you want me to take her?” Jack asked, finding a convenient excuse to move further into the room.  One that would satisfy his brain in believing it was all for Amy, not to fulfil a need within him to be closer</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” Doug shook his head, regretting his words slightly when Jack stopped in his tracks.  “You’re welcome to join us though,” he added, offering a hopeful smile.  He could tell that Jack wanted to.  He could tell that he was trying to weigh up his options – hovering in between sitting down and walking out of the room.  “Please,” Doug said softly, reaching his hand out to the other man.</p><p>Jack looked down at Doug’s hand – all he had to do was reach out and take it.  It did not need to mean that everything was fine, that all was forgiven – but Jack knew it would be the olive branch to show he was willing to hear him out.  Five minutes ago he was not sure if he was willing to do that, but now, seeing Amy in the arms of the man he loved, he knew he had to at least try.  Before he could convince himself that it was a bad idea, he reached out just enough so that the tips of his fingers met Doug’s hand, instantly feeling Doug’s fingers close around his, pulling him closer.</p><p>He sat down next to Doug, his fingers still wrapped in the other man’s hand, feeling himself being pulled closer.  Deciding not to resist he shuffled closer, trying to disguise it as trying to get a better look at Amy.  “How long has she been asleep?” </p><p>“Not long,” Doug replied.  “She seems comfortable though.”</p><p>Jack nodded, trying to hide the pain on his face of being this close to Doug but not knowing where he stood.  “Why are you here?” </p><p>“Because I love you,” Doug answered simply.  </p><p>Jack shook his head.  “No, you don’t get to use that excuse anymore.  It’s beginning to lose meaning.”</p><p>“It’s not an excuse,” Doug protested softly.  “And I know it doesn’t erase everything that happened, and everything I said, but it is the reason I’m here.  I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”</p><p>Jack pulled his hand away from Doug’s, standing up from the couch.  “I’d hate to see what you can do when you’re trying.”</p><p>Doug instantly knew that he had taken the wrong tact – mentally kicking himself for reminding Jack of his pain and vulnerability.  “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You’re sorry?” Jack replied, almost with a laugh.  “Well that’s okay then.”</p><p>“I know it’s not okay,” Doug shook his head, forced to keep his voice low so not to wake Amy.  “That’s why I’m here.  I want to try and make it up to you.”</p><p>“What is there to say?  I can’t imagine you have anything left.”  He felt his voice shake, Doug’s words once again flooding his brain, causing a stray tear to fall only for it to be quickly wiped away in the hope Doug had not noticed.</p><p>“I should never have said those things.”</p><p>“But you did, so sitting there talking about all the things you shouldn’t have done and things you shouldn’t have said is pretty worthless.  And you know what, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say to try and excuse it all.  I don’t care about your insecurities, your fears about being found out, or how awful you felt after.  It doesn’t undo what happened.”</p><p>“I do feel awful,” Doug said weakly.</p><p>“Good,” Jack said, tears once again on his cheeks, though this time he did not bothering to hide them.  “Then maybe you feel the tiniest amount of the pain I feel.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean any of it,” Doug tried to explain.</p><p>“Really?  Because it sounded pretty convincing to me,” Jack replied quickly, his voice cracking.  “In fact it was probably the most convincing you’ve ever been.”  Unsure what else there was to say, not wanting to argue in front of Amy, angry at Jen for orchestrating such a manipulative setup, he turned to leave the room. </p><p>“Please don’t leave,” Doug pleaded.  “I’m not in a position to follow you right now.”</p><p>“Maybe I don’t want to be followed,” Jack replied harshly.  “Maybe I never wanted to be followed.”</p><p>“Jack,” Doug said, suddenly doubting everything.  “I just want to apologise.”</p><p>“Don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical?” Jack asked.  “I can’t even talk to your family without being accused of - you know what, I’m not even sure what I was being accused of, but here you are in New York, looking pretty damn cosy,” he bit – not having realised how angry he was until now. </p><p>“I’m here for you,” Doug replied, knowing that Jack’s anger was justified. </p><p>“And what, you thought if you got Jen onside, if you suddenly discovered an interest in Amy, if you were nice to Grams, that I would have no choice but to forgive you?  Because, you know what, Doug, you haven’t been particularly interested up until now. So, what’s changed?  Other than it being incredibly convenient.”</p><p>“Maybe I realised that you were right,” Doug said, trying to keep his tone hushed, not wanting to disturb Amy.  “You said that you were making an effort with my family because you knew it was important to me, and you were right.  And instead of attacking you for it I should have been doing the same.”</p><p>“What’s the point?” Jack shrugged, looking and feeling completely defeated.</p><p>“There’s every point,” Doug replied quickly.  “I want you to feel at home with my family and I want to get to know yours – properly get to know them.  Because I’m not planning on going anywhere.”</p><p>Jack stood there, wishing he could get his heart and brain to sync up but right now he was feeling more confused than ever – feeling too angry to accept the words he wanted to hear.  “If you’re not planning on going anywhere, then I guess I will,” he said coldly, turning and walking out of the room.  “I’ll tell Jen to come and get Amy.”</p><p>Doug could hear Jack’s footsteps going up the stairs, each one angrier than the last.  He heard a door open on the landing followed by a short exchange of angry and frustrated words before footsteps could be heard coming back down the stairs.</p><p>Jen appeared in the doorway, an apologetic smile on her face.  “That went well,” she groaned. “I’m sorry, I really thought would go better.”</p><p>“It’s my fault,” Doug conceded.  “I put my foot in it.”</p><p>Jen sat down on the couch and lifted Amy off of Doug.  “If it makes you feel better, his anger is a good thing.  It will be much easier once he’s moved past that.”</p><p>“I hope so,” Doug replied, feeling slightly deflated.  “You did say that this wasn’t going to be easy.”</p><p>“Grams is up there right now working her magic,” Jen assured.  “Which means you’ve got time for a quick coffee before round two.”</p><p>“Jen, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.  I think I need to just back off.”</p><p>“And wait for Jack to come to you?” Jen laughed.  “You really are clueless.”</p><p>Doug could not help but laugh.  “Why do I feel like you’re getting some kind of sadistic pleasure out of all of this?”</p><p>“I may have let you in last night but that doesn’t mean you’ve served your punishment just yet.”</p><p>“And what exactly is my punishment?  Walk across hot coals?  Public flogging?”</p><p>“Whatever Jack decides it to be.”</p><p>“Better make it a large cup of coffee then.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack sat on the edge of his bed; eyes fix on Doug’s possessions piled up next to his bag on the floor.<p>“If you would like him to go, I will ask him to leave,” Grams said softly from the doorway, making Jack look up.</p><p>“No, you wouldn’t,” Jack laughed.  “That wouldn’t be very Christianly.”</p><p>“This is your home.  You deserve to be comfortable here.  If Doug being here is causing you pain, I will ask him to go,” she confirmed.  “But I would make him something to eat first – I couldn’t turf the poor man out on an empty stomach.”</p><p>“It sounds like you have as much sympathy for him as Jen does,” Jack replied, inviting Grams to sit down.</p><p>“Of course I have sympathy for him.  He is living with the regret of what he did.  That does not mean however that I condone his actions, and it certainly does not reduce my sympathy for you.”</p><p>“This isn’t really my home anymore,” Jack shook his head in relation to her earlier comment.</p><p>“You will always have a home with me,” Grams corrected.  “It doesn’t matter how old you get or how settled you become elsewhere.”</p><p>Jack smiled gratefully.  “Do you think I’m being harsh?”</p><p>“I think you’re being honest,” she replied.  “Which is always a good place to start.”</p><p>“I want to make things better.  I just don’t know if I can.”</p><p>“None of this if for you to do alone.  Neither of you can make this better without the other.”</p><p>“Do you have a book of these one-liners?” Jack smiled.  “Or is it some course you have to register for?”</p><p>Grams smiled, placing her hand over Jack’s.  “If this is important to you then you have to keep trying.  Even if it takes a few attempts to get to where you want to be.”</p><p>“I want to be where we were a few days ago,” Jack confessed.</p><p>“Where you were a few days was on the edge of an argument.  You don’t want to go back there.  You want to move past it, to learn from it, to not repeat it.  It sounds like both of you wish you could have done things differently.  Now’s your opportunity to show each other that.”</p><p>“Do you like him?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Doug?” Grams asked.  “Why does it matter how I feel about him?”</p><p>“It matters to me,” Jack replied.  </p><p>“Let’s just say that of all the men in New York that you or Jen could have snuck into the house last night, I was very happy for it to be Doug.”</p><p>“Best of a bad bunch?” Jack smiled.</p><p>“No,” Grams smiled back.  “Doug may have his flaws, just like the rest of us, and he may have hurt you, but you need to ask yourself why it hurt so much.  Is it really because he was right, like you have been thinking for days; or did it hurt so much because you love him?”</p><p>“I know how I feel,” Jack reasoned.  “It’s how he feels that I’m confused about.”</p><p>“Well, you’re not going to find the answer to that sat alone in your room,” Grams offered.  “The fact that he is here now, that he drove all this way, that he is still sat downstairs having already received a lecture from Jen before trying to talk to you – I think that gives a better indication of his feelings than what was said in a heat of the moment argument.”</p><p>“Why does everything have to be so complicated?”</p><p>“I often find that things become far less complicated when you learn to ignore all of the background noise.  Just focus on you and Doug – forget about everything else.”</p><p>Jack smiled, dipping his head slightly.  “I think the anger is passing.”</p><p>“I think so too,” Grams smiled, patting his hand before standing up.  “Should I send Doug up?”</p><p>Jack took a deep breath.  “Give it a few minutes,” he nodded.  “If he still wants to.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack heard footsteps on the stairs and knew for sure that they were Doug’s.  He stood up from the bed, unsure how he wanted to be positioned when Doug came in.<p>“I come in peace,” Doug said softly, both hands raised as he appeared in the open doorway.</p><p>Jack forced a smile, hoping that would help lighten the mood.  “Don’t worry – I’m unarmed.”</p><p>Doug nodded in approval.  “Could we start over?”</p><p>“I’ll try and stay put,” Jack shrugged, attempting a smile but failing.</p><p>“I’m not trying manipulate you into forgiving me.  I know I have a lot to apologise for – more than I can reasonably expect you to forgive, but I will never forgive myself if I don’t try.”</p><p>Jack simply nodded in understanding, unsure what to say.</p><p>“I’m sorry if you’ve felt ambushed by me showing up here.”</p><p>“I’m sorry if I made you think that you showing up here wasn’t exactly what I wanted,” Jack said, blushing slightly as his confession.</p><p>Doug laughed slightly, taking the opportunity to move closer.  “Well, I’m here now,” he said softly.  “And I’m sorry for everything that happened the other day.  I behaved horribly and blamed you for things that were in no way your fault.”</p><p>“What happened?  I thought we were okay and clearly that’s not the case.”</p><p>Doug took hold of Jack’s hand, looking down at their entwined fingers.  “I panicked.”</p><p>“How often should I expect these panics?  Monthly? Or are they only bought on by holiday periods?  You need to let me know if you’re including all the federal holidays and valentine’s day, or if we are safe until Easter” Jack said, not meaning to sound quite so sarcastic.</p><p>“Okay, I deserve that,” Doug accepted.  “I’m sorry that I don’t have the answers.”</p><p>“Did you mean what you said?” Jack asked nervously – wondering if it should even matter.</p><p>“No – I have never been more wrong.”</p><p>“That’s not the same thing as not meaning it,” Jack replied, shaking his head.</p><p>“I was feeling incredibly confused, and scared, and in that moment I blamed all of those emotions on you, but that was not right or fair.  You had done nothing wrong.  I had no right blaming you for any of it.  And wish I could tell you that I knew where it all came from, other than the fact that you were right and I didn’t want to admit it.”</p><p>“Can you at least tell me why?  If it’s something I’m doing…”</p><p>“It’s not,” Doug cut in quickly.  “It’s not you.  Not that you can change anyway.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jack asked apprehensively.  </p><p>Doug took a long deep breath.  “You make me want to be the type of man that I have never been able to imagine myself being.  You make me want to do all the things that I’m too scared to do.  You make having everything that I want look so easy – and you do it with a strength and grace that I just find baffling.  You are like lightning to me – both beautiful and terrifying at the same time.  I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know how to keep hold of you either.”</p><p>Jack stared at him, utterly stunned.  He did not know what to say.  He had a flashback to being stood before Ethan at the train station the night of his junior prom and wondered how much more terrifying that would have been if he had actually had real feelings for him.</p><p>“Say something,” Doug pleaded, unable to read the look in Jack’s eyes.</p><p>Still unable to find the words, Jack stepped forward before leaning in and kissing the other man – his kiss firm and sure, growing with intensity as he felt Doug let go of his hand and instead loop his arm around his waist.  </p><p>“Tell me how to make it so never have to live without you,” Doug said softly as they moved apart, his hand moving to Jack’s cheek.</p><p>“Just remember that I’m not your enemy,” Jack replied softly.  “I seem to remember you saying before that we’re a team – just remember that.”</p><p>“I think I can do that,” Doug smiled.</p><p>“And if that fails,” Jack smiled, “Try that lightning thing again.”</p><p>Doug laughed slightly, kissing Jack again.  “You liked that, huh?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that was good,” Jack nodded.  “Feeds right into my weather channel obsession.”</p><p>“I’m not even going to ask,” Doug said, pulling Jack towards the edge of the bed and sitting down.  “I’m sorry if it seems that I haven’t made enough effort with your family.  I guess I just never really considered the possibility of being a part of it.”</p><p>“You know that Grams likes to take in strays.”</p><p>“I’ve noticed,” he nodded.  “And Amy is incredible.”</p><p>“You really think so?” Jack smiled.  “That wasn’t all just an act for my benefit?”</p><p>“It may have started that way,” Doug confessed.  “But no one told Amy that.  I didn’t plan for her to fall asleep on me, but when she did, and I was looking down at her – I’ve never felt anything like that.  Even with Kerry’s kids – which I know sounds awful, but I realised it’s because of you.  You love her, and I love you – so Amy has a place in my heart too.”</p><p>“It’s like you’re trying to push all my buttons right now,” Jack smiled, kissing Doug once more.</p><p>“Is it getting me anywhere?” </p><p>“It’s getting you everywhere.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug realised quickly that sex with Jack outside the privacy of their own homes with a very different experience.  But there was something he really enjoyed about Jack’s fight to hold back – the way his hands gripped the sheets tightly, his knuckles turning white as Doug’s mouth moved over him.  The way his knees would bend upwards, feet flat on the bed in an attempt to keep his body down against the mattress, only for his legs to harshly push back out flat, heels digging into the bed as his back arched – Doug’s hands on his hips the only thing preventing him from coming off the mattress completely.<p>Doug had never heard anything like the sounds coming from Jack as he fought to remain quiet; suppressing his usual expressions of pleasure – it made his mouth smile around Jack, spurring him on even more – his finger pushing deeply into Jack, twisting and manipulating expertly.  Jack’s hand shot from being tangled in the sheets to being just as tangled in the hair on the back of Doug’s head as Doug pushed down harder on Jack’s hip with his free hand keeping him firmly in place, knowing he was only moments away from the other man’s climax – confirmed seconds later as Jack’s shoulders reared up from the bed as he released a deep and primal groan.</p><p>Jack fell back into the pillow beneath him as Doug swallowed around him, trying desperately to regain some composure as he was certain Doug would not allow any kind of pause before continuing his onslaught.  He felt the other man kiss his way up his body until they were face to face, mouths meeting with a ferocity never before experienced – Jack’s hands clutching at Doug’s shoulder, moving up his neck to his hair, absorbing the moans coming from the other man.  Doug traced his hand over Jack’s hip, around the curve of his ass, fingers clutching at his thigh as he parted Jack’s legged slightly more, fitting in perfectly like that was exactly where he belonged.  </p><p>Jack’s eyes shot wide open, a deep groan filling Doug’s mouth, chest pushing up against the other man as he was suddenly and fully entered.  Doug moved one hand to Jack’s cheek and the other remained holding his thigh, waiting for Jack’s body to relax around him, desperately wanting to continue with his movements, impatiently rocking.  Jack tore his mouth away from Doug’s – wide open but making no sound as he fought to relax; every muscle having tightened from shock.  He groaned, eyes squeezed shut, chest rising and falling rapidly.  </p><p>Unable to contain himself any longer, Doug began to move, slowly increasing his speed, driven mad by the storm in Jack’s eyes.  “Let go,” Doug whispered into Jack’s ear, feeling him still fighting against the usual loss of control that Doug craved - loving how Jack’s body would normally melt around his until it was impossible to tell where one man ended and the other began.  He loved how together Jack was outwardly in his day to day life – he found it incredibly sexy, but he yearned for man he became behind closed doors, his body wrapped in and around his.</p><p>Jack’s body began to rock back against Doug’s rhythmically, head pushing back into the pillow, jaw clenched, trying to swallow down the cries of his aching and wanting body.  Eyes closed; he could feel Doug’s eyes burning into him – peeling away his armor piece by piece.  “Doug,” he pleaded, breathlessly, not exactly sure what he was begging for.  It did not seem to matter though, as the sound of his name caused Doug to turn up the intensity, certain he could make Jack succumb with just a little more effort.</p><p>Realising that the moan about to slip from his lips could no longer be suppressed, Jack’s mouth quickly found Doug’s, filling his mouth with the heat and passion that was escaping him.  “Doug,” he groaned again as Doug pulled his mouth away, lips moving to the patch above Jack’s collarbone.  “Oh God,” he panted, knowing for sure now that Doug was not going to relent, bringing him to the very edge of himself.</p><p>“Let go,” Doug repeated, mouth grazing over the patch of skin that he knew drove Jack crazy.  He could feel that Jack was almost there, so he fought hard to keep himself on the right side of the peak, not wanting to get there until Jack was with him.  He could still feel Jack’s muscles tightened, teeth clenched, fighting against his body’s will.  He smiled to himself as he trailed his mouth up Jack’s neck until his lips were against Jack’s ear and whispered one simple word – “Lightning.”  As if he had discovered a new magic word, he felt the tension in Jack’s muscles fade away, experiencing the fluidity that he had been searching for, now letting himself spill words of pleasure for the first time.</p><p>Jack’s hand went to Doug’s face, pulling their mouths together, refusing to let them part, kissing him savagely, all the sounds of encouragement and want now freely flowing from him, filling Doug to the brim as he began to thrust up against him more forcefully.  Doug tried to pull his mouth away, but Jack would not let him, still drinking in the taste of the other man, hand firmly on the back of his neck, holding him securely, refusing to let Doug have all of the control.  He continued to push back against him, knowing it was driving Doug wild, knowing that he would not last much longer if he continued.  Jack’s fingertips dug into his scalp as Doug increased his intensity beyond what he thought possible, keeping their mouths fixed together in a desperate attempt to keep their cries from reverberating around the whole house, gently biting down on Doug’s lower lip mere seconds before their bodies filled with the ecstasy of storming the peak and tumbling over the edge in each other’s arm.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had not realised that he had been falling asleep until he was aware that he was beginning to wake, contently lying in Doug’s arms, soft kisses occasionally grazing his forehead.  He felt warm and comfortable enough that he considered keeping his eyes closed and drifting back off but knew that Doug would soon realise that he was awake.  He sighed gently, wrapping his arm more tightly around Doug’s body.<p>“Welcome back,” Doug smiled softly, running his hand through Jack’s hair.</p><p>“I’m not all the way back yet,” Jack mumbled, burying himself a little deeper into Doug.</p><p>“I’ll be here waiting patiently,” Doug smiled, glad to be back on even ground.  </p><p>“Did you sleep?”</p><p>“No, I was just enjoying the view.”</p><p>Jack shook his head, finally opening his eyes.  “You’ve come all the way to New York and the only view you’ve had is the inside of this room.”</p><p>“I find this room fascinating – a glimpse into New York Jack.”</p><p>“‘New York Jack’?  I think you are imagining my life here to be way more eventful that it actually was.”</p><p>Doug laughed, “I don’t know about that.  If these walls could talk.  I’ve love to know what they’d be saying.” </p><p>“I hate to disappoint you, but these walls would be more likely to quote college essays than relay any sordid antics,” Jack smiled.   “There is only one Jack.  Take a good look because this is all there is.”</p><p>“Maybe, but either way there is not a single person in New York that has a better view than I do right now.”</p><p>Jack sat up slightly, propping himself up on his elbows, smiling.  “You don’t have to lay it on so thick.  I’ve already forgiven you.”</p><p>“Doesn’t make it any less true.”</p><p>Jack sat up further, shuffling to find a more comfortable position, giving up after a moment and falling back to where he had previously been.  “I figured maybe you’d want to get out of here for a while before you head back to Capeside.”</p><p>“I would be perfectly happy not leaving this bed.”</p><p>“Right,” Jack nodded, “If that’s the case, not that I’m completely opposed to it, you’re going to have to go a little easier on me.  I know it’s Christmas, but I’m not some toy that if you break come boxing day you can just take back to the store to exchange.”</p><p>Doug gently pulled Jack’s body closer, wrapping his arms around him.  “Sorry.  I may have got a little carried away.”</p><p>“Just a little,” Jack smiled, not wanting to make Doug feel bad.  </p><p>“I guess we should probably leave this room sometime soon,” Doug reasoned, remembering Grams, Jen and Amy downstairs.  “Before it comes incredibly obvious what we’ve been up to.”</p><p>“I think that ship has sailed,” Jack laughed.  “Unless they think I murdered you and am waiting for them to leave the house so I can dispose of your body.”</p><p>“How many bodies have you disposed of around Manhattan?”</p><p>“It’s probably safest for you to never find out,” Jack smiled, kissing him softly.  “When are you leaving?”</p><p>“Are you kicking me out?” Doug asked with a smile.  “Is this is my glimpse of New York Jack?”</p><p>“Very funny,” Jack rolled his eyes.  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“It’s a long drive back to Capeside and you have work tomorrow.”</p><p>“Except I don’t,” Doug smiled.  </p><p>“You don’t, what?” Jack asked confused.</p><p>“Have work tomorrow,” Doug replied, smiling at the confusion that remained on Jack’s face.  “I managed to shuffle some things around.”</p><p>“Since when?” Jack grinned.  </p><p>“Since a couple of hours ago when I thought it was going to take me a lot longer than it actually did to get you to listen to me.  You slammed the front door pretty hard this morning.”</p><p>Jack blushed slightly, not realising how obvious his anger had been.  “So, what are you saying?”</p><p>“I’m saying that, if you’ll have me, I would like to stay another night.”</p><p>“I’m sure that could be arranged,” Jack smiled in reply.</p><p>“And I would also like to take you out,” Doug added.  </p><p>“You want to take me on a date?” Jack teased, thinking Doug was joking.</p><p>“Exactly,” Doug smiled.  “A real date – outside – in public.”</p><p>Jack looked at him questioningly.  “Are you being serious?”</p><p>“Completely,” Doug nodded.  “Only if you want to?”</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Jack beamed.  “That sounds great.”</p><p>“Good,” Doug nodded.  “It’s a date.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“Stop faffing,” Jack scowled, swiping Jen’s hand away from his hair.<p>“I’m just trying to beautify you,” Jen argued, reaching out to try again only to be batted away once more.</p><p>“Did Doug say where he was going?” Jack asked, having heard him talking to Jen before he disappeared out of the house over an hour ago. </p><p>“No,” Jen shook her head.  “He just said to make sure you were ready on time.”</p><p>“I’m always ready on time.”</p><p>“Sure,” Jen smiled.  “The only person you’re fooling is yourself.”  She watched as Jack readjusted the bit of hair that she had just tried to fix.  “So everything is good between you now?”</p><p>“I guess,” Jack said, still looking in the mirror.  </p><p>“You don’t sound too sure,” Jen said slightly concerned.</p><p>“No, I am,” Jack replied quickly.  “Everything’s fine.”</p><p>“Why am I not convinced?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jack shook his head.  “Maybe I’m just not as into the ‘make up’ bit of break ups as other people.”</p><p>“So this a sex thing,” Jen grinned, sitting down on the edge of Jack’s bed.</p><p>“No, this is not a sex thing,” Jack rolled his eyes.  “It’s just not as simple as just forgetting everything you felt during the rough patch just because you’re heading back into a good one.”</p><p>“Well, either you still have things to discuss or you need to make a conscious effort to move on from those feelings.”</p><p>“I’m just not sure which,” Jack agreed.</p><p>“Just give Doug a chance tonight,” Jen suggested.  “He’s making an effort.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack smiled, beginning to feel ungrateful.  “I think I’m feeling a little nervous.”</p><p>“Nervous is good,” Jen smiled.  “Nervous is exciting.”</p><p>“It seems stupid.”</p><p>“Not at all – I mean, how many dates have you two actually been on?”</p><p>Jack thought about it for a moment.  “None.”</p><p>“Exactly,” she smiled. “This is going to be fun.”</p><p>“And you have no idea where he’s taking me?”</p><p>“I didn’t say that,” she grinned mischievously.  “Just relax and have fun.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack managed to be ready on time – just; walking down the stairs as a knock came from the front door.  He looked at Jen questioningly before answering it, finding Doug stood on the other side, picking him up for their date.  He managed to give Amy a quick cuddle before being ushered out of the house by both Jen and Grams – both with smiles on their faces.<p>Doug hailed them a cab, refusing to tell Jack where they were going, taking Jack by surprise when he reached for his hand.  Jack looked at him slightly unsure before accepting – making sure it was what Doug really wanted and not what he felt he needed to do to make up for everything.  Doug smiled confidently, giving his hand a squeeze.  Jack knew what it felt like to have his hands entwined with Doug’s – this was not the first time, but doing it in public felt completely different.  It was as though small sparks were being set off against his skin.  </p><p>The cab pulled up outside a very impressive looking building and Doug paid the driver, tipping him generously.  Jack could not help but smile – it really did feel like a first date; and that Doug was trying everything to impress him.  Doug had led him into the lobby of the hotel and towards the restaurant at the back, where a table was waiting, bottle of champagne on ice.  Jack was completely lost of words, wondering how Doug had managed to arrange everything so quickly – wondering if he had imagined all of this way ahead of time, simply waiting for the right time to play his aces.  </p><p>There was a moment, halfway through the meal when Jack had realised that they had never eaten in a restaurant together as a couple, which though it seemed completely absurd, there were many ‘normal’ couple things they had never done.  It was a bittersweet thought – sadness for the things they had never done, but excitement in hoping that one day soon they would.  When Doug had reached over the table to take hold of his hand all the thoughts of what they had never done together slipped from Jack’s mind, enjoying the feel of Doug’s hand against his own.</p><p>It was been nice to just be the two of them again, talking about every and nothing at all, enjoying the food and champagne, feeling like the rest of the world had simply faded away.  It felt good to laugh.  It felt good to relax.  It felt good to not be looking out for someone who may see something they should not have.  Jack enjoyed that Doug seemed genuinely relaxed and at ease, for the first time making Jack feel sure that it was not him that he was ashamed of or trying to hide.  </p><p>“Are you having a good time?” Doug asked, giving Jack’s hands a squeeze in the middle of the table.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Jack smiled.  “I’m just trying not to get too used to it.”</p><p>“You deserve it.”</p><p>Jack’s eyes grazed the table slight, finding it difficult as always to hear such things.  “You know, I never asked you how your Christmas was.”</p><p>Doug laughed slightly, “The best part was the long drive to New York.”</p><p>“That bad, huh?”</p><p>“Let’s just say that I couldn’t have been more wrong when I said this was set to be the best Christmas ever.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologise,” Doug said softly.  “It wasn’t your fault.  None of it was.  No matter what I said.”</p><p>Jack looked back at Doug, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, but said nothing, unsure if his suspicions were correct.  He felt Doug squeeze his hand gently causing his gaze to drop to the joined hands.</p><p>“There was so much wrong with what I said to you,” Doug reiterated.  “I was wrong.”  </p><p>Now Jack was pretty sure he was correct in his assumption.  He swallowed down the words he wanted to say, knowing that if they slipped out, everything that Doug had accused him of before would be true.</p><p>“You’ve gone very quiet,” Doug said cautiously, able to see that something was going on silently in Jack’s head.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Jack shook his head, forcing a smile.  “I hope Jen didn’t give you too much of a hard time.”</p><p>“I think she was pretty fair.”</p><p>“Do your family know you’re in New York?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Doug said, having not thought about it.  “Pacey knows, so maybe.”</p><p>“I think I’m going to stay a little longer than originally planned,” Jack said simply.</p><p>Doug nodded. “I wish I could stay with you.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack smiled.  “But Capeside if not going to prevent itself from falling into the hands of evil.”</p><p>“I don’t think you have a very good grasp of what I actually do,” Doug laughed.</p><p>“I know exactly what you do,” Jack smiled.  “You help old ladies cross the road, you stop teenagers from getting into trouble, and you lecture me endlessly about the dangers of speeding on Capeside’s wide and deserted roads.”</p><p>“That last one takes up an astonishingly large amount of time.”</p><p>“Feel free to drop it from your to-do-list whenever you like.”</p><p>“Never,” Doug smiled.  “Your safety is more important to me than anyone else’s – just don’t tell them that.”</p><p>“Never,” Jack smiled softly, wondering if one day people would just know that, without anyone having to say it.</p><p>“Are you ready to head off?” Doug asked, gesturing for the bill.</p><p>“Yes and no,” Jack replied.  “I almost don’t want tonight to end.”</p><p>“I know the feeling,” Doug replied, “And I was kind of hoping you were going to say that.”</p><p>“Why do I get a feeling you’ve been plotting something?”</p><p>“Plotting?” Doug laughed.  “You make it sound like I dragged you here against your will. I prefer to think of it as optimistic forward planning.”</p><p>“Optimistic forward planning?” Jack questioned.  “What does that look like in the real world?”</p><p>Doug was about to answer when the waiter appeared, handing something to Doug for him to sign.  “Would you like this charged to your room?”</p><p>“Yes please,” Doug smiled politely, signing the slip and handing it back.</p><p>“What?” Jack asked as the waiter walked away.  </p><p>“Here,” Doug smiled, pulling a key card from his pocket and sliding it over the table towards Jack.</p><p>“What is that?” Jack asked, knowing full well what it was, but slightly stunned.  </p><p>“It’s what optimistic forward planning looks like in the real world, or in a fantasy world where no one else exists.  Whichever you prefer.”  Doug stood up from the table, picking up the key card that remained sitting in front of Jack, holding out his hand in offering.  “The night doesn’t have to end just yet.”</p><p>Jack smiled, looking at Doug’s offered hand for a second before reaching out and taking it.  “I wish you’d mentioned this before, I could have packed a bag.”</p><p>“Already taken care of,” Doug grinned, pulling Jack close and kissing him softly.  “I have this all under control.”</p><p>“I bet you do,” Jack smiled, shaking his head in disbelief.  “You and Jen are a tricky duo.”</p><p>“Don’t you ever forget it,” Doug replied, leading Jack out of the restaurant and towards their hotel room for the night.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>The hotel room was more impressive than any Jack had seen before, particularly owing to the large window that looked out across the city, the top of the empire state building visible over the top of the other buildings.  It was moments like these that he realised how lucky he was to have ever lived in New York, and as much as he loved the picturesque views of Capeside, he found himself transfixed by the view before him.  He had been amazed that Doug had managed to find a hotel room at Christmas in the city and hoped he had not spent too much on it but feared that he had.<p>Jack kicked off his shoes and settled himself in one of the couch chairs in front of the window, hearing the sound of another bottle of champagne being popped behind him.  Doug appeared next to him holding out a glass.</p><p>“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Jack asked, eyes still on the city scene in front of him, able to see Doug’s smile in his reflection of the window as he took the glass from him.</p><p>“It’s Christmas.  I thought your favourite thing to do was get drunk,” Doug replied, sitting down in the chair next to Jack.  </p><p>“Very true,” Jack smiled.  “This room is amazing.  The view is incredible.”</p><p>“Yes, it is,” Doug agreed, eyes on Jack rather than the scene outside.</p><p>“You really didn’t have to do all this.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug replied.  “But I wanted to.  For you.”</p><p>Jack opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind, instead taking a sip of his drink.  It was the same questions he had wanted to ask over dinner, the one he was not sure he wanted to know the answer to.  He was pretty sure his suspicions were correct, but if wrong, and he brought up the subject, he would feel obligated to provide an explanation he did not want to give.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Doug asked, noticing that Jack was once again lost in thought.</p><p>Jack sighed slightly, wishing he were not about to do what he knew he was going to.  “Pacey told you, didn’t he?”</p><p>Doug paused for a moment, confident that he knew what Jack was referring to but not wanting to say anything in case he was wrong.  “Told me what?”</p><p>Jack shook his head; Doug’s moment of silence telling him everything he needed to know.  “I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Doug asked softly.</p><p>“Surely that is obvious.”</p><p>“No, not really,” Doug replied.  “Unless you believe that what Andie said is true.”</p><p>Jack did not reply, keeping his eyes on the very tip of the empire state building, partly wishing that Pacey had kept his mouth shut while also partly pleased to not have to have been the one to recount the story.</p><p>“What she said wasn’t true,” Doug added.  “Even she knew that.”</p><p>“There’s always some truth in everything,” Jack replied.  “Just because she only meant it for a split second doesn’t take away from the fact that she did mean it, even if only briefly.”</p><p>Doug nodded, understanding what Jack was saying.  “That split second shouldn’t mean more than the millions of other seconds though – all the other countless words that say differently.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jack.  I should never said any of the things I said to you,” Doug said sincerely.</p><p>“I don’t need another apology,” Jack said, turning towards Doug.  “I’m not trying to punish you.  I’ve forgiven you and I’m not going to throw it back in your face.  I’m just worried that you’re doing exactly what Andie did.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Doug asked, reaching out and taking Jack’s hand.</p><p>“Apologising for causing pain, without stopping to consider where those things came from.  I accept that the end result of saying those things was not what you wanted, but that doesn’t change the fact that you felt them.  And if you felt them once you could feel them again.”</p><p>“I actually have given this some thought,” Doug confessed.  “And yes, you’re probably right, the things I said did come from somewhere, but they were not caused by you.  It was not anything you had done – it was all about my own fears and insecurity.  I was angry at myself and took it out on you because it was easier to blame you than it was accept that my misery was purely caused by myself,” he explained.  “And Andie did the same.  She was hurting and just wanted someone else to hurt too.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be miserable and angry,” Jack said seriously, “and if you are those things because of me then I think we should end this.”</p><p>Doug stared back at Jack, shocked by what he had heard.  It seemed as though time froze, their eyes locked together trying to work out what was happening.  It was not until Doug noticed the look of terror on Jack’s face that he realised that Jack did not want what he was suggesting – simply giving Doug an option.  “I don’t want that,” he replied simply.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“More sure than I ever have been about anything in my life.”</p><p>“Good,” Jack smiled, relieved.</p><p>“Seeing you with my family, it just looked so right and natural, and I panicked thinking everyone else in the room surely could see that too.  And I had no control over who would see or notice, or how they may react.”</p><p>“You can’t be in control all the time,” Jack said softly.  “You don’t have to be.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug agreed.  “I think it’s just a hangover of my job.”</p><p>“I think it’s more than that,” Jack said, slightly amused.  “It’s just who you are.  And I like that.  I like that you are so sure of things, and so strong and steadfast, but sometimes you have to let that go and accept that you can’t control everything.  You have no power over how other people feel or react to things.”</p><p>“I guess I’m just used to having to take charge,” Doug admitted. </p><p>“And that’s great – in fact, it’s an incredibly sexy quality, but you don’t have to be that person all the time.”</p><p>“Incredibly sexy, huh?”</p><p>“I think you already know how I feel about the matter,” Jack smiled, fully aware of Doug’s attentiveness to the things he found to be a turn on – even more aware of the affect it had on Doug too – noting his preference to dominate and control, incapable of holding back at times.  “But not everything has to be so intense all the time.  It’s just not sustainable.”</p><p>“Do you want less intensity?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I want space for something more.  I want space for us to grow and evolve rather than just burning out.  I want this to work,” Jack smiled, slightly shyly.  “I want everything.”</p><p>“So do I,” Doug smiled back.  “I want everything too.”</p><p>“You told me to have more faith in the choices and decisions I make, and I think you need to have faith in them too.  I am making choices and decisions based on us – based on wanting us to be together.  Not to trick you into doing things you’re not ready for, or to make you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug nodded.</p><p>“And trust me, if I were looking for a new family to infiltrate, or whatever your concerns were, I would not choose yours,” Jack laughed.  “You’re all insane.”</p><p>Doug could not help but laugh.  “I’ve been telling you that for a while.”</p><p>“I think Pacey is the most sane of all of you.”</p><p>“I’m starting to think so too.”</p><p>“I could quite happily go a lifetime without another heart-to-heart with your father or being quizzed about life in New York by your mom, but I do it for you.  No other reason.”</p><p>“What did my dad say to you?” Doug asked, hoping it was not too awkward.</p><p>“Just that he raised a fool,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“Sound about right,” Doug rolled his eyes.</p><p>“And that he approved of your choices – all of them.  He just wants you to be happy.”</p><p>Doug sat back in his chair, unsure what to say but knowing that he needed to stop using his family as an excuse to stay hidden.  </p><p>“They love you,” Jack added.  “So do I.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Doug replied.  “I’m sorry that I ruined Christmas.”</p><p>“I don’t care about Christmas,” Jack shrugged before smiling.  “My birthday is coming up though – please try not to ruin that too.”</p><p>Doug smiled, nodding in agreement before being hit by a sudden realisation.  “I don’t know when your birthday is.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack smiled playfully.</p><p>“When is it?” </p><p>“I’m not telling you that,” Jack grinned, returning his gaze back to the window.  “You’ll have to earn it.”</p><p>“Earn it how?” Doug asked, standing from his chair and moving to be in front of the other man.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”</p><p>Doug took Jack’s glass from him, putting it down on the table before pulling Jack up from his seat by the hand.  “Is it in January?” </p><p>“My lips are sealed,” Jack smiled, leaning forward and kissing Doug softly.</p><p>“Please don’t tell me it’s in December,” Doug said, holding him close.</p><p>“Okay – I won’t tell you that.” Jack teased.</p><p>“Is it?” Doug asked, suddenly panicked.</p><p>“No,” Jack said softly, taking hold of Doug’s hand.</p><p>“How am I going to get this information out of you?” Doug asked seductively.</p><p>“I would start with a bubble bath in that ridiculously lavish tub,” Jack smiled, gesturing towards the bathroom that he was pretty sure was bigger than his whole bedroom at home.</p><p>“I like how your mind works,” Doug grinned.</p><p>“It would be shame to waste such an inviting opportunity.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Doug nodded, kissing Jack, feeling the curve of his smile against his own lips.  “Just in case I haven’t said it yet – Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Jack replied softly, glad the actual day was over.  “Everything looks better this side of Christmas.”</p><p>“Is that your way of saying ‘I told you so’?” Doug laughed.</p><p>“Something like that,” Jack smiled, kissing Doug softly.</p><p>“Am I allowed to say that I have a feeling that 2008 is going to be a great year?”</p><p>“No,” Jack laughed.  “I may well be pessimistic and superstitious but you are a complete jinx.”</p><p>“Okay – I won’t say it then,” Doug smiled,</p><p>“Good,” Jack kissed him again.  “At least give us a fighting chance.”</p><p>Doug held Jack close for a moment, reveling in the feel of him in his arms, hoping to never be without him again.  “So,” he smiled, “Do you think that bathtub is big enough for two?”</p><p>Jack glanced over his shoulder, a grin forming on his face.  “Only one way to find out.”</p><p>
  <b>To be Continued…</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. For All Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p></p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <b>So here goes... the final chapter.  This has been a great pleasure to write and has given me a real focus during this whole pandemic craziness!  I would like to say thank you to everyone that has been reading - particularly those who have commented and been incredibly kind.  I hope this chapter is received as well. </b><br/></p>
</div></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doug sat down on Pacey’s couch, resting his feet on the edge of the coffee table.  He had returned from New York a couple of days earlier, leaving Jack behind.  It was never something that had bothered him before – being alone in Capeside, but going back to an empty home, waking up alone in bed – it suddenly all felt strange to him.  There was a Jack shaped hole everywhere he looked; wishing he had come back to Capeside with him.</p><p>“I’m glad everything is back on track,” Pacey said, sitting at the other end of the couch.  “I’m just sorry that Christmas wasn’t everything you wanted it to be.”</p><p>“It all worked out in the end,” Doug smiled, not completely convinced.  </p><p>“So where’s Jack?” Pacey asked, as though he was reading Doug’s mind.</p><p>Doug frowned, wishing Pacey would just leave it.  “Could we not do this?” </p><p>“Do what?” Pacey asked.</p><p>“Pick at this until I end up leaving here feeling as though nothing is actually fixed.”</p><p>“Is that how you feel?”</p><p>“No,” Doug said quickly before pausing.  “I don’t know.”</p><p>“What is bothering you?” Pacey asked, wondering why Doug had gone all the way to New York to fix things only to come home with things seemingly unresolved.</p><p>“I guess I have just been left wondering if I can compete with everything else in Jack’s life.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’m following,” Pacey said honestly.</p><p>“Jen and Amy.  What did you call them before?  The competing half of Jack’s heart?”</p><p>“Come on, Doug.  You know he loves you.”</p><p>“I know, but can I spend my life knowing that when push comes to shove, he will always choose Jen?”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s true,” Pacey shook his head, shifting on the couch to be facing his brother head on.  “You need to appreciate everything they’ve been though together.”</p><p>“And when people told you that about Joey and Dawson – did it make you feel any better?” Doug asked raising an eyebrow, remembering how it had driven Pacey mad. </p><p>“Fair point,” Pacey nodded.  “But this isn’t a romantic connection.”</p><p>“No, it’s soulmates,” Doug groaned.  </p><p>Pacey could not help but laugh, taking a long sip of his beer.  “Witters really get screwed over by the whole soulmate thing, huh?”</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t want him to have that.  I actually really enjoy seeing them together – the way they are is amazing.”</p><p>“But it makes you feel jealous,” Pacey added with a smile.  </p><p>“I would rather the word ‘envious’ – it make me seem like less of a teenager,” Doug joked.</p><p>“If it makes you feel any better about everything, the two of them are more like siblings than anything,” Pacey offered.</p><p>“Actually that doesn’t make me feel better.”</p><p>“Why not?” Pacey asked, confused.</p><p>“Because I would happily drop you in favour of Jack any day,” he teased.   </p><p>“I would drop you for Jack too,” Pacey laughed, rolling his eyes a little.  “Can I share a little gem of insight that it took me way too long to realise?”</p><p>“I feel like you’re going to regardless of what I say.”</p><p>“Correct,” Pacey nodded.  “Not that I’m doubting the existence of soulmates, I just don’t think it means the same thing to everyone.  Sure, Dawson and Joey made a big thing of it – really going for that possessive quality of it all, but that’s not Jack and Jen.  They found each other at a time when they both honestly believed no one would ever love them.  They gave each other the missing part of them and helped fix what was broken.  And, sure, I know that sounds intimidating, but I don’t think you need to be threatened by it.  I think you should be grateful – because without what they have together you would not have Jack.”</p><p>“That’s one way to look at it,” Doug said, sounding unconvinced.</p><p>“From my slightly marginalised vantage point, neither one of them has ever stopped the other from doing things, including having meaningful relationships with other people.  If anything, Jen is routing for the two of you.”</p><p>“So you’re saying that the resistance is coming from Jack and not Jen?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Did I say that?” Pacey shook his head, smiling.  “Maybe, just maybe, Jack is holding back, not wanting to distance himself from Jen and Amy, because life with you is not a complete life.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Doug asked, feeling slightly offended by his brother’s comment but wanting to him a chance to explain himself before reacting.</p><p>“Surely even you’re becoming slightly suffocated in that closet of yours?” Pacey asked.  “Jack has taken a lot steps towards you but can really expect him to go the whole way with things the way they are?”</p><p>“So you’re saying I need to come out or lose Jack?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve been saying that for months, but that’s not what I’m really saying here.  I’m just trying to tell you the way I see it.  A lot of people have walked away from Jack in his life one way or another– Jen never has.”</p><p>“I’m not going to walk away,” Doug argued.</p><p>“I’m not the one you need to convince,” Pacey shrugged.</p><p>“Are you always going to take Jack’s side?” Doug asked with a smile, shaking his head.</p><p>“I’m not taking sides – I’m just giving you the part of the bigger picture that you don’t seem to be seeing,” Pacey replied.  “I do the same to Jack.”</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>“Though he’s usually not as hard work,” Pacey teased.  “But seriously though, you need to stop comparing his relationship with you and Jen.  They aren’t the same.  It’s not a question of competing.  Don’t forget all the things Jack has done to show you how much he cares.  He left supposedly the greatest city in the world for you – including leaving Jen and Amy.”</p><p>“I know,” Doug shook his head.  “Maybe I’m being selfish.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Pacey shrugged.  “Did you even ask him to come back to Capeside with you?”</p><p>Doug dipped his head, realising that he never did.  “No.”</p><p>“I think you just need to talk to Jack about it all,” Pacey said simply.</p><p>“It’s like that’s your answer to everything?”</p><p>“Alternatively, you can confirm that you’re coming to the Icehouse’s first annual New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night and forget about everything that’s going on until Jack gets back in a few days.”</p><p>“Unfortunately for you, little brother, but fortunately for me, I have volunteered to work tomorrow night.”</p><p>“What? No,” Pacey said exasperated.  “Why would you do that?”</p><p>“To avoid your party,” Doug said simply.</p><p>“So you’re going to spending the stroke of midnight policing Capeside, trying to put a stop to everyone’s fun rather than having some fun of your own?”</p><p>“No, actually, I will be finishing at 11pm.  I hope to be home with a nice bottle of red by midnight, and plan to go to bed immediately after.”</p><p>“Oh that’s just depressing,” Pacey shook his head.  “I am ashamed to call you my brother.”</p><p>“Now you know how I’ve felt for years,” Doug teased, taking a sip of his drink.  </p><p>Pacey sat back on the couch, thinking over their conversation, wondering if Doug and Jack would ever be able to fully work out their issues.  He knew Doug needed assurances that when times got tough Jack would not just run back to New York.  He needed to know that he came first.  He needed to know that Jack would choose him.  But Pacey also knew that as justified as Doug was in feeling that way, it was a big ask to make of someone when Doug could not even be open about their relationship.  It was catch 22 – Pacey knew that Doug may never be comfortable enough to be open if Jack could not commit fully, while Jack could not commit to being someone’s secret for the rest of his life.  Pacey wished things were more simple.</p><p>He took another sip of his beer before looking at his brother questioningly.  “Would you really choose Jack over me?”</p><p>“In a heartbeat, little brother,” Doug simply laughed, “In a heartbeat.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Jack had planned to go for a walk.  He needed to get out of the house for a while.  He needed to catch his breath.  Ever since the moment Doug had left New York, nothing felt right anymore, as though someone had come in and moved everything around without him noticing and he could not remember how things had been before in order to restore the status quo.  He had loved having Doug in New York. He had loved how relaxed he had seemed – both in the privacy of the house and in public.   He had loved the little glimpse into what he hoped would be their future.<p>Jack had wanted to return to Capeside with Doug – to convince him take some more time of work and just hide out at home together for a couple of days, but the conversation that he had had with Jen on Christmas day had been playing on his mind.  He did not want to leave New York without addressing what had been said – finishing a conversation that he felt was incomplete.  However, since the moment Doug had left, Jack had been unable to find the words he was looking for when it came to Jen so instead had been avoiding being alone with her or busying himself with Amy.  Yet every time he was alone, Jen’s words ran through his mind on repeat.</p><p>“Is this as far as you got on your walk?” Jen asked, opening the front door and seeing Jack sat on the steps, in the same spot she had sat with Doug days before.  </p><p>“I couldn’t decide where to go.”</p><p>Jen wrapped her coat around her more tightly as she sat down next to Jack.  “I guess aimlessly wandering the streets of New York is not the same as it is in Capeside.”</p><p>“I guess,” Jack nodded.  </p><p>They sat together, silently watching the world carry on around them – neither of them really knowing what to say but both feeling the tension that had been building since Doug’s departure.</p><p>“It’s been a crazy few days, huh?” Jen started, attempting to break Jack’s quiet streak.  </p><p>Jack simply nodded, a thousand things in his head to say, not sure which one was going to win.  “I’m not moving back to New York.”</p><p>“I know,” Jen nodded.</p><p>“And I know you’re not going to come to Capeside.”</p><p>“Jack, if I could…”</p><p>“Please don’t,” he said softly.  “It doesn’t matter what the reason is, or what we would do if things were different – if there was no Amy or Doug, because that’s not reality.  You don’t need to keep making excuses.  You saying no should have been enough.  I shouldn’t have kept pushing.”</p><p>Jen shook her head slightly, unwilling to let Jack take all the blame.  “I never actually said no.  I should have done.  I should have been more honest.  I guess I just enjoyed the dream as much as you did.”</p><p>“But it is just a dream,” Jack said – not quite a question but looking for the same type of response.</p><p>“Yes,” Jen nodded.</p><p>“I’m sorry that I’m not enough for you,” Jack said, dipping his head.  </p><p>Jen laughed slightly despite herself, a single tear managing to escape.  “I’m sorry I’m not enough for you either.”</p><p>“I really wish I was,” Jack said, reaching out and taking her hand.  “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” she smiled, squeezing her hand.  “But you’re in love with Doug.  And I’m really proud of you for that.”</p><p>“I need to make more space for him.  I need to put him first,” Jack said softly.  “I can’t keep running scared of it.”</p><p>“What’s made you come to that conclusion?” Jen ask.</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe I’m just ready to take the gamble.  Maybe I’ve been fooling myself all these months that I was giving Doug all of me.  Or maybe I’ve realised that I can’t expect Doug to make the changes I need him to if he always thinks that I’ll just coming running back to New York whenever something goes wrong.”</p><p>“Or maybe I have let you feel too responsible for my happiness?” Jen added.  “I’m sorry for that.”</p><p>“I don’t want to do that” Jack said softly, moving closer and wrapping his arm around her.  “I don’t want us to apologise for who and what we are to each other.  I don’t want either of us to feel the need to shoulder blame for things that just are – it’s no one’s fault and no one’s doing.  I think I’ve just been scared that by going after one dream I would be losing another but I don’t think I feel that way anymore.”</p><p>“Good,” Jen smiled.  “Because you shouldn’t.  Do you remember before we left Boston?  You told me that you didn’t want to be that 35 year old still going out to the bar scene hoping to find someone, and even though I told you that I didn’t think that would be the case, I could tell you didn’t believe me.  All along, you have been the only one unable to see how deserving you are of love.  You have a shot at something most people only dream of.  Now that it’s here, you owe it to all the former versions of yourself that never believed it was possible to make it work.”</p><p>“I think I’ve just been scared of what would happen if it went wrong,” Jack shrugged.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s true,” Jen said, leaning her head on his shoulder.  “I think you’ve been scared of what happens if it all goes right.”</p><p>“So I’m even more messed up than I thought,” Jack laughed.  </p><p>“We’re all more messed up than we think,” Jen smiled.</p><p>“I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m leaving you behind.”</p><p>“I would never think that,” Jen assured.  “Our lives have been so entwined for so long that sometimes it’s easy to forget that we are on our own paths.  Sometimes those paths run alongside each other and sometimes we veer away from each other.  That’s just how it goes.  But what I am certain of is that your path has been leading you to Doug for a long time – even when you try and steer away, he’s still where you’re headed.  You just need to have a little patience and faith.”</p><p>“What does Jen Lindley know of patience and faith?”</p><p>“Only what Amy has taught me,” she replied.  “I’m hoping you’ll show me the rest.”</p><p>“You’ll always be your best friend,” Jack said simply.</p><p>“Of course I will,” she smiled.  “I just can’t be your everything.”</p><p>Jack nodded.  </p><p>“Remember that seventeen year old version of yourself that kicked me out of the tent at the first thought of something happening with Ethan?” She laughed.</p><p>“Don’t remind me,” he groaned.</p><p>“You need to find some of his nerve,” she laughed.  “I’ve been waiting for you to kick me to the curb ever since.  This is a proud moment.”</p><p>“I guess it’s time.”</p><p>“And don’t think the fact that we’re having this conversation on the side of the street is lost on me.  One decent shove and you could literally kick me to the curb.”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me,” Jack smirked.  </p><p>“So, does this mean that our extravagant plans to eat pizza while watching the Times Square ball drop on TV tomorrow night are cancelled?”</p><p>“How about we do it tonight instead?”</p><p>“I don’t think we’re going to be able to convince Bloomberg to move the festivities a day early, even if we explain why,” she grinned.</p><p>“Shame,” Jack laughed.  “I figured at least one of your parents would have enough sway with him for the Lindley name to mean something.”</p><p>“Thankfully they’ve had the good sense to keep out of politics.”</p><p>“Well we can still get pizza and watch a few movies?” Jack offered.  “And do the count down at 10pm instead of midnight so we can get to bed at a reasonable hour.”</p><p>“It’s like you’re reading my mind,” Jen smiled, standing up from the step.  “Now can we go inside and thaw my frozen ass.”</p><p>“I’m not helping with that,” Jack laughed, also standing.</p><p>“And that’s why we would never work.”</p><p>“Sure,” Jack smiled.  “That’s why.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>“Morning,” Jack smiled, as he answered his phone.<p>“You sound more awake than I was expecting,” Doug replied.</p><p>“What are you trying to say?” Jack laughed, knowing that Doug was right, ordinarily he would still be in bed, except what Doug did not know that Jack had plans to get on with.</p><p>“Just that you are the living embodiment of the teacher stereotype,” Doug replied.  “Rarely out of bed before 9am during the holidays.”</p><p>“9am is still pretty early,” Jack argued.  “I can’t help my body clock returning to that of a teenager when I’m around them all day every day.”</p><p>“As long as that’s the only teenage quality you’re adopting from them.  What do you have planned for today?”</p><p>“Not much,” Jack shrugged, “I have a few errands to run before the year is out.”</p><p>“And how are you planning to spend this evening?” Doug asked, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice but Jack heard it.</p><p>“I don’t really know.  It’s not entirely in my hands.”</p><p>“I hope you have a good time whatever you end up doing.”</p><p>“I’m sure I will,” Jack smiled to himself, not wanting to give anything away.  “Are you working today?”</p><p>“I’m just getting ready now,” Doug replied.  “I should be home around before midnight.  Is it okay if I call?”</p><p>“Of course it is,” Jack said.  “You don’t have to ask.”</p><p>“I don’t want to disturb your plans.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be,” Jack assured.  “I’ve missed you the last couple of days.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you too,” Doug replied.  “A lot actually.”</p><p>“I’ll be back soon,” Jack replied – sooner than Doug knew.  Jack felt bad about not telling him, but he knew it would be worth it.</p><p>“I can’t wait.”</p><p>“Patience is a virtue,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“You’ve been around Grams too long,” Doug laughed.  </p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>“Anyway, I should get going.  I just wanted to hear your voice before work.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jack nodded.  “Have a good day.”</p><p>“Talk to you later?”</p><p>“Definitely,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“Bye, Jack,” Doug said, sounding slightly deflated.</p><p>“Bye,” Jack returned before the line went dead, making him want to get back to Capeside as soon as possible.  He sighed, wondering if he was doing the right thing, sliding his phone into this pocket, returning his attention to packing up the last couple of things still left in his room.</p><p>“Are you all packed?” Jen asked, appearing in the doorway.</p><p>“Pretty much,” Jack nodded.  </p><p>“You’re taking everything,” Jen said, noticing that Jack had filled boxes with the remaining books and other items he had previously left.</p><p>Jack shrugged, looking at everything packed away.  “I have room for it all now that I have somewhere of my own.”</p><p>“I guess you do,” Jen smiled.</p><p>“And I figured Amy is going to need her own room soon enough.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Jen asked, stepping further into the room.  “I don’t want you to feel like we’re forcing you out.”</p><p>“She needs it and I don’t,” Jack smiled.  “I can’t keep a room at your mom’s house forever.”</p><p>Jen smiled, a moment of quiet contemplation washing over them.  “You know Grams isn’t going to let you go without having breakfast.”</p><p>“Good, I’m starving,” Jack laughed, walking over and pulling her into a hug.  “And I still need my fix of Amy before I go.”</p><p>“Does Doug know you’re coming back today?” Jen asked, having caught some of Jack’s phone conversation.</p><p>“No,” Jack shook his head.  “I was thinking of surprising him.”</p><p>“Risky,” Jen laughed.</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“But romantic.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>The drive back to Capeside felt long – much longer than normal.  A combination of new year’s traffic mixed with the nervous anticipation of getting home took its toll and after the third hour of driving Jack had become impatient – almost tempted to call Doug and tell him that he was on the road and coming home to him.  He could not remember a time when I felt so excited to be driving to Capeside.<p>By the time he had pulled up outside of his house he was a ball of energy, desperate to get out of the car, a list of things running through his head that he needed to get done, wondering if he could manage to run all his errands without being spotted, deciding that he was just going to have to take his chances and hope for the best.</p><p>He spent a small amount of time unpacking and tidying his house, feeling a pang of sadness when he spotted his spare key on the kitchen counter next to Doug’s unopened Christmas present – remembering how he had felt when he had left for New York.  He hoped to never feel that way again.  He hoped that Doug never would either.  All he wanted was for them to be happy.</p><p>He drove to the grocery store, parking somewhere discreet, not wanting his car to be spotted; moving around the store like a school kid who was skipping school, trying to get in and out of there as quickly as possible, knowing he needed to make a stop before heading home.  Making it back to his car, he breathed a sigh of relief that so far everything was going to plan, heading quickly in the direction of his stop off - somewhere he had only been once, hoping he could remember where he was going.</p><p>He parked up out front and walked up the path, hearing the sound of laughter and games going on inside.  He smiled to himself as he knocked on the door, hoping he would be heard.</p><p>“I’ll get it,” he heard a young voice shout followed by running.  The door swung open and the girl behind the door gasped before blushing ever so slightly.  “Jack!”</p><p>“Hi Sophie,” Jack smiled back, “Is your dad home?”</p><p>She nodded, seemingly unable to find any words, not moving from the spot.</p><p>“Could you let him know that I’m here?” Jack laughed.</p><p>She nodded again but did not move.</p><p>“Who is it, Soph?” came a voice from further back in the house.</p><p>She turned around suddenly, her eyes wide as though she had been caught, still not saying a word.</p><p>“Hi,” Jack called over Sophie’s head, hoping someone else would come to the door.</p><p>“Jack?” Max said, coming towards him.  “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I just wanted to drop off this for James,” he raising the bottle of champagne he had in his hand.  “Just a little something to welcome in the new year.”</p><p>“That’s really kind,” Max smiled.  “Sophie, go get your dad from the back.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes slightly before reluctantly walking back through the house.</p><p>“Is she okay?” Jack asked.</p><p>Max laughed, looking over his shoulder in the direction his younger cousin disappeared in.  “No.  You didn’t call.  You didn’t message.  You weren’t wrapped up under the tree for her on Christmas morning.  You’ve made her doubt the existence of Santa.”</p><p>Jack could not help but laugh.  “Well, she was going to figure it out eventually.”</p><p>“Do you want to come in?” Max asked.</p><p>“No, I don’t want to interrupt.”</p><p>“You’re not,” Max shook his head, holding the door open, waiting for Jack to step in.  “Honestly.”</p><p>“Okay, if you’re sure,” Jack nodded. </p><p>“Come on.  James is out the back preparing the fire pit for tonight.  Just don’t let him talk you into helping.”</p><p>“He’s pretty good at that,” Jack laughed, stepping into the house and following Max.</p><p>“How was your Christmas in the end?” Max asked.  </p><p>“Probably the less said the better,” Jack replied.  “But things are looking up for the new year.”</p><p>“So does that mean your complicated relationship is still…”</p><p>“Complicated?” Jack finished for him.  “Yes,” he smiled.</p><p>“But you’re happy?” Max asked, genuinely interested, stopping as they passed through the kitchen.  Jack could see James in the garden, both Sophie and Lara playing further back.  Jack wondered if Sophie had passed on the message of his visit.</p><p>“I am,” Jack nodded.  “Sometimes complicated is worth it.”</p><p>“In which case I will just offer you a drink rather than ask you out on date,” Max smiled.</p><p>“I won’t say no to a drink,” Jack laughed, liking how upfront Max was without making things uncomfortable.  It seemed to be a Morris family trait.  Max was undoubtedly a good looking man and from what Jack had seen he was also smart and funny.  Pre-Doug, Jack would not have thought twice about going on a date with him.  Pre-Doug, Max would have pretty much ticked all the boxes for him.  But life pre-Doug suddenly felt like a lifetime ago.   He was not looking for the same things as before.  He was not looking at all.  He just wanted Doug.  Standing in front of Max, the realisation that Doug meant that much to him hit him hard.</p><p>“It was worth checking,” Max shrugged, looking at Jack a little more closely.  “It’s the real deal, isn’t it?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“The ‘complicated’ relationship,” Max replied with a genuine smile.  “You’ve found the one.”  It was a statement rather than question.  “I can tell by the look on your face.”</p><p>Jack blushed ever so slightly.  “Yeah, I think so.”</p><p>“You weren’t sure before,” Max said bluntly.  “At the Christmas event, I mean.”</p><p>“That wasn’t a great day.”</p><p>Max nodded knowingly. “Well, I’m happy for you.  You seem like a nice guy.”</p><p>“So do you,” Jack smiled back.</p><p>“Jeez, Jack, stop flirting,” Max joked, rolling his eyes dramatically making Jack laugh again, before grabbing a couple of mugs from the cupboard.  “Coffee?” he asked. “There’s still plenty of hours to go until midnight.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jack nodded, still smiling at Max’s previous comments – he did feel more sure now that Doug was the one, which felt both amazing and terrifying in equal measure.  He could not wait to see him in a few hours.  “How was Christmas here?” </p><p>“Loud.  Slightly mad.  But that pretty much sums up this family.  My parents were here too so it was actually quite nice.”</p><p>“Sounds like fun,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“It was,” Max agreed.  “Why don’t you head out and find James?  I’ll bring out the coffee as soon as it’s ready.”</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want a hand?” Jack asked.</p><p>“I’ve pretty much mastered making coffee,” Max smiled.  “Go on.”</p><p>Jack nodded, heading towards the back door and out into the garden.  James was still preparing the fire pit while the girls played on the swing set.</p><p>“Maybe I should have bought you marshmallows for roasting rather than this,” Jack said, approaching James, causing him to look up.</p><p>“Jack; what a lovely surprise,” James smiled, standing up from where he was crouched. </p><p>“I wanted to drop by and bring you this,” Jack said, handing James the champagne.  “A little something for tonight.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>“It’s just something small,” Jack shrugged.</p><p>“No, it’s incredibly kind and greatly appreciated.  Thank you,” James smiled.  “Did my wife let you in?”</p><p>“No, actually,” Jack laughed.  “Sophie answered the door and stared at me like ghost for a moment or two until Max came to my rescue.”</p><p>“Ah yes, that’s the Morris multilevel security system I have in place to scare off undesirables,” James smiled, glancing over to his eldest daughter and laughing.  “God help me when she starts High School.  God help you too if she ends up in your class.”</p><p>“How many years do I have to find a new job?” Jack joked.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” James shook his head.  </p><p>“Max said you had a good Christmas.”</p><p>“We did,” James nodded.  “How about you?”</p><p>“It was fine,” Jack replied.  “I got lots of time with Amy so that’s always a bonus.”</p><p>“And everything else?”</p><p>“Better,” Jack nodded, still slightly embarrassed about his last interaction with James.  He did not want him thinking badly of Doug and their relationship based on overhearing the absolute worst moment of their time together.  “I guess I just wanted to apologise for everything.”</p><p>“You really don’t need to,” James shook his head.  “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”</p><p>“I don’t want you getting the wrong impression about everything.  He’s a good guy.”</p><p>“I know,” James smiled.  “You wouldn’t be with him otherwise.”  </p><p>“Thank you for everything,” Jack smiled softly, hoping James understood the depth and breadth of this thanks.</p><p>“Any time,” James nodded.  “You know, I wasn’t kidding about being a wannabe detective.  Maybe you could pull a few strings.”</p><p>“I’ll see what I can do,” Jack laughed, noticing Max heading over with their coffee.  “It looks like you’re in for a fun night.”</p><p>“If sitting in front of the fire in the freezing cold eating s’mores is your thing,” Max said sarcastically, handing Jack his coffee.</p><p>“Now with champagne,” James added.</p><p>“Sounds pretty good to me,” Jack smiled, remembering all the times as a kid that he would have done the same with Tim and Andie, minus the champagne.  </p><p>“See,” James said, smiling at his nephew.  “I don’t know what you’re moaning about.”</p><p>“It’s easy to sound excited about something that you know you won’t actually be doing,” Max laughed, anticipating that Jack would have more interesting plans for midnight.  </p><p>“That’s where you’re wrong,” James disagreed, “because I know for a fact that Jack has a sweet tooth.”</p><p>“You can’t beat a s’more,” Jack confirmed.</p><p>“I’m beginning to see why the two of you get along,” Max groaned. </p><p>“You’re welcome to join us tonight,” James offered, unsure if Jack had plans or not.</p><p>“That’s very kind, but I have somewhere to be at midnight.”</p><p>James nodded, “Well, we’re kicking things off as soon as it gets dark so feel free to pop by.  There’s plenty of hot dogs and s’mores to go around and I promise that Sophie won’t spend the whole time staring at you.”</p><p>Jack glanced over his shoulder to where the girls were playing, noticing how Sophie’s eyes were still on him.  “I don’t think that’s a promise you’re going to be able to keep,” Jack laughed.  “But thank you for the offer.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug looked down at his watch as he walked to his car, glad that his plan to be home before midnight was still on track.  Climbing in and starting the engine he made his way down the street.   He wanted to get home, change out of his uniform, open the expensive bottle of red wine that he had saved and call Jack so he could at least hear his voice at midnight, even if he could not be with him.  Thankfully being at work had made the day pass by quickly, leaving only the final hour of the year to get through, hoping that January would bring a calmness that December had denied.<p>Since speaking to Pacey Doug had realised that he had made a huge mistake in not asking Jack to return to Capeside with him.  Even if he had declined, Doug would have at least been comforted by the fact that he had tried.  This was the first New Year’s Eve in many years, maybe ever, that he had been in a relationship that was worth carrying over into the new year, and he regretted that he would not even be in the same state as Jack when midnight rang out.  He would not get to kiss the man he loved at the stroke of midnight.  He would not be able to show him how much he loved him.</p><p>He pulled his car to a stop, parking in his usual spot outside his home, hearing music and the sound of good times being had by many in neighbouring properties.  He smiled to himself, pleased that at least everyone else was having a good time.  He sat in the driver’s seat for a moment, wondering if Pacey had been right – maybe he could be more sociable, head over to the Icehouse, at least be with people at midnight.  If he was quick, he would just about have time to go inside, get changed and head over there in time, doubting that Pacey would mind him excusing himself to his office to call Jack.</p><p>He climbed out of his car, quickly heading to his front door, pulling his keys from his pocket and unlocking it.  He pushed the door open, not bothering to turn the lights on, enough light shining in from outside to illuminate his path.  He was already unbuttoning his shirt when he kicked the door closed behind him, not noticing the bottle of wine and two glasses waiting on the coffee table, focusing purely on getting in and out as quickly as possible.  He moved quickly to his bedroom, the door already open, just as he had left it, when something made him stop in his tracks.  Something felt different.  Wondering if it was possible for his home to feel less ‘empty’ than usual and unsure how he could explain the feeling in any other way.  He knew the feeling well, but right now it was confusing him.  The feeling was simply ‘Jack’.</p><p>“Late for a hot date?” he heard from over his shoulder.</p><p>He turned around quickly, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him.  Through the darkness his eyes landed on the silhouette of Jack, framed by the golden glow of light from the window behind him.  He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.</p><p>“I was beginning to think you were going to miss the big event,” Jack smiled, stepping closer, turning the light on as he had expected Doug to do when he came in, having not wanted to turn them on before in case one of Doug’s neighbours noticed – wanting to do everything in his power to respect Doug’s desire for privacy.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Doug finally spoke, a smile spread across his face.</p><p>“Ending the year the right way,” Jack smiled.  “Starting the year with the person I hope to start and end every year with – with the most important person in my life.”</p><p>“I didn’t think you were coming back for a few more days,” Doug replied, still in shock – wondering why that had been his response to the thing he had wanted to hear from Jack for so long.</p><p>Jack looked at him slightly strangely, a questioning smile on his face.  “Am I interrupting your plans?”</p><p>“No,” Doug said quickly, laughing slightly.  “No,” he shook his head, moving over to where Jack was stood.  “I just can’t believe you’re here.”</p><p>“I’m here,” Jack said softly, smiling as he finally felt Doug’s arms wrapped around him – the feeling he had been missing for days.  “I should have come home with you days ago.”</p><p>Doug looked at him questioningly, a smile forming on his face.  “I’ve never heard you call Capeside home before.”</p><p>“It’s where you are,” he smiled, eyes momentarily grazing the floor, feeling exposed.  “It’s home.”</p><p>Not knowing how to respond, Doug leaned in, lips finding Jack’s, kissing him in a way that he hoped told him how much his words meant to him.  He felt giddy – his mind spinning, almost unsure if Jack was really there or if he had managed to dream up a version of the man he wanted so badly.  A very convincing version, he thought to himself, lost in the sensation of Jack kissing him back, his hands moving to his shirt, continuing to finish the job Doug had started before.</p><p>“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” Doug sighed, unwilling to move his mouth away from Jack’s.</p><p>“I think I have a pretty good idea,” he replied, kissing him again, pulling Doug’s shirt free from his pants, pushing it down his arms onto the floor, quickly moving to his belt, unbuckling it swiftly.</p><p>“Seems it,” Doug laughed, surprised, but pleasantly so, by Jack’s urgency.  </p><p>“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” Jack replied, unfastening Doug’s pants and quickly pushing them down, smiling as Doug stepped out of them kicking them aside.</p><p>“I bet that made for a fun drive,” Doug teased.</p><p>“A very uncomfortable one,” Jack grinned, taking Doug by the hand and pulling him towards the bedroom. Reaching the bed, he gently maneuvered Doug, sitting him on the edge, kissing him again, arms braced against the mattress as he leaned over him.</p><p>“Well you just let me know what I can do to raise your comfort levels,” Doug smiled, enjoying Jack taking charge.</p><p>“I was hoping you would say that,” Jack grinned.  He stood back up straight, pulling his jumper off over his head – leaving his toned torso on display in front of Doug as he moved to his jeans, unbuttoning them before removing them completely.</p><p>“Whatever you have planned – I’m definitely on board so far,” Doug smiled, eyes not moving from Jack’s body, suffering greatly from the same discomfort Jack had on his drive.</p><p>Jack knelt down in front of the other man, hands on Doug’s thighs either side of him.  Leaning forward he placed a soft kiss on Doug’s stomach before looking back up at him – his eyes dark and stormy.  “Do you trust me?”</p><p>Jack’s question sent a shiver through Doug’s body, knowing that this would be a test to see if he could give up some of his control – to put himself solely in Jack’s hands as Jack had done numerous times with him.  He looked back at Jack, trying to gauge what he was thinking, knowing that he would never do anything with the intention of causing anything but pleasure for the two of them.  “Completely,” Doug nodded. </p><p>Jack smiled, lifting up a little in order to kiss Doug, his mouth moving slowly, purposely trying to set a slower pace than usual, trying to keep Doug feeling as relaxed as possible.  His hands ran up and down Doug’s arms, feeling goose bumps all over him, each hair standing on end, anticipating with great excitement everything that was to come.  He moved his hands to the band of Doug’s underwear, softly pulling it down his body, Doug raising off the bed just enough for complete removal.</p><p>“I love you,” Jack whispered a split second before wrapping his mouth around Doug’s length, rocking backwards on his heels, his hands still stroking Doug’s thighs as he positioned himself to be able to comfortably give full depth – his lips and tongue working in unison to give maximum pleasure.</p><p>Doug took in a deep breath, his eyes closing momentarily, fighting to keep composure, unsure how he had gone from planning to go to Pacey’s to this in a matter of minutes – wondering what had happened to Jack in the days since he had left him in New York; a seemingly different version of himself before him.  More confident, more sure, more present.  In that moment he realised how his actions over the last few weeks had really impacted the other man – chipping away at him bit by bit until he had resembled someone very different to the man he had been only a few months before.  There was no way he was going to let that happen again.  He never again wanted to be the cause of Jack’s pain – never allow his fear to overshadow the love he felt.</p><p>Doug began to feel overwhelmed, the sudden realisation of what he had hammering down on him – the full realisation that Jack was there, choosing him.  His hand moved to Jack’s face, needing to touch him, needing to be certain that this was all real.  Wondering what he had done to deserve Jack – determined to not let him down again.</p><p>Feeling Doug’s body tense, Jack pulled away, looking up at him, surprised to see the shine of threatening tears in his eyes.  “What’s wrong?” he said softly, quickly moving to be sitting next to him on the bed.  </p><p>“Nothing,” Doug shook his head.  “I just can’t believe you’re here.”</p><p>“You said that already,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>Jack looked at him questioningly.  “Maybe you should let me be the judge of that.”</p><p>Doug smiled slightly, “If I have ever made you feel like you are not the single most important thing in my life, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Jack leaned in and kissed Doug softly.  “I think we have both been guilty of that one way or another.”</p><p>Doug nodded, wishing he had something to say, but nothing was coming out.</p><p>“That was then,” Jack said, brushing his hand over Doug’s cheek.  “This is now.”  Kissing Doug again he began to shuffle his body up the bed, pulling on Doug’s arm.  “Come here.”</p><p>Doug did as requested, following Jack up the bed, watching as he repositioned the pillows before sitting back against them, eyes fixed with Doug’s as he removed his own underwear, tossing it onto the floor.  He reached out a hand to Doug, pulling him close, encouraging him to straddle his outstretched legs.  His arms instantly wrapped around his body, pulling him close, once again kissing him, breathing in the scent of him until he felt intoxicated.  </p><p>Doug groaned as he brushed up against Jack, increasing the intensity of their shared kiss, wanting to do exactly as Jack was suggesting; leave the past behind them, focusing on now – the intensity of the feelings between them, raging like never before, as though someone had turned up a dial that he did not even know existed.  His hands went to Jack’s cheeks, cupping his face as he continued to kiss him deeply, unable to stop himself from thrusting against the other man, smiling as Jack returned his moan into their joined mouths.</p><p>Jack’s hands traced down Doug’s sides, over the curve of his ass, his finger in search of the right spot, pushing gently inside of Doug as he continued to kiss him.  He immediately felt Doug tense around him – having expected exactly that.  He waited a moment before continuing, pushing a little deeper, feeling the movement Doug’s mouth change as his attention when to elsewhere on his body.  Undeterred, Jack continued, pushing a little deeper, twisting and manipulating the best he could.  Hoping he Doug was ready he gently added a second finger.</p><p>Doug’s mouth stopped suddenly against his, gasping slightly.  Jack pulled back a little, looking Doug in the eyes.  This was something he and Doug had spoken about before – many times, and Doug had made it clear that he was willing and wanting when it came to changing things up from their norm – it was just something that had not really happened yet, both of them more than happy with their usual dynamic.  Jack found immense pleasure in their usual roles but felt that it was the right time to switch things up a little.  He continued to move within Doug, twisting and delving, searching for the spot that would make Doug forget about any discomfort.  </p><p>All of a sudden he felt Doug’s body shudder against him, a thick and needy groan pouring out of him – unable to maintain poise as Jack found exactly what he was looking for.  His forehead dropped to Jack’s shoulder, lips parted in a silent cry as Jack repeated the movements that had induced such pleasure, now having a much better understanding of Jack’s reactions to his own movements.</p><p>He groaned, unhappy with Jack’s sudden withdrawal, causing Jack to laugh ever so slightly.  Jack reached over to the nightstand, just able to reach the drawer, retrieving the small bottle that he had made sure was to hand earlier than night.  Squeezing a little onto his hand, he braced himself before reaching down between their bodies, coating his hardness in the gel, gritting his teeth slightly, fighting against his own touch.  Dropping the bottle onto the bed next to him his eyes went back to Doug, hoping to see his usual eager look – unable to hide his grin when he saw the look in Doug’s eyes.      </p><p>“Are you ready?” Jack asked softly, leaning forward and kissing him once more.</p><p>Doug simply nodded, lifting up slightly to give Jack room to reposition, waiting as he shuffled further down the bed so that his head and shoulders were against the pillows he had piled up, hands moving to Doug’s hips, lowering him back down until he could feel himself pressed against Doug.</p><p>“Take your time,” Jack said reassuringly, having decided this would be the perfect position for Doug, still giving him the element of control.</p><p>Doug nodded, slowly lowering himself further, quickly feeling Jack enter him and almost immediately feeling completely filled, wondering how he could possibly continue.  Jack closed his eyes, trying to keep his breathing steady, aware that the next few moments were likely to be torturous for him, wanting nothing more than to take firm hold of Doug’s hips and fill him to the brim.  Jack moved one of his hands away from Doug’s hip, once again running up and down his thigh, encouraging him to keep going.  </p><p>“Relax,” Jack said softly, watching as Doug continued to lower himself, fighting every urge to thrust upwards.  The moment that Doug suddenly pushed down against him, taking him in fully, Jack was caught off guard, his head falling back into the pillow, a groan flooding out of him that matched the one that escaped Doug, his fingers digging into the flesh of Doug’s thigh as he tried to pull himself back from the brink.</p><p>Doug began to move above him, his hips bucking a little faster as he began to relax around the feel of Jack, bending forward to find Jack’s mouth, kissing him desperately – the new angle sparking even more pleasure for the two of them.  Jack’s hands frantically gripped Doug’s shoulders, keeping him in the same position as their bodies worked together, the intensity growing with each trust until the sparks were almost visible around them. </p><p>Jack reached out, wrapping his hand around Doug’s length, feeling Doug’s moan ricocheting around their joined mouths.  He began to move his hand in long, fast movement, using his thumb to manipulate the tip, uncertain how long he was going to last with Doug moving over him now at pace – having played this scenario out in his mind all day.  Jack knew that for them to work they needed to continue growing together, to keep giving a little more of themselves, to trust the other man to do the same.  For him, it was important to see Doug be willing to drop the mask, to not always need to be in control, to be as vulnerable as he allowed Jack to be – which meant Jack needed to give him the opportunity and space to do that.  Jack knew this was a big step. </p><p>Jack’s breath caught in his throat, feeling the incredible heat radiating from the man above him, knowing that a couple more expertly executed thrusts would be all it would take to send him over the edge.  Knowing that Doug felt it too, his hand began to work faster, more determinedly, as his other gripped Doug’s hip, pushing back against each of his movements.  He broke away from their kiss, pushing his cheek firmly against Doug’s, unable to contain himself any longer, so focused on his own climax that he was surprised by Doug’s, his body instantly tightening around Jack as he came, causing Jack to cry out in pleasure as he too joined Doug, falling further into the pillow beneath him.</p><p>There were a few moment of silent still, the only sound being their laboured breath.  Lifting off of Jack, receiving a soft moan in response, Doug’s body collapsed next to his on the bed, lying on his back, trying to control his breathing.  They both stayed that way for a moment before suddenly hearing commotion from outside – looking at each other slightly confused until they heard voices begin to count backwards from ten, suddenly remembering what night of the year it was.</p><p>“Three,” Doug said softly.</p><p>“Two.”</p><p>“One,” they both said together, smiling as they heard the sound of celebration taking place in the street outside.</p><p>“Happy new year,” Doug smiled softly, kissing Jack.</p><p>“Happy new year,” Jack replied, a big smile on his face, impressed by how well things had worked out.  There had been a moment or two while waiting for Doug that he had worried that maybe Doug had made other plans.  There were plenty of parties going on that he could have gone to.</p><p>“Your neighbours are loud,” Jack laughed, listening to the continued sound of celebrations going on outside..</p><p>“They’re not the only ones,” Doug teased, receiving an elbow dig from the other man.</p><p>Jack rolled on his side, head supported by his elbow, looking at Doug closely.  “How do you feel?”</p><p>“Honestly?” Doug said, turning towards him, slinking an arm around his waist, receiving a nod.  “Hungry.”</p><p>Jack laughed, rolling his eyes.  “Does that explain why I’m always hungry?”</p><p>“No,” Doug shook his head.  “There is no explanation for that.”</p><p>Jack sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed before standing, heading towards the bathroom, grabbing a towel to clean up a little.  “Is there any point of me having a shower?” he asked, returning to the bedroom, passing the towel to Doug as he retrieved his underwear from the floor.</p><p>“I would say it’s a little premature,” Doug replied with a smile.</p><p>Pulling his underwear on, Jack headed towards the bedroom door.  “I figured as much,” he laughed, “Which is why I brought sustenance.”</p><p>Doug sat up, trying to peer through the door to see what Jack was doing, giving up after a moment, repositioning the pillows and pulling back the sheets and sliding into the bed.  A moment later Jack returned holding a tray of snacks as well as the bottle of wine that Doug had not noticed on his way in.</p><p>“Now, if that’s not the best thing I’ve seen all year,” Doug joked, watching a virtually naked Jack place the tray down on the bed before climbing under the sheets.</p><p>Jack shook his head, picking a grape up from the tray and eating it.  “Just so you know, I’m not really into the whole romantic, feed your partner thing.  I’m more of a every man for himself.”</p><p>“Good to know,” Doug laughed, helping himself.  “Are there no exceptions to the rule?”</p><p>Jack thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.  “No.”</p><p>“How about if I were sick or injured somehow and couldn’t feed myself?”</p><p>“Firstly, that wouldn’t be romantic, that would be an act of necessity – at which point I would call your mom.  I don’t really do sick either,” Jack teased.</p><p>“Wow,” Doug laughed.  “So I could be on my death bed and you’d call my mom to finish me off?  I’m seeing a whole new side to you.”</p><p>“Okay, fine – I would hire you a nurse.”</p><p>“I could get on board with that,” Doug smiled, helping himself to something from the tray.</p><p>“Or I could call on Pacey,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“You’re not that mean.”</p><p>“Let’s just hope to never find out,” Jack smiled, opening the wine and pouring it into the two glasses.  </p><p>“When did you get back to Capeside?” Doug asked, wondering when he had time to get everything for the evening.</p><p>“Around lunch time.”</p><p>“So this morning when I called you, you knew you were coming back?”</p><p>“Of course,” Jack smiled.</p><p>“I didn’t occur to you to maybe tell me?” Doug laughed.</p><p>“That probably would have ruined the surprise.”</p><p>“It would have stopped me moping around town all day missing you.”</p><p>“Moping, huh?” Jack smiled, taking a sip of wine.  “And what do you think you would have been doing if I told you I was back?”</p><p>“Probably kicking myself for volunteering to work today,” Doug conceded.</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>Doug picked up his glass of wine, enjoying the feel of Jack next to him – the puzzle piece that had been missing for days.  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since getting back from New York.”</p><p>“Why do I suddenly feel nervous?”</p><p>“Because I’ve given you every reason to be in the past,” Doug said simply.  “But that’s going to change.  Lots of things are going to change.”</p><p>“Like what?” </p><p>“Like making more space for you in my life – rather than compartmentalizing you.  I hope I’ve always made it clear to you how important you are to me, but I don’t think I’ve done a good job of integrating what we have into my life in general – and while I’m not ready to tell everyone about us, I would like to spend more time with you outside of our homes.  Having dinner with you in New York, being able to be seen with you – it was so nice.  I want to be able to do that more.”</p><p>“How do you intend to do that?” Jack asked, unsure how that was possible.</p><p>“I was thinking maybe we could go away somewhere for the weekend?”</p><p>“Really?” Jack smiled.  “You would be okay with that?”</p><p>“I think we could make it work,” Doug nodded, hoping it would be something Jack would be up for.  “I know it’s only baby steps, but it’s in the right direction at least.  Maybe for your birthday?”</p><p>“You set the bar pretty high in New York,” Jack warned.</p><p>“That was what I managed to pull off with only a couple of hours’ notice.  Imagine what I could do with a couple of weeks?”  </p><p>“You’re in danger of over hyping it,” Jack smiled, touched by Doug’s thought and willingness to try.  </p><p>“Just leave it to me,” Doug said, reaching out and taking Jack’s hand.  “I just want you to know that I’m trying.  I’m serious about us.”</p><p>“I know,” Jack smiled, leaning over and kissing Doug softly.  </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Jack said softly, grateful that things were starting to work out.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>It had been lunchtime before Jack and Doug managed to tear themselves out of bed, unsure what time it had been when they finally went to sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms – the way it should be.  Both of them were unable to ignore a newfound ease between them, the way they moved in sync, moving freely around each other while using the bathroom and making coffee – sharing smiles like lovestruck teenagers, unable to keep their hands to themselves.<p>“I should be getting home,” Jack smiled, kissing Doug, enjoying the feel of arms wrapped around him – making no attempt to pull away.</p><p>“Or we could just go back to bed?” Doug suggested.</p><p>“As tempting as that is, I really need to get home and sort a few things out,” he sighed, remembering that he had left everything he had brought back from New York in the hallway.  </p><p>“Why don’t I come with you?” Doug suggested.  “Maybe I could pick up some lunch on the way.”</p><p>“That’s starting to sound like a good idea,” Jack smiled.  “We can go back to mine, shut the door and block out the world for another night.”</p><p>“Actually,” Doug said, pulling a face.  “About tonight.”</p><p>Jack looked at him wondering what was wrong.  “Are you working?”</p><p>“No,” Doug shook his head.  “Worse.”</p><p>“I have that nervous feeling again,” Jack groaned.</p><p>“There’s a family thing,” Doug confessed.  “It’s kind of a tradition.”</p><p>“How many traditions does your family have?” Jack joked, trying to hide his disappointment.</p><p>“They’re rarely based on anything good,” Doug shrugged.  “Every year my dad would promise fireworks at midnight on new year’s.  Then every year, without fail, he would be too drunk to set them off.  By the time he recovered from his hangover the following day, he would do his best to make it up to us, throwing some food on the grill and setting off the fireworks after dark.”</p><p>Jack could not help but laugh, often forgetting how dysfunctional the Witter family was.  “Every year?”</p><p>“Without fail.  It’s just become a thing now,” Doug smiled.  “Essentially just another reason for my dad to have a few more drinks.”</p><p>“Sounds quite fun,” Jack laughed, never really having had parents that would partake in garden fireworks.</p><p>“So you’re up for it?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to go without you,” Doug smiled, realising that was what Jack had assumed.  “I meant what I said last night.”</p><p>“Do you want to go?” Jack asked, slightly embarrassed that he had assumed the worst.  </p><p>“Only if you want to?”</p><p>Jack thought for a second.  “Sure.  Why not.”</p><p>“Great,” Doug grinned.</p><p>“Even more of a reason for me to get home,” Jack smiled.  “I have quite a bit to get done.”</p><p>“I can help you when I get there,” Doug said, kissing him again, tightening his embrace.</p><p>“You may need to let me go then,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“In a minute.  I’m not ready.”</p><p>“I’m getting hungrier by the second,” Jack teased.  </p><p>“There’s probably still some snacks in the bedroom,” Doug grinned.</p><p>“But there was a promise of lunch at my house,” Jack replied, ducking out from Doug’s arms.  “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”</p><p>Doug nodded, remembering that he no longer had a key, trying to push aside the final shreds of guilt that he still felt.</p><p>Jack saw the look on his face.  “Choose the right thing for lunch and you have a fighting chance of earning your key back,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.  </p><p>“That’s how it works?” Doug laughed.  “How do I know if it’s the right thing?”</p><p>“Think of it as a test,” Jack shrugged, moving towards the door.  “How well do you know me?”</p><p>Doug shook his head, a smile on his face.  “Let’s hope for both of our sakes that I get this right.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div>Jack moved the boxes he had brought back from New York upstairs.  He stood on the landing for a brief moment, trying to decide where things should go.  He knew where it made most sense to put them but found it hard to reconcile the sadness linked to that decision.  Walking past his bedroom he carried the boxes into the room he had planned to be Amy’s, placing the boxes down inside the doorway.  After a couple more trips and putting on a load of laundry, he made his way back to the room, looking around at items he had purchased for her.<p>Taking a deep breath, he made his way around the room, collecting together everything that has been intended for Amy, placing it all in the crib he had ready for her.  Opening the closet he wondered if it was big enough to store everything until he thought of something else to do with it. Removing the boxes already in the closet he dragged the crib over – pleased to find the space just big enough.  Pushing it inside, he quickly closed the door before he could change his mind.</p><p>He had almost forgotten that the boxes that has been inside the closet even existed, quickly opening them, realising that he would need to assemble the flat-pack furniture contained inside before he could do anything else.  </p><p>He had almost finished putting together the first bookcase when he heard Doug pulling up outside, quickly tightening the final screws as he heard the door open and close.  “Up here,” he called, lifting the bookcase off the floor and shuffling it to the side of the room against the wall.  He grabbed one of the boxes that was blocking the doorway and started decanting the books onto the shelves, standing back and admiring his handywork.  </p><p>“Where did that come from?” Doug asked, appearing in the doorway.</p><p>“Constructed with my own bare hands,” Jack grinned, turning to face him.  “Impressed?” </p><p>“Very,” Doug smiled.  “I had no idea you were so handy.”</p><p>“I have hidden depths,” Jack replied, grabbing another box and unpacking the books.</p><p>Doug looked around the room, only just realising that Amy’s things were gone.  “Where’s Amy’s crib?”</p><p>“Closet,” Jack replied simply, carrying on with his task.</p><p>“Why?” Doug asked, putting down the bag of food in his hand and moving further into the room.</p><p>“Why is it in the closet?” Jack asked.  “Because I haven’t had a chance to dismantle it and take it to goodwill yet.”</p><p>“Why would you do that?”</p><p>Jack turned to Doug, rolling his eyes slightly.  “You know as well as I do that it’s never going to get used,” he sighed.  “I was stupid to think it ever would be.”</p><p>“No,” Doug shook his head, moving closer to Jack and wrapping his arms around him.  “You weren’t stupid.  You were doing a really kind thing.”</p><p>“I think it was more wishful thinking than kindness.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with that?  It was a nice idea.  Things just don’t always work out the way you plan.”</p><p>“We both know that’s not what you really think.  You always knew it was a mistake.”</p><p>“Maybe I was wrong,” Doug replied.  “Maybe I was being selfish, wanting you all to myself.  But I think it would be a mistake to get rid of everything.  It will make things much easier when they come for a visit.”</p><p>“If they come for a visit.”</p><p>“Which they will,” Doug assured.  “And if they can’t, then we’ll go to them.”</p><p>Jack nodded slightly.</p><p>“Call me mad, but I have visions of this room belonging to a child one day – one way or another.”</p><p>“I think you’re mad,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“I guess only time will tell,” Doug shrugged.  “But whatever fate has in store for this room, I think it makes sense for you to make use of this space rather than letting it sit empty.”</p><p>“I’m thinking of putting a desk in here.  Make it into an office.”</p><p>“Sounds good,” Doug nodded.  “Or maybe we could turn it into a bathroom to rival the one in the New York hotel?”</p><p>“You really liked that bathtub, didn’t you?” Jack laughed.</p><p>“What was there not to like?” Doug replied, suddenly remembering the food he had abandoned.  “Anyway, I thought you were hungry.”</p><p>“Starving,” Jack smiled.  “What did you get?”</p><p>“I went to Pacey,” Doug confessed.  “I told him to pack up your favourite.”</p><p>Jack looked at him concerned.  “What did he give you?” </p><p>“Everything,” Doug laughed.  “Burger, sandwich, pasta, fries – take your pick.”</p><p>“I knew I chose the wrong Witter,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“Pacey may have supplied lunch,” Doug smiled, kissing Jack seductively.  “But dessert will always come from me.”</p><p>“I don’t know about you,” Jack grinned mischievously, “But I have a sudden craving for dessert first.”</p><p>“I like the way you think.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Doug paced the kitchen waiting for Jack to finish getting ready, smiling to himself as he wondered what could be taking him so long.<p>“I’ll be down in a minute,” Jack called, as if reading Doug’s mind.</p><p>“There’s no hurry,” Doug replied, looking down at his watch, hoping Jack would not take his words literally.  </p><p>“Are my keys down there?” Jack called again, unable to locate them upstairs.</p><p>Doug looked around the room, finally noticing them on the table.  “Found them,” Doug called back, relieved to hear Jack’s footsteps coming down the stairs.  Doug walked over the table to grab Jack’s keys when he once noticed the only Christmas card to be saved from the cull – the decorated corpse of the Christmas tree still out on the deck.  He tentatively picked it up, looking at it as Jack appeared behind him.</p><p>“I’m ready,” Jack smiled, looking over Doug’s shoulder to see what he was looking at.</p><p>“Who’s Sophie?” Doug asked, trying to keep his tone natural.  </p><p>Jack smiled, “Sophie is an eleven year old girl with a crush.”</p><p>“I’m sure she would be very touched to know you kept her card,” Doug smiled.</p><p>“I found it in the mailbox before I left for New York,” Jack explained.  “She must have convinced James to drop it off.”</p><p>“James?” Doug asked, confused.</p><p>“Sophie is James’ daughter.”</p><p>“Right,” Doug nodded.  “I seem to remember him mentioning you buying his daughters’ affections with hot chocolate and sweets.”</p><p>“I should have known better,” Jack grinned, turning towards the door.  “You ready?”</p><p>“Not quite,” Doug said, wondering if he was about to make a massive mistake.  “Who’s Max?”</p><p>“Max?” Jack asked before realising a split second later what Doug was talking about.  “Max is James’ nephew.”</p><p>“Did you buy him hot chocolate and sweets too?” Doug asked, a smile on his face, not wanting it to sound anything like an accusation.  </p><p>“Is that your way of asking if he has a little crush too?” Jack smiled, stepping back towards Doug.</p><p>“A little crush isn’t much of a concern,” Doug smiled.  “A big crush however – big enough to give someone your phone number, that’s more of a concern.”</p><p>“Are you jealous?” Jack smiled, wrapping his arms around Doug’s waist.</p><p>“No,” Doug shook his head.  “I just want to know where he lives so I can arrest him for making a move on my boyfriend.”</p><p>“I don’t think you’re allowed to do that,” Jack laughed. </p><p>“I’m the sheriff – I can so whatever I like.”</p><p>“Well, running the risk of you reading too much into me defending him, I really don’t think that arresting Max will be necessary.”</p><p>“Why?  Did you turn him down so hard that he left Capeside the shell of his former self?”</p><p>“No, we just had a ridiculous amount of sex until we go bored of each other,” Jack mocked.</p><p>“I don’t find that funny,” Doug shook his head, unable to hide his smile.</p><p>“Honestly, it’s nothing,” Jack reassured, kissing Doug softly.  “He’s a nice guy that doesn’t really know anyone around here.  That’s all.”</p><p>“So I have nothing to worry about?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Jack smiled.  “Sophie, however – she would probably slash your tires so keep an eye out for her.”</p><p>“You know I trust you implicitly?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I know,” Jack nodded.  “And if it makes you feel any better I made it very clear to Max that I was not interested.”</p><p>“Is he good looking?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Hottest guy I’ve ever seen,” Jack teased, shaking his head.</p><p>“My fault for asking,” Doug groaned.</p><p>“I’m only looking at you,” Jack said softly, kissing him once more, caught off guard when Doug wrapped his arms more tightly around him, kissing him more firmly.  “We’re going to be late,” Jack smiled, his lips still against Doug’s.</p><p>“I don’t care,” Doug smiled.</p><p>“You cared five minutes ago,” Jack shook his head, gently pulling away, noticing that Doug still looked slightly uneasy.  Moving past Doug to the table, he picked up the envelope, pulling out the note from Max.  “Here, take it.”</p><p>“You don’t need to give that to me.”</p><p>“I don’t need it,” Jack said reassuringly.  “Take it if it makes you feel better.”</p><p>“It’s not about you having his number,” Doug admitted.  “It just made me think about all the things someone else could give you that I can’t.”</p><p>Jack sighed, putting the note back on the table and taking Doug’s hand.  “You say that as though things will always be like this, and I choose to have faith in the fact they won’t.  I love you, Doug.  It’s really that simple.  Sure, if I were dating someone else I could go out for dinner or a drink with them whenever we wanted and maybe in that sense they could give me something I’m not getting now, but they would never be able to give me what I do have – what I love more than dinners out and walks hand-in-hand, and that’s you.”</p><p>“Do you really mean that?” Doug asked.</p><p>“Would I still be here if I didn’t mean it?” Jack replied.  “Choosing you means accepting moving at your pace.”</p><p>“I love you,” Doug smiled softly, trying to blink away the threatening tears.  </p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>Doug nodded slightly, trying to compose himself, now feeling silly for bringing it up.  “We should get going.”</p><p>“One more things before we go,” Jack said smiling, walking into the kitchen and opening a drawer before pulling something out.  “You need your key back.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</p>
</div>Unlike the last time they had pulled up outside Doug’s childhood home together, Jack did not feel nervous.  He was actually looking forward to seeing everyone – wanting to erase the last time he saw them from his memory and create a new memory to build from.  He glanced over at Doug, noticing the smile on his face, wondering if he was thinking the same thing, or maybe just pleased not to be turning up to another family occasion alone.<p>“Are we late?” he asked, noticing people already gathered towards the bottom of the garden.</p><p>“No,” Doug shook his head.  “There’s no such thing as late at a Witter event.”</p><p>“Good to know,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“They’re probably just waiting for food,” Doug added, also noticing everyone huddled together.</p><p>“Who’s here?” Jack asked as they climbed out of the car.  He wrapped his coat tighter round his body as the cold air hit him.</p><p>“Everyone, I think,” Doug replied nonchalantly.</p><p>“Everyone,” Jack nodded, repeating Doug’s words.  “Right.”</p><p>“I thought you weren’t nervous?”</p><p>“I’m not,” Jack protested.  “It’s just a large group of people to walk into.”</p><p>“Come on,” Doug smiled, offering his hand, remembering how Jack had never been a fan of large groups.   </p><p>Jack looked down at Doug’s hand, for a brief moment not realising that he expected him to hold it, smiling when it dawned on him – taking his hand in his own.</p><p>“No time like the present,” Doug smiled, leading Jack towards his family.  “Happy new year!” he called, getting everyone’s attention.  </p><p>Like a pack of lions spotting prey, everyone turned towards them, surprised to see Jack stood with Doug.</p><p>“You did tell them I was coming?” Jack asked quietly, leaning into Doug a little.</p><p>“The more the merrier,” Doug smiled in response, confirming Jack’s suspicions.  </p><p>“Jack!” Mrs. Witter said cheerily.  “You’re here.”</p><p>“Happy new year,” Jack managed before being pulled into a hug, eyes widening in Doug’s direction as he was squeezed tightly.</p><p>“Mom, let him go,” Doug laughed.</p><p>“I’m just so pleased to see you,” she beamed, pulling away.  “Doug, why didn’t you tell me that Jack was coming?”</p><p>“I thought it would be a nice surprise.”</p><p>“That it is,” Mr. Witter added, walking over and extending his hand to Jack.  “Glad you could join us.”</p><p>“Glad to be here,” Jack nodded, shaking his outstretched hand.   “I hope you had a good Christmas.”</p><p>“We sure did,” Mr. Witter replied.  “Once we got over all the madness.”</p><p>“Dad,” Doug groaned, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“I’m glad Doug came to his senses,” he mumbled, heading back to the grill.</p><p>“Have I ever told you how much I like your dad?” Jack teased.</p><p>“I bet you do,” Doug laughed, taking hold of Jack’s hand again and leading him in the direction of his siblings.</p><p>“Jackers!” Pacey called.  “I heard a rumour that you were back from the big apple.”</p><p>“You heard right,” Jack smiled.  “Thanks for lunch by the way.”</p><p>“I don’t want to know what you were doing to make you hungry enough to eat all that,” he teased.</p><p>Jack was about reply with some witty remark when he suddenly felt arms wrap around him from behind, squeezing him tightly.</p><p>“Hey, McPhee,” Gretchen smiled.  </p><p>“Do you live in Capeside now?” he joked, turning round to face her.</p><p>“My spare room certainly thinks so,” Pacey remarked.</p><p>“After what I did for you in your senior year, the least you can do is house me for the holidays,” Gretchen grinned, handing Jack a drink.  “I’m heading home tomorrow.  I couldn’t miss tonight.  Did Doug explain how this tradition was born?”</p><p>“He did,” Jack laughed.  </p><p>“And you still want to be part of this family?” she asked.</p><p>Jack looked at Doug, smiling.  “I do.”</p><p>“This is what I’m talking about, Gretch,” Pacey groaned.  “When they’re not bickering about something, they’re sickly sweet.”</p><p>“You’re starting to sound a little jealous, Pacey,” Doug mocked.</p><p>“Jealous? Me?” Pacey scoffed.  “Maybe a little,” he smiled.</p><p>“I think it’s sweet,” Gretchen smiled.  “I’m happy for you both.”</p><p>“I never said I wasn’t happy for them,” Pacey protested.  “Stop making me look bad.”</p><p>“You don’t need any help with that,” Jack laughed.</p><p>“Don’t you forget how much dirt I have on you,” Pacey warned Jack.</p><p>“No more than I have on you.”</p><p>“Oh, Jackers, no one here cares about my indiscretions.  In fact they expect them.  There is nowhere further that I can fall from grace.  You however, new golden boy of the tribe, could cause some serious disappointment.”</p><p>“I’m not worried,” Jack said adamantly.  “I think you’re all talk.  Even if you did have dirt on me, I feel pretty sure that I would be believed if I denied all knowledge.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Pacey laughed.  “You’re getting very cocky.”</p><p>“I prefer ‘confident’,” Jack smiled, looking over at Doug and raising an eyebrow.  “For instance, even if you went to you mom right now and told her that the brownies I brought to dinner were actually baked by Jen and Grams, I know she wouldn’t believe you.”</p><p>Pacey stared at him stunned, looking back and forth between Doug and Jack, neither one of them giving anything away on their faces.  “I knew it!”</p><p>“Knew what?” Doug asked.</p><p>“I knew Jack did not make those brownies!”</p><p>“I did make the brownies,” Jack grinned.</p><p>“What?  But you just said…” Pacey trailed off.  </p><p>“He did make them,” Doug joined in.</p><p>“That was just an example to highlight my point,” Jack embellished.</p><p>“I knew you were lying.  I don’t know how I let you convince me otherwise.  Those brownies were way too good to be yours.”</p><p>“Pacey, leave Jack alone,” Mrs. Witter chastised as she walked over with a tray of hot dogs.  “His brownies were lovely.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack grinned.</p><p>“Except he didn’t make them,” Pacey protested.</p><p>“Ignore him.  Pacey has always had a wild imagination,” Mrs. Witter smiled at Jack.  “Here, help yourself to some food.  John is going to set off the fireworks shortly.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jack smiled, helping himself, grinning over Mrs. Witter’s shoulder to Pacey.</p><p>“Unbelievable,” Pacey groaned.  </p><p>“He’s good looking and devious,” Gretchen smiled.  “You’ve got your work cut out, Doug.”</p><p>“Don’t I know it,” Doug smiled, wrapping his arm loosely around Jack, receiving a smile in return, enjoying how comfortable it was to do so in front of his family.  “He has everything needed to survive this family.”</p><p>“Or torment us,” Pacey groaned.</p><p>“That too,” Doug said thoughtfully.</p><p>Jack turned to Doug smiling.  “You have nothing to worry about.  Not today anyway.”</p><p>Doug smiled, leaning in a little closer, wondering if now was the right time, “I have something I want to give you,” he said softly so only Jack could hear.</p><p>Jack looked at him questioningly.  “What is it?”</p><p>“Come with me,” Doug smiled, leading Jack further down the lawn towards the pier.  </p><p>“Where are you taking me?” Jack laughed, looking back at Pacey and Gretchen, wondering what was going on.</p><p>Doug did not say a word, taking the things from his hands, setting them down before sitting on the edge of the pier, pulling Jack down with him.  “I never gave you your Christmas present.”</p><p>“I thought we agreed not to do presents?”</p><p>“You bought me one,” Doug replied.</p><p>“But you didn’t open it,” Jack reasoned.  “It’s still sat in my kitchen.”</p><p>“I have yours here,” Doug smiled, pulling a wrapped box out of his coat pocket.</p><p>“No, you can’t do this.  I don’t have yours,” Jack protested.</p><p>“Open it,” Doug encouraged, handing Jack the box.</p><p>Jack reluctantly took it, his eyes fixed on Doug while he removed the paper.  “What is it?”</p><p>“Open it and find out,” Doug laughed.</p><p>Jack carefully opened the box, finally taking his eyes off of Doug to look down at the gift.  In the box was a beautiful watch with a brown leather strap.  “Doug,” Jack said, becoming speechless.</p><p>“Do you like it?” </p><p>“I love it,” Jack smiled.  “But you shouldn’t have.”</p><p>“I wanted to give you something that would remind you of how much I love you, even when I’m not able to show it.  I may not be able to hold your hand in public, or take you to dinner like you deserve, but every time you look at this watch I want you to know without doubt that I love you more than anything.”</p><p>Doug reached out, removing the watch from the box, turning it over showing Jack the inscription on the back.  </p><p>“For all time,” Jack read, looking back at Doug, a wave of emotion washing over him, too worried to speak, unsure if he would be able to hold it together.</p><p>“I love you, Jack,” Doug smiled.  “I have no doubt that I’ll love you for every second of the rest of my life.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Jack finally managed to force out.</p><p>“No matter what the future throws at us, I hope we can get through it together,” Doug said softly, leaning in and kissing Jack.  “That’s all I want.”</p><p>Suddenly a firework illuminated the sky above them, sparks of gold raining down over the creek.  Doug shuffled closer to Jack, wrapping his arm around him, feeling Jack’s head rest against his shoulder as they looked on as the sky shone above them.</p><p>“You’re all I want,” Doug whispered.  “Forever.”</p><p>“Forever,” Jack repeated.  “Sounds good to me.”</p><p>
  <b>The end</b>
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